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On Coming Out



Coming out has been quite a journey for me. The first person I came out to was my therapist in 2014 and later that year my (now ex) wife. In 2015 I came out to several others, mostly therapists and people who participated in local trans groups. Toward the end of 2016 I came out individually to my two sons as well as a couple of friends. Last summer I sent an email to about 100 friends and colleagues, letting them in on my little secret. Yesterday was the biggest day thus far.

Yesterday I updated my name, gender, and profile photo on Facebook. And an hour later I pulled the same ripcord on LinkedIn. I think now I'm about as out as I'll ever be. I've never felt as at peace and happy and proud to be me as I am now. Such a huge weight has been lifted off of my head and brain. 

Funny story: before changing my FB presence I talked to my ex-wife for a couple of hours yesterday morning about all sorts of stuff but she didn't bring up the email I'd sent her informing her of my intention to change my FB name. So I brought it up. Her reply, "Oh that, good for you!"


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Dear Emma,

Good for you!  Thank you for checking with everyone who may be on your FB timeline, so they don't get a surprise.

Felt freed when I came out because I couldn't take the stress "covering my tracks."

Not into labels, but being a Lesbian is part of my core identity.

Your friend,


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Well thats the way to go.  There is no easy way. I have lost maybe one or two friends but mostly they have been very supportive. I think its much better coming from me than them finding out from others.  Good luck and hope everything goes well. X Chantel.


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Congrats :-)

It's funny, I came out to my therapist first too - well, I came out to myself first, then the next day to my therapist. We were talking about that in the support group that I facilitate, the idea of coming out in concentric circles to people - starting with those closer, and who you feel will be supportive, and then moving outward from there. So far my sister is the only relationship "casualty" that I've experienced.



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So far my sister is the only relationship "casualty" that I've experienced.

​I've had several casualties, nothing extreme but some who've opted to no longer be in contact with me. It becomes obvious when emails fall into a dark hole never to return! As they say that's how we learn who our true friends are. 

Interestingly no one in my family has fallen out, even some who live in some more conservative areas such as Indiana. Perhaps part of the reason is due to wisdom we acquire as we age, that to be true to oneself is possibly the most important thing one can be - so they respect that even though they don't have much awareness of transgender people. Now they do!

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This has me thinking back to whom I came out to after my therapist and doctor. I dated a woman for a year back in 2007 and remained friends with her. I called her, told her about my plans and the first words out of her mouth were something like "oh, now I understand". She said that one night while we were dating she felt like she was sleeping with a female. Another old girlfriend said pretty much the same thing (she is bi-sexual) and had no problem with it. We talked for about two hours. A funny thing she said was "we need to go shopping together and when I see you if you look better than me I will have to kill you".

Thinking of Facebook, a friend whom I've known since eighth grade sent me a message asking "what happened to Kevin" after I had changed my name and picture. Now this comes after I do a message after changing my name and picture announcing that I had gone under the knife a month or two before he sent me the message. He asked me to prove it was me by asking me three questions only he and I would know and once he verified this he was perfectly fine. Think out of 250 plus friends I lost one after coming out but not sure as people come and go on Facebook.

Congrats on your coming out!!! 

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