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So glad to hear that everything went well for you at therapy today, Warren! :)

WTG Warren... I'm glad the therapy session went well. I'm glad that the receptionist realized you needed to see a different therapist than the one you were slated for. That could also have made all the difference in the world. It almost sounds like you were to see a [general] therapist (or some other), and they realized you would be better off seeing someone experienced with gender issues. -Michael

Warren's not been signed in since yesterday (17 Nov). I hope he went to his appointment. I hope he survived his appointment. Maybe all went well and he's out celebrating! -Mike

Went great in new blog >>>> :P

I live in Virginia, so I have to use either the shared bathrooms or the men's room. Needless to say, I don't hold it and get interesting looks from the guys. So, the guys that I know would care less if there was someone that they thought was a woman in their bathroom. But a guy in women's clothing in the men's room using the urinal is a totally different story. I get looks, which is putting it mildly. No one has said anything (or done anything yet). They must think I have something to "back it up". The funny thing is, in northern virginia it is very multicultural. So, usually when I am in the mens room, the guy is hispanic, indian, chinese. And the look I get is pure bewilderment and then anger. But what the hell am I supposed to do. Pee out front? Everyone acts like I'm the @sshole, when all I am doing is wearing a dress, trying to live my life. Anyways, I have many bathroom shots as momentos!

Good luck today, Warren! I'm thinking of you and wishing you well. Emma

Dear Warren, What a fantastic day for you! I'm very happy for you and your experience. As for the documentation for your mother, your insurance company will be sending you (at least) a statement that shows what was charged, their benefit, etc. You could send this to your mother. And how about that on your ID! Sure, they didn't treat you very well about it, but in some ways it's a step in the right direction, is it not? Take care, Emma

So glad I'm not alone on this subject I've actually considered buying one of those "stand'n'relieve" things from walmart's camping section XD hope that's not weird of me lol

Hi Lisa, I sure have my crisis days too. Like a couple of weeks ago when I went to dinner with my wife and two other couples to a nice restaurant. The women were all so poised and beautiful. Just being themselves. I had fun with the friends but all along I was aware that I doubt I could ever be as natural as these women, which was depressing. I too wonder about regrets. These days I'm more comfortable with my being transgender and the regrets I think about are if I do nothing about it. I'm in good health and so forth but we never know for how long. I don't want to be one of those that wakes up one day and realizes she lost her chance to be herself. Emma

I agree with you completely, Michael. I can't imagine a therapist today suggesting Warren's going through a phase, but if that happens, he needs to get the heck out of there and find a new one. Emma

If you express to a therapist how long you have felt like you belong in the boys camp, and s/he tries to suggest, at your age (and before s/he even gets to know you a little), that it is just a phase, I would say that therapist is a left-over from the old school, and that you need to find another one. No doubt going to a therapist for the first time is scarey. Or at least enough to make one slightly nervous, but I think you are anticipating a nightmare where there is no reason to believe there will be one. You've named every reason in the world to keep that appointment. -Michael

I've had my fair share of nervous smiles, glares, stares, frowns, and gasps of exasperation or indignation. I've endured the indiscernible twitterings of which I am the topic, obvious by the unapproving sideways glances in my direction. I've watched some step back in horror as we meet in the doorway. It's clear in that fleeting moment that they believe one of us is entering or leaving the wrong place. I love those incidents... funnier than hell... I came out of a multi-stall bathroom once (I was the only one in there at the time), only to find a woman waiting outside. She briefly made eye contact then breezed past me and into the bathroom as I cleared the doorway. Interaction between this woman, her companion and the wait staff indicated she was a regular, so she knew the bathroom had several stalls, and the main door did not have a lock on it. So I wondered, why was she waiting for me to come out of the bathroom before she went in? Quite often, the bathroom is the last stop before I walk out my door in hopes that I will not have to pee again before returning home. I look for single-use restrooms. If there are none, I note the times when the bathrooms appear to be less likely crammed with women, and I will go to a stall that is as far back as possible. Or I will go to a bathroom that is somewhat out of the way - the ones that no one wants to walk so far to. When travelling alone... because my STP is "always ready," I usually just find an out of the way place to pull over, and water the grass.

Dear Warren, Thanks, and I mean this, for your writing. Your fears, worries, and all, are real and valid. Don't let anyone tell you they're not. And yeah, getting started with a therapist is weird and awkward. No one wants to do it. We all just want to be happy. But therapists can definitely help. They're not all of them great, but you won't know until you invest the time and open your heart to them. It's risky and it takes time to build the necessary trust, too. I think it's wonderful you're going to see someone and I wish you the very best. And I'm sorry to hear you cut yourself again. Here's a book that may (or may not, I don't know): All That Is Red. Check it out on Amazon. By Anna Caltibiano. It's fiction and it's about cutting, but more metaphorically. It might help give you thoughts or perspective. Take care, Emma

Ben, years ago I was advocating for a Genetic Man who had a deformity of his penis. I went to a medical library and men walked behind me, aghast, as I visited two medical websites about men's penises. They were talking about men's penises "within normal limits." Was amazed at the different sizes, colors, etc. In short, Ben, and although I am a GG Lesbian, most Straight GGs, transwomen and Gaymales will agree, it is not the size but WHAT A MAN DOES WITH IT. In my opinion, I think it could be too large, and a man could experience prejudice because of it. This is what concerns me when people have too many romantic partners - - - they may be overly concerned with the physical and not enough concerned about their partner's character and values. Oh, by the way, the man I was trying to help those many years ago, I recommended that he see a doctor experienced in male urology. Felt there was something organically wrong with his penis. Sadly, he had to approach me as his friend, as a grown man, and his parents MUST have known, and were in denial! For that, I thank God, you have good relations with your parents and a supportive relationship with them. Also, you have many caring friends here on this website. Ben, you are an excellent asset here, too.

:) I have one of my mom's pictures from when I had short hair as a child.She's holding me. I like keeping the pictures she shares with me. and recipes. I still like to cook and all that. Still the same person, just better at expressing myself. I think people focus so much on the outer change they don't realize that the person who is transitioning is becoming a better more honest and beautiful person and the physical part of transitioning is just and actualization of that process.

"It came as a shock to me the amount of things people don’t realize about someone else’s lifestyle. My mom assumed that since I’m now a man I don’t care what I look like as long as I look like a man. She’s wrong. She thought because I’m a man I’d want to go out and ride dirt bikes instead of decorate cakes. She’s wrong." This reminded me of shortly after coming out to my mum, she lamented that now she had no one to whom to pass down her things, because men wouldn't want those things. I guess it never occurred to her that most any child will treasure nearly anything a parent leaves to them simply because it was something that belonged to their parent - male or female quite often doesn't matter. Of course I don't want her favourite big floppy Red Hat Society hat, or her entire collection of stuffed bears...but a figurine that she treasured, or some special dish, maybe one tiny bear... why wouldn't a guy wanna keep something like that just to say, "this was my momma's?" I didn't say anything. I just left it at that. I think way too many people are under the mistaken impression that most men do not hold dear the belongings of loved ones.