I remember when I decided  to commit to a decision to move forward in discovering what was my authenticity.  And I knew I had a lot of things to discover!  It became an overwhelming feeling of truth and freedom.  That day and time for me came at the close of my first transgender conference, after which I then traveled to one of my favorite spots, Hampton Beach, New Hampshire, and gazed across the Atlantic Ocean to what seemed to me to represent infinity. I suddenly realized my life was about to begin again!   If I let it!!  If I did not allow my fear to get in my way, I could meet head on every obstacle that I had allowed to stop me before.   I could conquer those obstacles!

I made my reservations for “First Event” sometime around September of 2018, shortly after learning that there were such conferences from TG Guide.  First Event is the longest run and oldest Transgender Conference in the United States. It is held in February each year in Boston, and offers seminars, workshops, and social events for the transgender community.  

I began building my knowledge, studying u-tube tutorials and videos, on dress, walk, make-up, voice, hair, and practiced every time I had a chance even if it was only for moments a day.  I studied blogs and tutorials of others that had come out before me.  I quickly learned  less is better, and just tried to get in a “comfortable mind-set” dressing as Jessica.

The week surrounding First Event was my first time presenting as “Jessica” outside of my home, having only gone to a church the Sunday before then travelling from Albany to Boston by car on Tuesday to attend the Conference.  At church, I was immediately made by another transgender woman who introduced herself to me during fellowship coffee. That was the first time I had talked one on one to a transgender person, and we are still friends today!  That drove my confidence to a new level and my next stop was Boston.

When I first arrived at the hotel in Boston, I ran for the bathroom!  I never thought about having to use a bathroom during my 3 ½ hour drive down the Mass Pike, and I couldn’t summon the courage to go into a woman’s room along the way.  I certainly could not use a men’s room dressed as I was!!

Having arrived early, I checked in rather easily, having to use my identification assigned at birth and the hotel easily made note of my preferred name.  I went to my room, began unpacking and ventured down to the lounge in the evening.  Others were checking in and the convention guests stood out rather oddly. At least they did to me.  I began to have doubts about whether I should stay when I was welcomed by the organizer the following morning.  I decided to give it a chance and during the course of the week I opened my mind and heart and soul and as I navigated through the workshops, luncheons, dinners, and social events I met and got to know some of the most genuine people I had ever encountered.

At the close of the conference Sunday, only one week after my first outing in public as Jessica, I had lived and felt really authentic 24/7 for 8 straight days.  I stayed on one more night at the hotel watching Superbowl (2019) with a small group of us who stayed on  (mostly organizers) and checked out the following morning, as Jessica.  Instead of driving west to go home, I stopped at Sephora for a free makeover, and drove further east to my favorite spot on the East Coast.  After a wonderful dinner at Lamie’s  Old Salt in town,  I headed home knowing my life has been changed. I had no doubt the process would be awesome!  I did not waste any time and would be living full time only 5 weeks later as my true gender.  And only one year and 4 months later, my body would match!