This weekend I have finally told my children that I am transgender. It has been emotionally exhausting, but overall pretty much what I expected.

My daughter is 13, diagnosed with Autism and my son is 14 and also diagnosed with Autism, they are both in mainstream school, both have ADHD and are both very different people. My daughter is extremely creative, and my son is extremely structured and likes routines and stability.

So....

My daughter called me midweek asking my views on the LGBT community and I explained that I was very much pro, and so she came out to me as gay and I congratulated her on being herself. During the call we realised that we were going to be in the same area at the weekend and so she asked if she could stay with me and of course I said yes.

My son was getting his first haircut in almost 6 months and I intended to catch up with my sisters, so she would have lots of time to hang out, she was getting really nervous about telling my sisters the night before and so I told her that I knew that my family would be supportive of her for a fact, and then confided that I was confident because I was trans and that they were all supportive of me, including her nanna (my mum). She gave me a huge smile and so I showed her a picture of me from the other week and explained who knew and who didnt and asked her to keep it secret for now. She asked what wigs I have and was instantly thinking about what she could do with them lol.  Immediate and total acceptance.

She had a great weekend, but coming backl up the road last night I felt that it was wrong that I had told her but not my son who lives with me full time and so when he asked me about us possibly moving in his usual constant flow of conversation I decided to tell him.

He shouted, he told me he wouldn't let me do it, he told me he would stop it, he told me that I was happy and couldn't be sad, he shouted, he cried and he genuinely wailed, but I tried to stay calm and tell him that while on the outside I looked and acted like a man on the inside I felt and thought like a lady and this would help me feel better about myself. I wanted to be happy and be there for him, but that while the outside might look different, and I might talk slightly different to the way I do now, and I would even be wearing wigs, the inside part of me that loved him to bits was not going to change. He told me he didnt want me shouting and moaning at him like his mum and his sister do and that he would be outnumbered, but after about 45 minutes he calmed down and told me that he supported me and that he loved me and that he was going to protect me.

By that point I was in floods of tears so we pulled off the road and gave each other huge hugs and then finished the journey home.

He asked a few more questions about what he was going to call me and so I said I was calling myself Dee because everyone has called med DeeDee for years, so he could use that if he wanted or even mum1 and mum2, which made him laugh, but I said he would need to think about what he wants to call me, I was always going to be his parent and he will always be my eldest child. He laughed to himself as he thought about me having to pee like his sister does rather than how he does, and I said that would not happen for years yet, but I could tell him more about what happens when he wants to know.  I did say that it has to stay a secret at home as no one at all can know where we are, I may practice to get ready being myself when we move, but only at home or when we are away from here.

He has found out that his sister has a girlfriend and coped really well with it (Thanks to watching Brooklyn 99 and Cpt Holt and Kevin's relationship) and he has had to learn that his dad, the stable, rock in his world is going to change, and he has taken it all in like the amazing little man he is becoming. I knew the chat with my son was going to be difficult but I really felt lke I had pulled his entire world view down against his will and if I could have taken it back to stop his pain I would have done. I truly hope that this is all going to be worth it in the long term.

He was fine and laughing again by the time we got in and watched some animated Mr Bean together, and was fine again this morning chatting to me. but wow, what a weekend!

X