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(L) Good morning, I came in from taking son to school and Deedee was sitting at the dining table looking all pretty with a long sleeve white tshirt, jeans and her boots and hat on. I wasn't expecting to see it when I came in the front door and I guess I sort of looked dazed (I mean, it was 8:15am, I was, and still am, half asleep). She thought that I was not happy about her going to work that way, but it wasn't true, I was just surprised and not sure, in my half asleep state, what was going on. I know I should expect her to begin dressing up more and more, but it is still sort of a jolt to my system when I see her that way. I will get used to it, over time. And, it is Halloween also, so later on, when I had woken up a little more, it occurred to me that today was the best day as any to go out dressed up when it is light outside. So far, it has been at night, and in dark restaurants. She looked good, as always. I guess I can't say handsome anymore. We are selling our house, and at the end of this month, we are going out on the road. We don't know our destination, nor where our journey will take us. This is a huge move, with lots of loose ends to tie up here, and I'm also leaving the area that my job is in, and taking it on the road, so if I have meetings I need to attend at the office, I'm trying to tie up all that stuff also. Besides the usual move stuff; address forwarding, school papers for the boys, shot records from drs, packing what stuff we are not taking on the road, to be stored until after the first of the year, selling the things that we can before we leave. My mind is full of stuff to do, besides the usual stuff, paying bills, cleaning, cooking, etc. Yesterday, Deedee and I had a little disagreement about starting the HRT. She came to me and said, I made an appt at a doctor for next week. I thought we were going through this journey together, so that was shocking to me, that she would make an appt without asking me, or figuring out a babysitter for the boys, etc. So I simply said, I thought we were doing this together? She took that to mean that I was against the whole idea. I simply asked a question, and then I wanted to voice my concerns that considering I already have so many things on my plate that it would be better for my sanity if we waited until after our road trip, possibly the beginning of the year, to find a Dr and begin it then. I can only handle so many things, emotionally, physically. I was called selfish though, so I let it go. After talking about it for a few hours, over the course of dinner time and getting kids to bed, I guess going to the appt isn't all bad. Even if they give her the meds that day (which I doubt), at least it is a start. We will find out the dosage course, and then look to transfer to another facility up north when we get there. I will have to just watch myself even more to stay on an even level with my emotions, and not think too much when/if she gets overly aggressive or mean. I already deal with a 5 yr old with ADHD and a 1 yr old that thinks everything is his, and screams bloody murder if he doesn't get what he wants. If I turn off my emotions for a few months, its all good. Momma is saving her sanity...

Today Was a good day, came out to a dear friend and. Still have and probably will for a while have some ups and down with the wifey mainly because the fear of loosing her man but hey she's gaining a woman. I know i need to assure her that I am not going anywhere and I will always be here. This blog will be full of our thoughts about transition. I made the appointment today to get hormones. I am debating wether or not to start them before or after our month long vacation before Christmas and new year. I think I would like to start them as soon as I get them but L is afraid I will ruin the Holidays with teenage puberty. I don't think I will, I think it could be a beautiful time with the Children and L in the mountains as I begin the journey to womanhood. I actually felt a flutter in my stomach after the appointment as made. I think its really going to happen and I am going to free the inner Beauty I used to call her Erica when I was younger but I have found it easier to go by DEE DEE since those are my initials. whichever name I choose to keep is our decision and no one else. I will be happy when I have breast growth and when my hair and face are more feminine and I will be so thrilled the day I can have this headache removed from between my legs. That day will come. I know it will. I hate my male genitals; I have hated them for years. They serve a purpose and that was to make babies and we did we made 2 awesome boys. Daddymommy needs to be freed of the enslavement of this meat mass. this is just how I am feeling today. I sure hope L post something later.

(L) We are still tossing around names. Deedee would be easy because it is her initials anyway, but if we had a girl in our family, we always said we would name her Joy. We just had our 2 boys, and that name, Joy, has always felt like it belonged in our family, and since we couldn't give it to one of our kids, this seems like an option. It is still under discussion

Hi to both of you, Communication is everything, especially now as Deedee is going through her transition as is L and the entire family. And going on the road besides, without knowing where you're going to relocate to? Wow, that's a lot. On April 17 of this year I also took off on the road, in a small Winebago RV, heading north from the Bay Area toward Alaska. I left behind my wife of >20 years, our house, and my friends. I also didn't know where I'd end up. I saw myself possibly crisscrossing the US for a couple of years. As it turned out I reconnected with two lesbian friends (who're married to each other) in Seattle, and that, combined with my decision that I must live in a place that is not only trans-tolerant but trans-welcoming, that's where I settled. I have plenty of stresses but also have a wonderful support network of my original friends, new ones, and professionals. I never knew how important such a support network is. But this isn't about me. I'm only writing about it to provide some context. L is remarkable that she's weathering this storm as well as she is. Name calling isn't okay - ever - from either of you. We all get angry and emotional; at times and that's just being human. My previous therapist advised that anger is a way of signaling "STOP" to the other. Maybe keep that in mind for the next time, that you both need to cool off a little. My wife and I were advised by therapists over the years that communication is so important. Unfortunately this is something that my wife just doesn't handle well. We both tried, and to this day we love each other so much still, but we were unable to stay together. I suggest a book to bring with you on your trip: "Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar" by Cheryl Strayed. Perhaps when you need to, read one of the stories aloud to the other, and talk about the feelings this brings up for you. I love Cheryl Strayed and her book helped my wife and I as we tried to bridge our communication gap. Put the kids to bed, snuggle up with hot chocolate, and love each other.

Hi DeeDee, Glad you found us! It is exciting to finally acknowledge and become our authentic selves, isn’t it? We are blessed to be living in this day and age when the tide is finally shifting toward tolerance, acceptance, and dare I say welcome of transgender people. You look terrific in your photos! Emma