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As the Pink Fog Clears


Emma

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The "Pink Fog" (aka, Gender Euphoria) is something many of us experience as we come into our transgender selves. It feels great, similar to the infatuation of a new love interest. For me I've wondered at times if I'm chasing it which brings up worries that I'm following something akin to the path of an addict instead of my true nature.

This came up for me yesterday morning when I read a story in a friend's blog of a 20-something AMAB person who got so caught up in his being a somewhat effeminate gay man that, with encouragement and advice, he transitioned socially. After some period of living as a woman (a year?) he decided to detransition. Thankfully he'd not embarked on only permanent changes. He now lives comfortably as a somewhat effeminate gay man. 

Later in the morning I was working on my house, finishing doors, installing shelving, that sort of thing, wearing of course my old Levi's 501's (no point in staining my skinny jeans!) and a sweatshirt, my hair in a ponytail. My gender was nowhere on my mind but I contemplated that story. I was comfortable doing my work. Dara Hoffman-Fox has made the point (which I agree with) that just because we like "masculine" activities such as motorcyling, woodworking, etc., that's perfectly okay for women. I reassured myself while doing the work. 

In the early afternoon I changed my clothes to go out for some errands, including a run to the lumber store. I dressed in my skinny jeans, a form-fitting REI top, earrings, and a little lipstick. I felt good about myself as I drove to the stores. In Trader Joe's I ran into a woman checker that I've gotten to know a little in one of the aisles. She'd just gotten off work. We talked for ten minutes, she's lesbian and about to be married, I'm trans, we share worries about Trump/Pence/Pompeo/Sessions, that sort of thing. She accepts me, we connected and reminded each of other of our names. At the lumber store a man who often helps me assisted me in selecting moldings and as he was ringing me up a woman checker (who happens to be lesbian) I've also worked with there came over to join our chat. I showed them a photo of closet doors I've built out of spruce. 

Still later I made a spur of the moment decision to walk to a local restaurant for one of my favorite things: reading my book while enjoying a hot chocolate with brandy. The manager's a woman I've gotten to know a little who's very friendly and appreciates the small amount of business I bring to them. 

Every day is my "transgender day of visibility." I don't think I look bad, and sure I'd like to pass much better. I stopped wearing foundation several weeks ago. I wore it before almost like a badge to add clarity that I was presenting as a woman. I guess it worked but of late I don't think it's necessary and is a hassle to remove.  Like a pretty dress I save it for special occasions. (I'm such a sucker for pretty dresses. I can't resist!)

At the end of the day it remained clear to me that transitioning to female was absolutely the right thing for me to do. I feel good in my own skin and I think I have a joy that encourages people to connect with me. I feel a thrill when I get gussied up and that's perfectly normal. I also feel good when just going out and about. 

And that's the whole point, right?

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Dear Emma,

Love your woodworking.

Also like motorcycling and woodworking.

Gender is not determined by what you do but how you carry yourself as you do it.

We all are in process of finding our voice.

Out of HUNDREDS of transgender people I have known through the years, I have known only three who detransitioned, one of which was me.

Consider your friend a very courageous person, as sometimes there is a lot of pressure to transition.

Emma, take your time, and you will find your voice!

Your friend,

Monica

 

Edited by MonicaPz
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Dear Emma,

Was surfing YouTube, and came across a very sensitive video about a young man who transitioned, then detransitioned, and then transitioned AGAIN.

If you go to YouTube, and search "detransition," you will find his story (very positive), and others.

Your friend,

Monica

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That is indeed what it's all about :-)

When you mentioned not wearing foundation every day anymore I thought about my decision last July to stop wearing wigs - it was such a liberating experience. I don't regret having worn them, I think it's what I needed to get where I was going.

But more broadly I like the idea of not everything being about gender - lately more of my activities at school have centered around criminal justice reform, which is a more important issue to me (not that gender isn't important of course), and I like that fact that I get to do those things and feel comfortable doing them as myself - things that I wouldn't have even considered doing back pre-transition

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Bravo Chrissy on ditching the wig! I did that too early on. Too hot, uncomfortable, expensive, hassle... I do longingly observe cis women’s smaller foreheads, fuller temple hair. But I have what I have and consider myself fortunate for that.

I also agree that being trans and all isn’t everything. These days I just enjoy being out, nicely dressed (appropriately). Today I wore a nice day dress and purple tights as I wanted to look nice as I went to court for a judge to legally change my name, which he did. Then, I did errands, got new passport photos taken at Costco, and attended a variety show this evening. I was a tad overdressed for that but it’s better to be over than under dressed!

I look forward to picnics, camping, hiking, this summer. Just out and about.

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