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*Hugs for Steph* I know, it's just easier said than done sometimes. Especially as my family went from huge to really small as time takes it's price and there are less and less around. I am healthier about this crazy weirdness between him and I than I've ever been, and progress continues, just sometimes...I don't know what to do with it all. I'm sort of surprised, so far silence from the other camp since I wrote the essay on it and posted it where it was visible. It wasn't directed at them purely, it was a I'm tired of all these people trying to defend their crappy actions blaming them on the spouses rather than their own internal lack of integrity. And looking to me to validate it. Yeah, I was raised that way, but as an adult I see that it was wrong. Meh.

Oh Michele, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. You are such a nice and caring person, and professional peace officer. And such a dear friend to Mthetho. May he rest in peace. Warm hugs, Emma

Hiya Chrissy. It Is so Good to hear from You. Well You have got a lot to look forward to. Good Luck for Your Appointment on Monday, about Your Bottom- Surgery, and Good Luck for Your Appointment in Mid-July, about Your Top -Surgery. The fact that You are having Your Top-Surgery on 19th. August, Must be Very Exciting. Seeing out time in a job, I Know is Very Boring. Good Luck for the NYU. Chrissy, You Should Be Very Proud of How Well, You Have Already Done, and How Far You Have Already Come. Look Back, at where You were, when You started that job, to where You are Now ! Chrissy, Well Done Honey. Stay In Touch with Us, and Let Us All Know, How thing's go. Speak Soon, Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes, Love Stephanie. xxxx

Hiya Briannah, and Emma. I agree with Both ofYou Ladies. It Is Never right to cheat. I have Never, Ever, Cheated; on any Relationship. However, My Wife has been cheating on Me, for over 21 Month's, with Other Men, and Other Women. She Is Bisexual; but only " Came-Out " to Me about it in the last 5 Year's; long after We first got together - which is over 20 Year's; and long after We got Married - which is a few week's short of 18 Year's. Yet, when I first " Came-Out " as Transsexual; to Her, on 30th. April, 2015; then I started buying Female-Clothing; Undies; Nightwear; Shoes; etc., and Wearing them; and Fully; Full-Time; Female-Living; on 1st. May, 2015; She said that I should have told Her, before We got Married. Although She says that She did Not need to tell Me, before We got Married. Our Physical Relationship, has been over, for 14 Month's anyway. However, She has been metering-out Domestic Violence to Me, for Well Over 8 Year's, and I have got the Physical Scar's to Prove it. She and Our Middle-Son; were " Trapping " Me, between the Front-Door; and the Front-Door-Frame; 22 1/2 Day's ago. A Neighbour Phoned the Police. This is the 4 th. time, in a very few Month's, that Neighbour's have called the Police, because, I have been getting Gender-Domestic-Abuse; from Her, against Me. I Am now Officially Registered; with Our Local Women's Aid Charity, as a Domestic-Violence Victim ! ( I Am only under the Same-Roof, because We have got 3 Special-Need's-Children ! But, I now want out of here, which I Am now trying to organise. Briannah, You My Darling Friend, should think of the 3 Most-Importamt People - Yourself; Nikki; and Your Son. Forget Your Cheating Father. He was only ever interested in Himself, and Not You. Briannah, Speak Soon, Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes; to You - Bree; and to Nikki; and to Your Son; Love Stephanie. xxxx Emma, Speak Soon, Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes; to You - Emma, and to Your Wife; Love Stephanie. xxxx

Yeah. There's just this stupidly complicated dynamic between me and him, and I'm trying to figure out how to change it without destroying the dwindling amount of family I have left. I don't know that it's possible. It feels more and more like it's eat the poison pudding or lose everything. But if I have to choose, no more poison pudding. I'd rather have just Nikki and my son than keep eating that pudding. My dad has a real feeling that consequences are for everyone, until it means him. *Headdesk* I don't know that this can be navigated in a positive way without me being willing to let him continue like that.

"... it's never okay to cheat..." 100% agree. Never cheating has always been a mainstay with my wife and me, and I've assured her (truthfully) that I never have, either with her, my ex-wife, or long ago girlfriends. We need to reassure each other on things like this because of our histories. What your father did was inexcusable. I wonder where he got the idea that his behavior was okay? Maybe from others in his family or friends/associates. I feel fortunate that I didn't have such role models for that, or misogyny, or violence. Lots of other crap to be sure but none of those. I think it's terrific you're doing what you need to do. It's your father's responsibility to take ownership of his actions, or not. You can't control him. But it's perfectly okay to put him on notice. Hugs, Emma

Lovely, Monica, thank you. But, were you writing about you? Emma

If you're wife needs someone to talk to, I'm not in the same boat as she is as at this point Nikki identifies as gender/fluid/crossdressing and transitioning is not currently happening, but I would be happy to listen and offer whatever support I can. I may not know all the feelings she is having right now, but I can still offer hugs and a safe ear if she would find that helpful.

It is now some time since I last wrote and my life has settled into a routine. My wife and I are still a together, I have begun taking hormones and I feel so much better. It has been slow but steady progress in my relationship with my wife whom I love and appreciate greatly. I just pray that it will work out between us and that she is happy. I have said how much I love her and that I understand my decision is my choice and not hers. We discussed my needs and we have made some compromises. These have been that I dress tomboy in the day time and save my dresses for the evening. I still dress in the day but wear girl jeans, androgenous tops, clear nail varnish, mascara, bra etc. It must be very hard for her and we have talked many times. She sometimes feels angry and sometimes loving and supportive. I can only be thankful for her love. I have Ben taking hormones for just over seven weeks now and the biggest change has been to my breasts. My nipples are slightly larger, harder and there are slight swelling in my breasts. I can also feel small lump's behind my nipples and like a flat thickening in my breast which catches behind my arm when I read across my front. My equipment also seems to have shrunk as well as other changes down there but I am not sure about describing these here. I am very happy so far and sincerely hope for positives to continue. Also thank you to my wife and contacts.