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Everything posted by UsernameOptional

  1. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic What binder   

    i'm quite concerned about some of you guys in your late teens and very early 20s implying that using binding methods such as ace bandages are no big deal. this is dangerous advice for the ones even younger than you because the really young ones are more prone to listen to those closer to their own age than some of us older ones.

    ace bandages are dangerous. bottom line. if they weren't dangerous, or a poorer method of binding, you wouldn't make comments like "it stops hurting after about 20 minutes," or "i...had to go all zen to not be in pain after like 8 hours."

    you might not have felt pain after 20 minutes because you'd probably gone numb! and if you have to go out on some mental trip just to pretend there's nothing wrong, there's a serious problem.

    using ace bandages can and will cause damage to the skin, underlying flesh, the chest cavity and even the lungs themselves. they can also inhibit proper breathing.

    if you want to help your younger brothers, advise AGAINST ace bandages, share the pitfalls you've experienced with aces, and recommend to them SAFER ways to bind.

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  2. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic that "bulge"?   

    "...and I did not want to offend anyone with the "real thing" remark. It's just my poor use of wording. -Samantha
    i don't think you would have offended anyone samantha - not intentionally. you were trying to help. i was really surprised last nite to see that the last reply on this thread was from a woman. it never occurred to me that one of you ladies could actually be of help to the guys when it came to packing and underwear. a bit of ignorance on my part perhaps.

    "I'm kind of wondering.... How does packing + panties work??? There's no space in panties for them! Or do the panties just get stretched or something?" -Mykell
    actually, there is one brand that i know of (there may be more) that are quite comfortable and hold a packy well. i believe they are fruit of the loom, briefs, cotton, with a tall waist band like jockey shorts. i would only wear them until i found Life briefs - there is one variety that has a "formed" pouch. i prefer them for two reasons: 1. it's men's underwear, 2. they are a heavier cotton than the women's briefs. i sweat a lot. silky underwear makes me sweat more. i prefer the heavier men's cotton briefs because they are more absorbent.

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  3. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic that "bulge"?   

    Samantha -

    thanks for the imput, sweet. but the difference is, the real thing may not "fall out" but if it did, it won't "fall down," as in fall down your pants leg. this is what pre- or non-op transmen must protect against.

    the panties you mention may be okay for the younger guys who perhaps have not made the brave move to men's department, or like you said must still wear women's underwear because they are still at home and thier laundry may be scrutinized by a parent. but for some of us older ones who haven't worn women's underwear in years, and the guys who've transitioned - not only would we not be caught dead in "panties," it's rather difficult to even shop for them.

    for me's tough enough having to buy a bra. that is the only article of female clothing i own. i put it off until the current garments are barely recognizable for what they are...then i must literally force myself to buy replacements. no way i'm gonna hang around long enough to find panties, too.

    hell...for that matter...i don't even like the word!

    thanks for the suggestion tho, samantha. might help the younger ones until they can get what they really want.

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  4. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic that "bulge"?   

    whew...okay ;)
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  5. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic that "bulge"?   

    hey jak, and welcome to tg guide

    "I just brought a packer from a dude ..."

    um...i certainly hope you don't LITERALLY mean that you bought a packy from some guy. a friend? an acquaintance? was it USED???

    if so, toss it and chalk it up to a lesson learned. if the guy claimed it was never used, can you trust him? can he prove it?

    best thing to do is buy your own packy - NEW. if ya can't afford a new one, make one, improvise, or wait. but don't use a used one.

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  6. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic What binder   

    "Oh? Dangerous you say? I've been using aces binding since I was about twelve.... so i should be dead? Or in pain? Or something?"

    well, yer young yet and some things you may need to learn the hard way. i hope not tho.

    no one said you should be dead from using ace bandages. not sure it's been said anywhere in these forums that anyone's died from using them. what i said was, "they can be dangerous." that means there is the possibility that damage can occur.

    in fact, of all the methods for binding, ace bandages could possibly be the worst method, with duct tape applied to bare skin running a close second. but you don't have to take anyone's word here for it. perhaps you'll have top surgery before any problem arises.

    good luck
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  7. UsernameOptional added a topic in Transgender News & Happenings   

    Adoption by Gays Threatened
    according to a USA TODAY article...
    "Steps to pass laws or secure November ballot initiatives are underway in at least 16 states, adoption, gay rights and conservative groups say. Some — such as Ohio, Georgia and Kentucky — approved constitutional amendments in 2004 banning gay marriage."

    other states where bills are being drafted or discussed: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Indiana, Kansas, Michigan, Missouri, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, and West Virginia.

    click on the link below to see the whole article. while there, clik on "Vote: What do you think about gay adoption?"

    Gay Adoption

    tell everyone you know about this poll and have them vote too !

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  8. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic How tall and what do you weight?   

    how, when and why did knowing a woman's weight or age become taboo??

    what's there to be embarrassed about? what's there to hide? we don't have a problem telling our age or weight.

    i've always wondered why a woman gets so insensed over something like that.

    just curious... please don't reach for the nearest object to fling at me - you'll break your monitor!!

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  9. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic What binder   

    heather -

    i personally do not know anyone who's suffered any damage from binding. there are a few guys here who know a friend or acquaintance who's sustained injury from binding.

    i do know that severe injury usually comes from things like duct tape or ace bandages.

    there have been guys bind using duct tape, applying the tape directly to the skin. if you are at all familiar with duct tape, you know that the adhesive side is quite strong. guys have had skin torn off removing the tape

    ace bandages will draw up...essentially, getting tighter as the day wears on. if too tight, the bandage can cut into the skin or even the flesh.

    some guys have sustained internal injuries from both tape and bandages. it has also been discovered that the constant binding can cause tissue to harden. 'grams or manual examination cannot tell the difference in the binder-hardened tissue and lumps. often, a biopsy must be performed to be sure what's there. binding too tight can cause inhibit proper breathing and can cause damage to the lungs.

    tho there are many good binders on the market, it is probably safe to assume that the longer a guy binds, even if safely, the process can eventually cause one problem or another.

    hope this helps
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  10. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic can u make Breastforms   

    "How durable are they like that? I mean, if you were hugging or making out with someone, i would imagine it would be pretty embarrasing if one were to break and soak you and your date." -JamieTVgirl

    balloons can be pretty durable when underfilled. unless your goal is to look you were on LSD when you chose the breast size you desire, you won't be filling those ballons to capacity. i was pretty creative when it came "packing".. i never had a balloon break.

    it would probably boil down to preference... plastic bags like Annie suggested, or the balloons like michelle2 suggested, or a stocking with birdseed like Jo'C suggested. the better thing about the water filled bags or balloons is that they do take on a person's body heat ... this makes it feel more natural, almost to the point that you forget they are there. it would seem to me that birdseed would make a rather questionable noise tho, if engaged in "close contact."

    can't believe i got in the middle of this...

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  11. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic What binder   

    ace bandages are designed to draw up over time. therefore, just normal activity and breathing will cause aces to tighten. they can cut into your skin, or as in the case of your friend, literally cause internal damage.

    tho duct tape doesn't stretch or tighten, if applied directly to the skin it can rip the skin off. if it doesn't rip it off right away, it can severly irritate the skin with each change, eventually leading to the removal of skin.

    if duct tape is used, it should only be used over a t-shirt or other undergarment, and should not be wrapped too tightly as it also could restrict adequate expansion of the chest for breathing. but personally, i wouldn't use duct tape whether over a shirt or not.

    another problem with "ungiving" binding techniques like duct tape, the continual compressing itself of the flesh can cause scarring. somehow, the compressed flesh can "harden" for lack of a better description. later, because of these scars, some have been known to have to have biopsies done of the hardened tissue because results of normal 'grams cannot determine if the scars are just scars, or suspicious lumps/growths.

    another suggestion for binding is the neoprene waist trimmers you see in magazines and in many sports departments of stores like wal-mart. unless you are pretty heavy up top, waist trimmers do a pretty good job - and their inexpensive. one downside is, now days most of them come with a velcro closure. a few years ago, there was no closure of anykind - it was sorta like a "tube top." ya just stepped into it and worked it up into position. it layed flat enough that a t-shirt (designed for outterwear) could be worn over it and it wasn't noticeable as long as the t-shirt wasn't so small that it hugged your body.

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  12. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic HALLOWEEN AND MY CHILDHOOD   

    i dressed for halloween clear thru high school, and a few times more after that. not only did i enjoy it...didn't wanna give it up...but i had a younger (by almost 5 years) who my parents by that time allowed the two of us to go out without one of them chaparoning us - me pretty much serving as the responsible kid. so... even when i was about 19 or so, my brother was still trick-or-treating and it gave me an excuse to keep on truckin'.

    strange thing is, i don't remember ever being dressed up in a costume meant for girls, or anything frilly and silly. no ballerinas, no wonder woman, no nurses. but i do remember the costumes that any boy would have gone out in - cowboy, headless horseman (that was a great one - even scared adult women), indian brave, king tut. it was my one chance a year to go out dressed, feeling like, and able to act as a boy...and no one gave a second or questioning look. it was just assumed i was a boy.

    the last time i dressed for halloween, i went all out. i was in my late 30s. i bought some fake skin and make-up, bought some material. our bowling league decided it would be fun to dress up since halloween fell on a bowling nite that year. and i went as a klingon warrior. after bowling, i stopped at a friend's house. when she opened the door, i had scared the *$#!! out of her. but the best part was, she thought it was a man standing on her doorstep.

    that was the last of my halloween memories.
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  13. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic I'm married to a transgendered   

    the way i see this, the only thing your "gay" doctor has done is treat the depression and bi-polar condition and has done little to help you with TS issues. makes me wonder if one day the medications he has you on will no longer be able to keep your feelings suppressed, and then one day - BOOM! - you fall irretrievably into some dark abyss, never again able to function as a human being. your doctor ought to be strung up. he is NOT truly a gender therapist in my opinion. and if you've been seeing gay doctors for 40 years and only now have achieved the emotional level you are finally (happy?) with, that doesn't say much for the track record of these gay doctors you've been seeing.

    unless the decision to continue to hide was your own idea, i know of nothing in the guidelines of the HBSofC that suggest a therapist should help a person suppress their feelings of transsexuality. it seems to me that he is simply treating the depression, perhaps knowing that your TS feelings would be somewhat suppressed because of the "i-don't-give-a-sh*t" meds he has you on.

    i think this is the wrong thing to suggest to others, especially the young. this is almost like watching a candle burn at both ends. at one end there are those who fight against us with everything in them, and try to keep laws from being put in place to afford us the rights that everyone else has and the protections we deserve; and at the other end, there is someone like you giving people ideas about how to keep transsexuality from being recognized as it should be and accepted as any other treatable medical condition without prejudice or persecution by finding ways to hide and just survive.

    by the way, i'm not saying ALL gay doctors are like the one you're seeing now (or all the ones in the past 40 years), but in my opinion, this doctor has two strikes against him the way i see it: 1. he's gay. it's well known that many homosexuals, whether male or female, do NOT recognize transsexuality. to some degree, they are no better than many non-TG people when it comes to TG/TS people and issues. 2. he's male. it's well known that men in general are less accepting or understanding of transsexuality than women are - ESPECIALLY when it comes to MTFs.

    i think all your doctor has done is address and treat your depression and bi-polar condition. the meds have merely made you not care anymore so much about who you really are.

    i wish you luck. i hope sad's husband finds something better than this.

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  14. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic I'm married to a transgendered   

    by changing the way the non-TG/TS world views us, and eliminating the stigma associated with TG/TS that causes so many of us to try to live within the confines of the roles assigned because of one's physical sex. the TG/TS world and a handful of organizations and lawmakers are trying to change society's attitudes, but most aren't buying it - and we can't do it alone.

    if the world was as accepting of us as any other people, would you have gotten married and tried to live the role of a woman or man?'d have pursued, or been allowed to pursue, the goal of becoming the person you truly are. or maybe if we were just accepted for who and what we are... there wouldn't be any goals to have to pursue, and transitioning or SRS would just be a choice that simply made us feel more comfortable in our own bodies.

    i didn't do what i've done to hurt anyone. i did what i've done with the belief that i was sparing everyone the pain, humiliation, disgust and embarrassment of what i am. i did what i've done to spare myself being the recipient of hate, unacceptance and fear of possibly being alone. i ended up being sad, angry, bitter.

    way too many of the non-TG/TS world look in from the outside, condemn us and try to tell us what we SHOULD have done. the thing is... how many of them would have accepted us as even friends, let alone as boyfriends, girlfriends or spouses, had they known from the very beginning that we were TG/TS? very few. we ALL know this...and this is why way too many of us hide and try to conform.

    seems to me the non-TG/TS world needs to change - NOT us. then NONE of us would be in the predicament like the one sad and her husband are in now. and i wouldn't be going from day to day wondering how the hell i will break this to my own spouse, and how it will be received, and the pain that will surely come of it.
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  15. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic Pantyhose or stockings   

    from a guys perspective...

    nothing nicer to look at than a pair of shapely legs in those stockings with the seam that goes up the back...

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  16. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic I'm married to a transgendered   

    no comprende -

    i will concede that getting married in the final attempt at believing our GID will go away is not the best course of action. unfortunately, many of us don't find this out until AFTER we're married.

    what i'd like you to try understand is, the culture your family or community is drenched in, what religion you may have been raised in, other factors, and of course those infamous rules of society, all dictate with quite predictable results how far too many of us react - hiding, denying, lying and pretending. the pretending is an attempt to fill the role expected of your physical gender at birth. granted, there are some (like annie) that have the constitution to stand up to society very early on. but that is not the norm, or the vast majority of us wouldn't be here on this, or any other forum.

    consider this. man has throughout the ages come up with all kinds of remedies for all kinds of ailments. we have persisted with certain remedies, convinced that sooner or later it will be tweaked to the point of finding the right concoction in the right amounts, dispensed at the appropriate times to eliminate the targeted ailment.

    on occasion, in the end, man has had to finally face the reality and give up believing that they can cure whatever the problem is, and settle for simply trying to make life with the problem tolerable. undoubtedly, the individuals afflicted by the ailment that science cannot alleviate are disappointed - they had faith that science could help them. was science lying to them? no, science tried to do what it had to do, believing all along it could carry through with what was expected of it.

    that's exactly what many of us do - try to do what we have to do, believing we can be what the rest of you think we are. one day, we find out it just won't work.

    and btw, in keeping with this particular situation...sad's husband isn't threatening to leave her, she's threatening to leave him.

    been where you are-
    thank you for offering support and help to sad. i'm sure she needs it. despite what a few think, we do feel for her, and truly hope she and her husband can work something out. more often than not, we understand how the other side feels. that cannot always be said about the other side and it's understanding of how we feel.

    thank you. but you and all the others who've replied to sad have also offered her good words of advice, empathy, sympathy, information and support. we all can only hope that all we've said will not go for naught.

    i know i shouldn't address this, as it could be interpreted as antagonistic, but...
    no comprede, you tell us we should be up-front, forward and let people know who we are. you come here, unregistered - a "drive-by" poster, perhaps never to be seen again. if you are concerned with the way many of us live and how we affect those around us, why not join us, learn, try to understand, and try to help us change the way in which the world thinks and how that thinking affects us, which in turn, would allow us to be the people/gender we really are - without judgement. problem solved.

    that fair?

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  17. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic I'm married to a transgendered   

    blue -
    no one is necessarily saying they don't understand what sad is going thru - in fact, quite to the contrary. we understand because this is how we are raised - taught that there are only two sides to the human race - MALE and FEMALE, each with a set of rules that one is not supposed to deviate from. that very edict-like concept is what makes us hide. we didn't make the rules - we are forced to a great degree to live with them.

    you have to consider that if the rules weren't as they are, sad's husband may never have been sad's husband to begin with, because somewhere in her early years, she'd have been able to confidently go to her parents and tell them she was not a little boy and her parents would have accepted her as she was. sad wouldn't be here lamenting the possible loss of a husband.

    something else that people like you and sad don't know is that many of us marry in a last ditch attempt to prove our GID will go away. this comes from many years of denial. many of us also get married because it is a way of being close to the gender we identify with. in your case - a lesbian relationship - it's highly possible that your g/f entered the gay community to have a relationship with a woman as the chances of having a relationship with a heterosexual woman would have been nil to none. in your g/f's world, the relationship was a male/female relationship - your g/f being the male half of that relationship.

    in such relationships, the FTM or MTF half will eventually "come out again" as the transsexual that they really are. just as in heterosexual male/female relationships, the non-transsexual half of a gay couple finds it difficult to accept that his or her partner is not the man or woman they thought.

    we are not trying to burn sad at the stake - simply trying and hoping that she will somehow find it in her to understand, and if nothing else, at least become her husband's friend even if they can no longer be a couple.

    yes, we've had years to deal with this. but while we've kept our true selves hidden, we've sacrificed our lives for the comfort and happiness of everyone else - quite often for many, MANY years. and for some - all their lives.

    so tell me... what's fair??

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  18. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic I'm married to a transgendered   

    Rhonda Lynn-
    i've discovered that to present this scenario to non-transgendered people who either are completely incapable of, or refuse to try to understand is like talking to a brick wall.

    sad has been so deeply ingrained with the "norms" and "acceptables" dictated by society, she cannot fathom anything that deviates from clearly and unmistakably male, and clearly and unmistakably female. while i do not blame her for how she's been indoctrinated, i do fault her for seemingly being unable to be an open-minded, benevolent HUMAN BEING to a person whom she's supposedly loved for years.

    i do not mean to attack you, sad. and yes, as willow indicated, i was quite blunt in my previous reply. i am sorry for that but i did it only in hopes of sending you to your mirror and making you face the person looking back, and perhaps ask yourself how you would feel if that person treated you as you are treating your husband. i do not know you, or your husband, or anyone here personally for that matter. but from where i stand, i cannot help the anger that i feel because you just don't seem to try to accept even if you can't understand. whether you believe it or not, your attitude and fear even hurts me and i'm sure that is minute compared to how your husband is feeling. the hurt i feel is magnified by the fact that i do not know how my mother will react when she finds out about me. i pray that i do not "see" you in her eyes and heart when the day comes.

    sad, i would like to make a suggestion. if you haven't already, (and while you wait for other replies that may provide you with the information you seek) please read throughout these forums - especially in the Transgendered and Transsexual sections. you don't have to go back for weeks or months, just a week or so, and read the posts made by transgendered/transsexual individuals who've come to this forum pouring out their feelings of fear, confusion, pain, denial, anger, hopelessness and lonliness, and in some cases the happiness and joy at having found acceptance and even understanding by a family member or friend.

    you say you cry because of what your husband is doing. i want you to come back and tell me you didn't cry after reading the posts i've asked you to read. if you did, there is hope for you and your husband. if you didn't, or couldn't...well, i can only agree with Rhonda Lynn - in a couple words, it's over...

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  19. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic I'm married to a transgendered   

    sad -

    i've been following this thread, and while everyone has offered you words of empathy, suggested how you can get a better understanding of transgendered people and tried to explain to you your husband's situation, i, on the other hand, have noticed something else that each person who's replied to your post has not addressed with you. at least not directly

    at the risk of causing you a bit of discomfort, i want you to step back and look at yourself. throughout your 3 posts, you say how much your husband is trying to keep you from being uncomfortable...

    "I am not accepting the fact that my husband has the brain of a woman...I'm so affraid of him doing harmones. I've told him I wouldn't stay with him if he did."
    your husband obviously loves you. in my opinion, he's refrained from doing anything because you've threatened to leave him.

    "It's hard not to talk about this even though my husband has been going to therapy and hasn't dressed up for a long time. He's really struggling but is doing really well. Still afraid because I feel that I'm stopping him from being happy. I love him so much. I hate seeing him dressed as a woman."
    you praise him for doing so well. he's doing so much for you. what are you doing for him? have you considered therapy? would you consider therapy?

    "He knows how much it hurts me to see him dressed up and always on the computer. It really frustrates me. I admire that he is being so good and not dressing up. I know he's struggling with this and doesn't want to hurt me because he loves me so much."
    you've obviously expressed your disgust in his dressing up. again, you're so proud of him "being so good." he goes to the computer, like so many of us, because of people like you. it's his only outlet to be the person he really is. he loves you so much that he tries to keep his real character from you so you aren't hurt. he's hurting more than you, or your kids, or his kids, will ever know - unless you try to get to know him and stop making him feel like some abomination.

    "I'm still struggling every day but appreciate that he is trying so hard."
    again, you've let it be known to him that you are struggling. i'm sorry, but it just seems to me that the only person you are concerned with is you.

    "I know my husband uses the net alot but won't let me see what he's doing. I told him if he wasn't ashammed, I shoud be able to see what he's doing and chatting to. I caught him once though and read something that made me sick."
    he won't let you see what he's doing because he knows how you feel. it's the last corner in the world where he can be his true self. why should he allow you to tear down that world too? he's ashamed because that's how you and your children have made him feel. did you by chance, tell him of your disgust in what you read that one time? if you did, don't you think that would give him all the more reason NOT to share with you what he does online?

    "He was shaving his legs and chest and I hated it. I've now noticed that he doesn't do that anymore. I know he's really trying to keep our marriage together."
    he doesn't shave his legs and chest anymore for a reason. could it be you expressed your disgust in that also? he must have picked up something from you, or he'd not have discontinued doing so. again... he's trying so hard.

    i'm sorry, sad. as i said, it is not my intention to make you out to be the villian here... but do you see what you are doing? true, you've come here to find help. but i don't think you're looking for ways to learn what's going on with your husband, or to help him thru this - you're looking for validation for the disgust you feel. you want someone to tell you your husband is the sick one, he's wrong and you're right.

    he's doing so much for you by stifling his true character - something he's most likely been doing all his life just to keep everyone else comfortable and happy. you and your children don't consider that he's probably been miserable for most of his life. and it just seems to me that you're not concerned about how miserable you continue to insure that he is.

    i cannot, and never will, be able to know how you feel. but i DO know how your husband feels. right now, she's in the worst place in the world - trapped, confused, alone and hurting.

    please try to get to know your husband. you will find that she is the same person as she's always been.

    ya know, when i was a kid, i used to like taking left over boxes and packaging gifts with them. it's interesting to see a person's face when they tear the wrapping from the gift, see the box and expect one thing and find something else when the open the box. it's amazing the variety of emotions that pass over a person's face. but ya see, the gift inside is still a gift, no matter what the package looks like. you want what was on the box...disappointed with the actual gift.

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