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Warren, I'm so sorry about everything you're going through. I don't have much to add beyond what Karen said (and I completely agree with her), except that perhaps there is another therapist you could talk to besides the one who directed you to the suicide hotline? Christie

Dear Warren, Would like to add to Karen and Christie, one more thing. Think we ALL sometimes feel uncomfortable when things are going right, that we don't deserve it. When we find true love, often we do something to sabotage it. Also, I think we ALL sometimes feel like frauds, and thus do not deserve the good things in our lives. The above feelings have to be addressed in therapy, as often this comes from abuse in EARLY CHILDHOOD, where we are not conscious of the dynamics. Had to struggle with the above myself, as I was abused in early childhood and beyond. Therapy and other therapeutic measures helped me. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Warren, you DESERVE TO FEEL GOOD and HAVE GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU! Your friend, Monica

Warren, I can even fathom what you are going through and wish there was something I could do for you. The emotions that are coursing through you are very powerful and surely there is more pull to go deeper into the abyss then moving out of your state of mind.I truly hope you can pull away from the darkness. Hopefully you can beat the sadness and despair, get a decent job that will allow you to make money to remove your breast and receive hormone treatment so you can be anatomically correct for the most part. From reading this entry I think that you are in a toxic environment in how people around you are not allowing you to be who you need to be and that in my mind needs to change which of course is not something easy to do. I would guess that some in your shoes leave home to get away from such a negative environment but if not done right can be worst than staying where they are at. It may seem unrealistic but do consider what you can do in a positive way to get out of this environment (which I am guessing some will disagree with). I truly hope you can get past this dark time and be the person you are inside.

Oh I realize that neither the wig nor the fake breasts are inherently "costume" items, that's just how it felt to me when I wearing them. Once I have something that physically identifies me (at least to myself) as a woman I'm sure I'll be fine with both of them.

Dear Karen, Just my two cents . . . Women mostly have orgasms by the clitoris, "G" spot and cervix being stimulated. One or any of these areas will bring a woman to orgasm. In the case of transwoman, the head of the penis is made of the same tissue as the cervix. Honestly, I do not know from what tissue does the surgeon use to create the clitoris, but that is the most sensitive (sometime too sensitive!) part of my sexual organs. Had sensitivity in the cervix, G spot and clitoris, but have had heard of women with sensitivity in only one place, a few places, all the places in the sexual organs, and sometimes in places that had nothing to do with the sexual organs, such as the nipples. Of course, the most important sex organ is between the ears (the brain). Your friend, Monica

Dear Christie, Please remember that one out of three cisgender women wear a wig or hair piece, so I wouldn't call that a prop! Both my mother and I have worn wigs, with absolutely no shame. Your friend, Monica

I too cannot begrudge Caitlyn her financial ability to transition. It's only her politics that I have issue with. But now that she's out, hopefully she will use her celebrity status to be more involved, and maybe her politics will change. "That being said, some of the Vanity Fair shots were highly sexualized. Maybe I am sensitive to it because I am trans* or because Caitlyn (and I) am older. I just worry for other older trans* women, like myself, that the "bar" has been set high. I am a very self-critical person, but I worry that I and others will be measured by cisgender people who see this. We don't have infinite amounts of money or free time to look that good. (Lol! Don't we wish!) So it is somewhat a false reality. Though, it is no different then the reality that women face who see advertising "pump out" sexualized images on a daily basis." -- Lisa One of the first things I thought when I saw the first VF image was, I hope they didn't photo-shop her too much. It's bad enough that it has become "par for the course" when it comes to cisgender women. And no doubt many will judge other trans women by they way they see people like Caitlyn Jenner, Laverne Cox and Janet Mock in the media - age notwithstanding. With the right tecniques and tools, anyone can be made to look glamourous. But as you said Lisa, not everyone has the money for that. -Michael