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So, I had a follow-up appointment this week at Whitman-Walker. My blood tests came back normal, they received my recommendation letter from my therapist. I was prescribed T-blockers will get blood work again in three weeks and then if all goes well, start Estrogen two weeks after that (May 13th). So I have my script and I will pick it up tomorrow. I can't wait to get moving on this! All of the dark hairs did fall out two weeks after the laser. In the meantime, I don't need to wear so much makeup, which is awesome and makes me feel so much better. I had my therapy appointment. A lot of things happened this month that we covered. I am also going to start carrying recommendation and safety letters with me. Recommendation letters are for medical appointments, as needed. The safety letter if I get into a jam, particularly with law enforcement, for some other authority, should I need it (like getting pulled over). We also talked about coming out to my children, my pastor. After two years, my wife still hasn't seen me dressed. That is something I need to work on to set up a time with her to see me. I may just need to surprise her, but that is a last resort. I would rather not do that. I hope that everyone has had a good week. I love all of you! Lisa :)

Christie, I am so proud of you! You are doing great!

I am fairly early on in the process, but it takes some people a long time to process things, or they just don't know what to say! We can can be intimidating!! Lol! That being said, sounds like an awesome conversation.

Oh goodness, such wonderful feedback. I'm afraid this is going to be a rather long post so grab a cup of tea or coffee, turn on some tunes, and fasten your seat belts, please! Yes, she definitely had, and has, some misconceptions about crossdressers in general as well as about me. Last night in the therapist's office I learned about some of her own demons that she's endured since childhood. She doesn't know exactly what ties them to me but at least we're talking about it. In an ideal world, definitely, we'd just overwrite the bad sectors and move on! At our age it's hard to jettison those old preconceptions that we've lived with for so long. But it's definitely something to shoot for, and is what I need and want. Here again, Mike, that's exactly what I dream of. If I can be satisfied with dressing in private (or rarely, say, to support group meetings and the like) I am afraid that I must insist on being allowed and accepted to dress as I wish in the privacy of our home. That said, I don't want to simply be "tolerated." I don't know if that's a realistic goal but it's what I'm aiming for. She says that she has complete support of me so maybe as you have experienced with your brother I will find that my wife will also learn to accept me no matter what. Kaylee: thanks so much for your comment too! Yes, but... for me, I think if I had the choice I'd choose female. I agree that it's not a simple decision, but I'd like to have been able to have that option! I love and envy your photo. You're beautiful, really pretty. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. I was talking privately with my therapist this morning and told him that a few months ago I was so daunted by the enormity of assembling a "complete" feminine persona, the clothes, accessories, make-up, wig, and on and on. I didn't do it. Instead, I've added a little bit at each support group meeting. I wore ballet flats and stockings to one meeting. At the last meeting I wore those along with a women's cotton top. And for the next meeting on May 7? I have a new skirt that I just received from Amazon. And I plan on adding a wig and breast forms. One small step for Emma, a giant leap too! Update from the last couple of days I'll try to be brief. It didn't work out as well as I'd hoped but I think we're still making positive progress: As mentioned above, we're learning more about some automatic concerns my wife has. This is so important to understand. Without this we will always have this gap between us, preventing her from achieving any "satisfactory" level of acceptance. Our therapist is teaching us a way of opening up those dark recesses in our minds that ensures that we each feel we've been heard and the other one has internalized what is going on. I think this is incredibly important to build trust and love. I'm planning on a new blog post on this pretty soon. I've decided to tell my wife that now's not the right time for me to return to our master bedroom. I know I will one day (probably within a month or two) but we have some more important ground to cover (such as those feelings I mentioned above). It's a wild ride of an emotional roller coaster. I'm really blessed to have such a wonderful wife, fantastic therapist(s), and to be part of our community here. It's all coming together perfectly. Tomorrow we're heading to Napa to join another couple for wine tasting at a couple of wineries and dinner at someplace fun. Take care everyone. I love you all, Emma

First, if any of you haven't heard the Junior Vaquez remix of Whitney Houston's "Step by Step" - you should check it out This has been a productive week in terms of coming out for me. I've now told all of my closest friends (in person or in writing) that I am transgender. In most cases it wasn't a surprise to them, and the support has been universal. My favorite light-hearted response was from my friend Chris (who is my closest friend among the group) who said "Woo hoo! Does that mean I'm hip?" (he does magic, so I leave it to each of you to decide if it's possible for him to be "hip"). The most substantive positive response was "This is celebratory news. Please let me know how I can be a friend/supporter/ally/whatever you need. I know there's lots swirling around, and if you need to chat/bounce things off anyone, you've got an ear and a hug in me;) Truly. Thanks for sharing, and as you continue, please let me know how best to support. There are lots of feelings around pronouns/language. I'm adaptable to whatever works for you. I love you as the person you are and am grateful we are friends." Followed by an offer to start calling me "Christie" if I wanted (I don't do that in my day-to-day life yet, I don't feel like my external presentation matches that - but the fact that it's now come up probably means it will happen soon, at least in my personal life). I've also told both of my supervisors at work, and a co-worker with whom I'm fairly close (and found out from her that another person was picking up some hints already - and was positive about it, which was very good considering she is over my 2 direct supervisors). On the personal side, productivity came in the form of not trying to figure out "an answer" - my initial reaction (to many things) is to think that if I just think about it for awhile, and ask the right questions, I can come up with an answer right away. Well that's not going to happen here, the only way I'm giong to find an "answer" is to keep taking steps until I reach whatever destination is out there for me (or not, there might not really be a destination - as I write this I realize there probably isn't!). So my approach now is to just look for steps that I can take - take them - see if they feel comfortable - then take another step - repeat... There was a negative event at work, but one that lead to positive. I overheard several students (overheard is an overstatement, they were talking loud enough that one could think they were trying to talk to me from a distance), they were joking about the idea of a male (I couldn't tell who they were talking about beyond that) wearing a dress to a student event that night. It wasn't something I could directly address (I'm staff at the school), but I did mention it to my boss, who apparently brought it up with her boss (the one I mentioned earlier), who suggested that they should probably incorporate sensitivity training into student orientation (and I believe she's sincere, she's not the type to just talk about it). So that was good - but the really good part is that it inspired me to try to take more steps to be out at work. It would be inappropriate for me to address the students directly about the issue, but if they ultimately get the point that I am TG it might make them think more about what they're saying. Well, that's all for now - oh, tonight I'm telling my sister, first family member... xoxo Christie

Over the past year I have been sharing my journey which hopefully was of some use but now I am need of concentrating on another aspect of my life with requires a good deal of attention so during the next few weeks will be limiting my time here and will stop visiting here shortly. Hopefully I can make it back here in the future. For those interested I will be keeping up from time to time on my WordPress blog. Lastly, it has been wonderful getting to know people here. Best wishes for those on their journeys!!!

There is a person in my company who always talked to me prior to GRS then stopped afterwards. Finally she stopped me outside and said I have a question, "where do you get those cure outfits" So after replying we had a long discussion about my surgery and she said "you are very courageous" in how you came back to work and that you seem like you had always been female which I simply smiled. Having success with most co-workers did kind of bother me that she had not talked to me but now we are. So that leave just one co-worker who has not spoken to me since surgery.

Dear Lisa, I can't imagine your wife not seeing you dressed after two years, and having started transition no less. I agree that surprising her would likely backfire. I just hope you two can talk about it and set up a place and time for her to get to know the new you. I think that is a higher priority to discuss with your therapist than coming out to your children and pastor, but that's only my opinion and obviously don't walk in your shoes. Emma

Hi Lisa, Thanks very much for your thoughts and advice. I am not contemplating transition at least right now. Trust me, I've really tried to figure out who and where I am. For like fifty years. I finally realized that I needed some space, time, and patience to explore. I can't do it all in my head. Please understand too, that it's a two way street. I have my issues, she has hers. I need to give her patience and understanding too. In the end, I hope, we will meet in the middle somewhere, with a stronger bond than ever before. Thanks again, Lisa, for your thoughtful comments. I hope all is going well with you. Emma

Wow. Quite a long post and comments. Wonderful! The core issue is acceptance and understanding. No logical argument can be applied to this. A person just needs to accept a person who is transgender and then seek understanding. That is where things become difficult. If you don't know who you are or where you are going and leave things open ended, a spouse will feel off-balance such that they do not know what to expect or know who you are as person. They will build walls because of lack of emotional trust. What has helped me, is that I always try to determine something concrete, what I know about myself that I can clearly communicate. And for all of the stuff that I don't know, that we will figure it out together. One thing that I have been very clear about these last six months is the following: either I need to figure out ways to cope or I will have to transition. Now, I consider myself, generally a very self-aware person. What I did not realize, but do now is that the anxiety which envelopes you when you can no longer cope is overwhelming. I just went through 3 weeks of hell. It is like getting thrown into the fire. I always thought that my decision to transition would come after careful evaluation and contemplation. It can happen that way, but ultimately the alternative happened in my case. At that point, you just give in. You have no choice. For many of us here who are contemplating transition, just be aware that this can happen. And let your spouses or SO's know that as well. So, that they can face this with you, with their eyes wide open knowing the worst possible outcome. They need to know how serious this really is! I've been through the ringer my entire life, but I had no idea that I would essentially have high anxiety and high blood pressure for 3 weeks. It could have killed me. I almost blacked out driving my car, etc. Bad stuff. Anyways, Emma be brave. I didn't mean to scare you and I hope I helped. It scared me, so I feel scared for everyone else.

Great to hear : )

That's so nice! It really does just take some people time, but I guess the silver lining in that is that you get additional moments like this.

Christie, thank you very much for your kind words. No matter what, I think we are all afraid of being alone. But at any age being transgender and learning what you individually want to do about it is darned hard. Thank goodness we have TG Guide to hang out in! Hey Veronica, back atcha girlfriend. To me the concept of passing is so weird. When I'm home, maybe just wearing a dress and doing the dishes (or writing here), all I know is that I feel good, I feel right. My hair is short, I have a 5 o'clock shadow, but what do I care? I only see myself when I walk past a mirror, and I try to avoid those... :-) Thanks a lot for your best wishes. I'm looking forward to it! Emma