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What's My Label?


Emma

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I want to know what my label is which I suppose can be interpreted to knowing my own identity. Perhaps that sounds strange to some. After all, I don't think anyone wants to be labeled by others. We (or at least, me) want to know what we are ourselves. What does it matter? I think it's so that as we progress through the day, interact with others, we know who we are in the world. And yes, I'm talking here about gender. For many, it's binary: male or female. We've all heard it before so why write about it here? Well heck, it's my blog! And maybe this will help me and others sort it out a little. You be the judge.

I think I remember the first time I read about "transvestites." I was in elementary school and thought maybe that's what I am. But I didn't like the label with its "tites" at the end. It sounds like some sort of disease to me. Sure, it's only a word, but I didn't like it even though it seemed to fit.

Then came "crossdresser." Good, it lost the "tite." But there was something I didn't like about it, I'm not sure what. Well, I guess I know. It's not that I only like to dress in feminine clothing. I also imagine myself to be and feel like the girl or woman. So, crossdresser is too limiting.

When I registered on TGGuide.com the other day I was asked to label myself. Let's look at those:

Not Telling

Okay, that one's obvious. I didn't want to select it since I would like to know too.

Transgender

This is the one I selected. But I'm not perfectly happy with it because it seems that common usage also includes transsexual within its scope and as far as I can tell (or admit?) I'm not transsexual. (Now there's another idea for a blog posting.)

Male, Female

These are obvious of course.

Androgynous

According to Google androgynous is partly male and partly female in appearance; of indeterminate sex. I don't think I fit this, which I think is a bit unfortunate. And, it's an adjective, not a noun, so is it even a label?

Intersex

In some ways I wish this were me. At least, then, I could point to my body parts and say "what the hell, it's how I was born!"

Other

Huh? I guess this is like undecided. It's cool for me if it's cool for you but not very descriptive, is it?

But this thought experiment enabled me to identify one of the things that's bothering me: objective vs. subjective. It seems to me that Male, Female, Intersex, and Transsexual are very objective. You are what you are, take it or leave it. Unless one falls into one of those buckets the label is subjective?

I seem to always be left with questions and here I am again. Perhaps the moral of this story is that I need to accept that there may very well be more colors in the rainbow than there are names. Diversity, yeah!

Best,

Emma

Photo: I took this photo of a meerkat in South Africa a couple of years ago. I like it that he stands up so forthright, keeping an eye out for his fellows. Consider all the names and labels he has: meerkat, mongoose, suricata suricatta, mammal, carnivore.

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When I joined TGG, I chose "male" because I didn't really like the idea of being trans. In some ways, I felt that by calling myself trans, I was admitting that I wasn't really a guy. I didn't like the idea of calling myself trans because I had been "living as a man" online for several years before I ever joined any transgender website. While I've sorta backed off that mindset some, I still would prefer to call myself male. Another reason I've never cared for the word "transgender," is because it is not my gender that is wrong, but my physical sex. I understand however, why there was the preference to move away from the word "transsexual."

As for "other," well, as moderator, I've come to immediately suspect a member who chooses "other," as that is the choice made most often by spammers. I see that in a profile that looks otherwise "normal," my spidey senses start tingling... :lol:

___________________________________________

I've enjoyed the images you've been including in your blog entries, and I especially appreciate the descriptions that you give us for those images.

-Michael

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Hi Michael,

I love hearing how others feel about issues like this. I'd never thought of what you said but it all makes sense.

I thought about entering "male" but I entered transgender because I am enjoying a freedom to be me, here.

Lastly, I'm glad you're enjoying the photos. I'm no pro but I'm tickled to have this opportunity to share them as well as some of their background.

Thank you,

Emma

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I'd like to add a comment about the label "crossdresser." I don't like it, at least for me, at all. The reason is that it's as if it's all about the clothes, which it most definitely is not for me. I do like the feel of the fabric used in feminine clothing. But if that same feeling is present in masculine clothing it just doesn't do it for me. Why? Because what I think it's really about is my expression of myself with a feminine gender.

Just before Halloween I visited a dance/costume store and bought a leotard and tights on the excuse that I needed them for a costume. (Yes, I'm a chicken. At least I'm free range organic.) The tights they provided were for male dancers - which I didn't want of course, but how could I refuse or ask for lady's? The leotard had a turtleneck which practically choked me so I had to exchange that. And while driving to the store I realized that the male tights were pretty expensive "for one night." So, I exchanged those too, for less expensive women's tights that are lighter weight. Success!

Emma

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A follow up to my comment about the "crossdresser" label, please. I visited Carla's in San Jose today and spent about twenty minutes with Aejaie, the woman who bought the boutique from Carla four years ago.

I told her about my feelings regarding the word "crossdresser" and she told me (in a nice way) that crossdressers would not like my comment that it's all about the clothes. She corrected my understanding that crossdressers want to project their feminine persona perhaps just like a transgender person like myself. The difference being that they're generally happy with their male gender and simply enjoy the experience(s).

So, I can stand corrected. The differences between crossdresser and transgender may be subtle at least at the end of the spectrum where I am. But I'm sticking with my transgender label for myself as the crossdresser one still doesn't fit for me.

Emma

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My thoughts on this topic have not been popular with quite a few, and has even drawn a bit of restrained ire from those who claim to be crossdressers only.

But I've been hanging around TGG for quite some time as anyone can tell by my profile. I spent time on another transgender website/chat/forum before I came to TGG.

To date, those I've chatted with, and discussed various issues with, who said they were not transgender, but crossdresser only, and were very adamant about it, have one-by-one eventually "come out" as trans.

While I do believe there are those who crossdress purely for fetishistic reasons, and perhaps the drag queens who dress strictly for entertainment, I believe all the rest are really transgender and they just haven't come to terms with it yet.

Just my opinion.

-Michael

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I have never considered myself a crossdresser, although the definition for cross dressing is the wearing of clothing intended for the opposite sex - the term does not automatically apply only to male-bodied individuals wearing women's clothing. I have always felt that I was wearing the clothing appropriate to my identity - so how can I be cross dressing.

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Michael,

At the risk of also drawing ire, I tend to agree with you. It's a bit of chicken and egg: did I desire to be a girl first and then find it erotic, or, did I just enjoy getting off while crossdressed and fantasizing?

Given my recent' discovery/acceptance that my desires of being female came long before puberty (like in preschool) my conclusion is that the erotic aspects came about because they were the only outlet left open to me. In elementary school I always fantasized about becoming a girl or waking up to be a girl as I went to sleep. It seems natural, then, that I'd also find it erotic to make love as a female.

Emma

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