Bonnie, Do you want to start a second life discussion? Sounds like you may have more experience than I do. To me second Life is more of a game, but I see many things as a game - As I am mostly an Otter.
I did not know you were a photographer until now; however, it is quite evident in the photos you posted. They were great. We have to try to meet in second life. I have an avatar but have not used it in a while. I wonder what we look like in the game. About losing weight it is actually good to be thin to a point. According to National Health weight standards. Based on their charts almost everyone from the USA would be overweight. – Three weeks until bikini time.
Bonnie, for some reason I missed that you were in Second Life - I too have an avatar - but have not done too much with it as of late. I have often felt I was a female in my life before this one. I hope things are starting to smooth out for you. I care.
I think I know some of what you are going through. I know when I am away from my wife, even for a few weeks, I tend to get dressed-up more and let my feminine side show more.
My wife means a lot to me and she is the main reason I have not headed toward transition. Also, I think I swing more toward a lesbian relationship and see having sex in some form or fashion with another man is not something I would hardly think about unless they were similar to me, having women’s characteristics.
Even among those of us who wish to be women aren't we all still different. I will keep you in my thoughts, cries, prayers and meditations.
This story is about 80% true with some embellishments. This is one of my biggest fanaticizes tied with a true life experience. Why I have dreamed of this happening so much I do not know why, but I have dreamed it and to some extent lived it. The names for this story have also been changed. In all of the stories in his series I am underweight and small for my age which was always true, thus this made it easier for me to fill a role as a girl.
Chapter 3 Childhood Memories - Deb does weight training
A few weeks later in the spring after we had done the skit Deb and I were discussing something about school ending and she out-of-the-blue said to me that she thought I was very pretty when they had dressed me up, so feminine. At the time she was wearing a yellow sun suit with her swim suit under it and I was wearing normal boy's clothes, shorts and a t shirt, so I said to her that she was the one that looked very feminine. She was a bit of a tomboy, so with this she took the whole thing as a dare and she started to wrestle with me to prove who was more dominant and less feminine. I gave it all I had and even with the fact she was slightly taller and heaver I ruled the day as I finally pinned her. After I finally held her down she appeared very angry said she would get me back in the future. A few weeks later the school year ended and she came over and told me she would be gone for three months and to expect a few changes when she returned. I knew she would likely come back tanned and maybe grow some from her summer vacation with her brother's family on a farm.
During the summer I grew a bit finally reaching 4' and adding 4 more pounds to my skinny frame. Now I was all of 51 pounds. But what happened to Deb was scary. When I next time saw her she her body had really changed It was now was very darkly tanned and to show off her tan she was light colored boy styled shorts and a white T shirt. She had also apparently gone to a barber during the summer to get her dream haircut that let her true tomboy feelings out. She told me when she first went to the farm she had gotten a boys haircut to set the stage for all of the farm work that she planned to do during the summer. Her hair was just now growing out for school but it was still very short. In contrast my hair had continued to grow during the summer with only one trim. But these were not the biggest changes. When I stood next to her she was huge compared to me. While she was gone she had started to work out one hour daily with weights with her older brother training her and do hard work on the farm. She also told me she had gone on a healthy diet, eating double portions, to rapidly gain weight. This combined an incredible growth sprit had grown 3 inches and had gained 15 pounds of new solid muscle. Most of this seemed to be in her arms. So now she was 4'5" and 71 pounds of ominous girl power. Her arm muscles had grown incredibly from her daily work outs and farm chores. They were solid and very hard. She wanted to show off her muscles as she went over to our jungle gym and proceeded to do 10 chin ups. She asked me to try and do one. I could not do one. She then said try again. As I started to struggle she grabbed my waist and assisted me, by lifting me up allowing me to do one push up. The she said, Davy you are so weak. Davy you know my biceps are almost 11 inches and I bet I am now twice as strong as you. She said, I have been thinking about this all summer long that I knew I would get you back. Then she said I have a surprise for you. Remember the last time we wrestled well the sun suit I wore doesn't fit me anymore but I think it will fit you. Let wrestle and if I win you have to wear it for an afternoon. I could not give up a challenge. But with her new muscles it was hardly a struggle then down I went. Then to further humiliate me as I could only struggle she held my wrists as I had done her months ago. I was completely played out and she was hardly breathing. Davy now you need to put on the sun suit. Humiliated I put it on. She said to me now who is the feminine one. Her revenge was now complete. We then played some more and as I was just getting used to wearing the sun suit a lady walked up the side walk and said to Deb "What a cutiepie of a sister you have. Referring to me.
Later that month Deb started to workout with my younger sister and after about a month she asked my sister to wrestle with me. Initially she said no but again a challenge. She had also gained some weight and I lost again. After it was over both Deb and my sister flexed their biceps at me and said "Girl Power."
Why do I cross-dress? I believe there are various reasons.
First, I am turned on by it and in this way it makes me feel alive. The taboos that go with dressing as a woman and doing it successfully are definitely things I think of. When I go out I actually sense a fear reaction. Some concern that I will be found out or be discovered. So for me cross-dressing is a bit of an adventure. One example is when I go jogging as a girl. Getting ready to go is the biggest challenge. I actually have studied women and what they wear running. I do not want to look like a hooker when I run just a pretty young athletic girl. Once the dressing up is over and I finally get outside I actually feel relieved. In my mind I think I am a woman out running. Then I settle down. In a way cross-dressing is proof that I can and do look and to some extent feel like I am a woman. It is crazy but it charges or renews me. I also feel more powerful because I think I can choose what I look like and to some degree what people think of me.
Secondly, I am actually somewhat genetically predisposed to look like a woman. As I mentioned in a few of my other posts I have dozens of female body traits. Mostly focused on my bone structure. Because of this I know many people have stared at me trying to determine my gender, even when I wear men’s clothing
Finally, I think if it were commonplace for men to wear dresses and make-up then maybe the whole issue of cross dressing would be a mute point. I love colors and to be pampered and to be stylish, to have my hair long and to be sexy. When I shop I am drawn to the women’s section because that is where the clothing that fits these aspects of my desire are.
ADDITIONAL RESPONSE FROM MY PROFILE PAGE - So why do I do all of this – trying to look like a woman. I think some of it is because I have some feminine characteristics that I cannot change. The other is to express myself for who I really am. I actually feel free when I look like a woman. So, I definitely understand all those on this site and their need to express themselves and those who need to change themselves. If there weren’t so many boxes we are put in by gender typing then I think the world would be a lot better for all of us.
Today I got a second new bikini that I had ordered a month ago. This one is a pink J CREW and it fits perfect on both my hips and on top. Still theres the tummy issue. So I am still thinking it will still be three weeks before you see me in it.
My main secret is just eating less. However, there is more to it than this.
When I was younger I had the metabolism of a mouse. During my college days, because I was small boned and 5’7” I was able to burn calories like crazy and my weight stayed between 137 to 142. My weight only began creeping up when I got into my late 30’s and mid-40’s. However, it was then only between 145 and 148. Then I enlisted a personal trainer to assist me in preparations for a sporting event I competed in. She said the first thing I needed to do was gain some weight as we built me up for the competition. During this period my weight got up to 160. (My highest weight ever was 168) This added weight was great when it was muscle but I am now in a fairly non-competitive phase. (Still working out but not as much as I did from my 10 to 15 hours/week – Swimming, Biking and running + abs exercises – now about 5 times a week/less than 5 hours weekly). What has happened is quite a bit of my muscle turned into fat.
So what I have to do today is cut calories; but I cannot starve myself – starving can actually work against what I am trying to accomplish. So I eat a light breakfast – OJ + Special K+ vitamins. Lunch is also light with a yogurt + a tuna salad or regular salad. The evening meal is a moderate serving of most anything – key is moderate amount. During the rest of the day/snacks I eat lots of fruit and vegetables – I eat a whole carrot a day – additional salads, celery - unlimited oranges – bananas - grapefruit juice – V-8 juice – cranberry juice and lots of water, here in Germany they have water with fizz so it makes you think you are getting calories when you are not. (This discussion just made me hungry so I am going to get an orange)
This is not just about showing off the bikini but is also about my optimum health weight. Recently I found out the lowest healthy weight for your/my age and body type is the best weight. I found the weight I needed to be at was really quite low. (Surprised me) For me with small bones at 5’7”+ my optimum weight is 142 (Women’s would be 137). Does this ring a bell; these are the same weights I had in college. And I am sure if I had more muscle it would push the weight up a bit. But for me I likely should never be above 152. In order to achieve this I have to both diet and exercise. Because I let my weight get ahead of me a bit I have to really cut calories. I am looking forward to hitting my goal weight =144 so I can have a few more calories again – but I am sure I will never be able to just eat everything I want if I intend to maintain my weight at the optimum level.
Going Out - I wish I could dress up as a woman outside more often but my wife said she wants to be the woman when we go out. I tend to rival her, the few times I dressed all the way, and she doesn't like that. (The times I did dress completely were three Halloweens and several times when I went out as her girlfriend). However, daily I do wear some women's items - All of my watches are women's sport watches. I also have several other women's items that I can wear, any time I want, as long as I do not wear a noticeable bra. These include women's shorts, jeans, sport tops, silk undershirts, belts, and some women's jewelry items and of course I wear panties about once a week. Finally, my wife and I have a couple of matching women's outfits that have OKed that we occasionally wear out together - consisting of jeans and unisex style blouses.
Running as a Woman - Lately I have been running outside in women's gear once or twice a month. I have almost perfected this look. Looking both like a woman athlete and every bit like a girl. The gaff in my women's running tights pretty much seals the look as the onlooker does the normal check. (Additionally, helps that I am small boned and about 5'7")
Inside in the apartment/condo - Now that I/we no longer have children at home, I can pretty much dress in women's casual wear and sleepwear whenever I want. I usually wear a teddy and my short hair wig before bedtime. I have a small bin of teddies and night gowns. Also some times when my wife and I do Pilates I have the Fonda look with tights and a leotard. (I will attach some of these photos)
So as I have mentioned before my wife is not 100% approving of my cross dressing but she does allow me to dress out occasionally and for me this seems to meet my need.
Looking for new friends
It is snowing today in Germany. This morning I did my Weekly weigh in - lost two more pounds (Total Lost 8.5) - Adjusted Goal weight = 144 - so I need 7.5 more pounds to lose. It may still take me three weeks to show everone the Bikini. But I am getting there.
My favorite color is teal. But I also like purple and turquoise blue. I am amazed at how much colors can turn me on or affect my mood. Additionally, I like the forest greens of the landscape here in Germany. As I have also studied and produced artwork, I like art with large areas of bold coloration. I have one 3x4 foot painting I produced, now in a private collection, of a yellow butterfly on a solid blue background. What I wear be it women's clothes or men's must have color, design and pattern. I actually hate the normal drab things that most men wear. So bold colors - I love them.
Here I go - My pictures in Jeans. Shopping on the local economy here in Germany, you never know if you can find a really good bargain or not. Many of the brand name jeans here cost well over $100 so finding a good fit usually can cost a lot of money. However this was not the case for me today. I looked at about 10 shops and a couple of discount stores. I ended up picking a pair of jeans from one of the discount stores
Anyway I want to thank everyone for their comments about brands and even now my quest for the perfect fit I am sure is not over.
What I did find today in my shopping madness was a pair of great fitting Woodpecker jeans. (I think this is a European brand).
So my latest photos are now made for your review. Size 10 Women's jeans with great accents on both the pockets and on the seams. They are so comfortable I am still wearing them as I type. Let me know what you think.
Is there anyone who can help me link up with Jamie on getting another copy of her book after my computer ate it? I have tried to contact her through her book links and I have not gotten a reply yet. Don't think I am getting through. I still have the order number and can provide additional details. What I was able to see (The one time I was able to see it) of the book/added book was that it had a lot of good links that do not remember ever seeing before. These I wanted to review later in greater detail.
My basic message to her:
I just had a hard drive crash and I lost your books that I had just paid for and downloaded on 7 Jan 2010, because the person fixing my computer deleted most of my files including those containing the books when he was working on my computer; to my extreme dismay. I only got to see part of the book/s before this occurred. I have looked in my back-up computer files but because I purchased the book after 2 Jan (My last complete back-up on my computer) I did not have it backed up. This whole computer thing is actually quite complicated but as of now I do not even have access to your linking document/e-mail that you provided me. I fear I have lost all of my e-mail files for good. Please provide me another link to your book/s.
Also, if you get a chance to look at my profile on TG Guide I would appreciate your review. The crazy thing is I am actually very much a male and yet I am also transgendered. I am sure this will never change.
I do have a question - Is the girl in the one piece bathing suit in your advertisement you earlier in your life? You are so skinny now. Suffice it to say I consider you a star.
I use e-bay allot for finding women's clothing items, however, fit can be a problem sometimes. They now have a whole restricted section for the transgendered. Several of the stores also provide links to fitting guides that are useful for CD's. So if you want to find an item and not spend too much money this is one choice. My bikini that I love and I just bought was an e-bay item. I also know of some other mainline store also offering transgendered items but you will definitely pay more at these shops.
This story is mostly true with only with a slight embellishment. In all of the stories in his series I am underweight and small for my age which was always true, thus this made it easier for me to fill a role as a girl.
Chapter 1 – Childhood Memories - My early years - Ballet class -
My stories of my cross dressing experiences actually start early in my childhood. When I was 7 years old my mom got me and my younger sister ballet lessons. What my mom did not tell me was this was an all girl’s class and that they had a strict uniform requirement. My mom had let the teacher, Miss Mary, know I was a boy but had insisted that I would conform to all of the rules and because I was very small for my age, 42 pounds 3'9" tall and my hair was shoulder length dark blonde she did not think I would be noticed as out-of-place. Miss Mary had to meet me and when my mom brought me in she finally agreed I could join the class.
To get us the uniforms, my mom went to the studio shop and bought both my sister and I matching ballet clothes. The tights were crystal pink and the leotard was a black cap sleeve with a back zipper. The shoes were standard ballet slippers. The only difference in my sisters and my outfits was the small dance belt I was provided. She even got us both black dance skirts and a thin white belt to wear with our outfits. The skirts were not worn all of the time and the belt was to help the teacher notice any alignment issues as we danced.
I remember going to this class about 15 times dressed in this leotard outfit just like the other girls and it was true that I was hardly noticed allowing me to fit in with the other girls during the summer classes. Most of the class was very informal with a lot of free style dancing but it was very fun. This was the only time I was allowed to just be one of the girls doing ballet. A sample class was 25 minutes of Barr and 25 minutes of dance routines. I remember one routine very distinctly. Using our hands to tap out the time it was “Clap Clap Curtsey” and so the class would go. Finally, I was only able to do this during this one summer school, as in the Fall I had to go to a different class that allowed boys.
This story is about 60% true with some embellishments. The names have also been changed. In all of the stories in his series I am underweight and small for my age which was always true, thus this made it easier for me to fill a role as a girl.
Chapter 2 – Childhood Memories - Dressing up
Deb was a girl I met when I was in first grade. We were friends and even rivals but in general we enjoyed each other’s company. I remember rolling down hills with her and playing fetch with her dog, with her by my side. At this age we were about the same size, height and weight had the same length of hair and except for my wearing boy’s clothes there were really little differences in both of us. (I was very small build and she had a medium/large build – I also remember both her wrists and hands were bigger than mine) I guess we could have looked like sisters. At eight year of age, at the time we were in third grade, we both had grown a bit; but I was still slight of build at 3’11 and 47 pounds; However, Deb had passed me in height and weight at 4’ 2” and 56 pounds and was noticeably heaver. (This is true and I would always be shorter than her from this point on as we grew up)
Which leads to this story. One time I went over to her house and she and some of her girl friends were playing dress up in a play house they had in their basement. On this one occasion they decided to do a skit for their parents. They asked me if I wanted to join them. I had done a few skits with them before. So, I said yes. Little did I know that what they wanted me to do was dress up as a girl in the skit. Deb was to be the father. (She said that this was because she was the tallest) Her older sister Gail was to be the mother. Sharon, her girlfriend, was to be the brother. And I was to be the daughter. After doing a hurried job to make everyone look their parts. All three girls started to work me over and make me look like a girl. First, they found some white tights and frilly panties for me to wear and also a white training bra. (Of note these were items that Deb and her sisters had grown out of) They told me to go to the rest room and change. In the past, I had tried some of my sister’s clothes on so it was fairly easy to get everything on. While I was getting started in the bathroom, I heard them giggle and the Deb said make sure you smooth over your panties. When I came out they giggled again and I saw that they had laid on the bed a white nylon slip and a purple and pink trimmed dress with a pink bow in the back. Also, there was a wig fall. They all pitched in to help in my transformation. Then I heard and felt the zip of the back zipper. Gail took the fall and weaved it into my hair and the found a pink ribbon and with a touch of a curl my hair was completed. Then they found me a pair of Debs shoes to complete the outfit. All that was left to do was my face. Because I did not have any facial hair, they just added some eye shadow, a touch of mascara, some rouge and touched up my eye brows. The Deb said she had the perfect lipstick; Crystal pink. Then they found some pink nail polish and they spruced up my finger nails. I was done. Also, while the nail polish was drying both Deb and Sharon finished there preparations to make themselves look more anatomically like boy. To do this they folded wash cloths and strategically placed them. After my nails had dried the girls said for me to turn like a model. As I did they really started to giggle. The then told me to look in the mirror and when I did I no longer saw a boy. It was girl looking back at me. After that we rehearsed the skit.
The Skit. And then we went upstairs to show everyone in the house the skit. The oohs and ahs of their family who watched the skit were quite noticeable. As I walked into the room last and I heard them say that cannot be Davey and then their dad whistled. Deb’s mom said it was a great skit but as boys the girls were not very convincing. However, they did mention that I really did look like a girl and if they had not known me they would have believed I was really a cute young sexy girl. After the end of the skit, this affirming of me in the girl’s role made me embarrassed. So when the skit was over I let everyone know was I glad to get back into my boys clothes. (Actually I really was secretly glad of this affirming of my body and face looking like it belonged on a girl)
Actually I integrate women's wear into my daily male wardrobe. ... Today, I find myself wearing more and more women’s style clothing articles on a day-to-day basis. (All of my watches are women’s fitness watches and I wear one every day at work), several of my necklaces, belts and rings are women’s and I wear them with my men’s items. The watches fit me better because I am small boned – note - my wife and I have the same size hands, wrists and I can wear her rings). I have several women’s sport tops and Capri pants that I wear at home or out on evening walks. About once a week I will wear women’s underwear when I am going out. I have my own men’s make-up and I am looking forward to the day men’s skirts become main stream, maybe in the next couple of years. I often wear lingerie around the house and my wife is supportive. She has bought me several outfits that match hers; unisex style women’s wear blouses and pants to wear when we go out.
I got a new bikini today - Even with it being winter here in Germany I had to wear it around the apartment. I love the color and it fits me really well on top. The bottoms are slightly loose but still a good fit overall. However, my tummy is noticeable and I am thinking I will show everyone me wearing it in about a month. I hope to get down to less than 145 pounds. Then it will look good on me. I am sharing a photo of the bikini. So I guess I am a fan of the bikini if it fits.
I have been thinking about stories my entire life. Because I come from a family of writers and teachers and I have learned to live my "story line." Thus, I would like to help start this topic. This is one that you can share both your fantasies or to some extent your harsh realities. Some stories that you share may be your nightly dreams or maybe you like to day dream. Some of the stories you may want to tell us about may be a true story with a fantasy wrapping. (Always good to change the names) Or a completely true story about a romance or a relationship or other aspects that are affected by your cross-dressing. Some passion that is in all of us is also so good with this topic. A little guidance - When you add an item please make sure it is your original thought/s and please tell us if its fiction, based in truth, partly true or completely true. And of course use good sense when it comes to illustrating sexual details. I have several stories I will post in the next few days. So let’s post away, have some fun and have a party.
Thanks for the information - I went out today and tried on some women's jeans. I have concluded that I am a size 10 (Snug fit) or 12 (Loose fit) depending on the cut. I actually bought a pair of Levis and wore them to a movie. I wonder if there is a best jean out there. Form fitting as well as stylish; that most of our friends prefer.