Dear Karen,

When someone is loud and unkempt, trans or cisgender, male or female, Straight or Gay, this could mean low self-esteem, under the influence, or mental illness, especially if you recall them in times past as "well put together." You are wise to back off graciously in public, as this person could create an unpleasant scene.

The time to give such a person support is in private, but I would not go into their home or invite them into yours. Your personal safety is paramount.

This really brings home the point that a person can change dramatically, even in a short period of time.

Your friend,

Monica

To me what you described is the classic Ugly American. Trans or not they have little regard for what is appropriate behavior. Like talking on their cell phone (or worse, via Skype on their laptop) in a coffee shop they aren't aware of the social cues or just don't care.

Regardless, I agree completely with you, Karen, that part of becoming ourselves is to be a woman. Lots of models to choose from of course! I'm not saying we need to be delicate flowers or anything like that, but to be accepted as a woman especially by cis women means occupying our space similar to the way they do. 

As Monica suggested, perhaps in private over a glass of wine or coffee, I'd advise your associate to be observant of how women are dressed, carry themselves, and interact with men and women, and model their behavior accordingly. Have fun with it. It's like learning a new language and in most cultures natives just love it when they see us trying to make an effort. 

There are some trans people (cisgender as well) that I don't care to be around because they become a spectacle everywhere they go, whether through appearance, mannerisms, speech or behavior.

I agree we should be free to live our lives however we want, but the reality is different. 

Thanks for the comments Emma, Lori and Monica!!!

Was your friend bothered by any of this?

​Hi Chrissy, no she was not because she has mental issues that blocks this from happening.

yea i think that ppl think that just because trangender is on the headlines that its ok and acceptable and most time its not. some of us are forced to just adapt to environment and cant be who we are. it sucks becaus i feel like im alway going to be trapped in this. i go back and forth between confindent and security minded. i try to relax but i no the state of my life and where im at. its hard to try move byond this. having to go back and forth between two identities is hard but i do it because i dont want to get killed. it bother me a lot. my friend say its ok to just be a girl, but my confidence goes from high to low quick if someone say something. half the time i forget to act like a man when im dressed like one which im sure come off strange to ppl but that my inner confidence coming out. i feel like im in this halfway state at all times a hybrid and i hate it. no one will say anything to me. tonight i went to the store and this two guys were talking and get quiet and then one of them like, no thats a f----ing girl. and i just kept walking but then i come back to my neighborhood and my roomie has told everone im a man so i have to dress the part here and it make me uncomfortable espeically when she want to talk about my laundry items outdoors with the neighbors listening. top it all off, now im having the breasts which great except summertime coming and i dont no how that going to go over with everone thinking im a man where i live.

Dear Kitrah,

You have a right to be concerned/afraid and my suggestion is to come out slowly, and to do your research before coming out, by reading all you can on the topic as well as quality counseling.

Suggest you as others here how they came out as transgender.

In my case, I came out as a Lesbian over a period of time with a lot of support from the T/LGB community.

Yours truly,

Monica