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Dressing in Layers

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By Emma

· 2,661 views

My wife’s been out house-sitting for a couple of weeks, and will do so for another two weeks, so that’s provided me some space to explore myself. Most mornings I walk a couple of blocks to our local coffee shop before breakfast, buy a large cup, and return home to catch up on emails while enjoying the coffee. Now, though, I can add something feminine to my clothing which I like to do.

But I must not present anything girly on the outside. I know many of the people I run into and as we know, males simply do not even show a hint of lace, feminine color, or fabric not typically found in masculine clothing. I can consider, therefore, only wearing feminine clothing underneath my shirt and jeans. But it doesn’t end there.

I must not wear a bra. Even the slightest padding under a shirt and sweatshirt may very well show something unusual and remarkable that I’d have to answer for. And we know how bra straps show through outer clothing by tugging in around the back and sides.

I could just wear a pair of panties, sure. But darn it, it’s not enough! Even though no one will know I will know and I want to express myself even in a hidden yet sort of public way.

It’s getting chillier here these days, about 40-45 degrees in the morning, so it’s natural and comfortable to wear a sweatshirt or jacket over my T-shirt. And it’s cold enough for me to wear something under my jeans. I thus don a long-sleeved leotard and tights, and then everything goes on top. And yes, I wear socks as well since I can’t risk my pants leg riding up and showing (horrors!) what is obviously feminine fabric.

It feels good to do this. When I run into people I can’t help but imagine that they see something odd about me but they really do not. I’m warm and safe and I know that deep inside I’m expressing a part of myself that I always want to. It’s not erotic in the least. Just feels like I’m being hugged all over. And as I walk and encounter people I know that deep down I am me.

This posting was hard for me to write because I worry that some here will think it’s silly to wear dance clothing underneath. I guess so but I can tell you that back in the 60s and 70s I envied girls who wore leotards as tops. I guess that fell out of style but not for me.

Isn’t it kind of interesting that even wearing something as simple as this under so many layers can make one feel so good?

Sincerely,

Emma

Photo: I took this some months back on my iPhone. A pretty sunset in Cayucos, California.

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    WarrenG

    Members

    My opinion: Rock that leotard! Hell, sounds kind of comfortable actually lol But I know how you feel. When I started wearing boxers instead of girls underwear, it felt much more natural. More secure, safe, comfortable,.....just....right. But it didnt feel like enough. It was like an addiction, and I'd gotten my first taste. The tiny lick off the frosting mixer, but I wanted a whole scoop AND the cake.

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    Emma

    Moderators

    Hi Warren,

    You know what, it was your post that spawned this idea of mine to write mine. I'll tell you, man, I don't like boxers at all! Never have. But heck, good on you, dude, for wearing what makes you feel good and alright with yourself.

    And I agree it's like an addiction at times. Which makes me wonder if I need to simply stand up to that addiction. But at my age, approaching sixty (OMG!) I think it's fair to say that it's more than an addiction for me. I don't know how much more and that's part of what I'm trying to figure out.

    Anyway, thank you for your comment. I value you and your words more than you will ever know.

    Sincerely,

    Emma

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    WarrenG

    Members

    No problem hun ^_^ I'm only 22 (I know I know, I'm just a baby :P ) but I can totally agree that it's like an addiction. Mine started out with boxers, went to compression shirts, then to jeans, then to tops. I've spanned into coats and boots too :D

    I always keep in mind that no matter how much I HATE not being able to do what I want with my outter appearance, I have to be grateful for it. Because not everyone can do it and have people assume they're "Tomboy". But here's the thing. If your wife is cool with it, then why hide it? I mean I understand keeping it quiet, I REALLY REALLY do!! But, like you said, you're sixty. Time to let it shine, girl!

    -Warren

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    Emma

    Moderators

    Hey Warren,

    I'm not sixty yet, dude. :-) And yeah, if my wife's cool, who cares? She's still a bit on the fence and I can't tell which way she's leaning. From past experience I have some worries. But shoot, why worry? Just enjoy each moment as it comes.

    You take care, Warren. You rock.

    Emma

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    UsernameOptional

    Admin

    I never thought of the clothing as an addiction....but I guess both of you are right. One thing leads to another, and you find yourself needing more and feeling like you can't get enough.

    But now...I've been doing it for so long, that I have come to a point where IF something comes up and it may mean that I will not be able to wear men's clothing, it causes great stress, and that in turn triggers anxiety attacks. I find myself coming up with any reason, excuse or lie (yes, straight up LIE) as to why I cannot participate in the event that would have demanded I dress contrary to my true identity.

    -Michael

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    Emma

    Moderators

    Hi Michael,

    I'm sure you've heard the term "gender euphoria." I feel it when I get closer to my femininity, whether it's through clothing or opening up with others about my true self. But clothing is very tactile and visual, and with it we can express ourselves to others in a wonderful way. So that's why I also feel clothing can be addictive.

    You're to be congratulated, I think, that you're so comfortable in your skin and clothing that to wear anything else causes you stress and anxiety. And while you may have to lie to stay true to yourself you're actually being truthful, to yourself, which is the best way to be, I think.

    Be well,

    Emma

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