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As of August 31st I'll be going back to being a house turtle for Nikki. Just knowing there is an end has lifted a lot of the stress of it all. On top of my add issues and everyone thinking I'm stupid, there is a lot of bias because they're all Christians and I'm an atheist (something I did NOT introduce into any conversations, but my supervisor who is also my aunt did), I'm a liberal in a conservative group (same deal, I had no need to discuss things at work, but she apparently felt the need to announce my views for me), and there was an uncomfortable conversation with a coworker when I had finally snapped everyone should be treated equal and he said he bet I was the type to believe you could be born in the wrong gender too. This was just before I found out about Nikki, and after finding out it's just really uncomfortable for me on every level there is, from actual work only where it's so disorganized and unstructured I never get anything right to the social aspect of it. And I still feel like everyone judges me for not being better at it, for giving up and taking over the home things and letting Nikki deal with earning a living, for whatever. It's so socially trained in me that I have some sort of duty to do something 'productive' by everyone else's standards that now there is a sort of internal shame struggle that makes no real sense. I suppose it comes from being out of step with everyone else my whole life, I just automatically assume everything I do is wrong on some level. Nikki has been great about it, and keeps reinforcing how important it is to him that I"ll be more available to him. That helps. Sometimes I just make myself crazy. I'm torn between freedom from having to force myself to try to get it right and feeling like I'm letting everyone down. Gyah.

We came away from Nikki's doctors today with the awareness that diabetes might be rearing it's ugly head, that part is pretty unpleasant, but on a brighter note we also came away with a prescription for Zoloft to help with the biological part of the dysthymia. FINALLY! I hope this stuff works, I hope none of the potential bad side effects manifests, I just want Nikki to be better. And, in a weird way, I am happy it took this long. The doctor was thorough making sure she's giving him the right prescription for the right reasons. That matters hugely, I just sound ungrateful because I was frustrated and it's hard to be on the outside watching someone else suffer and you can't help. It really, really sucks. So today I"m pinning all my hope on this stuff, and maybe that's foolish, but it will or it won't work, doesn't hurt to be hopeful right now.

It's been 8 months since I have been on HRT, and I am feeling great. It's amazing how smooth my process has been. I am a senior in high school and I already have my name and gender marker changed legally and I am living my life authentically, I am extremely proud of how far I have come in just 2 years. I have opened so many people's minds about my community and I have been given so many opportunities so represent my community. I can't wait to experience more!

This is another post semester entry. This last semester has been so rough and yet so rewarding I cannot put into words how far I have come. Today is May 12,2016. Exactly one year ago I was lamenting about not having started T, and being at least two years from being able to afford surgery. Now here I am having been on T for nearly seven months and anticipating surgery in the next eight months. In the span of a year I have gone from being the victim of hard circumstances to being become an advocate for others around me. I am writing today to share positivity and support for everyone who privileges me with their viewership. Life gets better. Life will always get better. In the last month, I have had the full cycle of Karma decimate me in some aspects and restore, sometimes build me up in others. I got side swiped by a tractor trailer in my smart car and lived. not only did I live, but I didn't have that much damage to me or the car. In that same day and after much fighting I was told in front of a board of deans and students that we would get a gender neutral bathroom. I broke up with my long time partner, again, but I was told my chest surgery will be at the end of this year. I have stepped into the role of unofficial student liaison to the LGBT community. Last week I was awarded a full scholarship to my college and I won three awards. One of which was recognition of my work towards equality on our campus and the community at large. It was in the name of and presented to me by my IDOL! The man whom inspired me to be the BEST I can be and have no regrets.

Hi ! It's been a while since back logging on to tgguide community forums! I had two reasons for not logging on regular basis! Firstly I lost access to my tablet due to battery failure and I just bought it on new year's! Secondly I thought I was the only transgender person in a mega city as I reside in! But after my 4 years of hardcore transitions on or off, I have found a exact replica of my cross dressers to transgender community meeting every Monday in my area of residence! To my delight I have witnessed over 200 transgender community people similar to (me ) or diverse range of groups attempting cross dressing to living as either females or males, yes (we, feel like I am a contributor) have female to male individuals eg, # of 3-5 at least etc! It's a very interesting community as myself have been a member of tgguide as a last resort to deal with similar issues yet online only. Only when someone as Monica attempts to unify the best of us by holding (telephone) conference calls was a pleasure. But of course, meeting in person way off on another scale. I knew somewhere in my back of mind there was a community but didn't find it. But now it has been my 4 th month of weekly meetings where government sponsored sexual consent focus groups to online dating seminars to take place, you name it they got it! I hope to promote my YouTube channel for all members of transgender community not only cross dressers! Few that's a big scope. Visit Shazy Jeo on YouTube. Well I better start getting down making videos ciao

Although the origins of the Piñata can be traced back to China it still largely represents Mexico. Just a little tidbit that I thought I would include. The issue that brought me back here to my blog is one that has occurred to me from time to, but today it hit me a little harder than usual. It's really not like me to rush into my local department store and rush right out. However, here I was zooming to the checkout line without making any diversions, as is normal for me. I was in the grocery section, so there weren't any items of my fascination near. My mother lives across the road so I took a stroll. Half way there I remembered passing by the Piñatas and suddenly I actually felt like one. A container holding a fine bounty of treasure that everyone rushes in to take. I'm really the treasure inside and although I really don't want to be beat up with a bat, I do wish it were so simple. Please let me use a mid 20th century slang phrase, "The Man" is trying to beat me down into some idealistic world of fictional truth! It is the world that I have lived in for almost 45 years, until one night I went to dream land and a little girl showed me who I really am. Well, I'm next up to bat and evaluating the strategy of those that have gone before me, reviewing the weakness that I've noticed, choosing my best bat and waiting for my opportunity to knock this paper mache to the ground. Oh, how much do I, (we?) wish that it really could be that simple? xoxoxo The Purple Woman.