UsernameOptional

Ya know... here's something that some of these ignorant, inconsiderate people should consider -- I worked with a guy who's LEGAL name was an obviously female name. His mother did not read or write very well, and she spelled the name she wanted to give her son the best she could. Just turned out that her misspelling was not only a real name, that name was spelled correctly, and it was a name for a girl. On the flip side of that coin, I met a woman who's father had wanted a boy so bad, that she ended up bestowed with the name her father had chosen for his son before she was born. Apparently, his word was rule and her mum had no say in the matter even though the much wanted son ended up being a girl. I have no idea how often these things happen, but it's proof that we are not the only ones that don't always have the gendered name that people expect us to have. Unless there is reason to believe there is illegal activity occurring, people need to learn how to respect people, and stop taking it upon themselves to try "educate" a person about his/her name. Anywhoooooooooo, years ago, I ran across something online where a lawyer somewhere had pretty much destroyed the traditional stand by courts to deny a person a change to a name that did not match their gender - I wished I had saved it. But no matter, to the best of my knowledge, no court can any longer deny a person a change to the name of their choice as long as the reason is not for any illegal purpose. Warren has recently legally changed his name and he has not begun any medical transition. You might want to check out three of his blogs about his name change (if you haven't already seen them). Perhaps he will even share with you the steps he took. Process may be a little different where you live, but the information might still be helpful. Frustrated but hopeful Chaos has Swallowed me whole MISSION SUCCESSFUL!!!

My biggest weight gain came after I retired. I was in a job that could be physically demanding, so I stayed in pretty good shape. Over the years I gained a few pounds here and there, but always remained pretty muscular. In my early 20s, I wore a size 31 jeans (despite not being over-weight, I've always had a bit of a belly), later a 33. I found, at least where I live, the only places I could find odd, or "in-between" sized jeans when I needed them were in western apparel stores. As for soda and cake...well, I don't drink much soda at all other than an occasion ginger ale. I never did like Coka-Cola even when I was a kid, and when ever I do drink soda, I usually water it down. I enjoy cake if it's there, but I don't go out of my way to bake them or seek them out at buffets. My biggest problem: GOOD FOOD! At buffets, I get a variety of foods for my meal - including veggies. For desert, I get more food. And then of course, I don't exactly get much exercise anymore. ::: sigh ::: I really can't offer any good dieting advice 'cause I really never had to diet. And now that I need to...I hate it. It's torture. All I think about is food. As a result... my attempts go bust within days.. Good luck with your weight loss... I hope you can do better than I have done.

Yeah...try not to let that woman's attitude get ya down. If she's like that to everyone... she needs to find another job somewhere else. Trans people don't need that kind of treatment. Way too many of us already have esteem issues That kinda crap certainly doesn't help things. And that business about being on HRT a year before you can get surgery has got to be bull... perhaps a requirement by the particular surgeon. I know of guys who have gotten top surgery within 6 months of being on HRT. And what about a person who can't do HRT for medical reasons? That mean a guy can't get top surgery at all? The way I look at it if a guy wants top surgery, he should be able to have it. If women can get boob jobs without having their heads shrunk, we should be able to get un-boob jobs! And like you... I want them gone BEFORE starting hormones, or before the hormones start making any changes. Besides... from what I understand, they make you go off HRT for surgery. Anyway... sorry to hear that the plan for the beach went down the drain. But hey... ya have the rest of the summer to make other trips to the beach. -Michael

Yep... I googled "Electra Woman," too. I also looked at the 1976 calendar to see why I couldn't really say I remembered the show. Seems it's regular timeslot was on Saturday mornings. Perhaps about the time the show came on, my brother and I might have been doing chores, or there were cartoons on that we preferred to watch.

A couple or three months ago, I discovered a new channel in my cable channel line-up, and in doing so, spotted "Starsky and Hutch" in the primetime programming. I hadn't seen it since it went off the air, though I did see the 2004 movie. I've been watching the 1975-79 show since then, enjoying the action, and seeing things I never saw before. What? I watched "S&H" religiously. I even remembered that the show, at least for a while, came on on Wednesdays. So why wasn't I able to sit back and watch the show and think to myself on occasion, "oh yeahhhh... I remember this episode!" It was like I was seeing each episode for the first time night after night. After about two weeks, I started googling stuff about the show - something you couldn't do back in 1975. How can someone who was such a fan, remember only the characters? Oh, and the opening theme song. I also liked that big cannon of a .357 Magnum that Hutch used. And I remember that brown and white cardigan that Starsky wore on occasion. I even had a similar cardigan. I loved that cardigan. However, show after show, I failed to recognize any of the episodes. Every so often, it seemed like a memory was about to be triggered. And eventually, there was a scene in one episode that I thought I remembered. Or maybe I just convinced myself that I remembered because it got to the point that I felt like I had to remember. I should remember. I didn't even remember the touchy-feely-makes-you-wonder-if-they're-gay-lovers-but-they're-always-after-the-girls kinda characters. After a couple more weeks of watching "S&H" reruns, and still not recognizing any of the episodes, I started wondering why. Yes, I liked Hutch's gun - I had a toy gun similar to his when I was a kid. And I liked Starsky's cardigan. Did I mention that I really like that cardigan? And that sweater I had made me sorta feel like Starsky. Then it hit me - I couldn't remember the show itself because of Starsky - I wished I was Detective David Starsky. With that .357 Magnum (instead of Hutch). That's why I can't really remember any of the episodes. When I watched the show each week, I apparently "stepped into the TV," pretending to be Starksy. I was the cop that got into shoot-outs, wild chases in that slick lookin' Torino, always lost out on the pretty girls to my partner. Hutch was annoying like that. Now that I'm older, and have found different ways to be me...I can sit back and watch "S&H" for the first time. But I guess somewhere deep down, I still sorta wish I was Starsky...

"She called me by my birth name over text (because she doesn't like to hear the truth when she asks my opinion, apparently). I corrected her, and her response was, "well it's not official yet!"" While I'm sure this probably stung, maybe it's not as bad as it seems. I questioned my brother's actions a few years ago, but members helped me pretty much see that he most likely really didn't mean anything. I think the biggest problem was that I called him on something, and he became defensive. That could be where your sister's comment, "well it's not official yet," came from. That doesn't excuse it, but it might explain it. "This is the most shocking because she has actually had diversity and sensitivity training with her job, which included an LGBTQ section and focused on transgender discrimination." Now that I've somewhat defended her... I will say this much about employer-mandated sensativity training: such training is not going to change someone who doesn't want to be changed. And really, I'm pretty sure that sending employees to sensativity training is just a company's way of covering it's rear, to make sure their employees treat "anyone different" respectfully. It's to cut down on grievances and possible lawsuits. Sensativity training normally is not elective. Too often, many people don't like being forced to go to them. And most of them see it as a challenge to their [sorry] character. Hopefully she'll come around. -Michael

Too cool. Too. Cool. Good Luck!

"...these days I am always wearing a nightgown and panties to sleep in. It feels good, right, comfortable. It eases my dysphoria, makes me feel better. It’s not erotic at all." Is it at all possible that somewhere in the back of "Marie's" mind, festers implanted misconceptions she's learned, picked up, heard, or been told in the past about crossdressers? And if so, if she was to learn and be able to allow reality to over-write all the bad she's heard, maybe she could be more supportive? "On previous occasions she has expressed her dismay and disapproval. And there’s no doubt in my mind that I would appear pretty odd to her when dressed in anything feminine." I've found that those who are in total support, and accept me as I am, have no issue with how I present myself. A good example would be my brother. He knows I wear a binder, he knows I pack, and he knows my packer doubles as a "stand-to-pee," but he treats me no different than he ever has. My Mum, on the other hand, does not particularly care for the way I dress, she has issue with my hair, and I think she has wondered what's up with my chest. She's not really one to bite her tongue, so I'm not quite sure why she's not asked me what up, except that perhaps she doesn't want to hear what she doesn't wanna hear. __________________________________________________ LOL... you worked that word 'redacted' in there. You go, girl!! -Mikey

I agree...it would be cool if you could get those suckers classified as medically detrimental. I just hope that if so, they will shave 'em all the way down. Too often, the most they will do is a "reduction." A shame the patient can't dictate how far to reduce. I guess if they reduce them enough though... then a good binder will work wonders. As far as that goes, a neoprene waist trimmer would work, and be a heck of a lot cooler. -Michael

That's too cool.

"Sounds like the counselor kinda lost control of the group. Or maybe she never really had control of the group since you say this Pamela woman has a reputation for acting this way." -- Daniella I had a similar thought... hopefully, the counselor has made amends by not only discussing this with Emma, but also by making sure dear Pamela doesn't assualt anyone like that again. -Mike

Emma - I think you had every right to feel like you were being interrogated, belittled, and discredited. And it's certainly understandable how she brought back feelings and emotions of a time that was not so happy. Pamela sounds very much to me like the type who believes that if you're not about to kill yourself, or castrate yourself, you are neither serious nor truly transsexual. She also reminds me of the type that believe there is no such thing as a different path for each of us - if you are trans, you will do everything within your power yesterday to transition. Pamela is just one person in the group. No matter where we go...there's always that one person. That one bully. Or that one butthead. It sounds like at the moment, you are the "youngest" of the group (not in age, but in experience), the vulnerable one, the kind she likes to prey on. Sounds like she's damn good at it too. I think maybe you have allies in other members of the group, and hopefully in the therapist. And of course, as Christie pointed out, you have TGG, too. -Mike

"And even though I know it’s something I’m supposed to fully understand, I’ve yet to uncover that fine line between transGENDER and transSEXUAL." Transgender is simply a "catch-all" term that puts transsexuals, crossdressers, and anyone else with any kind of gender differences or non-conformity into one big happy family. A transsexual is anyone who who has "demonstrated at least two years of continuous interest in removing their sexual anatomy and transforming their bodies and social roles," and unless things have changed, such a diagnoses does not hinge on whether one transitions or not, or is able to or not. In other words, just because someone has transitioned to include genital surgery, does not make him/her transsexual, and you "only transgender." The two terms are not meant to differentiate between one who has transitioned and one who has not (or cannot). I think a good majority of the people here (not including crossdressers and those who identify as both male and female, or neither male or female - just to simplify things), have had feelings of being "in the wrong body," or have identified with the opposite gender from a very young age. That in and of itself, makes us transsexual. You are a transsexual member of the transgender community. "I don’t feel like answering questions about my sex life regarding my transgender “lifestyle”. That’s like me walking up to a complete stranger and going “Hey, hows it going? You have blonde hair, cool! That’s so fascinating! Tell me, how exactly do you **** your boy/girlfriend?" I've never thought of this before, but it came to mind reading this blog entry. This just might stop people in their tracks. The next time somone starts questioning you, tell them, "I'll tell you all about mine, if you tell me all about your." Might work. Perhaps it will shock them to the point of not knowing what to say, and maybe cause them to be embarassed, too. -Michael

Hey Art... Sorry to hear that it sounds like your Mum will not be accepting of your true identity as a young man. For now it appears she may be unaccepting, but some people change after being smacked in the face with the news that someone close to them is trans. It is much easier to have someone come around to accepting you, than it is to feel accepted in the beginning, and then have that person turn his/her back on you later. If your Mum doesn't come around, at least it will have been no surprise. You said she's rejected you and doesn't even know it, but I can't help but wonder why she felt the need to mention to you the trans character in her soap opera. Do the two of you often discuss what goes on in this program? -Michael

Several years ago, I was watching one of those investigative-type news programs (20/20, for example). They had done a piece on bathrooms. Turns out, the most germ/bacteria-riddled area of the bathroom was the doorhandle/-knob on entry/exit door of the bathroom.

Pansexual P.S. If people on farcebook are gonna go all broke-brain at the possibility that a person might be bisexual... the heck with them. Why do they even need to know that you are, or might be, pansexual. Or for that matter... any sexuality. If none of them are attracted to you, and you are attracted to none of them, and there's no chance of any intimate relationships... it's none of their business.

Yup.. keep notes. Every day. Do it as soon as you get home from work. Or if you need to, make your notes as soon as you get in your vehicle before heading for home. I worked with a guy who kept a journal in his locker, and he wrote in that journal every afternoon when we were all in wrapping up the day. Emma is right in that we all have trouble recalling details. I kept daily notes for a few months once b/c I was sure that given the chance, my boss was going to claim I had not done the work assigned me. Thankfully I never needed those notes. But despite believing I remembered events, when I would go back in my notes to review or reference something, I would be surprised at how much I actually forgot so quickly. -Michael P.S. @ the "zip tie"

"P.S. Have fun tying the tie! They are hard to get used to, to get the lengths right. Give yourself plenty of time to repeat it until it's just right!" --Emma Work on it well advance of the day you need it. When you get the knot and the length just right... loosen it, slip it over your head, then drape it over a hanger and hang it up. Then, the day you need it, just slip it back over your head, and snug the knot. That works until you get good at it... or you find a woman (or man) who can tie your tie for ya... :lol:

I think another reason we are "under-reported" is that we're just not taken seriously. And that situation existed even before we come out. No matter how great the U.S. claims to be, or is believed to be, no matter how it preaches equality for all, females still are not as important.* Too many trans boys are considered nothing but tomboys. Think about it... if a boy says he wants to be a girl, everyone (including women) will bend over backwards and jump thru their skin and several hoops and loops to convince him he doesn't want to be a girl. They will do all they can to convince him of that. If a girl says she wants to be a boy, she's either told she's just being silly, or she's ignored, or she's patronized, or she's told all little girls want to be boys until they [reach a certain age], or boys are nasty. It's just not taken seriously. AND... when have you ever seen a trans boy/man post about his parents having tried to "beat the boy out" of him? Seems it's only trans girls that experience beatings at the hands of unapproving, unaccepting, homo-/transphobic parents. Quite often, females are raised learning that anything they have to say is insignificant, of little importance. Their voice carries no weight. Some, after a while, learn to just say nothing. *I read an article several years ago that indicated, even is the U.S., there are many more couples who decide not to have more children if their first born is male, as compared to couples who's first born is female. In more cases than not, if the first born is female, an attempt will be made to produce a son.

Well... it has been my experience that when these "claims" and accusations of inadequacy, ineptitude and attitude start coming out of the woodwork - suddenly, without warning, viciously and especially by more than one superior... they are trying to stack a case against an employee in an attempt to have good reason to fire the employee. Now...maybe this isn't the case. Maybe they are just "acting out," incapable of processing your gender identity. *Bullying you because they can...initiating confrontations when no one else is around, and later can relate the encounter they way they want to. But it sure smacks of the kind of thing I've seen, and have had happen to me personally. Luckily and ironically, an incident occurred that gave me the upper hand, and threw them off their game and began a scramble on their parts to cover their @$$es, leaving me alone... and I kept my job. *Sounds like bullying to me anytime you are not allowed to speak at any point during a meeting in which your performance is being addressed.

Ladies - Kristila mentioned that a member "was feeling down," and that "one of the things was that men are sending her unwanted friend requests and messages on social sites." I realize [in this case] that the unwanted attention was on another site, but I want to remind all of you, that if you receive unwanted attention here on the forum... please let a moderator know - we can't do anything about a problem if we don't know about it. Since this isn't a social network or site, we don't have to put up with that kind of activity. Unwanted contact, especially if the individual continues after s/he has been either ignored or asked to stop, is not tolerated. -Mike

Strange how support never comes from where you expect it, and springs up from places you never would have imagined. I don't mean to talk bad about your family, but I think your older sister is quite like many older sisters - they can be real b*#$%^s. That's why I was glad I never had one. Well, I do - a half-sister. But we did not grow up in the same household. And I'm glad. So, maybe it will just be her that will be a problem. If the rest of your family come around, her issue with you won't be so bad. I wonder if she's just stalling or blowing you off though (on behalf of your mum) considering she said she didn't want you around her kids until your "changes are made and final." Maybe she too, will be okay with you once you are transitioned. And yeah, like Emma said - you are Warren. Heck, even I cringe when I read your birth name. Not that it's a bad name. It's a fine name. For a girl. But I know how much I hate having to write my birth name. And to me...it just seems that all guys would be the same.