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I haven't posted in a while. I don't know why exactly. I've been in a rut this summer. The intense anxiety that I experienced in April came back on Tuesday. I had it all day into Wednesday morning. Almost went to the ER. I cried all day long. I did get Xanax and Zoloft. It will take a couple of months to get my levels right, I'm sure. I feel better at the moment, but it comes and goes. I had problems on Thursday, Friday and today. I know what the reason is. Gender Dysphoria. I don't know exactly what triggered it. However, I did spend time out this weekend, had a great time but had to go back to guy mode in order to go to work. So the reason is clear. I need to transition to full-time at some point.. The meds are just bandaid. So I had a long talk with my wife. I told her that I will need to transition earlier. She cried. But I told her that eventually this will kill me. The meds are just a bandaid to get by. She agreed. We talked about telling her family, our children, my work, about her getting a job, neighbors, me possibly moving out, surgery, finances. It was a tough, tough conversation. She did so well though. She is so calm, understanding an smart which is amazing considering what we discussed. Well I need to get to bed. I'll post more later. Love you all! Lisa

This afternoon I was talking to a female friend showing off my Miata and this guy looks out the car window and says yells to me and says "nice butt", had to be me because my friend was facing the other direction. Then the other day my neighbor tells me her husband saw me walking down the street but did not know it was me and said she has a nice butt then she goes, that's Karen. Funny in that I never got this before and know full well that taking hormones has zero effect on how one's butt looks so not sure why all of the sudden I am having men yell to me about my butt. What I can say even thought I am not into men that it's feels great getting these complements and is a confidence builder if nothing else. On a side note my friend whom I was with today purchased a new BMW sports car, seems that I was the fire to ignite her to purchase the new car. I think for the money my car was a better bang for the buck but will never tell her that as she spent $50,000 and I spent $30,000. In these matters best to simply compliment and leave it at that.

Happy Saturday everyone! I just finished my second full week with my new position and my mood is so much better than just a few weeks ago (when I wrote about feeling any lack of purpose). The new position involves managing the school's website and social media accounts. I thought what I had been missing was making a meaningful contribution, and that was true, but more specifically what makes this so good is that it calls on me to make independent editorial decisions, rather than just doing clerical work. Of course I get feedback on what I do, but I enjoy a lot of trust from my supervisor (and her feedback has all been very good and constructive - and reasonable considering I just started). So between my transition and my new position at work, things feel so much better! (The salary increase helps too - ironic that after becoming a woman they started paying me more). As a quick side-note, on Monday i'll be finishing off donating my male clothing, which also feels good (and admittedly I had worried a little about how i"d feel doing it). I found a group in NYC that provides services to people with AIDS, the clothing goes to those with limited resources, so I feel really good about that! And one correction - in my last post I misspelled my new middle name, it is "Anne," not "Ann." Final bit, I bought the cape below today (and a couple of fall/winter coats). Xoxo Christie

Very nice I recall tthe first time i could tell a guy was smiling at me in a flirty manner it felt really nice (I wasn't interested, but it was nice)

Glad to hear things are going well for you, woohoo.

Hiya Christie Anne. I Am so Pleased that things are going well for You. You deserve it Christie, because You are such a Lovely, Sincere Lady. It is always great to hear of someone whose job, is going well. I have yet to start getting rid of My Male Clothes. They may well be bagged-up, and given to Our 3 Son's, as They are getting older. I Do like the cape You have bought. You can be Very Proud of How Far that You have come, and How Well that You are Doing. Clothes-Wise, I Love Female-Clothes shopping, as one girl who works in Our local Supermarket, said to Me, a few days ago, I Am a typical Female, as I Love retail therapy. Christie, Good on You for donating Your other Clothing to Charity. If mine don't get kept for Our Son's, then I Will wash them All, and Donate them to Charity, Myself. Christie, Good Luck, Take Care, and My Very Best Wishes to You. xoxo Stephanie.

Lisa, I can't imagine going through this with a spouse, but if there's anything I can do to help please let me know Having gone full-time as a woman now for about a month and a half I can say that it makes a huge difference, i've never been happier and more positive in my life. Good luck! Xoxo Christie