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Blue, I've been collecting photos of women with possible styles, and plan on reviewing them with a pair of women friends who know me personally so I can get their opinions. Then I will also show the stylist and get her feedback. I hope that works or at least makes the best of it! I should be able to post a photo in about a month...

Dear Ladies, Please keep in mind that ONE OUT OF THREE adult cisgender women wear wigs or hair pieces. Have experimented with wearing a wig. The wig flattered me very much and was much more attractive than my natural hair. Wore it daily but kept very good care of it. Sadly, even though it was an $85.00 wig, I had to give it up, because the wig only lasted three months, which would have been financially prohibitive for me. By the way, artificial hair wigs are much more comfortable than natural hair wigs, in my experience, and just as natural looking. Also, I think artificial hair wigs seem to stand up to wear and tear better than natural hair wigs. Yours truly, Monica

Emma, I can't wait to see it and whether you go pixie or try something else. A tremendously talented hair stylist might know what is best for you, but I have found them exceptionally rare so you would probably know best what works as well as the kind of look you want.

A "pixie cut" seems to be a good option for those things ☺

Emma, that sounds like fun, the hairstyle hunt. I also appreciate your post, Monica, since I had no idea that one out of three cisgender women wear wigs or hair pieces and that seems freeing in case I ever want to try it.

Hiya Karen. Good on You Honey. Firstly out Driving, and then being hit on by 2 Guy's Twice. Karen, You cannot blame Them Babes, because You are A Gorgeous Young Lady. Karen, It Is Always Great to hear from You Sweetheart. Keep Smiling, Take Care Honey, And My Very Best Wishes, Love Stephanie. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I agree with Blue. I loved the way you told your story and the outcome of course, too. I'm not happy with wigs for myself and am going to get it styled in about a month. I have a high forehead and some hair recession/thinning there too. I really hope mine will look as good as yours!

Chrissy, congratulations on your hair independence now that you are free to wear your own hair or a wig. I just want to tell you how much I understand the importance of hair to your gender identity and overall sense of self, appearance, and social persona. That has always been an issue with me, beginning in middle childhood when my desire for long hair became a terrible battleground for me with my parents. That made me hypersensitive about it for life. You portrayed your hair unveiling so vividly and I could totally see myself going through a similar thing if I were you or in similar circumstances. I've rarely been entirely happy with how my hair looks and it being as androgynous as I want it to be rather than too male or too female looking. I also have a so far unfulfilled desire for feathers in it, especially ever since I saw Steven Tyler with them years ago on American Idol.

Chrissy, so personal to happen with your sister and must hurt so much but her terrible limitation and loss.

So sorry you had to experience that. I'm sure most of us live with the realization/fear of being rejected for our identity, and the actual experience of it, but to have it put to you so directly must be difficult. The closest I've come to this is with my sister - no letter, but a couple of phone calls and a text established that she didn't accept my gender identity, we don't speak anymore. I guess I would just try to remember that even though the person who sent you the letter referred to "others" being upset or offended, they were really only speaking for themselves. Xoxo Chrissy

Of all the things in the world to be upset and offended by. Sad for you but pathetic for them. Yeah, maybe weak minded or insecure along with narrow-minded and perhaps judgmental. Emma has a good point, though, that it might turn into something of an opportunity to inform and educate others. Some people really do not understand how someone can be a different gender than the anatomically assigned one or can be both male and female genders. However, they can often come to have some acceptance and understanding with more information or personal contact rather than it just being an unfamiliar, abstract, and maybe even absurd idea.

Didn't you send out a press release recently that you are transgender? (I didn't really understand this and asked if you would post a copy on your blog...) And then, wouldn't you expect pretty much everyone you know to learn about you? Anyway, I agree with Karen. I wonder if you could contact the event management (even after tomorrow is fine) to have a private meeting to talk about their concerns. I think it's best to calmly understand their assumptions and then see if you can educate them, always politely of course.

Sorry to hear this has occurred, must have been done by a weak minded person.

In regards to keeping in a state of readiness, what happens when you are trained and disciplined is readiness is not in the fore front of one’s mind but is now instinctive in nature. I tend to be more in tune with what’s happening around me from “oh, those flowers are pretty” to “that person is acting in such a manner to be on alert”. Living both genders provides both a unique insight into how people perceive the opposite gender thinking prey, an easy target to “don’t mess with that person”. In my former life I remember when first beginning as an instructor my demeanor to students was for lack of better terms was “don’t mess with him” while countless times people would ask me if I was FBI, CIA etc. LOL. Then in my current life that pretty much never happens which is kind of cool. For instance my manager at work was talking about self-defense to another co-worker and I found a time to inject myself into the chat with a demonstration to show how I would handle the situation they were talking about. I remember his face, never seen me do this before. He is about thirty pounds more then me and several inches taller and boxes. I had him in a position where I could walk him around without any chance to escape using one hand to control him. Months later his boss joined in on a conversation and I asked for someone to volunteer for a similar demonstration, my boss stepped back and pushed his boss forward (lots of giggles came next). My point is not to say how good I am but instead to prove a point that a female/cross dresser or transgender can have the upper hand on an attacker because the attacker does not see it coming. Back in the day when I was training rough and tough military types we would train to the point that afterwards there at times were serious black and blue marks, blood and soreness between the legs (if you catch my meaning). The point here is I believe if a student really wants to be prepared they need to go past the clinical classroom setting to become inoculated to a sudden attack. I did my first such class for non-military and afterwards only a third of the students (all females) were a little disappointed that I did not go harder on them (as I did with military types). I told them that you are the minority and would offer another class to up the force-on-force level but sadly the class didn’t get more than eight people while my normal class would be 15 to 20. I’d hear back from the more dedicated students, not many which is good that they actually had to use the skills I taught than they all reported the force on force made a difference. Heck even my daughter told me this too when she had to fend off a frisky men. When I think of ingrained, that comes with training outside of the classroom. For one year I offered free follow up training once a month to students. Not many took me up on it but month after month the same six or so people showed up and progressed with their skills. Then there was a fortune 500 company who saw value in continual training and contracted me for a year to ensure employees had a set of skills that would possibly save their lives in a violent situation from various confrontations. Next week, at work where I’m part of the agency I work for we are putting together life like training for “Active shooter”, oh how this will be fun training 1,000 people. The head of security is former SWAT with an open mind which many law enforcement people are not to civilians and transgenders. Seems I got a tad long winded here, my apologies.

I am so glad that you and Nikki accept, understand, and support each other so strongly and are always finding ways to grow together and make things better, more in keeping with what you like and who you are. That is mainly where you find your peace and belonging, plus maybe also with a few close friends rather than with family and people in general. Many are set in their narrow, binary ways and still have their own limitations and prejudices or judgments no matter how much they consider themselves unique, unconventional, or enlightened. I feel that Nikki shows an exceptional degree of self-awareness, honesty, courage, and bravery by accepting and exploring varying and multiple gender states. Too bad it’s like gender heresy to some.

Karen, read a little of your blog and wish I could train with you and had those speedy curves to play on with my own very fast, nimble little car. You seem to excel and test the limits in everything you do by design and with control. I am in awe of your self-defense skills and teaching experience. That must also help keep you in a state of readiness by demonstrating tactics and responses necessary in times of condition red. The more ingrained or overlearned the better in case of a real-life situation. It is also great that you have the capability to scale way up for students willing and able to go beyond the basics into more advanced self-defenses methods and firearms. I love that you carried forward these skills and interests into your transition and the lgbtx community since they are often gender-typed as masculine, although that is a ridiculous, narrow-minded stereotype. They make you even more attractive as a woman.

To elaborate (thinking about what bluemoon mentioned). One of the most important things as an instructor to understand is where students are coming from along with what they are willing to do or not do. With that I refrain from teaching firearms as a self-defense tool for this class but instead focus on Awareness OODA loop as a foundation https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OODA_loopColor codes https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeff_CooperVerbal Judo http://verbaljudo.com/Empty hand techniques to stop and attackEmpty hand techniques to control an attackImpact tools (flashlights for instance) to assist with larger attackersDealing with bystandersDealing with law enforcementI have lots of experience (including teaching firearms ranging from handguns to shotguns) https://karenpayneblog.com/2016/09/18/defensive-tactics/ I do understand those not willing to participate but at the same time many walked through the doors where I taught with either or physical or mental scars who would tell us they were the type not to take these classes but after an attack that changed everything.

Karen, I have great admiration for your self-defense skills and willingness to share them. It not only benefits your students but the entire lgbtx community by helping to change the stereotype of us as easy targets and make others think twice about trying to bully or hurt us. By the same token, Emma, your friend not just protected himself on those occasions but may have stopped them from going on to victimize others. Bullies rarely pick a fair fight. They choose what they believe is a sure thing and avoid what they consider a risk. They often have a keen sense of others' vulnerability. It is key for everyone to know their capabilities and limitations. For example, carrying a gun can be a life-saver for some, but place others in greater danger. Some can become experts in martial arts, but most are better off with the kind of class Karen offers. Of course, self-defense means not just fending off attackers but learning ways to minimize risk and escape or gain assistance in a bad situation (such as sounding a loud whistle and not getting coerced into a secondary location). Thank you again, Karen.

I've also had several people tell me how brave or courageous I am for coming out, and for being, transgender. And as you say it's wonderful to keep those people in mind especially when we have down feelings or worries or are criticized. Why shouldn't we just be happy and live accordingly? We should but each of has his/her own personal responsibilities, inner demons, and social considerations that they need to try to balance and come to terms with. Like myself, I endured for more than a half century to confront and understand myself and to slowly push the boundaries toward transition. In the US (and, it seems, in some European places) younger people are growing up with more open-minded parents, and are thus coming out and being themselves earlier and more naturally. And, they also have puberty-delaying drugs that enable them and their parents to mature into having a more confident decision about which gender they really are. So, the answer? There isn't a single answer. As all people, transgender or cisgender, are different, each person's situation is unique and their own.

Hi Chrissy Thank you for your kind words. The two year wait in the uk is just to see a transgender centre. I am very lucky in one way as I live quiet close to one of the few centres in the UK. Sadly like in the USA and in other countries that I have been looking into lots of people have a very long way to travel. This part of my reason to try raise awareness of the situation in the UK and if it raises awareness and helps children and adults in other parts of the world that are transgender that would be a huge bonus. But I am sure there are other wonderful people working as hard to make it work as well.

I think that's really neat, Karen. To be honest I would be reluctant to attend your class because I'd be afraid as I always was of physically fighting, whether for my own protection or what. I well remember fearing the wrestling class in PE that lasted I think 1 or 2 weeks every year. It seemed like it was such a joke for the coach and the rest of the class to witness my quick humiliation. I just wanted it to be all over with. A problem for me is that I don't really see the "bad" people out there who might harm me. I'm meeting a friend in Anchorage late next week and talked to him last night. He told me that in California he always carry's a pistol. He's licensed, trained, and all that. He says it makes him feel better, and he has a couple of stories over the years which he uses to show its need. (He's not shot anyone or pulled the trigger.) I get it, I think. But I have no desire to carry a gun, in my car or anywhere. So it's much better to be at least trained in self-defense by someone like you. I'm relocating to Seattle so Salem is kinda far, but who knows, I may sign up for your class one of these days. :-)

I wish I was close enough to take your class :-)

A great time for us on both sides of the Atlantic and all ponds to celebrate our independence from the rules, limitations, and shackles of anatomical and binary gender determination. Viva la gender revolucion. fireworks in all colors.

Charlotte, Good luck with your efforts! Very worthwhile. Is it a 2 year wait for anything specific, or is that for any medical transitioning? That is a long wait - on the other hand, it seems like it's probably more available than it is in the US to many. I'm not trying to one-up you, just to say that it seems neither country is quite getting it right yet. Chrissy

Hi Charlotte, It's great to hear from you and thank you for your kind wishes. I feel there is a rising tide of awareness and appreciation for transgender people. It is coming slowly and there are always obstacles to navigate (e.g., Trump, Pence) but as they say a rising tide raises all ships. I am also hoping to have my hair styled in a more feminine cut. I will go see a stylist in late August which will be five months since my last cut, which wasn't too short. I think it will be long enough to at least present more androgynously, and also be nice while I wait more months for it to grow out more. My hair is very gray and I have some thinning on top and a high forehead, but everywhere else it's thick and healthy. I hope I won't need to go to a hair doctor but I will if necessary. It would be fun if you would publish one of your press releases here. Amazing to me that you've done that! Best wishes, Emma