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Jessica

A blog by Jessicatoyou in General

  • Entries

    35

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    112

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    26,770

About this blog

Starting my life!

Entries in this blog

Ain't gonna purge NO MORE, NO MORE!

Okay, throughout my entire life, I have often accumulated various articles and many times, entire wardrobes of woman's clothing, shoes, make-up, wigs, etc. In my own privacy I dressed up, sometimes if only for a short period and other times for extended periods.  More often than not, I always had my "stash", which gave me much comfort in the thought that I would someday be able to transition and live my life of a woman without going back.  It seems that every time I had a "life changing event",

Getting Caught!

Well, knew then I just  had to check this out further.  During the next couple of years ( 7th and 8th grades) I found myself home alone for a few hours every day after school, and while others my age were home doing school homework I was doing my own "girl work".  Always had straight A's in school, never had to study  much, but paid close attention to a lot.  You might say both school work and girl work came naturally to me. My sister was 16 years old,  I spent whatever free time I could dressin

Picking Up the Pace a Bit!

This gal's been busy this past week😱.   Met my therapist for the first session last Friday, then right back to Boston to finish out First Event.  Wednesday, talked to my electrologist about scheduling something soon.  I found her searching the internet  long ago and was very happy to learn at First Event she was highly recommended and known. ☺️.  Tried to walk in, but no one was there, so called and left a message and she called me back same evening. I told her right off the bat I was transition

"Inner Circle"

Our "Inner Circle".  A comment about inner circle recently that caused me to ponder further the meaning of the "inner circle"  that each of us have.  I have heard of this term throughout my life of 64 years,  and also pondered it's meaning to me.  My inner circle presumably is comprised of my true self, my thoughts, actions, expectations, goals, fears, regrets, my coping mechanisms, accomplishments and failures, those good and bad things in my own psyche,  judged only by my own mind.  I guard mi

On again/off again- In and OUT

The next several, haha, fifty plus years, were rather routine and uneventful.  My female identity surfaced again at college, and I enjoyed sleeping in lingerie. That lasted a while until I graduated, got a job and married and divorced.  That was a tough relationship;  can honestly say I don't believe that had any thing to do with my female tendency. Put that on hold again until the very end.  I think I rationalized that I was born cisgender male and proceeded to work to succeed in my biologicall

I am no longer "Presenting Female" !

Since joining Td Guide and networking with many in the community and exploring much of the resource materials on transitioning, I've learned  of many of the terms used,  and obstacles and goals one encounters when transitioning.  One that stands out is "Presentation".  Presenting female for the MTF group of us and I assume the FTM group, too is a major concern and is kind of a Pre-requisite tor eventually achieving a full transition.  We often think we're too tall, too heavy, too ugly, There are

Different Kind of Day at Work

Last weekend was a long weekend off for me, Friday, Sat, Sun and Monday off from my "retirement"  part time job with a Medi- Transportation Co., picking up clients and bringing them to their medical appointments. Was looking forward to the continuity of being able to live life just as Jess, and I did just that.   By Monday night, I dreaded Tuesday having to return to boy mode and go back to work.  That evening, I got my text from the boss, also a business friend, for Tuesday's assignment asking

When you're transitioning, DON'T ALLOW Anyone to hide you!!

Rather by accident, I came across a situation which I felt I had to quickly address.  I have been out exclusively authentic 100% for several months now and have been expending a considerable effort to educate my sister (age 68) . brother (60), and elderly parents (89) on my transition.  I am very comfortable with it and I want them to have the opportunity to be comfortable too.  Over the last 45 years  we have had very little contact.  We talked over the phone occasionally (maybe 25 times over 4

Sexual Orientation and Relationships with Cis-women and Cis-Men

I have been on HRT now since April, and have simultaneously no longer presented male since one month prior to that.  Since I started,  some insight into my own thought process is developing when it comes to sexual orientation.  This is only me,  and may or may not be others' experience.  I was always heterosexual as a male, and with that I have never had a relationship with a male, nor was ever curious.  I fully expected to continue being attracted to woman right through and after post-op.  I mo

13 days vaginoplasty Post-op.

I have now been a member of the TG Forum since August 26, 2018 , just shy of 2 years now.  At that time, I recall distinctly, at 63 years old, it was time to really learn what it would take for ME to begin this process called "transitioning".  It was then that I stumbled upon TG Guide, a well managed support forum, consisting of members from all across the gender spectrum, some that just had many, many questions to those that had completed their physical transition. At that time, I had never met
Transitioning MTF

4 years ago, joining TG Guide was my first step to seek information about transitioning to determine if it was right for me.

Seems hard to believe, so much has happened since, but only 4 years ago I didn't have a clue what it was, this "thing called transitioning", but I was sure I was transgender.  I began my journey at age 64, and it will never end, to say the least!☺️  Much more to come.

Saratoga Pride

Saratoga Pride is an LBGTQ group outside of my hometown but close enough that I thought it would be worthwhile to check out.  I stumbled upon it from meeting Amy a few weeks ago.  They were having their annual dinner last night at a small restaurant/ pub, "50 South", just outside Saratoga, NY.  There was a rather small group there, about 30, less than I expected, not knowing what to expect, which also was good as it made for a more intimate setting.  (I give the restaurant a 5 of 5 on the food a

Must be we raised our son RIGHT!

Well. I had that long anticipated and dreaded "talk" with my son today that his Dad was transgender.  He's 23 years old; we're very. very close, and have gotten even closer since his mother passed away.  He works in a field that typically is full of "transgender bashing jokes", and has had very little if any exposure to the reality of gender diversity.  All he has heard comes from his peers who are equally clueless.  So, he came over today and I told him that I had something very important to di

18 days vaginoplasty Post-op.

I remember when I decided  to commit to a decision to move forward in discovering what was my authenticity.  And I knew I had a lot of things to discover!  It became an overwhelming feeling of truth and freedom.  That day and time for me came at the close of my first transgender conference, after which I then traveled to one of my favorite spots, Hampton Beach, New Hampshire, and gazed across the Atlantic Ocean to what seemed to me to represent infinity. I suddenly realized my life was about to

What's in a name?

I think names are significant.  I don't particularly care for labels, however.  But names we like, names we choose, those that "sound" good to us often have much meaning as to where we've been, whom we've met , where we want to go, what appeals to us, and what we would like to be, and says a lot about our own perception of our personality.     One of the first realizations that we are going to transition comes to us when we choose a name.  Some of us choose early in life, some later in life

Plan B

Well, had the day planned again with the house to myself all day and tonight, this time from 6am on. Figured I'd be ready in Jess mode early, by 8 or 9, and take off!💇‍♀️☝️    Know a couple of churches that are trans welcoming within driving distance that wouldn't know me and that was going to be my first stop.  Afterwards was gonna check out a couple of quaint cafe's in the same area I know and MAYBE have a light lunch, if I worked up enough guts after church.  I think I would have!  Have been

The end of " My First Event"

Well, I attended my first Transgender Conference this past week called the First Event held annually just outside Boston. It is the first and oldest conference for Transgenders in the United States.  Arrived Tuesday night even though it started Wednesday and ran through Sunday..  I didn't check out until this morning, Monday.  I'll start my blogs, of which there will be many more about it, from the end, because today could not have been made possible without my experience during the past week. I

The Official First Day of the Event

Wednesday was the official first day of the Convention, but not a whole lot was scheduled.  I woke early, took about 3 1/2  hours to get ready (which was record time for me at that point), and went down to the lobby to see what was going on.  Some people were just arriving, most were in their male persona, unpacking their luggage from their cars, all with an exuberant look in their faces and an excited attitude in their strides seeming so happy to finally be here.  I went to the restaurant in th

Second Day of First Event

Thursday was when people were arriving in groves.  I would estimate that attendance grew from 100 or more to well over 600.  Some workshops were scheduled; I attended  "Work it Girl! Posing to perfection." and "About Face The Alchemy of Make-up".  Both were well presented, I learned a lot that I use now.  I think my make-up has improved ten-fold from before.  Well worth it.💇‍♀️  after dinner, socializing in the lounge and lobby until the Dance party with DG Gregg.  Notably,  met Linda and became

GOOD FRIDAY! Third day of First Event

Well had a ton going on Friday.  When I came down for breakfast, the attendance had grown to 8-900,  I had heard.   All types of real people, flamboyant, discreet, flashy, cis-gender, bi-gender, cross dressers, transitioning in all different stages,  many final, many their first time out, (like me).  Young, senior, ( I was gonna say old, but none of us are old), shy, outgoing, all different in many ways but we were the same our whole lives, just hadn't met each other.  We were about to, though! 

Saturday and the Banquet

Saturday morning, slept till 7!  Ugh.  Got to jump up and fly getting ready in time to help at The Closet clothing boutique. Need to go to breakfast first, too, Always meet somebody new there and really look forward to it and enjoy it.  Forgot to mention, yesterday, met Erin at breakfast.  She seemed kind of shy , so I asked her to join me. (I hate to sit alone...most of the time).  From northern Maine, not a place where she can be out easily.  An hour talking over breakfast and yet another frie

The Keystone Adventure

Last week I had an opportunity to attend my second Transgender Conference in Pennsylvania; having only attending my first just 8 weeks earlier in Boston.  I hadn't really definitively planned to, but another TG member offered to share the cost of accommodations at the Convention Center and the schedule fell in line with my planned travel from Florida to NY.  My first Event, in Boston, appropriately billed as The First Event, was a big test for me.  Having preparing for many years to step out in

Affirmation

My last blog was last July and it seems like a lifetime has passed.  I apologize and will try to blog more about my transition, as it is one of the most successful and joyous experiences I have been fortunate enough to take on. I owe much of that to those that have systematically blogged about theirs before me.  This quick post is about Affirmation.   The question came about, "Do you remember if or when you were baptized?" I don't remember, but have been told I was and subsequently

Where do I Start?

I have always known that I would be transitioning at some point in my life; just not when.  That question has been answered and become quite evident to me within the past year.  There are many reasons why it took so long but that really doesn't matter now.  I don't have any regrets until now as I've been blessed with a good and fulfilling life except my only regret is I did not go after it many, many years ago.  Think it would have been even more fulfilling. Things were soooo different in the 70

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