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No Big Deal - Mea Culpa

Emma

Entry posted by Emma

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When I first wrote about No Big Deal I thought I could make a point that would be helpful. In the second post I felt that the Bigness of the Big Deal should be measured by comparison of "intrinsic" vs. "sociological" needs. Now, though, I'm embarrassed to have written any of this.

Behind the scenes a friend pointed out that for her (a cisgender woman SO) it's all about her preference, comfort, and desires. And when I read that I realized how meaningless my previous posts were.

I'd like to close this by saying that No Big Deal may very well be: a Very Big Deal for some SOs, a Little Problem for others, No Biggie for still more, and (going out further on the limb here) the measure of its importance isn't static, it may change depending on circumstance, attitudes, and presentation.

I think the one important and overriding truth is that communication between the partners is everything, especially if one hopes to achieve No Big Deal.

And that, my friends, is all I'm going to say about that. Well, at least for now.

P.S. As embarrassed as I am I would like to acknowledge TG Guide's member's tolerance and patience as I worked this out. No one bashed me in public or private. Remarkable! Thank you. :-)

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Emma

There's a story behind that. Yesterday while walking back from the coffee shop I contemplated the title of this post. Might it be:

"No Big Deal - My Bad"?

"No Big Deal - Emma's Blunder"?

Nothing sounded right. And then I thought of mea culpa. I admit that I checked its definition to be sure, and now you know... The Rest of the Story.

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I really don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about.

The friend that pointed out that it's all about her preference, comfort and desires is, in my opinion, speaking honestly, but her honesty was honed by what's accepted/not accepted by current society. She doesn't know any better.

I truly believe it all boils down to what people are programmed to believe and accept. We live in a world where, for the most part, only two sexes are recognized. Therefore, only two genders are recognized. And consequently, gender must match sex.

But if the binary theory were to stop being crammed down peoples' throats from the day they were born, and people accepted and recognized that any variation and combination of sexes and genders are possible and normal, when a person's gender discord or variance came to light, it would be looked upon as just another change in one's life that simply needs incorporating into any relationship, whether familial, intimate or social.

Hence, "no big deal."

P.S. Bashing not allowed.

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Emma

Michael,

I always appreciate your thoughts. Please allow me to try to shed some light into what I was meaning. I don't know if I can but I will try.

My point is this: regardless of from where ones preference or comfort is derived it is valid in and of itself. As an example, my sexual preference is for women. I don't know if that is coming from my biology or sociology. It just is, at least for now.

Individuals such as my friend have their own comfort zones, which need to be respected and appreciated if I am to hope that she will be able to open up to me or us.

That said, I agree that societal views must also be addressed. But societies are made up of individuals who need to be won over individually by our examples of friendly, healthy, contributions to society.

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