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It's been a little while, been very busy. Now starting laser treatement and soon starting hrt. Really excited about this all and am now fully out and refered to as luna etc ... correcting a few people here and there however very much enjoying existing as me and not my old self. I miss being around here much and hopefully will make some time to be more present on here. Work has been keeping me busy with many projects and all sorts of good new things. I look forward to reading all the posts and blogs I have not been able to attend to till now. Hope to catch ya'll people soon. <3 <3 <3

I have meet our moderator here (the week after GRS where she took me out for a great dinner in California), only member that I have meet in person but had the pleasure to chat with several members here in the past where one member setup a conference call each Saturday. Although the conference calls did not last long I think they were an excellent idea as vocalizing verses writing is vastly different. I am hoping to meet two members here in person (and would like to meet more), one in the US and one in the UK, both know who they are when reading this. Just received a request to meet up with a member of another site (not nearly as good as this site) this afternoon. This member has been around for a long time and expect from reading her post this should be an excellent get together. Oh, and I told her I expect to hit the Pandora store while at this mall. With that, I am curious if other members have met up with other members here? Any on a similar note in regards to meeting people, this morning my best friend's daughter ask if I would be there with her and her mother to pick out her prom dress. I am so excited so has asked me.

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?? I've never met up with anyone from any site, some of those who I know on Facebook I knew previously, however I have wanted to, but other things just seem to get in the way, I think it's called life ! but I should make more of an effort......... Cheers, Eve

*hugs* I can't really offer any advice, only you can decide what is truly best for you, but I'm so sorry life has been that hard for you, and I can offer friendship, thoughts, hugs, and support. Have you had the conversations with your wife? If so, how did they go? Nikki hid all this from me for 17 years of marriage, and while there was a shock and give me a period to sort out my feelings of a few days when I stumbled into it, I really surprised him and started learning and talking it out with him. It's why I came here, I was looking for an environment to learn what it all means and how to better meet his needs. Is it possible your wife would benefit? Or do you need her not to be here for your peace of mind? I won't pretend I am on board with every potential end result, I was really honest with Nikki that he needs to do what he needs to do for himself, or herself if his gender fluidity changes, but I can't follow into hrt/surgery territory because I don't function that way emotionally or sexually. It's not an ultimatum, and I'll always be part of his life, I'd never want to never see him or her again, but reality sucks sometimes and I can no more 'cure' my sexual and romantic orientations than Nikki can 'cure' who he is inside (and since we don't know each other yet I'd like to state for the record I use the male pronouns for Nikki because he indicated I do so at this point to me), but we are doing the research and making choices together. And I was very clear that he needs to make the best choices for him, even if they aren't what is best for me. Right now transition isn't something he actually wants to persue, and being included in both his self-discovery and the physical realitiies of crossdressing has meant all the world to me even when it was scary sometimes, and our marriage has fully engaged now that there are no secrets. And being able to actually talk to me and ask questions has changed Nikki's understanding of himself, not to please me, but in answering my questions he had to really explore what it all meant to him to explain it to me, and I inadvertently helped him figure out his needs and feelings better. Maybe talking to her honestly and knowing where it all stands will help you make your choices from a place of knowledge vs. fear of loss? Even if it's bad? What I do understand from my position as a cisgender spouse, which limits my personal understanding to the academics, is that this is going to intensify for you as you go. And this is JUST my personal opinion feeling, but understanding that, is it possibly better to face the potential end of the marriage sooner so that you have more time to build the new life that you need, vs. forcing yourself into a crisis point? And only you know your spouse, but perhaps they may surprise you? The emotional intimacy gains are huge, even though I freely admit I fear sometimes for our future. I'm working on that fear. Take all these thoughts with a grain of salt, I'm new at this and only have a limited working knowledge of others react in these situations, and I can only offer thoughts based on my academic learning and personal experiences with Nikki. However this goes for you, I wish you the best possible outcome and a life of joy and laughter.

We haven't been around long enough, and no one else has yet mentioned being in our area, but we would love the opportunity! I'm glad you had a great time!

Great to hear you are making progress

Veronica, I had no idea about your ancestry, how fabulous to have that extra wisdom passed on to you, added to your knowledge of the "western world" - for want of a better term. So, similar to my posting, very few people will have that extra knowledge, I guess the trick is to use it in a modern day setting, with modern language so that all the "ignorant" (I use the term ignorant without any malice) people out there can start to understand it? Karen, thanks for your comment, nice of you to say so, as you've probably guessed my post was an extension of thought from your recent posting & my earlier posts. We learn in small steps at a time, but we don't individually have to climb every step, others can climb some of the steps for us, I think this is called teamwork or collaboration or something similar........... Cheers both, Eve

I'm tired of being cold. I miss my pool. I miss being able to just walk out the door and not worry about balancing what feels like a hundred pounds of clothing with my lungs cold-air reactions and Nikki freaking out that I"ll have an asthma attack. I miss playing D&D outside in the backyard in our lovely screen tent (cuz wow the bugs in this area), sitting at night with Nikki at the backyard fire pit watching the flames and talking quietly about the life, the universe, and everything in the comfy zero g chairs, and the backyard barbecues. I miss the smells of summer, and the colors. I feel whiny tonight. My life is going really well mostly, other than Yuriko. Things are going really well with Nikki, we're slowly getting our house back under control from the chaos that ensued post surgery and long recovery period into the holidays and the flu epidemic, everyone is healthy again, Nikki starts therapy this week, I'm in talks with my doctor about getting a firmer handle on my own health, and we have awesome friends. But I want all that and summer's heat too. Bree was born for summer. Here is the view from my backyard comfy chair on a lovely summer afternoon.

This is by far one of the best entries I have read on this site, thank you for sharing and vindicating what I believe to be true.

A few things that come to mind with humor. You can (or should not) go into a bar without a companionFemales include you in their secret chit-chats (that's why I transitioned, just for that)Make sure to read the restroom sign (ooooops I made that mistake already, got some looks)Female products have a "Woman Tax"Pany liners uugYou start noticing things like oh, my legs look crappy, exfoliating timeStay way from Victoria's Secret's, you can pass by one and not buy a new bra, panties, lotions etc.Panties rubbing against private parts may cause unexpected O's that will not stopIt's more difficult to shave underarms with real breast.You will put a thong on backwards at least onceShoe purchases increase, you need a room for all your shoes so you kick your son out to do this (only kidding, gave him two months)It may not seem like it but dilation is crap at first but gets better and less frequent. The real thing is a better way to dilate Larger than a 34B cup bras come in less colors (damit), stores seem to cater to 34B more than 36C.It will become more and more apparent "It's a man's world"Dating becomes (at least for me) easier but also you get to see things through a mirror.You now love to listen to Katy PerryClothing and shoes, at home becomes optionalYou enjoy Tofu and fruit cakeToilet seats seem less cold (yeah right)Toilet paper, can't be without it now. I keep a roll in my car and wipes in my handbagYour journey is finished, far from it.The ride is more enjoyable through life.Miss something from your former life (penis envy haha), there are strap ons for you.I am sure there are many more things I have not thought about.

Veronica, Where I was coming from was from well done specials, two in particular that followed (two in each) four people going from their born gender to their inner gender. Spouses were very supportive until either surgery or soon after surgery. Also from a series on Life time channel where two men were transitioning and their spouses left way before surgery. Don't get me wrong, I think it would be fantastic if the tables were turned and only a small percent left but seeing these specials and having discussion with people it surely seems the opposite.

Down another 9LB.