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Warren, It's nice to see you blogging again, and I'm so happy that you're feeling more stable! And happy early birthday!!! xoxo Christie

I think a blog entry on details on what it cost overall is in my future.

Last week when I had to proctor an exam I found myself for a few minutes just looking around at everyone and thinking, "what is the difference in appearance between the men and women in the room?" The only "universal" (not totally, but generally) was that women seem "smoother" or less rough. So that's when i decided electrolysis for my face is necessary, the 5 o'clock shadow has to go

Thanks for this feedback! One thing I'm trying to do is get as good an estimate as possible about the costs, that would make it much easier to see how I can work it. But I do know that financially I can probably do it. There's definitely fat in my budget (breakfast was also one that I recently worked on - i used to get breakfast out every day, now I have a couple of boxes of cereal in my office that i eat when i get here). I also just took my next step - I emailed my closest friends to say that I'm now going by Christie

Christie, I think many don't see the beauty of being natural as it allows us to blend in, many times to the point that you will tell someone you once were male and their jaw will drop where the beauty there is you thought that they knew which helps us eliminate self-doubt. It is work at first which after a while turns into simply being you.

Sounds like you are doing the correct thing by listing out the good and bad which is critical when making the decision to move forward, stop or regress back to your binary gender. In regards to cost, when I made the decision to move forward what happen was I made the decision to take money I had simply saved for stuff and make it my surgery money. If I did not have the funds then I would had simply created a tight budget to afford the surgery. So if money is an issue and you want to move forward the best place to begin is to look at what you make each month and cut out the fat. Cutting out the fat, for instance, for me I looked at what I was spending and realized that I spent eight dollars for breakfast. I then rearranged and now it cost me three dollars which does add up. I smoked which cost me $200 per month ($2,400 per year), yes a big savings there and it again adds up. I purchased a lot of shoes that was another cut I would make. Picking one item and looking at it in the short term does not get you much until you look at say one year’s savings. Doing this makes it easier to afford what it takes to transition.

Karen, Thank you for this wonderful post! I had seen the chart before, you may have put it in a reply to one of my earlier blog entries - I'm too lazy at the moment to go look . As best as I can tell, I'm somewhere between Type V and Type VI (I think currently Type V, but increasing drifting over to Type VI). Speaking as someone who is pre HRT and GRS I can definitely say that I understand the desire to rush into it, but I am very much trying to take my time (turning 49 in July doesn't make it easy for me to "take my time" about things). There was a point when I would agree completely with the idea that trying to live as a woman for a year before doing anything made no sense, after all how can I just live as a woman like I am? I need some help, at least hormones, right? For me the revelation was about passing as female (I know there is much dissent about the idea of "passing" and I'd like to believe that I'm courageous enough to just present as I am without worrying about it, but I'm not there yet). Back when i was cross-dressing (before "coming out" as TG), I thought that I still needed more work, like I wasn't sufficiently passing even when cross-dressed. So when i started thinking about living full-time as a woman I thought I still had far to go. But recently, since I've been doing smaller things, I realized that i'm much closer than I thought. When cross-dressing I was not trying for natural, now that I'm trying to go more natural, i see that it kind of works. I'm not totally there yet, but pretty close. xoxo Christie

I agree with you Monica in that that web site is one sided and used it only to show an extreme case of regret. It would be interesting to learn the percentage of people who transitioned had different levels of regret along with (as I am sure there are) people in this group who overcame these regrets. Thinking about going from one year to two years, if you had suggested this before I transitioned I would think that was over the top because my mind just wanted to move forward. After transitioning I still see it (for me) over the top. Now I am just one person and can see how a two year length of time would be in order for those who are not sure. So perhaps a therapist would have the power to say to a client, "you need more than one year to be absolutely sure this is right for you". At the same time there could be people who may be done in less time but that would be a rare case. All I know since I am not a professional is and I think many can agree on this is that you can never go back, the body has changed, your social circle, family and friends have changed over what you have done. When done right the pieces will fall into place. Pieces that make up doing it right may be very difficult to complete like moving to a trans friendly community, changing one's job and like Monica mentioned, two years living life in the other gender. Thinking of moving to a trans friendly community, I did that but did it for another reason then later realized this was great for me transitioning. So there are hard choices to be made for some of us while others medium changes and rarely light changes. I also agree with no pressure should be placed on significant others. Think of grabbing a child's hand and forcing them to move with you vs gently taking their hand and speaking in a soft voice. Significant others need time to digest and we must understand there is a lot they are going through just as we are too.

Karen, Looked at the website and feel that there is a great need for opposing points of view. Am concerned that the writer is an ultra conservative. In my opinion, I knew 400 transgender people casually (met them once or twice) and about a hundred well (met them at least four times a year, many of whom I met weekly), and only two "changed their mind." One (MTF) changed their mind because they could not cope with losing male privilege. The person was an engineer and experienced great prejudice as a female engineer, despite passing beautifully in voice and looks. Reassured them I would give them my support no matter their choice; telling them to take their time. The person had HRT but no surgery. They had to have reversal surgery in that their breasts had to be removed. The other, also a MTF, had HRT and SRS, and had to have reversal surgery. This person experienced great trauma, very similar to the man in the video. In short, changing one's gender should NOT be taken lightly. In my opinion, I feel a person should get a good two full years of counseling BEFORE HRT or SRS, as well as living full-time during the same two years. Realize it is tough living full time before HRT, but it is very hard to reverse even HRT alone. Transgender support groups should NEVER pressure anyone to proceed with their transition, and should make a point of giving support whether a person decides to proceed or to back out. Strongly recommend EVERYONE to look at the website, video and links CAREFULLY, and study the above chart. By the way, my beloved, with whom I had a ten year relationship, was a "Group 2, Type lV" Transsexual, who did not have HRT or SRS. Did not pressure her to have HRT or any procedures done. Please note, significant others, do not pressure your beloved in either direction, but encourage them to take their time as transitioning is irreversible! Monica

Eve, thank you for sharing your story. I really appreciate it. My hope is, as in your case, that time and circumstance help us persevere through this as a family. That is the hope anyway. And certainly, self-medicating is not good. I thought about doing that many times with prescription medication and I am glad I did not. Though, I did take over the counter vitamins and glandulars for a few months, which actually worked. Though, I am off of those and will not do those again. --Lisa

Unfortunately Jersey City is not in the path! that's such a nice thing you're doing for her