Leaderboard

So now the holidays are upon us; my first since my wife died. We never really did that much to celebrate them, but it's still different. My sister invited me to be with her for Thanksgiving, and I took her up on it. Vero Beach is a two and a half hour drive and even though Marybeth suggested I get a motel room and spend the night, I decided to just go for dinner and come home. I didn't feel like boarding the dogs, and I'd just as soon sleep in my own bed anyway. Marybeth's husband, Bill, is 14 years older than she is at 86--interesting since my second wife was 14 years older than me. My siblings seem to follow in my footsteps. He is nice enough, but a bit of a stodge--my brother cannot understand why she married him. I enjoy seeing my sister from time to time though. I'm not sure what word would best describe her--vivacious, maybe. She is somewhat perky and bright with a ready laugh. There is never a lack of conversation, for sure. Bill is a retired CPA who now writes novels--he has written two, both self-published. I hve to commend him for doing it. A lot of people talk about writing a book--few actually do. My sister is also a writer--articles for the Vero Beach magazine. She is good. They live in a huge, expensive, senior living condo--one bedroom, tiny. It works for them. I got to VB around 2:30 and the three of us chatted for an hour or so. Then it was time to go to the country club for Thanksgiving dinner. Marybeth has told me ahead of time that a sport or suit jacket was required but no tie. I started to do just that but then changed my mind. I had bought a dress shirt with French cuffs a while back with my wife's encouragement and never had it on. So, I figured, now is as good a time as any. Furthermore, I didn't like the look of a white shirt with no tie, so I dressed up a bit. Felt good. I did mix it up a little. The standard outfit in this set seems to be a navy blue blazer with tan slacks. I wore a tan jacket with navy slacks. I like both looks, but I like being a little different too. We were joined by Bill's daughter and her husband, who is originally from South Africa. They are recently retired at 60 and I gather fairly well-to-do. They were visiting Vero Beach because Hurrican Irma destroyed most of St. John's where they have a second home. Cindy had to keep reminding herself that complaining about losing their place was a 1% complaint when so many of the islanders lost everything, and now had no work on top of that. But was a cordial evening, and the food was good--traditional Thanksgiving fare. I don't like driving in the dark anymore, but I did make it home without incident around 9. My two dogs were happy to see me.

So, I've been here at my Mum's house long enough now that the time came to get my vehicle's license plate replaced. I've got a new plate and now I blend in with the locals. I've also been here long enough that my old driver's license was about to expire and I had to prepare for a new one. Being that I was going to end up getting a license in a new state, I figured I'd go online and see what all would be required... what paperwork/documentation, or whatever, to prove I'm a legal citizen of the good ol' U.S of A. While doing my homework, I discovered that I could actually start the process for getting a license - online. Okay...that was cool. For getting a license for the first time in this state, you have to fill out an application and then go thru the list of required documentation and pick out the ones you are able to provide, or must find a way to obtain. While filling out the application, the Devil crawled up on one shoulder, and David Michael crawled up on the other shoulder. Being that most humans have only two shoulders, naturally, there was no place for that little Angel that likes to be across from the Devil to counteract any of his shenanigans... LOL. The Devil and I were gonna get along juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust fine. Anywho... I came upon two boxes - one for male and one for female. There have been many a story about people who's driver's license had the wrong sex marker on them. And of course, anyone can make a mistake... so, I accidentally on purpose hit the box for male, 'cause, well, the idea of having to check female yet again, was distressful. It's becoming more so, more and more. I figured the hell with it - if anyone asks, I'll simply tell them I was in a hurry at the time, only half paying attention, an' obviously hit the wrong box. <shrugs> The days were dwindling. I had only about seven days left on the current license. Reluctantly, I hauled my sorry butt to the DMV to get a new driver's license. Armed with BC, marriage license, application number and current DL, I stood in line waiting for the next available agent. Finally, a free agent. I walked over and sat down, layed all my stuff on the counter, said "hello," and gave the lady my application number. She pulled up my application and went to work. Now... this woman had three documents in front of her that clearly stated my birth sex. I assumed she either didn't see the "M" on my application since she didn't question me, or she just took it upon herself to make the "correction." I sat quietly while she got everything filled out and entered into the system. She pulled a sheet of paper from her printer and advised me it was a temporary license and that I should keep it on me until I get the permanent one. I forked over my money, she collected everything I had given her, the temporary license, and handed it all to me saying that my permanent license would arrive in the mail within 15 days. I thanked her, we wished each other a good day, and I left. A couple days later, I pulled my wallet out to get that temporary license - I had folded it up before I had even left the DMV parking lot, not wanting to see the information on it. But then, I had to see what sex was on it - if it was on there at all since it was, after all, only a temporary license. I slowly unfolded the paper, and then tried to hone in on where I thought the sex marker might be. MY GOD, SHE DIDN'T SEE IT! And yeah - - it looked THAT glorious! I thought my heart was gonna pound it's way straight thru my sternum. I allowed myself a minute or two of sheer, unadulterated, child-like giddy excitement, then stifled it, and came back down to reality, believing there could be the possibility that between then and whenever the permanent license was created, someone might spot and "correct" that "M." I re-folded the temporary license and put it back in my wallet. Just a few days later, the permanent license arrived in the mail. I slowly opened it, bracing for the worst. I fully expected to find a "corrected" license and a letter to announce/explain such. Instead, an "M" nearly jumped off the card at me. I was very happy. Right or wrong, correct or incorrect, I was happy. I didn't even care that the name and the sex marker contradicted each other. I sat at the desk for a moment just looking at the license. And then I spotted it. That twit had entered my entire name... not just full first name, but full first name AND middle name - SPELLED OUT. If there's anything I hate worse than my first [given] name, it's my middle [given] name. And the bad part is... the application indicated that entry of a middle name or initial was optional, and all that was on the old license was an initial. I surely wasn't expecting that! Karma. Freakin'. SUCKS!

I'm going to ramble tonight which is what I usually do anyway. My 75th birthday on Friday passed quietly as expected. Funny that I got more congratulations from my neighbors and co-workers than my own family. My sister sent me a short text--no card this year; and I didn't even hear from my brother. One daughter texted that a late card was coming--she is always late; the other called a day later. My erstwhile son didn't bother either, but we have only recently re-established communication so maybe that's not surprising. A few congrats and likes on Facebook and Linkedin. Another day in the life. I did reconnect with my chatroom friends. I haven't been dressing as much and don't feel right about entering the chatroom en homme. Also, it has been late when I finally get finished with all my paperwork and organizing that I'm not up to spending a lot of time there. After a full day, I am ready for bed. (I have been tempted to use "just" so many times. I think I am getting better at eliminating it from my usage.) As I have mentioned previously, I have several potential account openings this week. The appointments have been set up, and we are ready to open my first business accounts. I have quite a few things in the pipeline now, so I am hopeful that at least some will happen. I am doing this for the money of course--that's why you get into sales, after all--but even more importantly for me, I am trying to prove to myself that I can do it. I have tried numerous times before, and while I have not been a total failure, I have not set the world on fire either. This feels different in that I am able to give it my all, and even more importantly, I am not desperate for the money--eventually, maybe--but not for quite a while. So, what will be, will be as the song says. My expectations are moderate. I think my sales coordinator is more optimistic. He is now counting on my to make his district quota for new account openings. Then with that, I have to get my dogs to the groomer on Tuesday morning. I have my monthly eye injection on Wednesday afternoon followed my the Comcast tech coming to install a new internet for me. Friday, I've been invited to a Thanksgiving lunch at my previous employer, PACE Center of Girls. Busy indeed. BTW, I did get dressed tonight for a short visit--skirt and blouse and a pearl necklace. Simple.

Today, I had five appointments. My District Sales Coordinator (DSC) ran them with me since I am not yet qualified to do an employer presentation. The first two went well, and we are scheduled to open my first two business accounts. The third appointment had to be rescheduled but remains active. My fourth appointment was run by my Regional Sales Coordinator since the DSC was not available. This one also went well and could be a possible account activation. The last appointment was a bust due to a misunderstanding. But, all in all, a very good day that could lead to me actually making some money out of this deal. Of course, nothing is final until the signature is on the dotted line, but our feeling is that it will happen. I have two more appointments set for tomorrow, one with my DSC and one with the RSC since I am now working in two geographical locations. We'll see how they go. I am starting to get more of a feel how this all works, and it seems at this point that my efforts will pay off. In the meanwhile, I'll keep on working and learning. I have more online courses to take so I will be in student mode again. My wife used to say that I am a perpetual student. I don't see anything wrong with that.

This blog has become more of a journey into my new career rather than a journey into my transition from maleness to femaleness. But that is pretty much my life as of late. I don't mind the male side of me, as I really don't pay much attention to it when out in the world. I don't have to because that's who I am too, and I take pride in being well-dressed and well-groomed as much as I can in the business world. I don't know that I'll ever really be out of the closet as far as dressing goes. Sometimes I get gussied up because it's fun, but mostly I just like more lounging attire to unwind after a long day. I just like wearing whatever feels good to me at the time without anybody telling me that it's wrong. I admire those who make the transition into their true female selves. It takes a lot of courage, which is a shame since we just want to be ourselves. Anyway, all of the new AFLAC associates had individual meetings with our "bosses" and the head trainer today. Although, after my fourth week in the business, I haven't opened any new accounts, everyone is impressed with my work ethic. All they said was to keep doing what I'm doing and the money will come. So, that's what I'll do. I'm going to do some tweaking with my approaches and also call on some of my old contacts to get things going, but other than that, I'll keep at it. If nothing else, I'm getting a lot of exercise and fresh air and meeting a lot of people. So, we'll see.

I mean, I really wasn't going to get dressed tonight--well, maybe some lounging clothes--but nothing serious. As I mentioned previously, some nights this week, I have not even bothered with that and have gone straight from my dog-walking clothes to my nightie for bed. I have also been avoiding the CD Chatroom for several reasons, mainly because being dressed is de rigueur for being in the chatroom--I do approve of this unwritten rule, by the way. Also, it has become rather boring and one note, I'm afraid. For me, I can only talk about what we are all wearing and how feminine we are for so long. I go along with it, and I have made some good friends there, but it's usually the quietest chatroom. Very few go there. But anyway, after working in the yard, I definitely needed a bath, and I needed to do some shaving, and then I put on some panties and a bra with breast forms--haven't done that in a while. Then I dug out a long skirt and and a blouse to go with it and a little jewelry, and voila! Here I am. So there. I will probably visit the chatroom later. I haven't watched a movie in like forever, so maybe I'll see what I can find.It's nice out tonight, so I might just sit on the porch with my dog and watch the stars. One last thing, this is funny. I actually got asked out on a sort of date today. It was one of the cashiers at Walmart that my wife and I have known for at least 10 years. She is Mexican and is my age--she told me--and as it turns out, her son has the same birthday as I do--November 10, next Friday. So, she thought that we should have a joint celebration, and we exchanged phone numbers. i don't know if i will even happen, but she is a nice lady, and it wouldn't hurt. I am certainly not looking for any relationship myself, and I don't see her as a fit in any case, but I don't want to let her down either. We'll see.

I can't say that I have had much trans activity this past week. I have just been too pooped at the end of the day along with a lot of follow-up paperwork that needs doing to even think about dressing. The only dress I want to see is my nightie. It's not all bad, really, although it will be better when things finally start to pop. I am making a lot of approaches and setting appointments, but then there are always those that fall through for one reason or another. The two really good ones I have has so far this week won't make a decision for another six months. Nothing happens fast, that's for sure. I have four presentations scheduled for the morning, so maybe one of them wiill come through. I have been working some with a co-worker, Kathy, whom I have previously mentioned. As I said, she is very sharp and was a big person in IT with American Express making major bucks as she tells it. But she loves to talk, and takes soooo looong to do things, that it does get to me. She also obsesses over her prospects that are not happening and just eating up more of her time. I have to keep moving. If you are serious, fine. If not, I have others to see. Some agents do very well working with a partner. I'm so used to being on my own. My wife used to say that I don't really need anybody. It was a harsh statement. Maybe, it's true. I do enjoy good company, but it's hard to fine people with interests similar to mine, or maybe interesting people period. I will say that I have met interesting and alive people here at this website. I am grateful that it is here.

I had a few things on my "to-do" list today, but putting the house back together and doing yard work were priorities. AFLAC had almost completely taken over the dining room area, and that had to come to an end. As I wrote last night, I have decided to use an excel spreadsheet to manage my prospecting, and am in the process of inputting all my business contacts. The sum total of my progress in that area, except for a few entries last night, is to move all the stuff from the dining room into the den. So now, I'm sitting with piles of stuff in the den which I guess is an improvement of sorts. At least it's out of direct site should anyone come to visit. Actually, my neighbor, Jeanie, is the only one who comes, and that's to let the dogs out. Anyway, it looks better for me to look at. So then, while I'm cleaning the living room, I decided it was time to do some rearranging there. I have always thought that our recliners are way too far back from the TV, so I figured out a way to move them closer without having to redo the whole room. It came out well, not that I watch TV anymore. I had one casualty when I moved the couch. It was backed up against the wall, and the paint stuck to the leather and came off with it. We were without power for a week during the hurricane, and the humidity must have weakened the paint. It is out of sight for the time being. Another project. Oh,and I put the leaf back in the dinette table where I eat, so now I have more room there. In the afternoon, I tackled the yard. The arica palms in the front need constant maintenance to keep them at a reasonable height. And the oleander needed some work. And there is always weeding. I like living in Florida, but everything grows all the time, and it's really a challenge at times to stay on top of it. I have a busy week ahead. Hope something pops. I have low expectations. I well keep on keeping on.

It is a dark and stormy night--couldn't resist. We have another system moving in which is expected, as far as I can tell, to bring some wind and rain. It really doesn't sound too unusual for south Florida, but my neighbor had to warn me that I had better pick up my yard. I'm really not going to get too shook about it. I think Chris just is an alarmist. And while I'm on the subject, another thing about Chris. He's a nice guy, and I like him, but he is somewhat of a gas bag. If you tell him how you did something, he will tell you that it was wrong, and then proceed to tell you how it should be done. Anymore, it just let it go in one ear and out the other. I know what works for me. Sue wasn't crazy about him because he was all talk and very little action. Besides, his yard is not kept up, and Sue was big on appearances. She actually was like Hyacinth in the British TV show Keeping Up Appearances , a show she really liked. It's raining hard now. Getting the dogs out will be a challenge tonight. Hopefully, we won't lose power. Right now, we're all huddled in the den, cozy, safe, and dry. I did my weekly grocery shopping and lawn mowing this morning before the rains started. This afternoon, I started to organize all the piles of notes and business cards and assorted papers that have taken over every unclaimed space in the kitchen/dining area. As Bette Davis would say: "What a dump!" Despite what my instructor said abo ut the simplicity of using 3X5 cards to organize business contacts, it is just not working for me. I am going to use an Excel spreadsheet and be done with chasing all this paper. Once set up, I will have an easy record of my contact history and can print one sheet of paper when I visit businesses again. That is my plan anyway. We'll see if it is less cumbersome than the paper trail. So, I did manage to finally get in the shower and get cleaned up and do a little grooming. Nails need cutting periodically, you know. I painted my toenails a while back, and I'm letting them grow out. Now I have about a 3/4 paint job on my nails. I'm sort of using it as an experiment to see how fast my nails grow. I've heard that good nail growth is a sign of good health. I'm not sure what good hail growth is, but they are growing, so I guess that's a good sign. Beyond that, I didn't get overly dressed up tonight. Work has been so all-consuming that I haven't felt very "femme" of late. In truth, I haven't had time to feel much of anything. So, maybe it's time to give it a rest. I do feel that I should do something--this is a transgender website after all. I was sort of femme today with my part-colored toenails and ladies flipflops. I wore a beaded necklace and bracelet with a men's shirt and jeans. A little of both--girls do all the time, so why can't I. I am a CD, darn it. I'll see who's in the chatroom tonight. It has been very quiet of late.

This was a busy week, but lately, aren't they all? AFLAC was running a contest to kick start the quarter, so we were all encouraged to go out there and rack up some good numbers. The ones who reached a certain level would be invited to a fancy downtown bar--Blue Martini--this coming Monday. I was a little handicapped since I had a full day of training on Tuesday, and another hald a day training on Thursday. Additionally, on Monday I worked with someone else which was a little different for me. Kathy has been in the business a little bit longer than me and is just starting to make some headway. She is sharp and has a good approach, although she is much more analytical than I am and is more selective of the businesses she calls on. I may get that way, but right now I don't do much discriminating. Pretty much, if it's got a door, I'll go in. Still, we ended the day with 53 approaches and one appointment set. Wednesday, after my second time through Level 1 sales school, I really pounded the pavement and made 79 approaches and set 7 business appointments and 1 direct sale appointment. As some of you may know, sales is an up and down deal. On Thursday, after my morning training, I went out and made 43 approaches and came up empty-handed. i even went downhill as I lost one of the appointments I had previously set--I wasn't terribly disapponted in this one as it was pretty iffy to start with. My boss gave me some encouraging words last night, and I bounced back with 23 approaches today and 4 appointments set. Kathy also did an employer presentation for me which went well. Hopefully, it will translate into some enrollments and get me on the board. So, this weekend I will catch my breath and get myself organized the for comng week. I have 10 appointments with employers and Kathy and my boss Rich are going to do them for me. I haven't been to Level 2 training yet, so I don't know enought to do them on my own. I will have a lot more leeway when I can make my own presentations. So, little by little I seem to be getting there. It does take time and there is a lot to learn. In due time. BTW, I am invited to the Blue Martini on Monday. I don't drink anymore, but hopefully the food will be good. I will try to post the picture that was taken at training. I put it on facebook and have gotten a lot of likes and comments.

I had a good day. I have been going like mad trying to get my prospecting numbers in for the week, and then having to spend time with my District Sales Coordinator, that I have been a little scattered. So, I pretty much took the day for me to get my parts together. I organized my employer contacts that showed some promise and did some recalls this morning. Nothing major, but I did secure one appointment for my efforts. I also sent out some emails to businesses that I can't reach any other way--I'm not holding my breath on those. But I also sent my former employer, PACE Center for Girls, an email asking them to consider AFLAC. At least here I know the principals. I don't know what will come of it, but it would be a big account if it materialized. Worth a shot. I also reached out to the handyman who did our house remodeling. He and his wife befriended both Sue and me, and he gave his condolences. I hope to see him again soon. I also got dental insurance today from the same carrier I had at PACE. Of all things, I can't get a policy from ALAC--too old. The cutoff is 70. I'm just three weeks shy of 75. Anyway, I have pretty decent coverage again through Metlife which I will need since I'm contemplating an implant in January. I need to keep up with my dental hygiene. My last thing of the day was to finally finish my credentials for the AFLAC policy writing platform. I have been having a devil of a time getting the software to cooperate, and have spent way too much time talking to tech support and customer service. In the end, I got it to work so now I know how to set up an employer and enroll employees. I passed the test and got my certificate. Whew! This weekend, I will be planning with my prospecting partner, what areas we will hit. I also have a laundry that is piling up, and I will need to do some ironing. Good old youtube. I'm getting a little better at it. That's it for now. See you later.

So, I just now finished reading a rather lengthy article by Alex Mar in Wired, courtesy of my Flipboard app, called "Love in the Time of Robots." It's about Professor Hiroshi Ishiguro, who builds beautiful androids, humanoids if you will. It gets deep fast as we delve into what it is to be human and how we relate to each other. Now, after a day of doing weekend chores--shopping, mowing, setting up a new laptop, doing my social obligations, and having dinner of the lasagna that my neighbor brought me the other night--fortunately I was dressed normally, and not in some of the get-up i usually wear later in the evening--I find myself in a somewhat pensive mood. (Boy, that was a long sentence.) My earliest remembrances as a child were about what am I actually. At a very early age, and being brought up Catholic, I could attach a label, "child of God." But, it never ended there and I'm still trying to figure out life--a heavy duty trip, a friend of mine once told me. I am a fan of Eric Barker and his blog, "Barking Up the Wrong Tree." He writes about of lot of life and living based on neuroscience and influenced by the teachings of the Stoics. His contention is that we are not only our thoughts. In other words, our thoughts are not who we are. I have to agree. i have long held the view that the mind and the body are one, and that who we are is as much a matter of our physicality as our thinking. When I was in the seminary in college, a friend and I contended that every encounter had an element of sexuality involved. It drove our priest-professors nuts. Maybe that was the idea. There is also the notion--and I'm thinking this as I write--that our brains are physical too. Eric Barker says that when we learn, our brain structure actually changes. We are constantly forging new pathways and new neural connections--that is, if we continue to learn. If we stay stuck in our patterns of thinking, the rut keeps getting deeper. I think some people have a hard time changing because they have invested so much into one way of thinking. They don't want to lose all that effort they put into building the structure, even if it doesn't work. So, anyway, I had dinner, and finished reading my article, and had a little chair nap. I then brushed my teeth and had my shower, and then what. I wasn't feeling particularly feminine or playful or girly, but our of habit, I put on a pair of panties and a bra, and then I thought maybe I'll wear my new metallic pants but with a red VS top, then my fake pearl necklaces and bracelet. That is what I'm wearing now. So, how does that change my thinking and my mood? Tonight, not too much. Other times, a whole different personality. Usually, I feel different depending on what I'm wearing whether it be a sharp men's suit or a dress. Brain change--maybe. Basically, at this time of the day, I just put on whatever, because I can. My boss told me to de-AFLAC over the weekend, so that's what I'm doing. But, getting back to who we are. Some say that we are our choices. I think also maybe our values. Maybe we should just be. Zorba says to his English boss. "You think too much." Or as Kipling says, to think and not make thoughts our aim. And with that, enough thinking for the evening. I'll see of there are any other girls to chat with. Bye.

I have been working pretty steadily with AFLAC, but iooks like I will have to work even harder--and smarter--to get off the ground. Most of my appointments for the last two days didn't work out for one reason or another, mostly no-shows which is common enough. I think I can reschedule most of them, however. My boss and I did get one the looks likely to be a buyer as well as being a broker who can make referrals to me for added business. So, we 'll see how that pans out. I still have some things pending, and tomorrow I make some recalls to see if I can catch the owner. I'm going to keep going. BTW, I "just" read that we should try to eliminate using "just" in our speech and writing. The writer said that it adds a note of subservience to our communications, and we are more direct and purposeful without it. Women seem to use it 3-4 times as much as men. I use it a lot which says something about me. I'll try to cut down on using it. My readers can check on me. Right now I have to finish my course on how to use the writing platform so I can write policies and make some money. That will be nice. I have two trainings next week as well, one all day, and the other half day. On top of that, our region is running a major push next week, so I will definitely be putting some hours in. I'll be working with a go-getter female partner for a good part of the week. I think it will be good for me to work with someone who is a bit more agressive. Maybe the two of us can make a good team. Anyway, that's it for now. My feminine self is taking a back burner for a while, which is not all bad. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, you know.( I have a really bad joke on that, but I'll save that for another time.) Later.

On Sunday, I finally got around to cleaning out my wife's medicine cabinet in the bathroom. I am still going through bathroom stuff--I gress I have been putting it off. It's strange going through someone else's personal belongings. My wife and I were together for over 30 years, although we were not intimate for the last 14 years or so. She couldn't deal with the idea of dressing let alone the physical expression of it. I think it became so ingrained in her thinking that she couldn't modify her stance. And then 8 years ago, she go cancer, so that was another chapter. And then, we had the aftermath of all the treatments, wh​​ich virtually left her house bound.​ Massive diarrhea. She sometimes spent most of her day, and night, in the bathroom. Both of us cleaned a lot of messes. Many trips to the doctors over the years with little improvement. In the end, we did make some headway with her bowels, but then COPD kicked in, and that seemed to be the last straw. Her body just wore out. So, going through her things, you see what someone does to cope with life as it is. In her case, it was a fear of running out of something, so she has loads of medicine and you name it. I think I have enough food in the house to last a year. Just need to buy fresh things. I wonder what someone will think when they go through my things. I think I want someone who knows who I am. So, I am super busy with my new career. Lots of meetings and training and courses to take on line. Right now my prospecting is in the hard grind phase because it's all I know how to do at the moment. I do have a direct sale opportunity pendintg with one of my neighbors who I think will buy and accident policy. Yesterday, after Monday meeting, I spent three hours walking around our local industrial parks, stopping in businesses, and trying to make appointments. Hard go. I stopped in 51 businesses, talked to 20 decision makers DMs, and got zero appointments. I did get some positive responses, however. So, it will be worthwhile to call back. Today, I did 43 stops, with 8 DMs, and did get two appointments. I think it will get easier. I'm sure getting my exercise and fresh air if nothing else. I had a teeth cleaning this morning, and I had to tell Trish, our hygienist, that Sue had died. I had previously let the office know, but word never got back to her. We had both gotten to be good friends with Trish, and so I had to tell the story again. I think everyone knows by now. I told Trish that I thought of her every time I brushed my teeth. So that's it for today's edtion. I do have to rein in my clothes shopping, at least a little. Now I have to buy a laptop for work, but that's a business expense, and it looks like i can get what I need for around $250 at Walmart. Not bad. But then, we still get all these catalogs in the mail, and I ended up buying a posture bra from AmeriMark. I just couldn't resist, and besides, I do need to improve my posture--right?

Here it is, Saturday night, a party night for some, and I sit in my den typing on the computer, my two dogs with me, asleep as usual. I am fairly dressed up. I am wearing pantyhose, which I don't do as often as I should. They feel and look good on me, but often I'm just too lazy to make the effort, or they aren't right for what else I'm wearing. With the animal print dress, they are just right. And for now, I have overcome the need for a strapless bra by just tucking in the straps-duh. I could cut them off, I suppose, but I don't want to ruin the bra. It's an inheritance from my wife. She wore a 36C for most of her life, and now they fit me, even without an extender. I used to be a 40 long in a suit coat, then 38, and now my chest is down to 36. The incredible shrinking man. I have lost about 10 pounds since Sue died. I am eating, but not a lot of heavy food for the most part. I am vain enough to want to keep my girlish figure, but I don't want to be too thin either-- not healthy and doesn't look good. (Talk about random thoughts--more like meandering thoughts.I really need to meditate on a regular schedule.) So, anyway, with all that said, I'm good. You'd think that now that I'm on my own and can do whatever I please, I would get out more, but I really don't have any desire, and I don't have anyone to go out with anyway. This is better. I go down the street every afternoon around 4 with my two puppies to give them their afternoon outing and stop at old friends of ours, Dave and Jeanie. Dave is a retired stone mason of almost 83 and Jeanie his wife is a few years younger. Both are pretty conservative to say the least, but for some reason, both Sue and I became good friends with Dave. He has his shortcomings--don't we all--but he has always been good to us, and he is easy to talk to. Jeanie is a bit of a constant complainer, which does get a litle wearing, but she means well, and is always ready to help. That is the extent of my social life except of course for here and the chat room. And with that said, I think I'll head that way. I'm sure Andrea is waiting for me, and we'll see who else shows up tonight. One never knows.

I have been pretty absorbed with AFLAC this week, which is perfectly natural as it is my new career and I want to do well. I am encouraged starting out and believe that in time I will develop a rhythmn and a daily routine. Right now, my week is pretty chopped up with required online courses and meetings. Also, i will be dependent on my sales manager for the time being and have to work around his busy schedule. For example, I can't make appointments until I know when he'll be available since I don't yet know how to present proposals to prospects. In due time. I spent a couple of hours with another newer agent this morning, Donna, a very nice and sharp young lady of 60--I'm getting to the point where most people are younger than me. LOL Anyway, she has had a previous career in banking and IT, and is now starting out like me on a new career with AFLAC. Interesting. Like all of us, she was a little timid starting out, but is doing very well now. Her advice is to give it time and effort. I'm i n. Now, with all of that, I still make time to get a littl e dre ssed up in the evenings--I am a crossdresser, you know. I found a crossdressing superstore online that happens to be in the same industrial park that I worked this week. I tried to stop in there this afternoon, but no one was there. It might be more of an online store. I did end up setting up an account with them and ordering a pair of sheers (as the British say) and a garter belt.) I also wrote to them to ask if they have store hours or maybe would open by appointment. It's a family-owned business, but I will mention AFLAC to them. I think I mentioned before, maybe I could target the trans friendly stores in our area. Might be fun. On a whim, and because I decided to hold off buying a new cell phone and got a greatly reduced rate now that I am only paying for one, I ordered an a kind of outrageous outfit from JLUXLABEL. I got it because it is somewhat outre--clingy and metallic. Just for fun. I'm in a long skirt that I got at the thrift shop tonight with a satiny blouse that I bought from the Chinese company. I also am wearing a bosomy bra and some fashion jewelry. A little lipstick. Pretty comfy and casual tonight. And so on to the chore-filled weekend.