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Hiya, Ren, Great to hear from you and glad that your friends dog is doing much better. You also sound much better, and that's most important to me. Forgive me if I haven't stayed current with your posts, but I guess you must have a new job? How're you doing yourself? Not much to report sounds pretty good to me! Regarding your video, I was unable to launch it on my iPad. I see a little "play button" arrow in your post but no outline of a YouTube video, and when I touch it nothing happens. Maybe you should post the link itself instead? Just an idea. Rock on, Emma

I'm definitely presenting more female, but I think my current look might register as a woman at first glance, but up close you'd know that I'm a female-looking male as opposed to looking like an actual woman

Excusez-moi Madamoiselle, I thought that you were already presenting as female at work and out and about? Yes you have to just go for it ,no matter what may result, and hope for the best, but I doubt you'll be stupid. Keep it toned down, don't go over the top, remember you don't want to attract lots of attention. Think in terms of those women who do not get looked at twice..................... Cheers, Eve

I too cannot begrudge Caitlyn her financial ability to transition. It's only her politics that I have issue with. But now that she's out, hopefully she will use her celebrity status to be more involved, and maybe her politics will change. "That being said, some of the Vanity Fair shots were highly sexualized. Maybe I am sensitive to it because I am trans* or because Caitlyn (and I) am older. I just worry for other older trans* women, like myself, that the "bar" has been set high. I am a very self-critical person, but I worry that I and others will be measured by cisgender people who see this. We don't have infinite amounts of money or free time to look that good. (Lol! Don't we wish!) So it is somewhat a false reality. Though, it is no different then the reality that women face who see advertising "pump out" sexualized images on a daily basis." -- Lisa One of the first things I thought when I saw the first VF image was, I hope they didn't photo-shop her too much. It's bad enough that it has become "par for the course" when it comes to cisgender women. And no doubt many will judge other trans women by they way they see people like Caitlyn Jenner, Laverne Cox and Janet Mock in the media - age notwithstanding. With the right tecniques and tools, anyone can be made to look glamourous. But as you said Lisa, not everyone has the money for that. -Michael

That is so wonderful that everything is rolling along smoothly, may the rest of your journey be so smooth

Well Christie the genies out of the bottle now girl ! & I've never known a genie willingly go back into the bottle either.............. Enough metaphors, congratulations madam, miss, ms? Eve x

Dear Christie and Eve, There are two groups of women who get "looked at twice," and they are women who are gorgeous (the men and butches are making a fool of themselves rubbernecking!) and those that look "different," due to disability or having an unusual body, such as being a woman of size or having a disfigurement (they have to compensate by having a gracious and forgiving personality). The women that are "in the middle of the road," or seen as, "attractive," (a polite term for not being ugly but also are not beautiful), are the ones that do not draw a second glance. Some women want to be "invisible," and let their talent speak for them, and others like to celebrate their beauty and/or physical uniqueness. Personally, I think transwomen should strive to be the "middle of the road" woman FIRST, as women, in general, feel most comfortable with this kind of woman, and learning directly from cisgender women is most paramount, especially at the beginning. Your friend, Monica

Very nice find, Monica... thanks for sharing it with us. "Lesbians have NOT been erased; we have been mainstreamed! Isn't that what most of us wanted - to be treated the same as Straight folks, with the same rights and opportunities?"" This to me, says it all - being "mainstreamed" does not mean losing your identity. It means becoming a respected human being. It means you no longer have to fight for the right(s) that you shouldn't have been denied to begin with. Being respected, and having rights does not mean you no longer exist. If anything...it means your existence and all that comes with it, is finally validated. -Michael

I'm an old-fashioned feminist, so I'd go with "Ms" (I also accept the French mademoiselle - "Mlle") This was also a good reminder about taking my time. I still forget how much anxiety can accompany a step, especially a fairly big step. In those moments it's best to just live with that step for a bit and not push too much. Having said that, on Sunday my favorite drag queen is doing a special brunch show, so I've decided to use that as an opportunity to see how effectively I can present as a woman (I'm trying to resist the term "passable" now, and instead focus just on presenting as a woman). I was making myself very nervous about that concept in part because I was thinking about it in terms of doing it at work, then I realized that I don't have to start it at work (and my therapist said that she would actually strongly advise against starting it at work!). So I'll try that on Sunday - what it means right now is using my smaller breast pads (the larger ones are too "drag"), butt pads, and some additional make-up (including foundation to cover any shadow). I have to go into it understanding that it might not be 100% convincing, but that's ok, it's a step. As my friend said when I was getting ready to do my solo show, "you have to willing to out and risk being stupid" (or words to that effect).

Your "activist" friend sounds much like Lisa Vogel and her attitude towards trans women.

Good topic Eve. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry when one leads a double life no matter how careful we are, how smart we are a slight bump in the road can reveal the other side of us. I had to be very creative while married for 18 years then new challenges when dating for five years, it gets tiring and crazy as we are not only managing clothes but when done right mannerism plays into the equation too. It would be very interesting to hear from others how they handle this where if they are married that really is a challenge more so that single.

Dear Monica, Thank you for such a lovely and thoughtful post. Isn't it wonderful? You are too. Emma

Compare and contrast with Chaz Bono, Janet Mock. Seems to me that Chaz was also a celebrity but that focus on him was less and of shorter duration. Janet is known as an activist, qualifying as a spokesperson whose opinions and knowledge have helped keep the "conversation" on-topic. Laverne Cox is celebrated for her beauty and acting on OITNB. What happens when the program ends? Transwomen have shocked American, and possibly all western, cultures for many decades, from Christine Jorgensen to Chelsea Manning, igniting the "flames of hell" with each celebrity outing. I'm sure there were others before Ms. Jorgensen but am not familiar with that part of history. We'll progress more quickly when we no longer shock them. Crossing my fingers.

It is interesting how perspectives vary on this. My thought was that Caitlyn probably suffered even more than me for a number of reasons. 1. She is older. She grew up before there was the Internet or much reliable information about transgender issues. I remember believing I was the "only one" in the world who felt this way. Caitlyn came up at a time when there was even less information and much less tolerance. 2. She became famous. Bruce Jenner was an American icon and was a hero to many. Bruce received endorsements such as Wheaties and became instantly recognizable in virtually every household in America. I can relate from being fairly well known in my home town and how scary it is that your "secret" might get out. Remember this was in an era when most of America was very intolerant. 3. Caitlyn probably realized she could never just disappear and then reappear as her female self. At the time of my transition (over 20 years ago) that is exactly what I did. I disappeared and reemerged as a female. Fortunately for me I passed pretty near flawlessly so I pretty much just got on with my life. Caitlyn probably didn't have that opportunity with Paparazzi hounding her. I believe Caitlyn's coming out will signal a turning point in how America views and treats transgender people. Or course there will still be ignorance and bigotry, but Caitlyn has people talking. Now, everybody knows somebody who is transgender -- or at least they feel like they do. I have never seen the outpouring of support that I am for Caitlyn. I do believe we're at a cross roads. Let's hope this will be the shift we've been hoping for.