Emilyruns

Some days are super fun. On those days I feel all female. She's active, cheerful, happy, and it's nearly impossible for her to run out of patience. Three days ago though, she disappeared. Since then I've felt male...ish. I expected to feel like my old male self. But I don’t. It’s kind of like him, but he feels empty, like a shell. Something’s missing, something’s not right. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike the old male me. He was a nice person, who was kind and patient and loving to his family. I’m doing all the daily tasks as he would have done them, but it doesn’t feel the same any more. These kinds of days usually come with various other symptoms. I'm short of temper, low appetite, tired, and I feel cold. This also projects on the rest of the family, so everyone is feeling less happy, just because I'm in this bad mood mode, and I can't bring myself out of it. After my protective bubble burst last September and I finally started realizing I may be transgender, I decided to try and let things flow naturally, just to see where things would go. I just wanted to stop suppressing my feminine feelings, but I didn't want to push it forward and artificially inflate those feelings. After all, I didn't know (and I still don't) if I want to go through a full transition, or perhaps cross-dressing once a month would suffice to keep me happy. I suppose those are the two extremes of my spectrum. So against my own wishes, this morning I decided to try and force some femininity. I pushed myself to talk and move more feminine, and almost instantly I felt happier. I guess from now on I'll try this more often. If I recognize myself getting moody and grumpy, I'll give Emily a little push forward, and see if she wants to come out to play.

Hello everyone, my name is Emily. A long time ago I was born a man. A short time ago I started discovering that I may have gender dysphoria, and really would prefer to be a woman. It's both terrible and wonderful at the same time. Terrible, because of very strong feelings of guilt: what am I putting my family through?! And wonderful, because it totally explains how I've felt and thought my whole life. I've always thought that I fancy women's things, because I fancy women. That makes some sort of sense, right? I guess I was wrong and was just fooling myself. But what I want to find out is: what do I do now? Last October I came out to my wife. She's been wonderful and supportive, and is fine with me cross-dressing, it that makes me happy. But what if this becomes a permanent thing? Or if it goes even farther and I choose or need hormone replacement therapy, surgery, etc.? All of it is exciting, confusing, and terrifying. But at least since October I've been able to express myself freely at home, and those hours have been nothing short of euphoria. One fun thing is that I'm the homemaker of the family, as I quit my job to stay home for the kids. So you can probably imagine me singing and dancing while cleaning the house. I can't deny though that the poopy diapers are still a bit less euphoric. I think this will be enough for the first post in my blog. I don't want to put too much into one post. Blurting out all my thoughts could probably fill several books. I'll keep posting with things that are on my mind that I need to talk about. Things in my past, or things that are going on that day. Yours with love, Emily