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General

Featured Entries

Transgender Bloggers Wanted: Share Your Journey

Create your own blog at TGGuide.com. It's FREE and you can start right now. Some people blog as a sort of journal to share our thoughts, feelings, experiences and insights. Others blog to express opinions on social and political issues. Others blog to share their knowledge and experience with others. Go ahead. Express yourself! Others may be grappling with issues you blog about and your words could provide useful insight or answers. Here are some blog topic ideas to get your creative juices f
  • Lori

Morning moment of confusion.

Nikki made a comment while I was plague moaning(I'm really whiny when I'm sick, I confess), that he'd been planning to spend all day until the gaming event tonight in girl mode, but me being sick required boy mode and I'd ruined his plans (In a joking manner, I don't think there was any resentment).  My response, after he figured out the words because my voice is cracked up, was "Does girl mode preclude me getting fed and taken care of?"  HIm: No... Me: Then what do I care?  Just gimme something

Nikki did it

He took our conversation seriously and rallied round when the guild teasing turned to me.  I'm so sick I just wanna hide and he was all nope we're leaving Bree alone tonight she'll play with you guys next week.  It was a great practice start.  Love my Nikki.  Wanna collPse quietly in a corner.  Germs you win.  I surrender.  

The germs have invaded

Awake stupidly early.  Spent much of yesterday sleeping or cuddled up in the blankets next to Nikki who was watching movies after the meltdown.  So we're both on this new supposedly low dose blood pressure medication since we're minority's but consistently above the normal range.  And my camel status has been officially revoked to a degree that is crazy.  So between waking up at four am again or explode all that sleep and I feel really bad is not letting me get back to sleep.  And my voice is go

The One LIngerie buying rule for Nikki.

Okay, I did set ONE rule for the sexy time stuff.  (and teh same common sense financial ones that i live buy, but that is just even marital treatment).  If he is buying something like that for him, he buys something he wants to see on me.  (It's sort of an extension we used to have on video games, so no one was unhappy by not getting things they wanted and it was kinda fair, only he won that by default because they stopped making the kinds of games I like en masse).  Yes, I'm totally going to ri

Girl Mode and Boy Mode and where am I right now?

Am I a girl trapped in a man’s body? That was the question that was plaguing me for so long and that I thought I had the answer to, but I was also really struggling with it because my experiences and feelings didn’t fall in line with what I was seeing from other people in the community. I knew I felt like that some days and some days I didn’t at all. And I realized when I got saddled with working hours that didn’t fit with Bree’s and my depression flared up because I didn’t get to be around her

Great now there is a Bree problem in the mix.

So as some of you know i sort of went on an obsessive research binge to understand transgenderism in general and specific to what is needed to make my marriage successful.  Only what isn't showing is that I'm still almost obsessively researching the social aspects of this.  And I do mean almost obsessionally.  And my friend M asked me why I'm stuck in this, and things gestalted.  I have a huge problem in this marriage that has nothing to do with Nikki's transgenderism, but is being triggered by

Unrecognized

Last week I came home, get out of my car and my neighbor is with her sister. The sister lived here about five years ago and lived right next door to me while i prior to my transformation.  So I chat with my neighbor and her sister doesn't say anything to me so I believe she does not approve of my transformation. Today my neighbor informs me that her sister had no clue who I was and had asked her "what happen to Kevin", she replied "Karen was Kevin", her jaw dropped and responded with "I would ha

That weird moment...

when you're browsing transgender oriented stores for your mate and suddenly are considering things for yourself too.   Is this something like what Nikki feels shopping on the woman's websites?  That this stuff is nice, I'm not the intended clientele, but dangit I want to wear some of this.  Then I trip over my own social paranoia like I'm not supposed to take these items and wear them, they're not meant for me, and then I realize wow, that is a silly feeling if the whole idea of embracing this n

Emma to Self: "Be Patient"

Last Thursday I saw my therapist. I was pretty distraught, with a shaming weight crushing my chest because I so often feel so anxious for approval, affirmation, and when it's delayed or I don't receive it, I go to my dark place where I'd just as soon fold up my tent. It's a cycle that's been with me forever and I'm very ashamed by it. Sure, maybe that seems silly to you dear reader, but I get so defensive and I feel so needy.  It feels like feelings I simply should not have and since I do so int
  • Emma

Surreal thread I read here.

I was scrolling around in the crossdresser's forum to get more familiar with the topics discussed since the more Nikki talks the more he 'fits' the category at this point in time, so I wanted to learn more to help him be his best her on those days.  And I ran into this thread, and it's surreal.  I understand all the view points, but I realize so many things. My insane life experience has made me uniquely qualified for this moment with Nikki and for once is a plus.  I believe I dealt with the 'co

Valentine's Day Fun and thoughts

So last night was interesting and fun. I do admit I have certain kinks and my wife knows about them, but last night we decided to incorporate a number of them together for some Valentine’s Day fun after going out to see a movie and hanging out chit chatting through the evening. It was kind of an amazing thing and I loved that we were both able to connect over them in a way that we both got a lot out of it. This isn’t necessarily something she and I have ever approached before and most of that is

Valentine's Day, Part Two

So after the movie we started talking, and I realized that Nikki has made an extremely comfortable place for me in this.  Which is both wonderful and truly scary.  I'm included in his personal world where no one has been, and actively participating in the practical demands and the emotional ones.  I'm finally at the level of closeness to him that was just slightly off, and I had started to think maybe I had internalized too much social romance culture and didn't exist and was doubting myself tha

Valentine's Day and Shiny Improvement

So since Nikki was gone all morning I called my friend M and binged like a madwoman on catching up and going over our recent marital issues.  It was a great reality check for me, I reacted extremely because my bond with Nikki was threatened by the unknown, her bond with her husband was actually severed by his choices(nothing to do with anything like what Nikki is going through, think really badly handled midlife crisis choices).  And then when he realized his mistake, now he suddenly cares and i

Tempus Fugit

I haven't been around for a while (sorry!) because I've been burying myself in work (lot and lots of it) and in other stuff, to occupy my mind, or to distract myself from unwanted thoughts to be more precise. Been doing a bit of training for ATH (Action for Trans* Health) here in the UK - training to become an Advocate. I'm also volunteering for the Trans* programme at the LGBT Foundation here in Manchester, so I have been spending a fair amount of time hanging around the LGBT Foundation headqua
  • JayM

Nervous.

So today is kind of a scary day.  Were supposed to meet up with a mutual friend who has agreed to talk to Nikki about her childhood abuse, since they suffered similar pain.  I"m terrified for Nikki.  He's already stressy and nervous, and this will be the first time he's ever going to try talking to someone more than a brief "this happened" sort of thing.  He's doing this form himself, not for me, not for any advice, but because he wants to sit face to face with another human that shares his life

The Artist in Me

Hello again! As I stated in my previous blog, I werent exactly finished, haha! I have been working on more artwork in both the mandalas and other art pages and I fully enjoy doing them. It's very addicting! I had mentioned to our doctor that we're no longer taking our anti-anxiety or anti-depressant medications anymore because we dont feel that we need them anymore. When she asked what we were doing to help our anxiety instead, we explained that we've been doing Adult Coloring Books and other ar

Bravery

TRIGGER WARNING: Self harm mention, Self harm recovery Good Evening again, ladies, gentlemen and mythical beasts. Today has been fairly productive (this week actually) and I finally am able to sit down and do a bit of blogging. Thankfully I am able to report that the reason for my ability to blog right now is due to the wonderful new arrival of new keyboard keys on the laptop. The old one made typing extremely frustrating due to several keys not working, but Ren ordered a new one and his sister-

Out for the night

So I went out to a party tonight with a friend and made some more ... lately I have been introducing myself as Luna and its been great to hear that name when people introduce me... sure the pronouns thing is taking some work cause unless some one explicitly says she her everyone assumes I am male.  It's okay though one thing at a time ... i went out to a party had some wine and got to go shopping picked up a thing or two and just generally had a good night.   Hope everyone else is well too.  I a
  • Luna

Winter's Day

I am so cold.  My job is cheap with the heat, and I sit by a window.  And I"m in the middle of a mass of office equipment, so a space heater is not practical.  So I'm freezing cold, struggling with the four new steps they decided to add to an overly complicated invoicing process on a day when apparently the pricing dude decided not to deal with it so I have two weeks backed up.  Stressed out.  SO...Nikki had mentioned girl mode today and playing with the clothing and the forms, so I told him to

Relaxing day... mostly

Spent most of my afternoon lounging with Bree both in our computer room and spent some time upstairs. Worked on trying to figure out a few things in my 3D program without success and am now just enjoying raid night with the guild.  Today has just been a t-shirt, gym pants and the bra and breastforms kind of day.  I did use the nair this morning to remove my chest and stomach hair. If I'm ambitious I'll get my legs tomorrow. Bree is absolutely right about the smooth skin having much more sensat

Forewarned to fore-armed

I have been around a few people at various points in their journey and watched several specials on true stories of transitioning and come away with a not so surprising conclusion. In most cases when a cisgender male who is married to a cisgender female comes out to her where she is accepting until he sets an hard date for gender reassignment surgery 99 percent get the eye's wide open thing going on, "he is really going to do it", "No more cisgender sex", "Wait a minute, I did not sign on for thi

Good day.

Today is a very laid back day.  We stopped in at the doctors office to follow up on my lab work since I didn't get the call that the order was put in (The computers were dead at our doctors the day we went, my prescription made it the pharmacy but Nikki's didn't, they were struggling so hard) and no one called like they said to tell me I could go in whenever.  And sure enough the order wasn't in the computer, so the receptionist left a note for our doctor to enter it.  And follow up making sure

Let's talk breats forms.

So the new full prosthetic breast forms Nikki and I picked out arrived.  Visually, they're perfect.  But I think I just got hit in the face with expectation vs. reality.  I was expecting totally different tactile feel.  Think...um....silicone real feel marital aids.  The plastic on the outer edges weirds me out.  Both in the one he got me to wear so I actually fit properly into a bra and his.  I'll adjust, but really, what is with the creepy plastic?  Wouldn't people, both those who don't have t

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