Brigsby

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About Brigsby

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  • Birthday July 12

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  • Gender Male
  • Location Toronto
  • Interests scrapbooking, card making, dog training.

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Brigsby's Activity

  1. Brigsby added a comment on a blog entry: Up To Hour 46 Post Op   

    Michael,
    in regards to why I wanted the inverted T method, which is also a benefit would be to preserve nipple sensation and less risk of nipple necrosis because the nerves and blood supply aren't severed.
    the thought of nipple necrosis freaks me right out! I have no idea what the cost difference is between double mastectomy with free nipple graphs and the inverted t.
    the other procedure I was looking at was the "fishmouth" because again, they don't sever the nerves and blood supply.
    My surgeon said she never uses drains in any of her procedures because they mostly cause dog ears which usually need unnecessary revisions later down the road. 
    Honestly, I hadn't come across any stories without drains either, so I was surprised when she said she didn't use them.
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  2. Brigsby added a blog entry in Brigsby's Blog   

    Up To Hour 46 Post Op
    Day one Post Op:
    Pain  and Mobility Expectation - To be too sore to live and need help with absolutely everything.
    Reality - I have taken my pain meds every 4 hours, and I am not in much pain, just a little sore. It's more of a discomfort.I am able to lift cups of water and pillows. I can't lift my arms higher than my chest muscles, but turn on lights using my head. I couldn't twist bottle caps off yesterday but I can tonight.
    Comfort (sitting, lying) Expectation - I wasn't sure, but was expecting it to be miserable and hard to get up and down.
    Reality - I first have to use my LEG muscles to sit on the edge of the couch and slowly scootch back. I have a "dead" neck pillow behind my low back, two firm pillows propping up my legs and a pillow under either elbow, plus a neck pillow. My caregiver needs to add these to my sitting situation. Bed is the same except I have a regular pillow under my back and a leg pillow sits slightly under my butt. If it's not there, I am not comfortable at all.
    Sleeping Expectation - I thought I'd be out cold for a week!
    Reality - The most sleep I have had in one batch was 2 hours and 16 minutes. Oddly, I am not that tired. As soon as I watch tv, I doze. I hear the show with my eyes closed, but not sleeping per se.
    Burping Expectation - None.
    Reality - OMG OUCH! Also,last night I thought I was going to vomit prior to every burp. I got the bucket ready, and just burped into it (Except once, which was just from eating an orange)
    Drain Tube Expectation - Not sure, but assumed there would be some.
    Reality - None.
    Bruising Expectation - Lots and dark.
    Reality - Minimal (but I guess it could get worse over the next few days)
    Recovery isn't as terrible as I thought it would be. I don't know what would happen if I wasn't taking my pain meds though. I saw my surgeon for follow up today, and the car ride sure sucked with all the bumps. My left nipple is still bleeding, she said thats normal. It also appears that I do have nipple sensation still, which was very important to me. She asked if I could feel my nipples, and I said no, so she came over and scratched me harder than I was doing and I felt  a tiny sensations. She said that would most likely come back stronger with time.
    The most odd thing about this experience is that a small portion of my bottom lip is numb, still 46 hours post op. It's from the ventilation tube.
    Honestly, the worst part about this entire experience was getting the IV put in. I have small  and curly veins, so they pricked me a few times. I was also expecting my hand to be bruised because if it, but nope, not at all.
    I guess if I had to give advice to anyone having (top) surgery in the future it would to be to work your core and leg muscles, because those are the ones you'll use to get up and down. Also, have a wide variety of sizes and firmness in pillows on hand.
     

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  3. Brigsby added a comment on a blog entry: Top Surgery Update   

    Thanks Briannah (did I remember the spelling of your name right?)
    In post op I asked for orange juice and she said bc of the acidity it's not a good idea with anastetic.  Last night approx 11 hours after I got out of surgery I had an orange and ginger ale ( I dont drink GA at all).. I only kept it down for about 45 minutes. My caregiver remembered what the nurse said about oranges. I forgot that interaction completely. 
    I don't know about avoiding before surgery, but hope that helps
    :)
     
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  4. Brigsby added a comment on a blog entry: Top Surgery Update   

     
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  5. Brigsby added a comment on a blog entry: Top Surgery Update   

     
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  6. Brigsby added a blog entry in Brigsby's Blog   

    Top Surgery Update
    I had surgery today and everything went better than expected. 
    I wanted the anchor-t or inverted-t method so I have an extra scar, but I'm alright with that. That's a whole other can of worms.
    i do find if I am trying to stay awake for a prolonged period of time, I get nauseous.
    Also if you have surgery in the future- stay away from oranges and orange juice, you will regret it!
    My family still have no idea I went under the knife today. I haven't spoken to either of them in a while. 
    I'm tired. I wanted to add pictures but don't know how. Could someone tell me how?
    Thanks.
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  7. Brigsby added a blog entry in Brigsby's Blog   

    My Secret Surgery
    I am having chest surgery in four weeks. I am super excited, and a little terrified.
    Nobody in my family knows.
    They're not supportive, and I don't want any passive-aggressive comments to bring me down.
    I'm sad that I feel I can't share this milestone with them.
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  8. Brigsby added a blog entry in Brigsby's Blog   

    How Do I Just Let Go of Family?
    (Because this is too long to get to the point, I added the end at the top, and the rest can be considered background information. Sorry it's all over the place)
    Basically, the reason for this post, yesterday my mom wanted to go out for dinner. She told me to be there for three so we could have an early dinner. By six, we still hadn't left for the restaurant, and at 6:30 my sister, bro in law and niece show up, for dinner too. Unexpected by me. By 8, we still hadn't left for the restaurant because they had a late lunch and weren't hungry yet.
    I am done with them, and their BS.
    I have tried to let go of all the negative memories from the past but I don't know how. And every time I see my family, I feel so drained and upset for days afterwards. I feel like I keep having the same discussions with them, and they change for a bit, but then it gets back to where it is just the same as when I was 10.
    -------------------------------------
    My whole family exists of three people: Grandma (who lives a few hours away), Mom and Sister (who is married and has a daughter). My dad died 4 years ago, and he was the glue that held us all together as a unit.
    When I was a kid, my mom was pretty crazy, throwing things at people for no reason, beating all of us, name calling. I am pleased to say she has mellowed out now with her crazy antics.
    My sister and I were never close. I always looked up to her, but she never wanted me around. She always belittled me, embarrassed me, beat me. As adults, we rarely talk. My sister still refuses to call me by my new name because it's "not legal" and sees nothing wrong with that. This was a few months ago, and I told her I wanted nothing to do with her until she apologized.
    Before my dad died, my parents, sister and brother in law would always go to ball games, go on "family vacations" and always had BBQ's. I would never receive a call asking to join them in anything. I would always hear about all the fun they've had together at Birthdays or holidays, or those rare times I was actually invited over.
    All of the birthday and holiday plans are planned around my sister and brother in law family schedules, and mine aren't even considered. I work with a different schedule every week, and that makes it difficult to plan things. Especially when I go out of my way to make sure I have the Monday off then all of a sudden, the in laws need to have that day, so family plans get cancelled, and I don't get to go after all. Or travelling with the baby is so inconvenient, but then they do anyway. Or the bro in law has a sports game he needs to watch/attend or play.
    The next "story" is one example of many similar situations.
    The Thanksgiving when I was in 10th grade, my brother in law's mom invited my parents to their house for dinner. My mom just said, "we've been invited to go, so you have to come up for something on your own." A few hours later his mom called me and asked if I wanted to join them, as she didn't realize I was by myself.
    I came out to my family as trans shortly before my dad died. Mom and Sister have a hard time respecting my trans identity,  they keep up the tradition of excluding me in planned "fun" things. We even made a plan to show up at the funeral home to view my dad as a family, and when I showed up 30 minutes early (to be sure I wouldn't be late), they were already in there. Two years ago, I had enough and completely cut them out of my life. Mostly, I just didn't answer the phone or show up for my mom's birthday, my birthday or Christmas.
    My mom had called me after midnight sometime in January and I told her how terrible I felt with the way they treated me. I got a lot of stuff off my chest. She "didn't remember" the bad things she did when I was a child. In fact she called me a "little prick for lying"
    The next week, she had a heart attack, and me being me, I showed up to the hospital for support. My mom and I made a plan to start fresh. I thought it was going pretty well too. I made a post here about when Caitlyn Jenner came out and her interview, and my moms reaction. Things started to look up.
    My mom has this thing where she will make plans with me to visit Grandma, but then cancel them for my sister. Mom doesn't drive the freeways, so she would need to be driven. She has made multiple plans to come to me, then I drive the 2 hour drive. We have never actually done it, because she tells my sister, then all of a sudden, sister is driving. Sister has no room in her car because of the baby seat. Did I mention, I don't have a car, so I can't get to see Grandma as much as I would love to.
    The last time this happened the bro in law had a baseball game on the day mom and I planned to go, and because of that they switched days completely, and my mom didn't want to go two days in a row (which I understand that), I blew up and told her I had enough of them dictating the dates of these events, especially since we already had plans.
    Basically, the reason for this post, yesterday my mom wanted to go out for dinner. She told me to be there for three so we could have an early dinner. By six, we still hadn't left for the restaurant, and at 6:30 my sister, bro in law and niece show up, for dinner too. Unexpected by me. By 8, we still hadn't left for the restaurant because they had a late lunch and weren't hungry yet.
    I am done with them, and their BS.
    I have tried to let go of all the negative memories from the past but I don't know how. And every time I see my family, I feel so drained and upset for days afterwards. I feel like I keep having the same discussions with them, and they change for a bit, but then it gets back to where it is just the same as when I was 10.
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  9. Brigsby added a blog entry in Brigsby's Blog   

    Rollercoaster of the CAMH experience & OHIP coverage
    I live in Ontario. We have a provincial insurance that covers doctor visits & surgeries (medical necessity, not cosmetic) Called OHIP (Ontario Health Insurance Plan). In order for Gender Reassignment Surgery to be covered under OHIP, you need to go through the Gender Identity Clinic (GIC) at Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH).
    In order for ANYONE in Canada to have GRS covered by their provincial health plan, they have to go through the GIC at CAMH, and the only ONE centre in the country is in Toronto. Yes, that's right, all of Canada has only one building that you must go to, in order to get assessed by a psychologist and a psychiatrist two times (4 visits) in order to tell if you are stable enough to qualify for GRS. Needless to say, the wait time is upward to 19 months - just for that process.
    I waited and went through this process. I didn't want to initially, because the CAMH program has horror stories of the way they treated patients, that asks invasive questions about your masturbation habits and kinks and other messed up stuff. My endocrinologist assured me that the GIC had an overhaul of doctors and the program standards had changed (which threw me off when I was asked these types of questions after all - which sent me into a two month depression spiral).
    There really is no public available information about the whole process and what to expect. The impression I had, was that you go through the 4 visits for the assessments, then they have a meeting and decide if you are stable. Then if you're approved, you get your funding letter. Then you find a surgeon, wait on their wait list and get the surgery. It used to be that only one doctor in Montreal (Brassard - who has now retired from FTM surgery and passed on FTM to Belanger) is the only doctor that performed surgeries in all of Canada that was covered through all provincial health plans. I'm not sure when this changed, but Ontario had made it so you didn't have to travel to Montreal. You could go ANYWHERE to any doctor who accepts OHIP.
    I was told on the phone that I had unofficially been approved a month before my final visits, I needed to attend the last set of appointments to finish the process. Excited, I called a lot of doctors (12) in Toronto, all of which told me that they do not accept OHIP coverage (but if they did, there would be a $7,400 privatization fee), or never returned my calls. I wanted to find a surgeon right away so I had a name to give CAMH, and was shocked that in the biggest city in Canada, zero doctors accept our provincial health plan benefits.
    At my final appointment at CAMH (last summer), the doctor said something along the lines of, "so you're going to Montreal then?" and that's when I told him my disappointment  of not being able to find a surgeon in Toronto, and the fact that I felt like I wasted my time, and that transparency is a huge problem because there is such a lack of information on what to expect going through the GIC (I actually recorded this appointment on my iPhone because after the questions about how often I masturbate, what I think about when I do, what fetishes I had, positions in which I have sex, I wanted proof of their treatment. I do plan on putting the audio on soundcloud when I no longer need my funding).
    So then, CAMH doctor told me that OHIP  has a list of out of country surgeons that they accept in the past, and if I find a doctor who isn't on the list, they need to make sure they can be approved. I asked if I could get this list, and no, I couldn't, it's not available. So I posed the question along the lines of, if OHIP has a pre-approved list of surgeons, why aren't they sharing it? CAMH didn't know. Long story short, I left super disappointed.
    So after about 4 months of being depressed and calling more surgeons in my area (that I could find through Google), I called CAMH back and said, sure, send me to Montreal, even though in my heart I didn't want to travel that far, I don't have the money to travel that far, and don't feel right about not having a physical consult because pictures aren't sufficient. This was in March. I got my OHIP funding letter and a package from the doctor in Montreal. I haven't filled it out yet.
    Last month, I *magically* heard about a doctor that *might* accept OHIP 20 minutes away. I had a consult with her, and she was disgusted with my story. She said she would submit the paperwork to OHIP so she could do the surgery. I told her that my worry was that OHIP would decline me because they already approved Montreal and I would have to wait until that letter expires, in two years. She looked me straight in the eye and said something like, "they're (OHIP) going to have to accept that this is unacceptable and the wait list is too long for that doctor in Montreal, nobody should have to go to Quebec for procedures." I don't remember her exact wording.
    I got a call yesterday confirming that the paperwork has been sent off, and it could take 3-6 weeks for a decision.
    For the first time in a year, I feel like I have a hope of actually getting surgery close to home, but I am still worried that it's not going to be for a while.
     
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  10. Brigsby added a blog entry in Brigsby's Blog   

    Becoming Us - Have You Seen It?
    BECOMING US (ABC Family) STORY LINE (From IMDB) In this unscripted drama, a teenager named Ben learns to live with his dad becoming a woman. The series will follow Ben, his family and his friends as they support one another through this unexpected journey and navigate their new world with Charlie now living as Carly.
    I'd like to know if anyone who has lived something of this experience has seen Becoming Us? I just want to know if this is like reality, or some fabricated show that spreads untrue stereotypes to people who are unfamiliar with the trans narrative.
    Unfortunately, I haven't been able to see the show yet (I am Canadian, so I can't watch it on the website, and can't find an external link) - but wanted an opinion, other than vile comments I've seen on their advertising, from people who can relate to this show.
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  11. Brigsby added a comment on a blog entry: Another week over...   

    I am thrilled that your meeting went well. It's always great to hear these success stories.
    Also, I am glad that you are comfortable enough in your own skin to go out in it, as is. This is comparing apples and oranges, but I remember doing "the girl" thing, getting all pretty to hit the bars, and feeling like it was just a ruse - saying it's like wearing on a "costume" makes a lot of sense to me.
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  12. Brigsby added a comment on a blog entry: Support Group...work update   

    I feel bad that the support group you went to wasn't what you thought it might be. I really know that feeling, and the disappointment! But I would keep going for at least two - three more times to get a real feel for the atmosphere. It really isn't often that someone famous shocks the world with their new (to the world) look and name.
    It's great to hear that your work is being supportive. I didn't know you were looking for another job, but I hope you don't have to anymore!
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  13. Brigsby added a blog entry in Brigsby's Blog   

    Media Representation
    It seems to me, that trans masculine representation is vastly lacking, in the media, in activism, in resources, and I am sure other areas.
    I guess what this rant is, is about one person.
    I used to follow a prominent trans woman feminist activist, but for my sanity, needed to distance myself. Since she gets a lot of media coverage, she's hard to avoid. As a whole, I don't really have a problem with her views, but there are things that piss me off.
    The main one is that she claims she's "one of the biggest trans activists" yet she fails to mention trans men for the most part. She'll quip that trans men receive little attention from time to time, but doesn't mention them in the media.
    Yesterday I asked her if she was going to mention trans men in a piece about poverty. Her reply was that an inter-sectional lens is space for trans women to discuss trans women issues.
    I'm sorry, but no. Trans men face poverty, housing issues, voice problems, discrimination, lack of dignity, harassment, violence, surgery, hormones, fear of using public bathrooms and many other issues as well.
    As an example, you know what trans men do not face - health issues such as prostate problems. The next point in my head was "facial feminization" but that negates pre-t trans men.
    By no means am I saying I believe this world provides equal treatment, and these issues are systematically to the same extreme for trans women, trans women of colour, trans men and trans men of colour. I am just saying that all trans people, have hurdles that need to be navigated and using the guise of an inter-sectional lens to silence trans masculine experiences is unacceptable. Especially for a trans activist.
    Just my opinion though. What are your thoughts?
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  14. Brigsby added a comment on a blog entry: YOUTUBE CHANNEL HAS BEGUN!!   

    Hey Warren,
    I like t-shirts that have large patterns on the front - my fav. is a Budweiser that has pool balls all over the front (circa 1993). This is such a good shirt because I can be unbound, and the balls distract from my chest. Granted, I never go out unbound.
    Large logos are ok, if they are straight over the whole bound part, but not if they go slightly below the underboob line, because sometimes shirts get stuck in the crevice.
    Tighter (or "normal" fitting) t-shirts aren't favorable for people with bigger chests who bind as well, because of the under armpit flab- ugh! That's when I'll layer with a button shirt - depending on the t-shirt (patterned or solid) is the deciding factor if it's buttoned or not.
    I also like vertical stripped button shirts over plaid, but if I were to wear plaid, I go for the plaid that's spread out more, than what you're wearing in your video. Simply because I am larger chested, shirts tend to cling to my underboob and I find the close plaid pattern accentuates this - where the larger plaid hides it more.
    Those are my pointers.
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  15. Brigsby added a blog entry in Brigsby's Blog   

    Thoughts on Caitlyn Jenner
    People have asked for my opinion about Caitlyn Jenner, and the Vanity Fair magazine, and all that stuff.
    First off, I am I am happy she can finally be herself.
    Secondly, I think she is beautiful on the cover of Vanity Fair.
    Ultimately though, I don't care and have no opinion. I didn't know who Bruce was before. The first time I heard that name, it was when they got into a car accident in Jan/15. That fact that Bruce won a gold medal or that he is associated with the Kardashians was something I just didn't know.
    I suppose if I had any other opinions, I don't think her journey reflects the average transition. She has money and can use it to pay for any surgery she wants without waiting for funding or saving up for it. However, the media doesn't care about that and tabloids are some people's only source for information. I think most cis people wouldn't do their research about transitioning to see what the true struggle is.
    Exposure isn't necessarily a bad thing, even if it's not completely accurate information because it at least gets people talking, and conversation opens minds to people who are not exposed to the topic at hand. Of course I would prefer it if accurate trans representation was more in the public view.
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