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11/24/2014 So, we left to go to my mom's in Perrysburg OH. I was thinking about bringing some of my girl clothes with me but did not. As we left, I felt a tremendous amount of anxiety. Never felt this way before and don't know why. It's almost like I felt like I did not have that outlet if I needed it. However it felt much more than that. Anyways, the trip went well. Though most of the time I thought about what I was going to tell my mom regarding my current situation. She knows about me dressing and wanting to be a girl. However, I believe that she thinks it is no longer an issue. I definitely felt like a girl today. 11/25/2014 I'm at my mom's with my family. I worked in the morning, ran 7.5 miles and then went to the Toledo Zoo for the lights. It was really wonderful. I loved it. We were there for 4 hours. I used to go to the Toledo Zoo when I was young several times a year. So it brought back memories. They had a Santa that was there and the kids had their pictures taken with him. I wished that my dad was there. He would have loved it. 11/26/2014 My son had pink eye this morning so I had to take him to urgent care. I took him home while I got his prescription and went to Target while I waited. If anyone doesn't know already ... Target has awesome girl clothes (If you don't know this, then you can leave the cave now and enjoy). Anyways, I was looking for good workout clothes and cold weather gear for running. Anyways, Target used to have great runnning stuff for guys. Now, they have nothing for guys, only stuff for girls. So, I've been driven to crossdress (damn you, Target, damn you. ;-)). Anyways, I looked at their cold weather women stuff and liked but did not buy because I wanted to try it on, but did not have the time because I had to get back. May go back on Saturday and buy, because I need at least a couple pairs of warm fitted compression pants. --Lisa

Have a good Thanksgiving, Warren. I hope everything goes OK. And looking forward to the pictures! :)

I have experienced so much in the last month, coming closer to myself, coming out to my wife, participating in TG Guide. Maybe it will help me (and others, I hope) to review and express my gratitude for my progress. Here’s some of what I’ve learned: My fantasy outcomes are just that, fantasies. The fantasies I’m talking about are the ones having to do with my wife’s unconditional acceptance of me, dressing how I wish, being fully open to my awakening, even cuddling together. It saddens me a bit that this hasn’t come to pass and I’ll still dream of it, but we have a long way to get there if we ever do. My wife’s feelings are valid. Much as I’d like to stand on “what’s the big deal?” and that she should more quickly accept me because my femininity on the inside has always made up an important part of who she fell in love with, if it’s a big deal to her, it is, and that’s okay. My job now is to be patient, kind, and stay connected to her as we both navigate these uncharted waters. I’m lucky and grateful to have her for my wife. Coming out to her has been terribly hard. Her intense dismay and hurt are so hard to bear, and I automatically descend into depression, shame, and wishing I could just disappear. She’s really trying, is listening more and more, and expresses the same hope that I do that our relationship and lives will survive this. Neither of us knows if our marriage will survive but we’re trying. I wish there was a cure or antidote for my being transgender. Goodness knows, over the decades I’ve tried to ignore it, bury it, rationalize it away, purge, and dilute it with immersion in work and busy-ness. I know now that I am what I am. It’s hard to accept but the more that I do the freer and less stressed and threatened I feel. “Transition” has many definitions; most would say it’s living full-time in the opposite role, probably at least leading to HRT and gender affirming surgery. For me, my transition which has been pretty profound is more about my awakening and acceptance of my transgender self as well as my full disclosure to my wife. The full transition I hope for now is for my wife and I to move to an even more loving stage in our marriage. I think we’re at least and at last heading in the right direction. My authenticity to myself and my wife has relieved a huge weight off my shoulders. As hard and scary as it’s been, I feel such a tangible relief from depression and fear. I’ve always been conscious of my monitoring of my interactions with others, if “I’m doing it right,” or if they might be able to discern what I’m hiding. This was so exhausting and I often complained of being “so very tired.” No wonder I felt that way. I was like a spy living in deep cover always on the alert for enemy detection and my destruction. Now, so much of that has been relieved. I am real, I am valid, I am good. That’s hard to say and sometimes to believe. Maybe through repetition it will sink in more. Thank you for listening to me and being here for me, Emma

As you all know, tomorrow is thanksgiving, and like most of you I have a few things that need to get done. Obviously. This year I'm going to my boyfriend's family's get together in an Inn at the top of a mountain. We've been there for last year's gathering and I'll admit, it's gorgeous and the view is absolutely the best (I'll post pictures when I can!) But this year is going to be different for me, personally. Last year I were still enduring the dressy clothes and makeup and doing my hair and whatnot. But this year....I've had enough of it. True I'll put a nice shirt on, but it's not going to be from my girl drawers. True I'll make my hair look good, but simply with a slight combing and some mousse, no pins or hairbands or pretty bows. I wont be wearing makeup, and I wont be trying to look as girly as I can stand. This year I'm not going as Kristy, I'm going as Warren. And all though they dont really know whats going on yet, and of course I'll still be called by my birthname since they dont know any better...I refuse to endure one more year of trying to fit the part of someone I'm not. So, with this whole realization of courage and stubbornness...comes the anxiety. I know they're going to be staring at me, whispering comments, asking my boyfriend's mom "Whats going on with her?" His family is known to be judgemental gossipers, so I know this will go smoothly until they start to whisper amongst themselves. Although I'll probably just find a nice corner to sit in with my tiny plate of food I probably wont even finish, at least I can say I went. This year everyone was asked to bring one thing, and we were asked to bring two gallons of milk. But reality says NO ONE is going to drink TWO gallons of milk, so I improvised. We'll bring ONE thing of milk, and I'm bringing a dish. One thing I've pleasantly mastered at work is pasta salads, and this year I'm going to make my Nana's Autumn Pasta Salad. It's pretty easy, and nice and crisp if you love flavor I'll let you guys know how it went, and hope you all have a good holiday Your buddy in Plaid, Warren NANA'S AUTUMN SALAD -Boil some pasta (any kind you want. Bowties or elbows or shells work the best. Throw in some veggie pasta for color!) (MAKE SURE ITS COLD WHEN YOU MAKE THE SALAD) -Mayo -Cranberry sauce -craisins -raisins -apples (golden delicious or granny smith are the best. peel and chop into cubes) -pecans (crush or chop em up) -Cucumbers (I like to peel them 100%, cut in half lengthwise, and take a spoon and scoop out all the seeds so its not so mushy and slimy, then cut the halves into small cubes) -FRESH parsley (dried has next to NO flavor and you want the pretty green color in it) Basically, boil up your pasta to your liking. In a bowl, mix up half a can of cranberry sauce with an equal amount of mayo & mix it well. (Cran-mayo is also great for turkey sandwiches or on other pasta dishes!) toss in a handful of your apples, pecans, cucumbers, raisins, and craisins. Mix well. Mix it up with your pasta, THEN mix in your chopped up parsley. Let it sit for a bit to absorb the flavor and voila, Nana Gates' Autumn Salad ;)

Dear Warren, You're cool, be yourself. Yes, there will be whispers and curiosity. But you, you're true blue. Be well, have a good time. Stay close to your boyfriend. He's your ally, I think. Happy thanksgiving, Emma

I was on facebook and I saw a posting from Gender Fun. They posted a link called What is Your Gender Identity.I got two -spirit (Third gender).http://www.playbuzz.com/stephanies15/what-is-your-gender-identity

Over the years, from hearing about other trans people and examining my own self, I have concluded that just like autism, transgenderism has various levels. I am not sure how I would classify mid-level transgenderism, but I can clearly see both ends of the spectrum. This morning, I watched a YouTube video Emma shared with me. The link is as follows: I saw that those children are an example of the high end of the spectrum, even at a very early age. I, on the other hand, am on the low end. I do not want to cross dress, as it violates my personal conviction that is based on Deuteronomy 22:5, in The Holy Bible, where it is written that a man shall not wear a woman's garment, and vice versa. I am paraphrasing, here, and am not trying to impose my beliefs on anybody. I have been delivered from my judgmental and condemning attitude I used to have. Anyway, another thing that puts me on the low end of the spectrum is how I like my hair to be short. Again, the Bible shows me, personally, that it's a shame for men to have long hair. Again, please don't see me as preachy. I'm merely voicing personal convictions. You may be wondering why I consider myself trans, then. I still have, as I've stated aforetime, the classic feeling of inner female. There's nothing on my outer shell that is remotely feminine, save for a slightly larger breast on the left side, something that has shrunk since I lost nearly 40 pounds between 2009 and 2013. My female feelings have only grown. I have tried ignoring and rebuking and suppressing and disguising them, and yet I still have progressed to the point that I, just last Saturday, searched the Web for transgender support and happened upon this site. After some hesitation and prayer, I took the plunge, just the other day, and signed up. I'm glad I did. By meeting others, I can compare and contrast my experiences with theirs. I have concluded pretending and ignoring and disguising does not work. I believe even God wants me to be honest, and so I am thankful that you don't necessarily need surgery to be classified as transgender. I also have a growing discomfort of men's restrooms. Blame that on the inner woman, something that feels more real when I'm with the guys. It neutralizes when I'm with the girls, weird as that sounds.