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Changing priorities

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What do you consider important in your life. To me it used to be to "fit in", to be "normal", to get married, have children, support and nurture them and along the way hopefully to find happiness.

Only I wasn't "normal", I didn't "fit in", I used to wake up in the mornings, stare at a face I hated and try to convince myself that one day it will be fine if I could just carry on doing.....this.....this stuff to distract myself from the inner turmoil.

Some two and a half years after making a big change in my life, leaving my family and over two years of real life experience things have changed a lot. No longer do I see the rest of my life stretching ahead of me in mental pain, I made that change and love it. I still look in the mirror each morning and despite the wonderful effects of hormones see the same face looking back at me. Lack of money means I have not yet completed electrolysis, so a close shave each morning tears at my skin to create a brief smoothness, by 6pm I know the hairs will be showing to anyone who looks close up (depressing).

Most importantly I have the future that I want, that I need, within my grasp. Next month I hope to get the go-ahead for surgery from the doctors at the Charing Cross clinic, my divorce is proceeding and most amazingly I have another special person to care about, who has only ever known me, Caroline, who loves me, who sees me as female already and who wants to share the rest of their life with me.

We are an unconventional couple its true, but it works and we are happy through and through.

My priorities are now my life, the love of my partner in life, my children and that's it really. So have my priorities really changed that much? No, but with my personal changes they feel exciting again.

Hugs

Caroline


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4 Comments

Posted

Heya Girly, Things are going well it would seem … I share those thoughts, of the future and that life is somehow much more exciting, more precious. It isn’t the same for us all but surgery indeed was a flick of the preverbal switch for me, a surge in confidence thinking less and less about my origins. My old pictures barely look like “he” could be my brother … I do still feel like I see the “man” face staring back at me some days however it effects much less, we all have our ugly days, part of being a woman :)

Beth

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Posted

Beth, you look absolutely great there's no reason I can see to ever think you were never the woman you are now.

Here's to an amazing future :)

Hugs

Caroline

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A time restless and true holds our minds to captive times of past , moving forward our lives seem momentary , hold the moment and time shall pass you by , simply bestill a glance and it moves beside us in true form ... Your beauty shines through Caroline The mirror glistens and resinates a womans reflections upon your eyes , hold the image and your mind shall recall a past held within , bestill the glance and your true woman will walk with you forever .... Take care Hun and dont hold onto the past to tightly you know the crushing hand it held upon you and your true self struggled free into your world , enjoy the future strides hold a tender hand and Happiness will show through ...

We all have times we could hope to forgo remembering yet they held a place for our growth and created a life of our own design , remember tommorow awaits our steps and yesterday has past behind to be covered over by the dust we stir moving forward in our lives .

Priorities hold like the past , let go of them and we feel void and unsettled yet again , lightly hold them within your hand and they to shall move along side us towards tomorrow , gaze to closely and they become reminders , glimps at what you hold and they become mere shimmers upon our eyes ... changed through time like we have done within our transition from one day to the next ... with every day you to change like those priorities we held so tightly to in the past , in some way new and exciting the concept of newly held priorities yet a reminder of a traveled path dusted over and revisited merely glimps and they are gone again changed slightly as we to have within time ...

Hugs all around ...

Stephani

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Dear Caroline,

What does "to be normal" mean? Normality is just the average madness of the population. ;) You did right when you decided not to be "normal" intead of being yourself.

I hope your body will transform to fit your inner self-portrait as soon as possible.

Hugs,

Sophie

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