That was a lovely sentiment, I don’t believe she could have handled it more eloquently ... making a big “deal” and overdramatically apologizing can be far worse than the mis-gendered pronoun, especially in such a public arena as a classroom!
Well I've been most unfortunate on the articles that have been catching my eye in the mainstream news ... from Fox News using a photo from "Mrs. douptfire", for transgender health needs to every article about product ads offending the trans community! It's sad because these articles it seems are the issues that mainstream society gets to see
What a awful stand to make against an entire group of people who quite simply want nothing more than to have the same rights as the rest of the population ... and can someone please tell me why every transgender article I see almost exclusively has pics of glamorous drag queens??
Health care is one of the most troublesome for transgender people. The simplest most trivial medical needs can cause us great anxiety and added stress. For those at the beginning who are presenting in the gender opposite of birth even the waiting room can be terrifying ... waiting for “Mr.” to be called whilst sitting there in a pretty dress quite obviously a “Ms.”, or vise versa. Then the looks from the receptionist to wondering if the Dr. (if 1st visit) is an open minded one. Each of us experiencing different experiences depending completely on the “professionals” we encounter. We all go through it and do so with as much grace as we possibly can.
I promise it too as the popular slogan goes “Does get better”, with time ones confidence increases and we get further along in transition and have those legal name changes and for those who are able get the gender marker changed on all our documents (usually not until post GRS), you won’t even think about it when visiting your Dr. ... once all that’s behind us and no one even looks twice at you in the waiting room and receptionist doesn’t even bat a lash because all your info matches your appearance.
... and then you move, as I just have.
Today was my 1st appointment with a new Dr. and even though I am almost three years on HRT, almost two years post-op, all my documents say female and rarely even wonder about “Passing” ... that anxiety returned today as I sat in the waiting room knowing that shortly I’d be telling this new Dr. that I was assigned male at birth. This being a smaller city, I wondered how the Dr. might be toward me, especially when I realized he was an older gentleman ... anyways I was going through the registration process and the nurse was interviewing me and asking about my medical history and I was pleased to be asked if I was or ever been pregnant, lol. But then upon being asked of currant medications I told her I was on hormones and she asked “early menopause”, “no” I said, “I was born transsexual”. She told me she couldn’t believe it and told me repeatedly how great I looked (which is always wonderful to hear). She brought my file to the Dr. and he too was so very nice telling me that I was not his 1st trans-patient. We discussed my needs and he never once messed up pronouns and was completely genuine.
I too have had bad experiences and have felt destroyed by someone who is supposed to be there to help people. That is why I wanted to share this lil’ story in the “Transgender Health Care” because I know how tuff it is for us all when it comes to health care and though it does depend on those we’re going to see, we must not be ashamed of who we are, we must hold our chins up and never assume people are going to be small minded bigots. No mater your general location.
My day went well, thankfully because we all should see our Doctors while on HRT.
My partner went through the same things as you and her biggest issue was also lack of resources. Sadly there just isn’t much out there for significant others, much of what she would read was either the relationship ends in divorce or evolves into a friendship, strictly platonic ... often becoming like roommates, even having separate beds and/or bedrooms. So for my partner and I, we choose to beat our own path, a path that started similar to your own and to that of many other “heterosexual” couples when the “He” faces the truth and comes out to their wife or significant other as identifying as “She”.
As you mentioned my wife too saw us both as heterosexual and in fact at the time for all intense purposes I suppose we were or at least in any active sexual roles within our relationship. Orientation within the Trans spectrum is as diverse as with the Gender-Gifted. Some are Hetro, some are Gay, some Bi and some Asexual. Some Transpeople who transition completely including gender reassignment are heterosexual before and after transition ... feeling desire for “the opposite sex” of what they feel they are pre and post transition. Clear as mud right? All that can confuse when trying to find your own way through this journey and the only way you and J will get through this is by being completely open, open-minded and completely honest communication. Say what you mean and mean what you say and if you’re struggling and are unsure about any certain issue, say so and then work at it and talk about it. That goes for both of you. It is a hard road and you both must always remember to keep the lines of communication open, thoughts and feelings on where each other is will be always changing and drawing lines in the sand will only lead to disappointment.
My Wife had decided she loved me ... and the things about me that she fell in love with were my feminine qualities and she came to terms with the fact that I was a woman and she would never again be with a man, learning to love a woman sexually came long after and I suppose you could say cannot happen with a “Line in the sand” heterosexual. She had to be strong because standing beside me ended up meaning standing up to her entire family when “We” came out. Everyone expected her to leave me and some even actively tried to convince her she should, the same with “our” friends ... eventually her family came around and realized they were only hurting her and I can count on one hand the friends we still have from before my transition. The thing is, it’s different for everyone, we can’t predict how people outside the relationship will be, we can only be honest with ourselves and those we love. I’m almost a year and a half post-op now and close to three years living completely as a woman, we both laugh now at the thought of me ever being anything other than. My wife and I are the same as any lesbian couple, we’re even discussing having a child together.
Be honest with yourself and J.
Feel free to ask if you have any questions (private message me if need be).
“The D.C. Trans Coalition and the Gay and Lesbian Activists Alliance are calling on the D.C. City Council to defeat a bill calling for giving the city’s police chief authority to establish permanent “prostitution free zones.”” - Lou Chibbaro Jr.
“In Maryland, lies will not stop passage of laws to protect transgender people”
“In their zeal to oppose this proposed ordinance, a few women went too far, well beyond the truth. Religious political extremist Ruth Jacobs stated: “It opens up the bathroom to men … who may be a pedophile who may use the law to nefarious advantage.”” - Liz Seaton
Lies will not stop laws to protect transgender people
“Bridging the gap between LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) and civil rights organizations was the overarching motif as NAACP President and CEO Ben Jealous helped kick off the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force's Creating Change, the 24th National Conference on LGBT Equality, in Baltimore last night.” - Joshua R. Weaver
“Fully 42 percent of gay workers say they have experienced employment discrimination, while 90 percent of transgender individuals report being harassed, mistreated, or discriminated against on the job. Yet studies confirm that workplace equity for gay and transgender employees is good for the bottom line of businesses large and small.” - Crosby Burns, Jeff Krehely