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I am a size 11 in shoes too and have found payless has a great selection at low prices. Never had any problems with sales clerks and find them very helpful there. Only scarey in the beginning but now very comfy in target and big dept stores during the days.

The purple is fine to me, and while I can read either font ,this one is clearer. I think with the depression and not being able to see it, that is part of the disease. It's an insidious disease the robs people of their ability to view what is happening to them clearly, which is why it's so hard to fight, or even realize you have something to fight. I have been in it, and Nikki is doing battle with it now, so I've been up close with it both inside and outside, and the view is radically different. I'm learning so much about a lot of mistakes I made just seeing the difference between how Nikki is processing under it's influence vs. how he normally does. It's not easy, and I'll send you all the hugs I can. I"m not really qualified to help with how to balance living with your life and your transgenderism, I'm a partner and looking at that from the outside in, all I can do is wish you the best possible outcome for you and her both, whatever form that is.

oops!!! This is so crazy I don't know... when I deleted the comment of EmmaSweet I was trying to clear this page and start over. I'll just come out and say that I'm not even thinking of hurting myself and if I don't use the cursive font can I still use the purple? I want my blog as friendly as possible. ​ ​

Since my teenage years I always wore breast forms when out. Back then they were foam forms as I was not aware of anything better. Clothing, I wear the same thing cisgender females wore so that I would blend in, not call undue attention to myself. Since I got the tucking down pat I could wear tight jeans which I favor to present time. Many who are cross dressers favor mini-skirts, pantyhoses and high heels which are in direct contradiction to what the average cisgender female wears yet I can understand the attraction to these garments and at all cost avoid them like the plague for casual outings. If one is to go out as a female it is critical to first work on your female voice followed by covering up the five O'clock shadow and by all means work on mannerism of a cisgender female. I like many others did these things and will greatly increase your chances of not being made. Once on hormones and removal of facial hair begins one can concentrate more on voice and mannerism. I can not stress too much how important mannerism and voice is too becoming at ease when out. Looking good is one thing but being able to communicate with others is paramount else you will end up in one or more uncomfortable situations which makes it more difficult to go out again. The more you are out the easier it gets yet many have issues stepping out the front door, get into their car and enter the world we were comfortable as male now is a place where one turns white with fear because they have not practice the techniques and skills needed to be comfortable when out and if you are not comfortable others will pick up on you and focus on those vibes. I honestly forget when the last time I was nervous going out, may be ten years ago but do remember prior to that time I was in the same boat as others and learned quickly that (as others have done) that it's a whole lot easier being out in stores and such where people would not recognize me. When I was 18 I went to a store in the next town over, dressed no different than any other female. Walked into the store and everyone stared at me. I truly believed I was made until a sales person tapped on my shoulder and said something like "you can't smoke in here". I then realized when she addressed me as female and told me to put the cigarette out my heart slowed down and I spent quality time there. The funny thing is I still have a pair of underwear I purchased in that store on that trip, a reminder to myself I could do this. Another memory was walking down the street over a long block where a man on a motorcycle kept circling the block and realized I was being watched and thought he had made me as a cross dresser and who knows what he wanted. Ended up at a stop light he asked if I wanted a ride. I was still learning my female voice but took my time to get it right and said something like I was not interested. As he rode off I called me a foxy lady, I of course grinned. In both cases and similar cases I did it right clothes-wise, mannerism and voice while other times earlier in life I did not and saw that people wondered if I was a cross dresser or (and this did happen) people believing I was a tom-boy.

I started by wearing casual things around the house, jeans, androgynous tops, non-descript sneakers, etc. As I became more comfortable, I began to wear these same clothes out shopping. No one knew the difference. I was comfortable in clothes that fit so I wore them. Wasn't long before I added a wig, breast forms and makeup, purse. Soon the jeans became a bit more obvious as I wore jeans with designs on the back pockets and more colorful tops. I'm very comfortable going out shopping and running errands in casual clothes. When I have an appointment or interview, I wear a dress or skirt and sweater. Although I am in mid-transition, I don't feel male or want to appear male at all. I am a woman now and will live everyday as myself. Enjoy your journey as you become more comfortable with yourself. Others will accept you for who you truly are. Hugs, Alana

Thanks so much Christie and Monica! I had heard about Payless and will definitely check it out! I'll also take some time this evening and check out the 2 sites recommended above... Shopping will be so much fun! Thanks girls! Roxanne xoxo

Dear Roxanne and Christie, A transwoman friend decades ago turned me on to Roaman's and Woman Within whose tall size clothes and shoes (up to size 13) fit many transwomen. Their customer service are excellent towards everyone. Highly recommend the paper catalog as well as signing up for their Internet catalogs. Their websites are: http://www.roamans.com http://www.womanwithin.com Happy shopping! Your friend, Monica

Roxanne, Overcoming shopping anxiety is a great feeling! I recall the first times I went and bought women's clothing and how uncomfortable I felt doing it. Now I go to Kohl's and don't give it a second thought - it helps that i have never once gotten any kind of comment about it from the cashiers ("oh, are you buying this for your wife?" etc.) I very strongly suspect that a lot of stores make it a policy that their cashiers not make any kind of comment like that. If you have Payless shoes in your area you might try that, I've found them to have the best selection in larger sizes (i'm an 11 or 12, depending on the brand). They're also nice in that they group the shoes by size. xoxo Christie