Leaderboard

May 2017Ok so I meant to begin this way back at the beginning of the year, but like most things we plan to do and keep putting off I now find myself in May and only just sitting down to begin this.So I should start by outlining what this diary is about. Over the next seven months I intend to update on a regular basis my progress not towards transition but towards being a healthier and contented self.So where am I now? Well some of the things I had done or started in the past are: ·Ears pierced – Done [April 2007]·IPL (Laser Hair Removal) – In Progress [Started with professional IPL in June 2008 and ongoing with home kit intermittently since}·Legal Name Change – Done [February 2008 to a more generic androgynous name]·Social – Done then Not Done [Not been out since around 2011. I put on heaps of weight, lost confidence, changed jobs, moved Countries blah blah blah]·Stop Self Harming – Done, but still get the urge to at times, which I always try and move past. Some days it’s easy, some days not so easy, but still no longer cutting, burning or trying to damage myself in any other way.·Take a Skin Care & Beauty Night Class – Done and learned heaps. Strongly recommend doing one if you can·Fashion Design/Dressmaking Night Class – Done and still makes heaps of dresses these days as well. Even taught my daughter how to sew.·Stop Smoking – Done {15 years and counting]·Stop Drinking Alcohol – Done [11 years and counting]So that is where I have got to. The hardest part now is getting my body in to some shape or form that doesn’t repulse or depress me when I see it in a reflection or a mirror.This is where this diary now comes in. Three weeks ago I began a Paleo diet which basically means that the only food I can intake is as listed below, this means no bread, no dairy, no chocolate, no pizza, mmmmmm pizza.Paleo Diet Meats·Turkey·Chicken breast·Steak·Bacon·Eggs (duck, chicken, or goose)Paleo Diet Vegetables·Carrots·Cabbage·Peppers (all kinds)Starchy Vegetables·Sweet potatoPaleo Diet Oils/Fats·Olive oil·Grass-fed butterPaleo Diet Fruits·Apple·Blackberries·Blueberries·Lemon·Lime [particularly in water to drink]·Raspberries·Oranges·BananasSome of my own diet staples are lemon and ginger tea, peppermint tea and chamomile and spearmint tea. I also drink heaps of water and sometimes for a treat some Pellegrino sparkling water. Sweet Potato chips and eggs are a huge part of my mix as well, coupled with lean meats. I also as a guilty pleasure often make a gluten and dairy free banana bread with cinnamon sugar top. It’s not exactly fat free but everything in moderation Eating OutEating out should not be as complex as you would imagine. Basically if it has bread, pasta, wheat or dairy, you don’t eat it. For example, breakfast out means scrambled egg, bacon and/or sausage. Lunch could be anything really, Dinner likewise. Spring or still water is also good and I have found that it keeps you palate clean for tasting the food as well, which is a pleasant change. Also forces you to think about what you are eating and I have therefore stopped eating junk food, not that I would eat a lot of them anyway and I tend to eat very little fried food, with most of it grilled.Fitness/ExerciseGym wise, I try and get there three times a week, and do a steady 40 minutes cardio session of cross-trainer, static bike and either treadmill or rowing machine. I have knackered knees so the less impact the better and although the cross-trainer can be a bitch at times it does work and I always feel better afterwards. I’m fortunate that I have a training partner in the form of my wife, so if either of us is less than excited about going, at least the other one can drag you along. Honestly it does work better if you have someone to train with, even if you are ignoring each other whilst you listen to your tunes and sweat profusely lol.Going Full TimeI get asked this a lot, "Am I full time". It's always a hard one to answer so I will attempt to do this here.In 2008 I was on the verge of transitioning, I had legally changed my name, lost a hell of a lot of weight and was generally presenting on the cusp. Very androgynous in the way I dressed and looked.However, around this time I became very ill, suffering from Chronic Pain and spent the good part of 2 1/2 years on high doses of morphine and weekly clinical psychology sessions.It obviously made my relationship stressful with my wife and thankfully we are very much closer now than we have ever been. Due to being ill, having young children, losing my job and working through some childhood trauma, I was just not in a position to begin to present as a woman and begin the journey through to GRS.What I had done though, and continue to do so, was to stop pretending to be something I wasn't. The name change helped with that. I was no longer a dual person with both a female and a male name and so it allowed me to be who I am today.People can physically see me for what they want, but what they get in terms of my personality, is just me. The person who I am on the inside, is now what people get to see on the outside.Of course I would love to have GRS, and the need to present more and more as the woman I am continues to cause me great consternation and pain, but if you ask me 'am I full time', I guess my answer is yes I am, you just wouldn't know it if you looked at me.More to follow............

Hi all, On Saturday I had lunch with a friend from school - and then we hung out for a few hours. I know him well, we were at the same field placement during our first year and we share a love of Taco Bell :-) A discussion we had along the way on Saturday was about being "out" in class. With me it's about my transgender identity, with him it's about being a military veteran. On the surface for both of us is a desire to not be "the ___ student" (me "the trans student"). For him that might really be it, for me I think it goes deeper, I think it's a real desire to maintain my identity as a woman and the fear that being open about being trans undermines that. Even deeper is that internally I still see being trans as somehow making me less of a woman. The result of all this was that during my entire first year I had never said anything about my gender identity in class. I had said things about it individually to other students, but never during class - and it is a social work program, so there were many, many opportunities where I could have - and should have - said something. We both agreed that not sharing is both bad for us individually (it's hiding something) and we miss the opportunity to add something to the educational process for others (leaving out a major part of our life perspectives). That changed on Tuesday. We did a quick in-class exercise where she gave us each a short scenario, something that was designed to generate a negative response (mine was that I had applied for an apartment, and although I was fully qualified and the only person who was applying for it, the landlord rejected me). My initial response was confusion and assuming that it was because of my gender identity. I had a minute or 2 to think of an alternative, but I didn't. So for the first time I openly acknowledged my gender identity in class :-)

Charlotte, That's a great start! And I like the detailed nature of your diary, it can help give others (me!) ideas :-) Emma - I use the Libra app (I have an Android) which does what you talk about as far as giving you a moving average for weight - it's definitely helpful! Also use Myfitnesspal app to track calories. xoxo Chrissy

Great start to your diary Charlotte! It helps me, too, as I am taking baby steps toward transition. I guess I try to follow a paleo diet which looks to me like Atkins. I just try not to eat refined carbohydrates, and, try for smaller portions. One thing I do that's really helped is that I have a digital scale that I weigh myself on every single morning. I then enter the number into a spreadsheet that calculates a 10-day moving average (which smooths out the fluctuations) and my BMI. I graph the weight numbers too vs. time. About three years ago I was about 175 pounds (I'm 5' 9") and through managing my diet I got down to 155 which was terrific. These days I'm about 164 and trying to return to the 155! It's hard as I love food so much. 💃🏼 Anyway, please keep us up to date on your diary. I'd love to keep comparing notes and learning from you. Emma