I think younger people who grew up with the Internet certainly have a different set of experiences than we have had. They may very well believe that there isn't much difference between friendships with people online or in person. I'd say that however they feel is fine. Maybe as they grow older they will learn differently? But then maybe we'll have real-time holographic image displays and they will be right!

I have certainly made several friends online including you and others here at TGG. But some other notables are:

* Dara Hoffman-Fox: although we've never met or spoken to each other we have helped each other. I consider her a friend because we know of some personal details of each other, I trust her, and I appreciate her as a person.

* Marlo Mack, producer/owner of "How to Be a Girl" podcast. She and I developed a friendship via emails last summer. I learned that she lives in Seattle and now we have met several times, I've helped her with her podcast a little, and she's introduced me to others here. 

* Dr. H, the endocrinologist who has the blog "Hormones Demystified." I don't even know his name but he's been a huge help to me, and I have tried to help him too. I'd love to meet him someday. 

So yes, my friendships with Dara and Dr. H are less than what I have with Marlo. I definitely consider Marlo a friend but she's also very busy in her own life and we see each other much less than I'd like. 

For me the closeness of my friendships really depends on how comfortable we are with sharing ourselves with each other, being vulnerable, talking about what is going on for us. I guess that's a reason I feel so deeply for my therapists?

But sometimes even that isn't enough. Maybe we find that we don't have the "chemistry" to be close. Last weekend I went on a hike with a couple of lesbian women. We had a great time, we shared a lot, and enjoyed each other. But I doubt we will get together until we go on another hike. The weekend before we were on another hike with those same women and two others. One of the others and I were inseparable! We could not stop talking and really enjoyed each other. Last night she came over and we went out to dinner and had a wonderful time. For whatever reason we are just really clicking. I don't know why and she doesn't either but we both are grateful for our friendship.

Interesting?

Emma

Some believe all friendships must be face-to-face relationships, and that online relationships cannot be formed, do not exist, or are fake.  And I'm going to say that most of the people who feel that way are, "of a certain age" or older.  I think it is people from older generations who think online relationships are empty.

When I was younger, and long before the internet, some people had "pen pals."    Since I have no kids, I cannot say whether pen pals is a thing anymore or not.  Some people have had life-long pen pals, and have never met in person.   In order for such relationships to last, I would think that the people involved would have had to become friends of some sort.

Today, we have the internet.  I see this as being no different than exchanging letters with someone.  And in fact, I believe friendships formed prior to any face-to-face meeting (IF one ever occurs) can sometimes form quickly and be stronger, because in some cases, the people involved get to actually know the person - not what they look like or where they come from.  For many, if not most or all, the possibility of relationships are too often determined/decided on what a person looks like.  I believe that most people will never know how many truly good, close, and potentially life-time friendships they could have had simply because they ignored someone (in "real time") because of what they looked like.

As for it being lonely at the top... I think it depends on the people involved.  

CO-WORKERS (or more precisely, former co-workers)
If a person's friends are also co-workers, then yeah, I agree - those friends will dwindle and fall away as a person's career advances.  I can say this from experience -  I retired as a supervisor.  While the experience was good, if I had to do it over, I think I would not again go after a supervisory position. Quite often, the higher up the food chain, the less you are trusted.  Employees also have a tendancy to be unsure what they should or shouldn't say in your presence.  Some employess may believe that they no longer have anything in common with their former co-worker.  There are probably a list of reason as long as you arm as to why a person loses co-worker friends once that person becomes a part of management.  The old friends are sometimes replaced by those in same/similar/comparable positions.  And then of course... some companies discourage friendships between certain positions.  

NON-CO-WORKERS
However, I don't see why a person would lose that many friends when those friends have nothing to do with the company/business where you work.  Though I'm sure it's possible there's alway the one that harbours the same kinds of attitudes as a co-worker.  But I would think such people would be encountered less.

-Michael

Dear Emma and Mike,

Have a "pen pal," of 5 years that I met through a Lesbian dating website. We write about once a week, and enjoy a satisfying friendship.

Have lived in my senior public housing apartment building for 5 years, and I have no friends (as far as I know, they haven't made friends with each other, either, and I am talking about 100 people).

The bottom line is that I have little in common with them. 

If it weren't for my flexibility in defining what a friend is, I think I would be a very lonely person.

Keep loneliness at bay by taking a lot of classes in my building and at the library, and being active in TGGuide and my local T/LGB support group. Also have a lot of hobbies, such as writing and creating art.

Thank you all for being my friend! 💄

Yours,

Monica