Jump to content
Transgender Message Forum

Jessicatoyou

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    720

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    93

 Content Type 

Blog Entries posted by Jessicatoyou

  2. Jessicatoyou

    Just a thought?

    By Jessicatoyou,


    Post Vaginoplasty some observations
    Isn't it funny but sad at the same time, that most of my life was lived in fear of anyone knowing my secret.  Now, that my secret is out; I sense that some people are very afraid of me?  If only everyone opened their eyes.  I dream of that the day when no one will be afraid of each other.
  3. Jessicatoyou

    Happy Valentines Day

    By Jessicatoyou,


    Valentines Day 2021
    Just a reaffirmation of Love to all of you on Valentine's Day!  Our community is awesome, loving, and deserving of Love.  It's one of the best things I've experienced being Transgender! ❣️😉🧐🙋‍♀️  
    Jess❣️
  4. Jessicatoyou
    I have noticed some discussion recently on the topic of Vagino-depth and thought my experience might be beneficial to some considering either/or. This is an especially important decision for anyone considering vaginoplasty, and many factors should be to be considered. 
    I chose to opt for a full depth vaginoplasty, and my experience is limited only to that. I am now 15 weeks post op.  During the year prior to surgery, I often flip-flopped over whether shallow depth would be the best option for me, considering my sexual preference towards women always seemed to be strongly dominant in my psych. I have never had a sexual relationship with a man nor was I curious about it, so I did not expect to suddenly become interested in the post-operative stage, either. Therefor it seemed unnecessary to create a deep vaginal canal for penetration from a man’s penis.  But a lot can happen, so I didn’t want to limit my options.  Another factor I had to consider was whether my penis length was sufficient to create enough worthwhile depth after my penile inversion vaginoplasty.  I not only had my concerns, but my surgeon further emphasized the importance and need for stretching and tucking to maximize skin elasticity during the month prior to my procedure. I have also heard much about dilation and that in itself was always at the top of the list of cons in considering full depth vaginoplasty. Finally, I learned that I could still experience an orgasm through self-pleasure with my own penis, so even opting out of bottom surgery all together was still very much on the table. I was unsure if that would continue to work for me in the long run, though. Finally, I became interested in pursuing a relationship with a cisgender woman.  Our relationship is somewhat intimate but not yet explicitly sexual. She is not lesbian, but still very attracted to me, nonetheless.  It probably would have been acceptable to her if I did not undergo surgery at all. However, my experience as a man in sexual intimacy with a woman was that my penis was not necessary for my partner to achieve orgasm. I similarly also do not expect to have to rely on a man’s penis for me to become satisfied sexually, either.   I will leave it at that.
    My procedure was July 28. My surgeon achieved a full 7-inch vaginal canal depth. Dilation is every bit uncomfortable as I heard and then some more!  Doctors vary on  how often and how long but follow the advice of your surgeon.  It did get easier and less painful quickly, but it is very time consuming. I began dilation 8 days after surgery when I had my catheter, packing, and Foley bag removed. There are 4 sizes; I started with the smallest (diameter) twice a day for 30 minutes each.  After another week I went to the next size and after 3 days began dilating 3 times a day. After another week, I began the routine using the 3rd size dilating tool. This becomes so much more difficult and painful, that when starting the dilation process, it is necessary to begin using the smallest size for 5 minutes, then the next size, then the next size for the remaining 20 minutes.  It seemed at 3-4 weeks post-surgery; it would be impossible that I would ever be able to graduate to the final, largest dilator.  Just looking at it makes you sweat.  It is affectionately called the “Orange Monster” by those of us that lived beyond it.  But…it does work and gets much easier and prepares your vaginal canal for whatever comes next. I am now at 15 weeks, still 3 times a day, and there is no pain in dilation now.  My surgeon wants me to continue 3 times a day for a full year, then go to twice a day and once or twice a week after that, which only may be replaced by penetrating intercourse if that becomes the case.
         I began to explore my ability to self-arouse at about 8 weeks after my procedure.  My vagina seemed to me to be well constructed and was beginning to look as pretty as any I have ever seen, except for some minor swelling and bloating of the pelvic area that would still take a few months longer to subside.  At 15 weeks, it is very minimal. My clitoris is well defined, and I had my first female orgasm at 9 weeks post-op, only using clitoral stimulation with my fingers, which took a lot of concentration. It was pretty intense and better than I had always imagined. After a while I picked up 2 vibrating vaginal stimulators designed for exercising and training Kegel and pelvic floor muscles.  Sexual arousal with vaginal penetration is far better than anything I could have possibly imagined, and I will just leave it at that! It is not difficult now to experience many intense orgasms continuously over a long sessions.  For me, the decision to have a full depth procedure, was the right one, even when considering the extended healing, dilation, and maintenance.  I still don’t expect to ever have an intimate relationship with a man, although, being active socially with either sex has an added degree of psychological pleasure and confidence, knowing you could be more intimate if ever you met the right person, male or female, or (neither).
  5. Jessicatoyou
    I have now been a member of the TG Forum since August 26, 2018 , just shy of 2 years now.  At that time, I recall distinctly, at 63 years old, it was time to really learn what it would take for ME to begin this process called "transitioning".  It was then that I stumbled upon TG Guide, a well managed support forum, consisting of members from all across the gender spectrum, some that just had many, many questions to those that had completed their physical transition. At that time, I had never met a transgender person, had never spoken with a transgender person, having only built my knowledge "database" from media and scant articles which told me little about why I felt as I had my whole life, and more importantly what to do about it.  In fact, my first face to face introduction to someone transgender occurred 5 months later in January of 2019, when I made my first venture outside presenting as Jessica one Sunday morning at a church outside of my hometown. Until then I had only "practiced" in private my presentation. I tapped all the resources that TG had to offer including carefully reading word for word the detailed blogs of many.  I became online friends with many , and even offline friends with a few.
    The support has been tremendous and I am happy.....no ecstatic to say I have completed my physical transition from ..... to Jessica.  My procedure was performed by Dr. Bella Avanessian of the Mount Sinai Transgender Surgery group in NYC.  Everything went well, a highly successful procedure,  and I am still recovering locally in Manhattan close to my surgeon for follow up visits/  I am now able to go for short walks around town and am fully self sufficient.  Just taking it very slow and careful as I am told my full recovery will take about 6 months.
    So, over the next 6 months I will have much time to try to detail my journey, to "pay it forward" so to speak.  One definite result of where I am at now is that I have never been happier, more fulfilled in my body as Jessica, and look forward to embracing whatever comes my way next!!    🙋‍♀️❣️
    .
  6. Jessicatoyou
    I remember when I decided  to commit to a decision to move forward in discovering what was my authenticity.  And I knew I had a lot of things to discover!  It became an overwhelming feeling of truth and freedom.  That day and time for me came at the close of my first transgender conference, after which I then traveled to one of my favorite spots, Hampton Beach, New Hampshire, and gazed across the Atlantic Ocean to what seemed to me to represent infinity. I suddenly realized my life was about to begin again!   If I let it!!  If I did not allow my fear to get in my way, I could meet head on every obstacle that I had allowed to stop me before.   I could conquer those obstacles!
    I made my reservations for “First Event” sometime around September of 2018, shortly after learning that there were such conferences from TG Guide.  First Event is the longest run and oldest Transgender Conference in the United States. It is held in February each year in Boston, and offers seminars, workshops, and social events for the transgender community.  
    I began building my knowledge, studying u-tube tutorials and videos, on dress, walk, make-up, voice, hair, and practiced every time I had a chance even if it was only for moments a day.  I studied blogs and tutorials of others that had come out before me.  I quickly learned  less is better, and just tried to get in a “comfortable mind-set” dressing as Jessica.
    The week surrounding First Event was my first time presenting as “Jessica” outside of my home, having only gone to a church the Sunday before then travelling from Albany to Boston by car on Tuesday to attend the Conference.  At church, I was immediately made by another transgender woman who introduced herself to me during fellowship coffee. That was the first time I had talked one on one to a transgender person, and we are still friends today!  That drove my confidence to a new level and my next stop was Boston.
    When I first arrived at the hotel in Boston, I ran for the bathroom!  I never thought about having to use a bathroom during my 3 ½ hour drive down the Mass Pike, and I couldn’t summon the courage to go into a woman’s room along the way.  I certainly could not use a men’s room dressed as I was!!
    Having arrived early, I checked in rather easily, having to use my identification assigned at birth and the hotel easily made note of my preferred name.  I went to my room, began unpacking and ventured down to the lounge in the evening.  Others were checking in and the convention guests stood out rather oddly. At least they did to me.  I began to have doubts about whether I should stay when I was welcomed by the organizer the following morning.  I decided to give it a chance and during the course of the week I opened my mind and heart and soul and as I navigated through the workshops, luncheons, dinners, and social events I met and got to know some of the most genuine people I had ever encountered.
    At the close of the conference Sunday, only one week after my first outing in public as Jessica, I had lived and felt really authentic 24/7 for 8 straight days.  I stayed on one more night at the hotel watching Superbowl (2019) with a small group of us who stayed on  (mostly organizers) and checked out the following morning, as Jessica.  Instead of driving west to go home, I stopped at Sephora for a free makeover, and drove further east to my favorite spot on the East Coast.  After a wonderful dinner at Lamie’s  Old Salt in town,  I headed home knowing my life has been changed. I had no doubt the process would be awesome!  I did not waste any time and would be living full time only 5 weeks later as my true gender.  And only one year and 4 months later, my body would match!
  7. Jessicatoyou
    I have been on HRT now since April, and have simultaneously no longer presented male since one month prior to that.  Since I started,  some insight into my own thought process is developing when it comes to sexual orientation.  This is only me,  and may or may not be others' experience.  I was always heterosexual as a male, and with that I have never had a relationship with a male, nor was ever curious.  I fully expected to continue being attracted to woman right through and after post-op.  I moved to a new community at the same time I shed my assigned at birth male presentation and have assimilated very well into my new (and old) community.   I am very active and visible publicly.  I interact and socialize with , very few transgender friends at different stages of their transition, one or two  lesbian friends that I'm aware of, but mostly cis men and women which is probably representative of the general population.  It's important to understand, the general population is indeed predominantly cis. (my assumption).  I've become very good friends with a group of women and many others, individually, my age.  We meet up to dance, talk, and share our lives etc., and in general do many things together.  As we spend more time together,  I've sensed that some may be attracted to me and I to some of them.  But that is a very slippery slope that I did not previously consider.  I have to be careful not to respond to women as I learned to all my life, but understand that most women are still cis and not sexually attracted to women nor transwomen, for that matter..
    I suppose that I can no longer realistically think of cis women amorously as I have been accustomed to my entire life. Even while I am pre-op, lesbian women, unless they are generally bi, would probably not result in a mutually positive sexual relationship, at least until I become post-op.
    Pre-op, I experience  a strong attraction to FTM, but not so much MTF.  I did have one intimate encounter with a non-binary FTM, with whom I am still friendly. "They"  (the correct pronoun) identify as bi-sexual, has had top surgery, but no plans for bottom surgery.  That was in fact very enjoyable,  I did not expect it,  and was very nervous at first,  but fortunately my partner was prepared for safety.  Even though I have not needed since, I am now always prepared for safe sex!
    I guess additionally, that attraction is not set in stone either,  as I experienced a rather distinct “flutter in my heart” upon meeting a MTF server last weekend at an exclusive restaurant in Saratoga. She was presenting somewhat female with largely androgynous overtones, and obviously on HRT. But she was far too young, early 20’s, for me to think seriously any further about her, sexually. 
    In any event, I’ll need to stay closely and realistically in touch with both my mind and my body during and after my transition, and keep an open mind without making judgements based upon my experience having lived most of my life as the wrong gender.
    This chapter is still very much open.  I know I have much more to think and learn about this, now.  But I'm beginning to understand also now,  we're simply talking about body parts?
    Always, Jessica 😉
     
     
     
  8. Jessicatoyou

    Affirmation

    By Jessicatoyou,

    My last blog was last July and it seems like a lifetime has passed.  I apologize and will try to blog more about my transition, as it is one of the most successful and joyous experiences I have been fortunate enough to take on. I owe much of that to those that have systematically blogged about theirs before me. 
    This quick post is about Affirmation.  
    The question came about, "Do you remember if or when you were baptized?" I don't remember, but have been told I was and subsequently had confirmation in the Lutheran Church.
    This past summer, after nearly 65 years, my name and gender marker was legally corrected. That was nice and certainly an ah-ha moment for me.
    Today, I was baptized Jessica Leah.
    Today, "I" was baptized Jessica Leah !!!!!
    As said in Matthew 3:13-17. "Let it be so now, for thus it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness.".... "and behold, a voice from heaven said, "This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased". 😌🏳️‍🌈‍
     
     
  9. Jessicatoyou
    Rather by accident, I came across a situation which I felt I had to quickly address.  I have been out exclusively authentic 100% for several months now and have been expending a considerable effort to educate my sister (age 68) . brother (60), and elderly parents (89) on my transition.  I am very comfortable with it and I want them to have the opportunity to be comfortable too.  Over the last 45 years  we have had very little contact.  We talked over the phone occasionally (maybe 25 times over 45 years?)  but I now understand that my dysphoria was a significant factor. The rest of them were always doing family stuff together, but I always excluded myself and my own family from participation, not attending weddings, graduations, and other gatherings typical of extended families.  I grew apart from the cousins, aunts, and uncles, I grew up with into my late teens.
    So, fast forward to now?  I recently bought a house an hour and a half away from where my parents and sister live in retirement.  I came out to everyone right after,  about 3 months ago,  and have been also sharing in the care of my parents with my sister while simultaneously educating them.  My parents were initially fearful of what others would think but through continuous but short, heart to heart conversations, they have finally overcome that. 
    I was blindsided yesterday by my sister... here's how.  An Aunt passed away last week and the funeral is only 2 hours from me. I also have cousins that live within 2 hours of me and I had no idea.  I offered to attend with my sister and brother-n-law, not thinking at first that no one else in the family knows me as Jessica yet, then backtracked. But...I told my sister it would be a good opportunity when anyone asks how I was doing to answer "she's doing great" , give them my phone number if they want to say hello,  and I'll take it from there..
    Well, when she got back Tuesday night I asked her how everything went.  She was evasive in answering me but I pushed it and it turns out she didn't want to bring it up because "she wasn't sure my parents would be okay with everyone in the family knowing!##%%!!!!????  Furthermore she confessed she has told some of my relatives but "swore them to secrecy".  I suddenly realized that while I thought she was an advocate she needed to understand much more.  So I explained to her she cannot make those decisions on my behalf!  I understood that she does not yet understand, but I will teach her to if she wants to learn. (I told her that the first day I came out.)  I made it clear that ….. I WILL NOT BE HIDDEN!!!!!   If anyone wishes to hide from me, that's an issue they have to deal with, and that's okay with me!  But I will never be hidden!!!!
    So today, (actually yesterday as I write this) I went to the Villages and had dinner with my parents, my sister and brother-in-law, my brother and sister-in-law, and after a productive group conversation I'm pretty confident.... now..... they are all on the same page as me.  We'll see!
     
  10. Jessicatoyou
    This gal's been busy this past week😱.   Met my therapist for the first session last Friday, then right back to Boston to finish out First Event.  Wednesday, talked to my electrologist about scheduling something soon.  I found her searching the internet  long ago and was very happy to learn at First Event she was highly recommended and known. ☺️.  Tried to walk in, but no one was there, so called and left a message and she called me back same evening. I told her right off the bat I was transitioning and looking for beard and neck treatments, to start.  She lit up and we chatted for about 20 minutes, and recommended I start laser first. I told her I would and we set up an appointment  for a week from Tuesday to meet her and for an evaluation.  Thursday I went to a not so local, but well known Plastic Surgeon and scheduled 6 treatments over 6 months, the first this Monday.  A little pricier than I wanted, but they also do non-invasive facial feminization procedures, breast augmentation, and all surgeries up to vaginoplasty.  Learned a lot about all these procedures at the Convention workshops!   Walked in, got a private consultation right away, too, with my laser technician.  Can't wait for that😲.  Again , first off,  I told her I was transitioning and she likewise lit up, too.  Then, today, my second session, with my therapist.  Today was "gender assessment".  She implied it was just a formality (I sensed I already won her over the first time), and she's already won me over, she's just what I was hoping for. . We already discussed  transgender specialty HRT doctors, methods of delivery, etc.  I came across highly knowledgeable , THANKS TO YOU ALL AT TG GUIDE!!!! , you see I pay attention to every word you write.👀 .  Probably helped that she's only seen me as Jessica and I've been extremely comfortable this way, now.  Well have another session for this Tuesday, and I don't think my referral will take much longer.💇‍♀️  🙏
     
  11. Jessicatoyou

    "Inner Circle"

    By Jessicatoyou,

    Our "Inner Circle".  A comment about inner circle recently that caused me to ponder further the meaning of the "inner circle"  that each of us have.  I have heard of this term throughout my life of 64 years,  and also pondered it's meaning to me.  My inner circle presumably is comprised of my true self, my thoughts, actions, expectations, goals, fears, regrets, my coping mechanisms, accomplishments and failures, those good and bad things in my own psyche,  judged only by my own mind.  I guard mine closely from attack from outside sources, other people, society, etc., because it is not considered "normal" by others' standards or there own "inner circle", nor exactly coincide with society' norms. No one's inner circle can be totally congruent with anyone else's and certainly not society as a whole.  Yet a common theme in self acceptance therapies seems to be to allow people into your inner circle to achieve happiness and piece of mind.  I don't believe that anyone will ever totally enter my inner circle; oh, I may allow others to approach it, but most will never get very close, a very few may.  The closest to it was my wife. but she never really stepped into it because she never knew of my dysphoria.  The opportunity for that, unfortunately, has passed. 
    As I continue on life, others will approach my inner circle but truly they will not be permitted in, unless I believe they are worthy of it and a very high level of trust is formed.  That is not a bad thing, just a reality in preserving my self worth and being and general happiness.  While I hope someone may come closer than my wife did, none ever may and I'd be good with that, too.  I'm at peace with my inner circle and that is what matters.
    Jessica
       
  12. Jessicatoyou
    Another article on birthright Citizenship.  Mostly LGBT couples are mentioned here, but I wonder how many cis hetero couples are affected by this?  Is it random? or is it selective?https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/both-parents-are-american-the-us-says-their-baby-isnt/ar-AABGXbe?ocid=spartandhp   
  13. Jessicatoyou
    Well, I have come a long way since joining TGG just last August.  I am on HRT.  Almost finished with Laser and about half way with electrolysis.  Am have my first non-surgical facial feminization procedure next week.  I fake 000% male now and have,  ever since I had the "talk" with my 23 year old son about 2 months ago.  We are still very close and both jump at the chance to do things together whenever we get the chance whether out in public or not.  I travel every couple of weeks back and forth from NY to Florida as Jessica checking into a motel along the way.  I, like Dee, still have those "melancholy moments" when I check in as Jessica but have to produce my legal name and legal documents.  Also, when conducting official personal legal business,  I still must produce my proper legal information and documents even though I present as Jessica now.  That will change soon, as my attorney is well on her way to change all my markers.  I'm beginning the process of consultations for bottom surgery.
    A little background about me and my parents and siblings.  I'm 64, my parents 88, they live in the "Villages" in Florida, my sister is 68; also retired and live in the Villages with her husband. I have a younger brother 60 who lives in NY about 2 1/2 hours from my upstate NY house.  I rarely see any of them ( maybe a dozen times) since I went off to college at 17,  which I'm sure is a common familial casualty of dysphoria, but we do talk periodically, still only once a year or two.  Still haven't seen either of them in about 10 years or more until several months ago.  Now I just bought a house in Florida about an hour and a half away from them, and I get pleas constantly from everyone to come visit, even sleep overnight,  every time I'm down there now that I'm retired and am close by. They all want to get to know me and be the "happy little family".  No judgement there; I know they mean well.  They were were REAL disappointed when I bought a house close to the Gulf and not in the Villages.  Has anyone seen the show "Everybody loves Raymond"  UGH!!!!!!  That's what they all envisioned for the future. Well, both parents' health is deteriorating and have had many serious issues over the last year plus 2 hospital stays and my sister has been running herself thin getting them to med appointments and preparing meals, meds, etc. I know how tough it is from having to care around the clock for my wife for the last three years and both of her parents 10 years ago before they passed.  Both her parents lived and passed on with us and not in a nursing home.
    My sister called me a couple of weeks ago and asked if I would be down around the tenth of June.  My brother-n-law and she wanted to go to NYC then for a banquet and then possibly stay the week to visit some friends.  My parents couldn't be left alone, or at least with someone close by in case of a medical emergency and visiting daily to cook and prep everything for the day.  I couldn't say no, AND I couldn't do it any other way than as Jessica, so seriously began to think hard how I was going to introduce everyone to Jessica without any further delay (or procrastination).  I had no clue if anyone has any knowledge of gender issues, and doubted they ever knew or met anyone transgender.  Turns out they don't.
    I got to Florida Easter night and took care of everything I had to with the new house by Wednesday.  I have to head back north this Friday.  Wednesday night I called my sister and asked if she and my Brother in law would be able to come to my house Thursday or Friday... I had something very important I wanted to run by them before I went over to my parents to talk to them about it.    They would have to plan on a few hours visit and then we'd go out for a late lunch before they headed back.  I swore her in on keeping my presence in Florida a secret from both my parents and my brother knowing full well if I didn't, she would hop on the phone calling around to see if anyone else had a clue.  At first she said she didn't think they could make it, but called back 20 minutes after and said they could around noon on Thursday.  Haha.
    My plan was to change back and talk to them here first,  and then go to their house a few days later as Jess.  But damn, after I got out of bed and had my coffee and toast decided to hell with that!   I showered, put back on my make-up, wig, a pair of white clam digger jeans, my beach sandals, a modest pattern blouse, touched up my nails and milled around until they arrived.  I greeted them at the front door,  and my brother in law turned to my sister and muttered, "See I told you!"        Haha, they thought I was my new girlfriend😜.           When they came in and realized what was going on, he said are you kidding? Is this Halloween?  I said, nope, this is me, come on in and I'll introduce you.  Popped the cork on the small bottle of wine the realtor gave me and we sat down and talked for about an hour and a half and the best thing was that everyone participated!   There are so many detailed points I wanted to, and did make, in our conversation, but I'll try to expand on that in later blogs.  In summary,  I totally was comfortable with myself and not afraid of anything, but wanted them all to feel the same way if I was going to become a part of their lives and they mine.  They understood that and came on board .  I was not the one needing the support; they were the one's that would need it and I would make sure I would give it.  I knew what I was doing, they did not. I always remembered hearing that when we transition, everyone else transitions with us.   Very true, but as we become very knowledgeable,  no one else around us is. They have to be assured everything is going to be okay, even better than it ever was,  which with some targeted communication and listening,  IS THE TRUTH!  I didn't really want to supply resources such as You tube videos, books etc.;  I wanted to encourage them to rely on me for any questions, answers and information.    Afterwards we had a great lunch at a Gulf Coast eatery close by and they went on their way back home.  Funny my brother in law said I looked much better as a girl than a guy and I said that's because I look as I feel.  I joked for him to not try it because he'd probably look shitty.
    That night I called my brother and gave him a snapshot of what was happening and what was coming down the pike with our parents. I told him sis knows as of today and Mom and Dad would be brought in on it Friday.   
    Friday morning I converted back to my cis male identity one last time and drove to my parent's home.  I knew it would be too much of a shocker at their age to meet Jess without preparing them first. (had to stop at my sister's house on the way to borrow my brother-in law's sneakers because I already purged mine)  I got right to the point and told them my story.  They didn't have a clue; in fact never heard of anything like it before, except my Mother had heard something  about Jenner. I said I'm not Jenner, I'm me, so forget whatever you heard, we're not the same.  I told them briefly different things throughout my life and surprisingly they didn't remember, or they put it out of their minds.  I told them a little about being on HRT and what physical changes would be occurring down the road.  I told them I present female everywhere now, at work, with my son, their grandson, at the store, travelling back and forth from NY to Florida, and now they are the only ones left that have not seen me as I am and the time has come that they do.  Also that it was my fault it took so long, not theirs, they couldn't have been expected to know because I was real good at hiding it from them and everyone else my entire life.  I told them the next time I visit (within the next day or two) I'll look different but will still be same inside, as I've always felt the same inside my whole life. Again I assured them that I don't need the support, they will and I'll be there to give it to them.  I told them many, many families go through this and have some difficulty at first, but they can and do work through it and everything is far better in time, beyond belief. They both acted okay on the surface, but I could sense that it really bothered my mother more;  i.e. how was she going to react with seeing me as Jess,  how would the neighbors and family relatives react, what would she say,  and on and on.   I left and said I'd be back Sunday and then expecting the phone calls to fly between them all.
    Next I talked to both siblings Saturday night and   1.  My mother was scared and wanted me to visit a few more times more before coming as Jess.                                                                                                                                                                                           2.  My sister and brother were used to enabling her and were readily open to that idea; they both ran it by me separately.                                                                                                                                                   3 . My father was going with the flow and was unconditionally accepting, but I know him; still deeply worried.                                                                                                                                                                       4.  Both my sister and brother would be okay, but because they know nothing about gender issues, or me, they would unwittingly get in the way of my                                                                                         effort.  So I re-iterated with them,  to stand back and let me handle it and to direct all questions, concerns worries and fears back to me. Just follow my lead.                                                                                   I know what to say  and do with any possible situation that might come down the pike. They don't but I will teach them.  I explained that not being Jessica is                                                                                   something that is not an option  and it was important for everyone to see me as much as possible as I am this week before I have to return to NY.  My goal                                                                                     is to have my family look forward to seeing me only as Jessica, because there is no one else now.  No one could possibly prefer me to show up faking it, if                                                                                     anyone does, I won't bother anymore.
    Sunday I, Jessica,  went to the Villages.  Stopped at the Walmart there and got coffee, sandwich meats and a few other things for them.  My sister called me beforehand and asked if I wanted her to be there. I told her no, but if she wanted to stop by after an hour or so that would be good.  Just when she does,  try to carry on like before, so my parents can see that nothing has really changed.  (actually it has; before I dreaded visiting whereas now the idea of popping in now and then and spending a little time with everyone is becoming more appealing).  I got there and after the ritual hugs, I put the groceries away and made coffee.  My mother, after seeing me said you know, I feel better now.  I said wait a few more weeks, you're gonna wish you knew years ago.  We all talked about nothing, I geared the conversation mostly to what I and my son spent most of our time doing, together and separately and how close my wife and I have been throughout our lives.  When my sister got there,  I suggested my Dad give me a tour of the Villages on their golf cart. (it's a golf cart community, for just about everything, shopping, entertainment,  you don't need a car).  He jumped at the chance, I drove,  had a great time and took about an hour. Next time he wants to take the cart with me to sit at Dunkin Donuts.  Back at the house, my brother-in-law was there, we had dinner, and again my mother said she's feeling much better now!  My sis and I cleared the dishes and cleaned up and after they left I spent another our with them before I went home.
    I'll be popping over a few more times this week before I have to head back to NY.  While everything feels normal for me,  it needs to feel normal for others around me, too.  And I think I accomplished a lot so far.                                                                                           
     
     
     
     
     
           
     
     
  14. Jessicatoyou
    Well, this week (today), took my first doses for HRT.🙋‍♀️😊.  Spiro and estrogen injection. Should have started one week ago, but one screw up after another delayed things unnecessarily.  First my lab results were not timely faxed from my PCP to my Gender Specialist.  Friday, Monday calls then finally Tuesday morning when they still weren't faxed I had to demonstrate what Jess can be like on hormones and they were sent right over despite being available since the previous Friday.  Then it was time to play with the insurance company, don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for the coverage, but hurdling more obstacles are totally unnecessary, but seems to me we're heading towards getting rid of the Docs and the insurance companies are taking that role more and more. Scary!  Well some additional things taken care of this week...,  Came out to my supplier and 2 clients/customers today, and have put out a call to a major one to do the same.  Have several luncheons with them next week and the time has come for "Jessica" to attend them.  I already know there will not be an issue. So....  100% not presenting male has begun today.  (actually did 12 days ago, but today I know for sure I never will again!).   Ahhhh, what a feeling😍
  15. Jessicatoyou
    Well. I had that long anticipated and dreaded "talk" with my son today that his Dad was transgender.  He's 23 years old; we're very. very close, and have gotten even closer since his mother passed away.  He works in a field that typically is full of "transgender bashing jokes", and has had very little if any exposure to the reality of gender diversity.  All he has heard comes from his peers who are equally clueless.  So, he came over today and I told him that I had something very important to discuss with him; that it was a very difficult thing to discuss, and the mere fact that we're gonna have this conversation shows how important he is to me.  (He blurts out "you have a girlfriend!!??)  Long pause...……………………."No, not that simple."  Something that I've known since I was about 8 years old and have been ignoring it and putting it off and off and off, hoping it would go away, but it keeps creeping up again in my psyche.  In the meantime, I said,  he and his mother always came first and I've always made sure that the family and the business was taken care of first.  Well. I've been seeing a psychologist for a while now and do you know what gender dysphoria is?  He wasn't sure, so I explained it.  Right off the bat, he said so what;  if it makes you happier with your life he was all for it . I said I was, but he will likely have a lot of questions down the road and I would like to teach him about it and him to learn more about it and hopefully he would eventually become my biggest advocate.  He said of course he would.  No problem!!!!!😍😎😲💕.  He asked if that meant I would like men, I said no, I like woman, but regardless I wasn't open for any kind of intimate relationships now, and explained sexual orientation is un-related and a different thing.  He asked how soon I would change, I said I didn't know for sure, I was beginning hormones next week and I'll see what happens from there.  That was the gist of my coming out, I tried to keep it simple upon the excellent advice of my therapist.  We will have many, many more discussions, but the likelihood of his being on board and becoming my greatest cheerleader is a good probability. By the way, he didn't have a clue before today. 
  16. Jessicatoyou
    Last week I had an opportunity to attend my second Transgender Conference in Pennsylvania; having only attending my first just 8 weeks earlier in Boston.  I hadn't really definitively planned to, but another TG member offered to share the cost of accommodations at the Convention Center and the schedule fell in line with my planned travel from Florida to NY.  My first Event, in Boston, appropriately billed as The First Event, was a big test for me.  Having preparing for many years to step out in public as Jessica, but never having actually done that, I wanted to see my comfort level in presenting authentically for a continuous and relatively prolonged length of time.  My first time going out in public was 3 days prior to the start of the convention and I remained Jess continuously for 10 days after.  That experience met and exceeded my expectations;  it was like falling back into a huge, plush, sofa that  I just didn't want to get up from. Well, responsibility always calls, and you have to answer, but from that point on I really got into high gear with "living authentically".  ( using the term "transitioning" bothers me immensely in that it infers I'm becoming someone new, rather than finally accepting and  living as someone I've always been).🙋‍♀️
    So about 6 weeks after First Event, I was off to the Keystone Conference, aptly footnoted as " A Celebration of Gender Diversity".  One week earlier I moved into my new Florida home, living entirely authentically,  and now was off to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.  I met many from First Event there and it was very special to remember their names and chat again briefly about how we've been doing since.  The icing on the cake, however, was the opportunity to share the Keystone experience with someone from the TG forum and having the time to get to know each other better as one girlfriend to another.  I really look forward to continuing that special friendship; my first as Jessica.
    There were workshops Thursday, Friday And Saturday during the day covering many topics;  I focused largely on those dealing with GRS, FFS, non surgical procedures, make-up, and the like.  All were very good and I learned  a lot to add to what I learned from First Event.  The dinner outings were also great, but I gained 4 solid pounds (Ugh), breakfast, luncheons and dinners throughout.
    Several keynote speakers for the luncheons and Saturday banquet were all right on; but the most significant thing I've taken away from the whole experience is that the overall public perception of gender diversity is changing rapidly and on the verge of acceptance.  We should be seen, not try to "hide" ourselves;  learn to be more comfortable out there and be our own "goodwill ambassadors" when in public for the community we are all a part of.   I will post more on specific topics from the convention down the road that should be of interest to those that were unable to attend.  Jess😍
     
  17. Jessicatoyou
    Last weekend was a long weekend off for me, Friday, Sat, Sun and Monday off from my "retirement"  part time job with a Medi- Transportation Co., picking up clients and bringing them to their medical appointments. Was looking forward to the continuity of being able to live life just as Jess, and I did just that.   By Monday night, I dreaded Tuesday having to return to boy mode and go back to work.  That evening, I got my text from the boss, also a business friend, for Tuesday's assignment asking if it would be okay with me.  (have been working more or less on call, as needed). " Pick up a couple from Albany, NY at 6am going to Boston Med, wait several hours, and return them to Albany, an all day transport. (about 10 hours)
    Tuesday, up at 3:30 am (had to leave my house by 5am.)   THEN, I got the bright idea!  This is gonna be a job for Jess!🙋‍♀️  I washed, threw on my girl Jeans, a top,  my make-up and my hair and out the door I went.  The couple, close to my age, were from Italy, spoke very broken English, and spoke among themselves in Italian and got several calls in Italian from their kids along the way.  We didn't talk much at first, only a few pleasantries along the way.  I honestly couldn't yet tell if they made me or not!  About an hour outside Boston the Turnpike turned to a standstill and it appeared we were gonna be up to an hour late for the appointment. Thanks to GPS, I re-routed and went the rest of the way off the highways, through the suburbs, over the hills, and through the tunnels, back through the neighborhoods and got there in the nick of time.  I dropped them off and gave the gentleman my cell number and said I have to find out where to park my car, so when you're done,  just call me and I'll find you.  He said what's your name? I almost screwed that one up but said Jessica, call me Jess!   He did call, I got my car out of the parking garage,  and promptly found them. In the interim I sat in Starbuck's for a while sipping, no gulping, coffee, 2 large cups,  and walked around the district streets some.
    On the way back, we talked quite a bit, learning a little about each other and where we each lived.  At the end of the ride, the gentleman stuck his head back in, and said, "Hey Jess, you did a good job, thank you!.  What a great feeling! Only thing, I'm gonna have to deal with it when they call for their next appointment and  they ask for Jessica😁 Oh well😍
  18. Jessicatoyou

    Saratoga Pride

    By Jessicatoyou,

    Saratoga Pride is an LBGTQ group outside of my hometown but close enough that I thought it would be worthwhile to check out.  I stumbled upon it from meeting Amy a few weeks ago.  They were having their annual dinner last night at a small restaurant/ pub, "50 South", just outside Saratoga, NY.  There was a rather small group there, about 30, less than I expected, not knowing what to expect, which also was good as it made for a more intimate setting.  (I give the restaurant a 5 of 5 on the food and service, and acceptance!)  I had never been to any kind of LBGTQ event or gathering before last night. I would not have been at all surprised if I had met someone there from my hometown, was well prepared if I had,  but I didn't.  I'm finding the more I step out as Jess now,  which is more often than not, I am as comfortable,  💇‍♀️ even more so, than in a cis-male role.  I never expected that so quickly, having only been stepping out for a few weeks, now.  And I'm finding that most, no,  just about everyone  I encounter out in public seems comfortable with me, too, whether I'm  just pumping my own gas, getting coffee, going to the supermarket, going through the mall,  walking downtown window shopping, and yes even going to a nice restaurant by myself I've never been to.  I've never been shy in engaging with anyone and I think people quickly figure out I'm non threatening and that may have something to do with it.  I noticed at the banquet, however, that the different groups there, i.e. the L, the G, the T,  mostly clustered together, not all, but it was very difficult for the most part to strike a conversation and keep it going with everyone.  Hmmm, have to think more on that one and figure how to better break the ice next time.  Still met quite a few good people, though,  and I'm looking forward to following up with them in the near future. 😊   Jessica 😍
         
  19. Jessicatoyou
    Saturday morning, slept till 7!  Ugh.  Got to jump up and fly getting ready in time to help at The Closet clothing boutique. Need to go to breakfast first, too, Always meet somebody new there and really look forward to it and enjoy it.  Forgot to mention, yesterday, met Erin at breakfast.  She seemed kind of shy , so I asked her to join me. (I hate to sit alone...most of the time).  From northern Maine, not a place where she can be out easily.  An hour talking over breakfast and yet another friend!  We hooked up to talk several times more the rest of the Event.  Made it to the Closet, and had fun, rehanging garments, helping people find their sizes and also helped a few find outfits that really looked great on them!  ☺️.  Went to lunch, met Greg who was holding a workshop, not transitioning, just likes to be himself? Herself? Also my age, from Connecticut;  just published a book and when I find his/her card I'll let you all know. (no worries if I mis-gendered...he/she wont care!).  
    Afternoon wanted to do more workshops, so I scheduled 3, from 1pm-5pm.  The first, "There is VALUE in Financial awareness" was a very good presentation, by a young accountant, but not too relevant to me being in business my whole life.  The second, "The Power of Voice" was well worth it!  The biggest thing I took away from was just speak from your heart, not your chest or your head as many suggest.  The heart is the center of your soul and your best sound will emanate from there. Did some exercises speaking from the heart,  that's what I do out in public now all the time. I don't really Try to reach a pitch anymore, it just seems to be getting better naturally.  I feel comfortable with it in public and everyone I talk to seems to be, too. The Last, " MTF Surgical options",  I found I already knew quite a bit about.
    Now, rush, rush, to get ready for the banquet and the cocktail hour 6-7.  Dressed in my gown for the first time, really worked hard on getting dolled up just right,💇‍♀️ LOL  Down there at 6:45, and mingled a bit   The banquet tables sat 8 and found one in the center not right up front, but real close center.  Four people were already seated that I didn't know so I decided, hey, I could always use more friends, right?  By the time dinner started 3 others I already met joined us.  The food was excellent, and the service impeccable. The keynote speaker,  CeCe Mcdonald was very good, too, and, after getting past the activist, political aspects her message, I felt it was very relevant!   Don't back down, stand your ground, insist on your right to be who you are, get out there and  be seen.
    After the banquet,  my friend Linda, tried to teach me how to pose for photos, taking a few dozen pics from my cell phone.  Sorry girls, need more lessons yet before I post any here, HAHA. Never thought of it,  but I should of gotten photos with everyone I met; it would have helped me to remember their names better. The rest of the night more dancing. 😎 
    Jessica
  20. Jessicatoyou
    The final day of the Event, even though I'm staying till tomorrow morning. Slept real late for me again (till 8:00) ; up and at-em; gotta make breakfast in time, and they stop serving at 11.  Got down to the lobby by 10 and sad to see so many people checking out and leaving.😢  So headed right for breakfast and was cheered up immediately!  Joined Andrea, who I loved and mentioned before, and her new business partner.  They do electrolysis and laser.  Spent an hour and a half talking, not about that, just girlfriend talk?  What I always dreamed it would be like talking to a "girlfriend", and she talked to me like a girlfriend.  I said before Linda coaxed me to get out and dance, well Andrea kept me dancing ...such a fun person😃.
    Workshops today were mostly geared towards families and the kids going through this.  Nice to see people taking the effort to understand but sad to see attendance has dropped quite a bit. Still hope a lot of families hold together and get much stronger through their difficulties; I believe strongly that family is the foundation of society. 
    Spent most of the afternoon packing , again I brought too much, much too much, next time I'll know. Only left unpacked what I'd need the next day.  Of course, just had to get out again, so I found the Solomon Pond mall, bought foundation primer from Sephora, and a new bra. On my way back, Starbucks for coffee, and almost time for Super Bowl. Freshened up and down to the lounge just in time for kick-off. Very few people there, a dozen?  Most were not connected to the convention, and you can guess what team everybody thought would get the trophy.  New England did, and I got my trophy, too. The time of my life, a meaning to my life.  One of those there was Cheryl, the Organizer of the First Event. And I got a chance to thank her for all she did for me.  I told her she must be proud of herself and should be, and we will see each other again.  ❤️  
     
     
     
     
      
  21. Jessicatoyou
    Well had a ton going on Friday.  When I came down for breakfast, the attendance had grown to 8-900,  I had heard.   All types of real people, flamboyant, discreet, flashy, cis-gender, bi-gender, cross dressers, transitioning in all different stages,  many final, many their first time out, (like me).  Young, senior, ( I was gonna say old, but none of us are old), shy, outgoing, all different in many ways but we were the same our whole lives, just hadn't met each other.  We were about to, though!  I was surprised at the age group, for some reason I expected much younger, but most were my age...whoops...here I go thinking I'm younger than I am again! (40's -60 for clarification.)  I expected mostly  20's to 40's.  A full slate of workshops were available today but there was a major glitch in my planned schedule.  When I tried to make my first therapist appointment 2 weeks before the Event I specifically told the coordinator I would be out of town that week.  Well the therapist called me the Friday before and said she had an opening today at 2pm.  Made a split second decision and said I'd make the arrangements and meet her.....so I only attended one workshop, non-surgical feminization and beautification techniques, made a quick round through the job fair, I was dressed in a woman's business suit, then hopped in my car at 11:20 for a 2 1/2 hour trip to meet my therapist for the first time (still as Jessica) then drive back and was back to the Hotel by 5:30pm.  One hour to freshen up, and change into a nice dress, for the last half hour of the cocktail hour before the Fashion show.  
    The Fashion show was great!  Never been to one before, especially as Jessica.  I was in heaven, I love fashion, a good look...always have.  Scoped out some seats at the runway, they were reserved, but the group that reserved them had some people not show up, so..... I made more friends and joined them. I never sit in the back; there's so much more to see when you're out front. It was a college group with their teacher (advisor?) who booked an overnight stay for the First Event.  Yes we all became friends, instantly. (Had to keep reminding myself I'm not in college anymore, haha.)  The Show was great, felt like it was being put on just for me!  Many event models mixed with professional from a modeling agency and all put on a great show.  Their were some children, too; and they were the best!  You could see it in their eyes how proud they were to be able be themselves.. made you cry wishing we were that fortunate back then at their age.💕.
    Well afterwards, back to the courtyard and lounge for more DJ Greg again. Again, many, many, more people to meet and get to know. Andrea, a real neat cis-female (vendor at the event), I won't forget her.  Mike, an attorney,  Karen, an army reservist active and transitioned, who also speaks to groups on transgender issues, Mellissa, who loves 15th, 16th, 17th or 18th century vintage dress, (she was also in the show). Then there's Sarina, Sabrina,  Porsha, on and on.  So many more names I can't remember, but I know I'll meet them again.  Well by now this ole lady's been pushing the envelope; it's 1:30 am and I volunteered a month ago to work "The Closet" which is the clothing boutique from 9am to noon Saturday morning.  Good night  🌃 
     
     
     
  22. Jessicatoyou
    Thursday was when people were arriving in groves.  I would estimate that attendance grew from 100 or more to well over 600.  Some workshops were scheduled; I attended  "Work it Girl! Posing to perfection." and "About Face The Alchemy of Make-up".  Both were well presented, I learned a lot that I use now.  I think my make-up has improved ten-fold from before.  Well worth it.💇‍♀️  after dinner, socializing in the lounge and lobby until the Dance party with DG Gregg.  Notably,  met Linda and became instant friends. Had much in common except I would guess she's a little younger.  She tries to visit one Conference each year; her wife is cool with that; is on her tenth or so year, but the amazing thing is she could pass 24/7 365 days a year. Tall, sleek, pretty, (and she confessed to me and I to her, bald.  Beautiful wit, outgoing personality, and lots of fun to be around.  The only time she is out is at conventions. Hooked up again later and at the dance party and she coaxed me to get out on the floor. Now I haven't danced in many, many, many years.  Never really enjoyed it, always felt too rigid, out of place.  Well let me tell you I melted right onto the dance floor, had the time of my life, fell right into my skin, liberated!! Met and had great conversations with another few dozen new friends into the night . 
     
  23. Jessicatoyou
    Wednesday was the official first day of the Convention, but not a whole lot was scheduled.  I woke early, took about 3 1/2  hours to get ready (which was record time for me at that point), and went down to the lobby to see what was going on.  Some people were just arriving, most were in their male persona, unpacking their luggage from their cars, all with an exuberant look in their faces and an excited attitude in their strides seeming so happy to finally be here.  I went to the restaurant in the Hotel by 10am  ( had complementary breakfast coupons)  and I have to say it was excellent in every aspect.  Simple, but very good on the quality scale and having been catering for 30+ years, I know. There weren't a whole lot of people having breakfast; some were obviously there for the convention, some were not.  I sat myself at a table proximity of another woman, a little younger than me.  My guess cis. We exchanged smiles and then she said to me that when she first saw me she thought that I was the actress from some show called " Mom and Me".  Then she kept looking thinking, no way.  She said the mom, not the daughter and chuckled.  I said I hadn't seen it but I'm sure I should be flattered, thank you.  She was just checking out and we wished each other to have a good day.  (Okay, another boost for the confidence just starting out this week even though she probably just forgot to put her contacts in that morning). 💇‍♀️                                                                                                         
    Finished up and went back out, and more people were arriving.  Met a few who were already settled in; many were part of the organizing staff, and one in particular I met was Cheryl. I would come to realize her to be one of the most awesome, genuine people I have ever met in my lifetime; the type of person that when you grow up, you want to be just like?  Turned out she was the Head Organizer, and my first impression was right on; she made me feel like she knew me my whole life.  By the end of the Convention, it became apparent we have all known each other our whole lives; most of us just haven't met yet.😍
    Afterwards got my registration packet, and checked out the venders room, but they were just setting up still, so there wasn't much to do. Hung out on and off as more people arrived and began slowly introducing myself and meeting others. Went out for a drive to learn the area,  found my Starbucks, not really a fan of the coffee but like the atmosphere., and went to the supermarket to stock my room  mini refrigerator.  About 30 -40 minutes in the supermarket; taking my time.  One girl came up to me as I was opening a cooler door and said "I just love your nails"  Haha.  At the checkout, gentleman bagger about my age asked "ma'am would you like your milk in a bag? Double haha! I was sure from then on this was gonna be a good week and it was!   ☺️
    Later that evening, went to the lounge, sat at the bar and ordered a bottle water, and met and talked to another dozen or so fantastic people, went to bed early.
  24. Jessicatoyou
    Well, I attended my first Transgender Conference this past week called the First Event held annually just outside Boston. It is the first and oldest conference for Transgenders in the United States.  Arrived Tuesday night even though it started Wednesday and ran through Sunday..  I didn't check out until this morning, Monday.  I'll start my blogs, of which there will be many more about it, from the end, because today could not have been made possible without my experience during the past week. I've been planning  this for several months and without any doubt it has met my expectations and far exceeded them.
    Woke up this morning about 7am well rested for the first time since arriving, .My bags were mostly packed except for what I planned to wear today, my make-up,, and some other incidentals.  The male "façade" I have been putting on most of my life  had not seen the light of day since Friday, Jan  25. Got dressed and ready to head home, AS JESS, by 10am, checked out , and went to breakfast at  the conference center, which has been a ritual since I arrived.  When I was done, got in my car, and saw it was gonna be 65 degrees and sunny today.  Now I came here in another snowstorm, and the temperatures dipped below zero all week. So, instead of heading west to go home, I decided to head east to the coast of New Hampshire.  First I stopped at Starbucks to say so long to my new friends and I'll see them next year. Then I went to Sephora, which was about fifteen minutes from the hotel.  I had missed the workshop they had at the convention because I had to run back to NY Friday afternoon for my first therapist appointment. I went to Sephora here already once before to purchase a foundation primer by " Smashbox ",  I had learned of at another workshop. This time I was hoping to get a full make-over.  She explained I needed an appointment for a full make-over which was free with the purchase of $50 of cosmetics.  She could do just foundation, or eyes, or lips without an appointment. I explained that make-up was very new to me, didn't have much of a clue what I was doing, duh, and if she could do the foundation that would be really, really great!!   So she did and it came out really good.  They have this monitor gadget which matches the skin tone to the make-up shade. Also product for eliminating beard shadow, which is great.  I've already gotten pretty good with my own make-up but this was well worth it.  Bought about $175 worth of cosmetics but if she showed me the eyes, too, I would have bought more. Still bought a shadow palette and a mild scent perfume, too.  Oh, and another woman came up to me and told me how she really loved my boots! 😍 That's been happening to me all week long.😊
    After that, onto the Coast!  Now, I love the New Hampshire Coast. Have vacationed there every year for over 30 years; proposed to my wife on a "very special rock" at the ocean when I was 32 years old, and funny but always day dreamed what it would be like for Jess every year we went.  Perfect drive, listening to Syrius classical music in the car, Beethoven, Haydn,, Brahms  on the way.  Pulled up to the seawall, got out and looked out over the ocean for about half an hour.  I asked a woman walking by to take a picture of me from my cell phone and she was happy to, with the ocean backdrop. She said if I didn't like how it came out, she'd be happy to take more!  Afterward walked down to that rock and sat for a while more watching mothers and kids looking for treasures under the rocks. Then drove up to Portsmouth and around 5pm back down to my favorite restaurant, The Old Salt, at Lamie's for a Seafood Dinner.  I was treated like royalty!!  Well 6:30 pm time to head back, now about a 4 hour drive, all the way listening to Classic Zeppelin, Yes, The Who, Leonard Skynard, Jeff Beck, etc, to keep me awake (blasting).
    The one and only downside to the last ten days?  I don't want to go back to the "male façade" anymore, it's actually depressing me now and I don't think I've ever been "depressed" before in my life.  Gonna have to do something about that; I don't like it.  Much, much more...….
    Jessica💇‍♀️
        
  25. Jessicatoyou
    Since joining Td Guide and networking with many in the community and exploring much of the resource materials on transitioning, I've learned  of many of the terms used,  and obstacles and goals one encounters when transitioning.  One that stands out is "Presentation".  Presenting female for the MTF group of us and I assume the FTM group, too is a major concern and is kind of a Pre-requisite tor eventually achieving a full transition.  We often think we're too tall, too heavy, too ugly, There are hundreds of videos on every category of :"presentation"; walking, talking, mannerisms, dress, make-up, electrolysis, laser, FFS,  etc., and I've used the term Presenting Female myself many times.  But...It always struck a chord in me.  Now I know why.  I now live in "Jess mode" as I'll call it from now on, 70- 80% of my time. I will no longer "present female", only "present male" when I need to for work or other similar situations....and I'll work on eliminating the need for that in the future,  too.
×
×
  • Create New...