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Dear Emma, Rejection AND trust issues seem to be big issues for both trans and LGB people. Even before I knew I was a Lesbian, I knew I was "different," since I was four years old, and not only did I know it, but my parents and siblings knew it, too. It not only affected me then, but even now. Today, I received a phone call from my oldest brother, that my cousin and two aunts passed away this past week. This is the same brother that I normally receive four e-mails a year from. Last night our middle brother called him, but did not call or e-mail me. My youngest brother, did not call or e-mail my oldest brother or I, either. Only my youngest brother is going to the funerals. As far as I know, no members of my family who are Gay (all live in Portland, OR), are going to attend. Asked my oldest brother if I could have the name and address of my cousins who are the children of my deceased aunts and if my two aunts had charitable preferences (I am not into sending flowers), but I am going to e-mail him on that, as I am not on good terms with them, to cancel my request, in respect for their privacy. The upshot of all of this is, my two aunts and cousin, they are now all-knowing, and now know the full story. My cousin, who died, lived in Sweden (she married a Swede) but her family does not speak English, and I don't speak Swedish. Her sister is a Lesbian, who lives in Portland OR. The only reason I am on somewhat civil terms with my youngest brother is that I feel obligated to have a relationship with the grandchildren in the family, and through him, I have contact with most of the children in the family, during the Holidays. Do miss them very much, and I pray for them all. What is the upshot of all of this? Encourage all T/LGB people to form families of choice. Think this is more important than finding long-term lovers, although this is a nice bonus. Although most of my family and relatives feel I will burn in Hell for eternity, I feel that there are many planes in the Spiritual Realm, and each one will find their own Heaven, and I will find my own. Your friend, Monica

Excellent article. I too have struggled with the guilt from internalizing my "selfishness". Thankfully I have two people in my life that have helped me to deal with it: my therapist and my wife. Is this article available digitally, i.e. a hyperlink or pdf? I'd like to share it ifthat's permitted. Lauren

Very delightful article, Monica. In many ways it echoes my own experiences. The fear of rejection has been such a constant in my life from me earliest memories, even in preschool when I wanted to dance like a ballerina or curtsy with the girls. Even now, when I don’t receive a reply to an email or text message, I jump to that conclusion until, as it always does, my assumptions are proven wrong. Rejection seems to be such a common denominator for trans people. Perhaps also for L.G.B. people too?