Leaderboard

I received a letter from Barclaycard addressed to the dead name last week, despite me telling them in December of the new name and receiving all the confirmation from them that they'd changed their records within a week, so I know what that feels like The one good thing that came out of the name change for me (so far) is that the tax office got in touch, having gone through all my records back to 2006, it seems, and they told me I overpaid in 2006-7 and 2014-15 and they enclosed a cheque for the several hundred £s that I hadn't known was owed to me So that was sitting in the bank, burning a hole in my virtual pocket, until I spotted something yesterday that I'm going to treat myself to And your post has basically made my week finish with a smile. Good on you for complaining like that - we shouldn't have to put up with this stuff!

Here in the UK, the Women & Equalities Select Committee (a government thing) has been conducting an inquiry into trans* issues for around six months. Last week, they published their much-anticipated report on their findings and their recommendations. Rumours had already abounded regarding the recommendations their report was likely to make, and it turns out most of the rumours were true. So, maybe life will get a little easier for trans* people over here, if any of those recommendations are taken forward by the government. I certainly hope so. I spent a couple of hours yesterday, reading through the report from start to finish. It took a while because it was lengthy, but they seem to have covered most of the things I was expecting, such as how the National Health Service is failing us, and in fact, discriminating against us, how the Prison Service needs to be reformed, how education - in schools, colleges, universities, the NHS, the government departments - everywhere, basically - has to improve. How non-binary people are discriminated against in ways that are just too heartless for me to find the words. Most of their recommendations are sensible, long-overdue, and not difficult to implement. Other countries have already implemented such simple changes as self-determination of gender identity, making the processes in England (and Wales to some extent) outdated and discriminatory. Currently, as the process stands here, I will have to wait 17 months for my initial appointment at the Gender Identity Clinic that I've been referred to, rather than the required maximum waiting time for any NHS appointment of 18 weeks. Once I finally get to see someone at that GIC, I then have an assessment process that will take between three and six months, after which someone will decide whether I have 'gender dysphoria' and am in fact transgender, as I claim to be. They will decide that - not me - and their decision will determine whether I get any treatment. That means, time elapsed could be close to two years before someone tells me whether I'm a good candidate for testosterone treatment. Then, as I understand it, they will suggest to me that - if I am hoping for any kind of surgery - I should try living 'in role' so that I can prepare myself for how it will feel to be 'male' for the rest of my life. Pfft! I believe I know what it feels like to be male. That's the whole point! And I've been living as male for a f'kin long time already! I may have only 'officially' changed my name last November, but what's a name anyway? I could have chosen a gender neutral name if I'd wanted to. And, at the moment, while I'm already dressing in my male clothing, with my male haircut, and my male mannerisms and my male name, I wonder if I should have done that - chosen a gender neutral name. Because I know what people see when they look at me. Because I can still see it, too. I have a female face. I look like a drag king. Or maybe I look like a butch lesbian. Or perhaps, to some people, I look androgynous. I don't know. But what I do know is that I'm actually getting more anxious now, knowing that I am on a waiting list and that it's such a f'kin long wait. My 'dysphoria' (I hate that word!) has actually become worse as I think about how far away that appointment is. I spent a chunk of time yesterday looking online for what I know is illegal T. And looking for the so-called 'natural' alternatives to T. I need to do something. I can't wait two years. Dammit! What started out as a fairly positive post ended up as a miserable one. I'm sorry. My original purpose when I started to write this was to say how pleased I was after reading the Inquiry report. How optimistic it had made me feel. How, I had started to think that, by the time I do get to see someone in the GIC, the laws may have changed, or the waiting lists may have shrunk. Or that the government and the medical profession might have actually stopped thinking of 'gender dysphoria' as a mental illness. I'm not mentally ill. I'm certainly not mentally unstable. My problem is that I have the wrong sex organs, that's all.

I was born September 24, 1956 but have now declared my new birthday as January 27 as this is the date to commemorate my correct gender. I was surprised that on Facebook they allow you to change your birthday up to three times while I figured unless you have done something along the lines of what I did you would get it right the first time. Some might have issues with changing one's birthday yet I don't. Along the same lines when I changed my gender marker and first name I changed my last name too as this (at least for me) was one more thing what had to be done to wash away my former identity. Something for you to consider or not, changing one's last name might be right for you. The single downside when I did this was my login name at work did not change because after working there for 20+ years it would be a real chore to apply all my security settings. This is no different than a female married, takes the husbands last name, same applies so it's nothing to do with changing gender (way of topic). Up side is I have two birthdays in 12 months woo-hoo.

Good afternoon/Morning/Evening everyone. It's been a long while since my last blog entry but I didnt have much of anything I felt that needed to be said at the time. But I did actually promise to share the colorings I'd been doing of Mandalas. So first off, as promised, here are the photo. This one was done 90% by Ren. This one by myself. This one by Ren himself. And this one we did together. Otherwise, there has not been very much worth reporting on. Aside from getting to know my alt-companions. There seems to be five of us in total. Myself and Ren to start with, since I am the "shepard alt" and he is the host. One girl, Abby or Abriella. She is very rough around the edges, foul mouthed and stubborn as any. But I have no worries of her causing us, the body, or others any distress. She's just.....mouthy. Apparently, being the same age as Ren and I. Then there is the silent one, Mathias. Perhaps about eighteen years old, it seems. His english seems to lack and I'm not sure why that is, being that he should be an alternate personality of Ren. But he tends to be aggressive and demanding. But 80% of the time, he is unheard and unseen. He likes to remain in shadow it seems. Then there is, my personal favorite companion (he visits my headspace often if I allow it), Milo. He was first convinced to have the name Ren or Renny, and did not understand fully the situation until I explained in detail. Milo chose his name himself, taken from his favorite Disney Film, Atlantis, after Milo Thatch. He wishes to be called Milo Dean Thatch, in turn. Milo is particularly special to me, not only for his unique way of actions but because he is also much younger than the rest of us. I do see him as the child side of Ren. Very open minded, energetic and talkative. He's still struggling to understand what it means to be an alt, but he has come along nicely. I know this must all seem very strange to some of you readers, if anyone reads this at all to be certain. But my little mental family is rather nice now that I'm not alone. I do not think I was always alone in here, I think that we (Ren and myself) simply were not in a position yet where we could hear them. We weren't ready, it seems. Hopefully this 'system' does not get any larger, as the noise has become unbarable at times. So loud and clattered together like an orchestra on it's lunch break. But I will make due. Milo calls us the "Systematics Family". Oddly, we all have differing last names. Abriella Marilyn Dahlia. Alexandru Dorian Vlk. Warren Renexius Ornan G____. Milo Dean Thatch. Mathias...well, Mathias has no middle or last name. He simply calls himself Mathias. Strange fellow....Has a sort of Persian feel which is odd to me since Warren is in no way of Persian decent. He at least has Romanian blood in him, which would account for my own self if you do not see reincarnation as a fit description. Hmm...something to think on. Well! I suppose this is where I leave you. I'm off to go and find something entertaining to do in Sims 4, perhaps do some more mandalas later before sleeping for work. I hope that you all are very well! Tired but strangely very awake, Xan Side note: I finally got my hands on a piece of Baklava! Oh happy me! I was giddy the whole way home until I could have some. Ren teased me with it for hours so he could eat his calzone first, making me wait impatiently for my first bite in---oh Goddess knows how long! It's much sweeter than I remember, but oh does it bring back memories....I'll be snacking on it now and again for a good part of today and tomorrow, too sweet to eat all at once! Added Side note: Finally remembered what else I was going to note. Mood swings!! Oh I cannot even begin to discover what the cause could be. At the most random times with no warning and no foreseeable cause, I get so agitated and aggrivated at the silliest things! My sweater is too tight, the car is too hot, little noises are being bothersome, the internet not working--it could be anything! Ive found myself seconds from snapping Ren's ipod in half just out of pure irritation from wifi signals not coming through. I'm not sure what's come over me! Then after a brisk walk in the fresh air or something to take my mind off it---I'm right as rain. So odd!

I received a letter from my Mortgage company that happens to be one of the UK high street banks, I was particularly annoyed to find that it was addressed to my old male identity, I thought that I had put all that behind me a year ago, when I took my Deed Poll cerificate into a local branch where they photocopied it. So I complained via telephone and couldn't get past someone reading from a flowchart, whilst they were sorry about what happened, they said that they hadn't received the copy of the Deed Poll, could I go back again to the branch and go through the same again. I was angry about this, because they had the clear expectation that I'd correct their mistake, so I offered to send scanned copy via e-mail to them, they refused and said that they could only accept a fax other than going to the branch again. I seemed to be entering the name change merry go round all over again......................what a DRAG! So i visited their web-site and looked at how to contact their customer services, and found a "make a complaint" page, so I did giving full details of what had happened chronologically. Earlier today they phoned me and apologised asked me to e-mail the copy to them directly, they have amended the errant name details, and offered me £200 compensation and £5 for the time wasted phoning the flowchart people. Well I thought, it'd be rude of me to not graciously accept the offer, after all that they had done, but honestly all I wanted was the name on my account to reflect who I now am. So it shows that it's worthwhile escalating a complaint if at first you don't succeed...................I've spent the money already on a new longline jacket for work, brown leather knee boots, and purple heeled sandals.........I'd been hankering after these for a month or so, but was being careful moneywise, and I've learned that if you don't buy when you can, it soon goes out of stock and rarely if ever is available again.......... Cheers, Eve

Yay! It is quite a pain when you suddenly have to do more to get a name change through, especially considering how many places you have to do it in the first place! I had a similar incidence with the Social Security office with my gender - the person in the office misstated the rules and refused to do the correction, I wrote to the SSA office in Washington and then got an apologetic call from the local office, then they fixed it - they didn't offer me any money though

Sometimes I cannot help but wonder what I am doing here. Not 'here' specifically, but 'here' ultimately. I understand my role within this lifetime, no matter how much I choose to object or disagree with it. In a way, I am here to protect my brother and to try again at something I failed at the first time. I had been so focused on the fact that I clearly am not from this generation and that this is not my life--that I completely overlooked the reasons as to why. Why I am here, why I am functioning, and why I remember things that clearly I should not. Only recently have I realized the reasons. Or, at least, my suspected reasons. I need to start over. I need to learn from my flashbacks. Learn from my past, and learn from the mistakes that were made. But not dwell on them. Yes, remember the things that I've been grated the ability to remember, and dont let those things fade from my understanding. But not to become stuck upon them and forget that I'm in the now and not the then. I remember my two intimate companions' names and this is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing to put a name to their faces and to be able to say 'yes, he/she was called ____, but I called them ____'. But a curse because now I know who I am grieving for. Arlena was the first. She had long flaming red hair, green eyes like fresh spring grass, fair skin and the softest hands you'd ever held. She had a gentle firmness about her, as if she could be caught snuggling the bunny that would later become her dinner. I fell instantly for her sense of confidence in everything she did. I knew that yes, as a damsel of those times, they were often weak willed and depended on men. And please do not see me as sexist for I am greatly the opposite, but those were the times. She seemed a polar opposite, very much independent and demanding in all her ways. She knew what she wanted and she would take it without the need to ask permission. I loved that fire about her. We were together for a while before she introduced me to Nicolai. She knew that I admired both the sexes and, at the time, had no problem with sharing so long as it were an equal affection. When she said equal, she meant more for her and less for Nicolai. At first I agreed, getting to know him while still bowing to her wills. How could I deny her everything and anything she desired? He was younger than myself. Thinner and more frail, it seemed. He had dusty black hair that desperatly needed to be cut, but in a way--the shagginess of his unkept hair suited him. He had humble brown eyes and an adorable indentation in his cheeks when he grinned. But Nicolai were slightly different from men his age, which probably was no more than twenty. He were an adult in many, many ways. But he adored being treated like he were still a child. Being coddled or given a firm affection, told to do things rather than by request. I didnt mind it, really. I think in several ways, I actually preferred it. I suppose now the term for such a life is considered 'Dad Doms'. I've yet to understand it, but after talking to another who is in such a relationship and described how my own was with Nic, they said it's rather the same concept. I simply preferred to be called compassionate. But where I failed in that life were that I often forgot the tasks at hand. The dangers in front of my own two eyes. Arlena was jealous, naturally, that I was soon giving more attention to Nicolai than herself. I felt, in part, that he needed it more than she did. She were so independant and self giving whilest he was the exact opposite, I felt he needed more guidance and affection than she did. But there is a fine line between needs and cravings. I didnt see it at the time. Not until everything spiralled and one thing led to another and..well, here I am. That's the point though, isnt it? To know where you went wrong and to make a better choice? I want that for Ren. I want him to be happy and to not find his own demise with regret, wondering if he'd do it again if given the option. In our first years together, though I hadnt noticed it, I were already protecting him. When he'd get in a fight that he knew he couldnt win, I would take the lead and show him how. When he were in situations that he werent fully comfortable, I would guide him into the winning approach. Brothers, it seems. Either he is a new version of myself or perhaps even a newer Nicolai, I'll never know. They're so simular at times. But I've come to realize that spending all my time on figuring out my past and why I am in the present was wasteful and I were repeating my same mistakes. I werent paying attention. With certain events coming to light and my brother falling back into darkness over and over again, I had become so consumed with my own quest that I'd forgotten my original quest. Protect my Brother. The bruises on his ribs persist him. Persist me. My own ribs ache dreadfully from a binder that no longer fits, our chest increasing in size and causing not only physical pain but great emotional and mental strain. I believe that our continued growth is something more medical, and should be looked into. People of our age do not normally continue to grow in the chest unless there is something hormonally unbalanced. Perhaps our problems with our thyroid is causing the hormonal imbalance to spiral? I'll need to make an appointment but first, to get us back on track with taking our proper thyroid medications ON TIME. We've done well with it for the past week or so, but I want to ensure at least another week of it before having our levels tested. Yes, top surgery is certainly becoming a priority in our future endeavors. But I need to also make an agreement of some sort with the insurance company to have it done. But I've seriously considered taking a time to see a Chiropractor as well for our back pain. Perhaps having a note from a chiropractor, agreeing with our notion that surgery would help our back pain, would aid in our case with the insurance company. Steps need to be taken, and one of us needs to actually get up and do them. But it is often so hard to find that courage. To find that ambition when all other attempts have been thrown aside or failed in such a manner as to cause great distress and depression. What else is there to do but keep trying? Failure is not an option when you are in a daily struggle with yourself. I am only happy that he has found comfort in his facial features and can, with confidence, take a photo of himself and not dislike how he sees himself. So long as the photos are above chest level. I want to change this for him. For us both. Maybe then I'd have done something right. Ah, here you are again Madam Five AM. My mistress of exhaustion has come to drag me back to her domain, haha. With Care and Appreciation, Alexandru Attached Thought: I have been doing more Mandala colorings. Perhaps with my next post, and perhaps some guidance on how, I will attach photos.

Good Evening everyone. I hope you're all doing well today or tonight, whichever the case may be. I were originally going to simply write in my journal tonight but my wrist seems a bit sore from the weather. Ren calls it Barametric Pressure? Either way, I am a bit sore in my wrists and knees. We had a slight development recently and learned a very valuable lesson. If you are unable to sleep and for some reason cannot think straight because of a seemingly dozen voices shouting in your head--taking double muscle relaxants to try and help is not always the best remedy. He thought it would help but usually only takes one, not two. And normally we'd have something in our stomachs before doing so. But alas, that was not the case, and our attempt at showering to calm the nerves nearly resulted in a collapse. Thankfully, we managed to get back to bed without any incident. But the fact that I couldnt hear him, nor him I, through a baracade of voices is rather concerning. Be them imagination from stress or alts we're not aware of, either way it was unpleasant to be sure. As a side subject, I'm rather pleased to know that our normal work schedule shall return this week. It'll be nice to get out more often and not have to sit around the house in idle procrastination. Though Ren not fronting very often sometimes worries me, I dont mind being out as often as I have been. It's just slightly saddening that he would rather sleep all day than take control. I'm becoming more and more aware of what it's like to live life as a Transgender person. I'll admit, I have much more sympathy for ciswomen with their 'monthly' issues and dont fully understand why Transwomen would want to deal with it, but I understand the need to feel whole--including the good and the bad. I do not feel all myself with the body we're in. Sleeping is astonishingly annoying with our chest being as it is. Though Ren does not feel any annoyance with his lower half, I do rather often. More of, I miss certain things that we lack. I would greatly love to start Hormone treatment though I know it is a subject me and my brother differ on. He does not want to, but I do. Oh how complicated the world must be...I try not to argue with him about it, but my baby face features are often annoying and demeaning. I dont like having the appearance of a child, nor do I like having the hips of a woman or petite hands. The lack of muscle in my arms is astonishingly humiliating, though I agree with him on the fact that exercise simply hurts. My back is far too sore in far too many places for me to exercise properly. Simply breathing deeply results in a devastating pop between my shoulders, seemingly from my spine, which can sometimes nearly drop me to my knee in shock and pain. I do not understand how the state can easily dismiss the pain of an individual simply because of a differing opinion on what gender they are. What resides in my jeans is no different from anyone else. If I feel that I am a man, that is at my own discretion and choice. If I must prove that I am a man based off what is down my pants, then I therefore demand that every businessman or woman who disagrees with my Masculine gender should do the same and show me proof of their own genders. It's simply ridiculous to deny a PERSON in PAIN the satisfaction of living life with happiness simply because you do not agree with them. The narrow mindedness of people I see on a daily basis is sickening. I met a woman once who was polite and thoughtful of those around her. I saw a cheerful woman who worked hard and took care of her friends well, and never judged those around her based on anything aside from how they treated eachother. That is what I saw. What others saw was a transgender person who possibly did not seem to pass very well. And that seems to be all that they cared about. Not about the person, but about her disposition. Believe me when I say that in my own days with my own society, they were not very forgiving either. Pagans were easily dismissed as devil worshiping demons, and anyone like myself who preferred both men and women as bed company could be murdered without a second thought. Though even today, this could easily be the case. But I fear that if that bastard Trump is elected, it'll fall into far worse situations. I pray that this country and this generation puts down their devices and lifts their eyes to see the world as it is crumbling and actually do something to help it, instead of pointing fingers and blaming names. It is so frustrating to see younger people in this world simply take and take and take without any recognition to those that they are taking from. To expect and demand and say that certain things are their right, when generations before never would have even been given the offer of such things. The freedom to speak is theirs, yes. But it does not mean to speak cruelty and for it to be alright. It means to be able to say that something is wrong without backlash from the victimizers. It means to stand up and defend someone being harmed without being, in turned, called the assailant. It means to acknowledge verbally that something simply is not right, draw attention to it, and correct the situation. Not to spit your false accusations and slay self confidence with your tongues of horrid judgement! This freedom did not always exist either. Previous generations had to FIGHT for that right! Not sit by and cry oppression and demand that someone pick them up and nurse them like children. If you want to be treated as an adult, then stand up on your own two feet and work for it. For instance, Kings of Old would sometimes offer assistance to the poor and deprived in exchange for loyalty and security. That in the event of the King being in peril, they were expected to do what they could to ensure his safety in exchange for rare foods, celebrations, newer homes and other various items. Now, people get assistance from their President but then riot and destroy and point fingers to their 'King' and blame him for their poor situations! Personally if you're to turn your back on those who are feeding you with benefits or 'food stamps' and other various, you should no longer receive them! This generation frankly frightens me. Not a fear that they will harm me, or a fear that they will fade into their own deprived state of mind. But a fear of taking this age of technology and advance and making a Uturn back into the stone age with their own foolish pride. And now I feel I've ranted far too much already...I only hope that one day they'll see their own errors and fix their own pathways before demanding new roads. You cant get to the highway unless you pave your own driveway.--A

Well Jay that reminds me to check out my own profile, it probably still says Transgender, I just hadn't thought about it, you're absolutely correct of course. It's nice to recieve some wisdom...........thanks. Don't think I'll be going to Sparkle this year but if I do I'll drop you a line. But I do plan on going to the Brighton Trans Pride 22nd to 24th July, I've never been to this festival before, and i think that I need to attend the famous festivals at least once, Sparkle was last year.......... Eve

Good Afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Firstly I would like to confess to my hesitation in posting a blog yestermorn, as I still were not certain as to the reactions I would receive as to the information I were providing. I will admit though that now I am less weary of doing so, considering all of the positive responses I've received. Today's blog is a bit of a ramble as well, though mostly on the subject of my adjustments. Upon the first blog I ever posted upon this site --Within Ren's account, before I created one of my own.-- I still were deeply rooted within my confinements and not given too much opportunity to 'front' and discover my own self. Often I would sit by and watch Ren carry on through his daily tasks, idly entertaining myself with mental quests or perhaps attempting my mind with poetry, which I have discovered absolutely no skill in my own soul for. I do believe that a rabbit who's already been boiled would have better luck creating poetry than myself, haha! But as time has gone through the hands of the clock, I've realized that more and more I seem to be preferred to be at the front rather than Ren. Perhaps he is fully adjusted to having someone else take the wheel or perhaps he is simply too tired and stressed as of late to do it himself; but either way I dont mind. It does give me much more practice with the outside world. Though I do have to mimic his voice and accent when speaking to others, I have become rather good at doing so without detection of my true self. Meanwhile I can try new things and attempt my hand at certain skills to see what I am and am not good at. One of which is painting. As far as I could remember, I'd always been a skilled artist. I loved to mix the oils and test new shades of colour; but I've realized that these hands are near useless for my style of painting. So instead I've resorted to our markers instead of oil colors and to adult color books than a canvas. It's a bit disappointing, but relaxing nonetheless. Driving, I have found, is certainly something that I enjoy. Though the speed and adrenaline of such makes me relaxed and comfortable, I fear that it also makes Ren a bit uneasy, haha. But I am careful and aware of my surroundings so we do not get into harm's way. Typing, I've found, is also rather enjoyable. Still, practice is needed. Another good antidote would be to blog so here I am! In regards to the forever plagued annoyance of flashbacks and early morning night terrors, they're as persistant as always. I'm sure the subject of reincarnation is probably another topic that could be introduced within the source, but regardless it seems to be altering my ability to get a restful sleep. Though some are not all too horrid to experience, some will also put me into a fit of cold sweats, hallucinations or even physical illness. It's been rather pesky to say the least. A change in diet does not seem to have been of any help. I have researched a bit into the subject and all that I have read or been told is these images or flashbacks usually only occur in younger children and they fade as they grow older. Perhaps they'll shift and die away in time, regardless if I have figured them out yet or not. On yet Another topic, I have discovered two of my greatest weaknesses so far. Chocolate with almonds and mandarin oranges!! Hahaha! The taste of one or the other is so incredibly comforting and enjoyable that I fear I'm to make this shell of ours fatter than a winter sow. But I cannot help it, it is so addictive! Though I suppose the mandarins are much healthier than the chocolate, the problem persists that we are limited on Mandarins and seem to have mountains of chocolate left over from Christmas! Ren is not pleased about his weight gain this season, but I've assured him that once summer hits and we can walk campus at our job again, we will shed it quickly. Especially now that I have gotten him to take his thyroid medication on a fairly regular schedule now. Blasted boy is horrid with taking medications on time, if at all! Kai seems to follow the same pattern for Goddess Sake! It can be very frustrating, haha! The family cat seems to have gotten used to me lately, as I woke up with him on my chest. Normally when Ren is fronting, "Gabriel" is very pleasant and social and loves to cuddle with him. But he seems to know when we switch fronts, and will immediatly get up and completely ignore me. Even other housemates noticed when he would suddenly decide to ignore me or not want to be held, which secrets revealed would tell that it were truly myself and not Ren. But he seems to be getting used to it. At the present time, I'll be working on more Mandala's and attempting to coax the other hidden alts to come forward enough to make themselves known, but it may take a very long while. I have been here since Ren were sixteen so I've been used to this sort of adjustment. The others, possibly only one but also it may be two, dont even seem to be of conscious thought. A bit like newborn calves, wandering aimlessly and bumping into things. I'll need to be patient. Perhaps a therapist would be of help to us but at the current time we do not have that option, as insurance is not active as of yet. We shall see. That's enough for now I suppose. My hands get worn out from typing rather quickly, though I'm sure practice will remedy it. May you remain safe tonight, Alex

Hiya Jay. Young Man, I Am glad that You have had a Good Christmas. This has been My First Birthday, ( 20th. December ), and My First Christmas, Officially, as Transsexual. To be Fully; Full-Time; Female Dressed; And Living, has been Lovely. ( I Love Pretty Clothes ! ). I Am Very Happy for You though Jay. The fact that You have got Your documentation changed, must have been a really wonderful feeling. ( I have told My Family, that once I have been "Out" for a Year, which will be 30th. April, 2016, then I Will be Officially changing My Name. ). Jay, I have 3 Son's, so All My male clothes have been sorted out for them. ( I do Not wear Any male underwear, or clothing, or footwear, at all ! Thank Goodness ! ) Have You ever been to Pink Punters ( Nightclub ), at Fenny Stratford, near Miltion Keynes, in Buckinghamshire, U.K. ? It Is somewhere that I usually go to on Friday Night's. This is somewhere that I feel totally Happy, and Safe. I know that You are waiting for"T", I Am hoping to go on Oestrogen, but when, I do Not know ! Jay, as long as You are Happy Young Man, that is what matters ! Jay, to You, and Your Husband, Good Health, Good Luck, Every Happiness, and A Very Happy And Healthy New Year For 2016. Jay, Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xoxo