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Blackangel Happenings

A blog by Blackangel in General

  • Entries

    35

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    80

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    492,434

Entries in this blog

Blackangel Happenings

Education is all but illegal in America

Where did we go wrong? How did we devolve into such a state that simple education is threatened by bigots? History and science are all but gone from the entire curriculum. Kids today will have no clue what a chromosome is, or what the civil war was. This is one of the most sickening times in recent American memory. There was even a man who wanted to eliminate math for being “woke”, whatever that is. When I was a kid, they didn’t hold back. They told us what American history was like. And they di

Dying Inside More Every Day

Every day I get lower and lower in spirits. Life is increasingly less valuable to me. I don’t know what to do. I know suicide does nothing but pass the pain on. I don’t want to do that to her, but I’m wearing down so much that I’m starting to lose the will to go on. Star stopped me long ago, but he’s no longer here. I feel like I have absolutely nothing left to live for. Love is an illusion anymore, it seems. The more I think, the less I have to find happiness in. I’m not materialistic. I have w

Don't want the truth? Don't come to me.

I speak my mind. I always have. That has upset a lot of people too. I don't sugarcoat or beat around the bush. I hate it when people do that. I don't want people to do that with me, so why would I do it with them. I don't care if it's going to hurt my feelings. The only way I can grow and improve is with the unaltered truth. If I try to sing a song, and sound like I'm going through a garbage disposal ass first, then for the love of the Gods, tell me. But if you want me to sugarcoat something, it
Blackangel Happenings

Constant Shootings

This country has gone completely loco. It used to be really rare for a shooting like we see now. Especially school shootings. Now they’re almost a daily occurrence. It seems that the most dangerous ages to be are from 3 to 9 years old. Children are in extreme danger anymore. If I was a parent, I would find the money to pull my kid out of school and hire a tutor. It seems that’s the only way to keep kids safe.    Why the hell is this happening? That’s what I want to know. I’m also wonderin
Blackangel Happenings

By the Gods, I hate me

I can’t stand this anymore. I hate myself so much. I hate myself because I’m crippled. I hate myself because I’m poor. I hate myself because I was the bottom of the bottom class. I hate myself because I’m transgender. I can’t stand anything about myself anymore. There is nothing redeemable about this worthless corpse. I don’t warrant any kind of self worth. So many times I feel like leaving and going back to living on the streets. Dumpster diving for food. Filling up 2 liter bottles for wat
Blackangel Happenings

Broken Mirrors

I don’t know what the purpose of this post is. Maybe none. I don’t know who, what, or where I am anymore. I look in the mirror for help, but there is no one looking back at me. I don’t know how to make sense of what’s going through my head nonstop. A little further. Stop. Turn around. Stop. Full steam ahead. Stop. Where the hell do I go if none of those directions are fulfilling? Who am I? I wish by the Gods I could answer that. Am I the same loser I always was from my first memory until th
Blackangel Happenings

Another disease to add to the list

I've had an open sore in my armpit for about 2 months now. Dermatology has, until a couple days ago, been unable to explain it. Finally I saw a different dermatologist, and was able to get a diagnosis. I have an autoimmune disease called pyoderma gangrenosum, or PG for short. It's a disease that attacks the skin and opens up ulcers that are extremely painful. Having had to experience it, I can definitely say that they are painful. If I move my right arm at the shoulder, it feels like the skin is

An Unexpected Savior

Some years ago, before I met my wife, I was homeless. I spent 3 years on the street with nowhere to go. I lived in an old abandoned feed mill. My egg donor and female DNA match only lived a few blocks from me, but neither would take me in. During that time I was alone. Virtually. Where I was staying there was an old pile of sawdust and grain. It was about 6 feet high and probably about 12 feet wide. There was a colony of rats living in it. I would say close to 100 there. I knew that they would t

A Sad Realization

I'm watching Family Guy on Hulu right now. In the episode the guys are texting. Joe texts a video of a guy in a wheelchair going up a ramp real fast, doing a backflip, and landing it. I looked at my chair, which is a powerchair, and thought, "There's no way this could do it. This thing's too heavy. Then I realized what the situation I'm in is. I'm in a wheelchair because I can't walk. I'm 38 years old and have been in a wheelchair for 2 years now. I'm 38 and in a wheelchair. I have Myo

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