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Dying Inside More Every Day

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By Blackangel

· 1,650 views

Every day I get lower and lower in spirits. Life is increasingly less valuable to me. I don’t know what to do. I know suicide does nothing but pass the pain on. I don’t want to do that to her, but I’m wearing down so much that I’m starting to lose the will to go on. Star stopped me long ago, but he’s no longer here. I feel like I have absolutely nothing left to live for. Love is an illusion anymore, it seems. The more I think, the less I have to find happiness in. I’m not materialistic. I have what is a requirement to sustain life physically. Shelter, food, water, clothing. But that’s not what is missing. My own parents hated me. Adrianne’s parents hate me. My neighbors look at me in disgust and I don’t even know their names. I’ve literally never had a friend. 
 

I look at life and it holds nothing. There is nothing. It may pass the pain on, but at least mine would end.

 


 

That clip sums it up exactly.

 

 

 

6AE1877A-CB76-429D-B55B-1E82304307D8.jpeg

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    MonicaPz

    Moderators

    Dear Jennifer,

    Must confess that starting May 1st, that the COVID-19 crisis started to get to me. Had gone a month trying to be independent of my 2 friends taking me shopping and I was forced to ask my youngest brother for help (I learned he had not gone to the grocery store for over a month, he orders instead. Thankfully, his wife shared how she does this). Last week, I requested my 2 friends help, and they came through for me. Am accepting help from the food bank, and they have been very kind to me. Have food stamps and money, the problem is I don't drive due to epilepsy. Buses and cabs are shut down.

    Sadly, with little to distract me, I found myself stewing over my poor relationship with my 3 brothers and half brother.

    Wish I could give you advice, but what I am doing is that I am taking online courses, webinars and I am on YouTube a lot.

    Also, I really like the new TGGuide Zoom peer support group. Jennifer, please come back next Sunday. The updated link is on the post.

    Focus on the people who care for and love you, like your Beloved. Don't drive her away. Ignore the turkeys.

    Try to have something to look forward to do every day. Am trying to fill up my paper calendar and Google calendar (with reminders), because if it doesn't get written down, it gets forgotten!

    You have real friends here at TGGuide. 

    We are here for you.

    Your friend,

    Monica

     

     

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