Hello Judy and welcome to TGGuide. It sure sounds to me like you're transgender, which is a reason you're drawn to study and consider what it is to be a woman. 

It's perfectly okay to crossdress on occasion to make yourself feel good. The point is to help oneself manage their dysphoria. For some (many?) cross dressing is all that they need. Or maybe it's all they can do at this point in time so it's much better and satisfying to do than try to go on without it. And of course there are many who find that crossdressing isn't enough for them, and they eventually go on to hormones and surgeries. 

The main thing to be aware of and accept is that being transgender isn't a choice. Also, it's not something that can be "cured", it's not a disease, and it's not going away. We are born this way and like people who are left handed or blue eyed, we deserve the same love and respect as anyone else. 

So I'd ask you: what is your awareness of transgender, yourself, and your acceptance of yourself? It can be hard to go through all this, it sure was for me. If it is for you, have you considered seeing a therapist? It helps to talk about this with a professional, especially therapists who are aware of gender concerns.

Please look around TGGuide, learn, and post your thoughts and questions. We are all happy to help in any way that we can.

Emma

Thanks so  much for your support. I am looking for girlfriends in NJ. If you know of anyone please let them know of me.

Ah, I grew up in NJ.  I miss it hugely, but not the cost of living.  I would go back in a heartbeat if it wasn't so crazy expensive! 

Well hello there Briannah, whereabouts ? Thanks for stopping by.

I grew up in Piscataway, then lived for a couple of years in Plainsboro after graduation and a brief time in Heightstown before I moved to Ohio to get away from crazy ex.   I really miss it, there was this little mom and pop pizza place across from Quakerbridge Mall that had the BEST CHEESESTEAK EVER!  It's called Red Moon Pizza if it's still there and you're in the area.  We spent a lot of time at Sandy Hook beach, but then changed to Island Beach State Park.  I know everyone loves Seaside Heights, but I liked a somewhat quieter beach.   

Bree,

Piscataway, NJ, is the international headquarters of the Institute of Electrical and Electronic Engineers (IEEE).

Monica

Not surprisingly, I don't really remember thing.    I was only 20 when we left it, and engineering sadly was not on my radar.  I do remember Johnson's Park, and the village on the end of it with the Really Old houses they preserved.  There was a racetrack for horses too, but I'd never even once managed to see it used for actual racing, just one or two horses getting excercises.  The mall used to be great (now it's kinda gutted and weird) and we all hung out there a lot, eating Bavarian Pretzels, browsing the record store (how excited we all where when it flipped from a small store front to a huge one across the way!), movies, and this neat little nautical theme gift shop called Poopdeck Galley that weirdly also sold plush puppets and is where I got my two gorgeous dragon puppets!  They had a great bookstore too, I spent hours in B. Daltons back in the day.  LOL  We also hung out at the library a lot, there were to, but we mostly hung out at the JFK one way out by the school, until they moved the New Market one from this TINY store front to a big building actually built to be a library.  It was right near the Carvel, so we used to get ice cream then go hang at the library, no parents!  LOL And there was this little park called Columbus Park near my freind Lisas, they had handball courts we used to spend a lot of time just practicing with tennis balls.  We never really did learn the rules of that game, only tennis. 

I miss home.