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Attagirl Jess! I applaud your coming out authentically as yourself. I know what you mean about that word “transition”; for me, I think about it’s mean that I’m transitioning to my authentic self. But as we know that transgender is an umbrella that authenticity can be quite different from one to another. I wonder: where did you see yourself on that spectrum, say, a year ago versus now? The reason I ask is only because I was surprised to find myself continuing to inexorably move toward the right side of the Benjamin scale. I think these conferences are so wonderful. I attended my first in August of 2017 which seems like such a short time ago. Like you, I’d never gone out in public like that, presenting as authentically as I could. Those three days were scary and exhilarating. I agree that in “bubbles” like Boston and Seattle that we are accepted and somewhat applauded. I also agree how important it is for us to push ourselves to proudly just be ourselves in the communities, and demonstrate that we’re nothing to be concerned about in a negative way. We are as normal as anyone else. Through that I hope that more and more people will gain understanding and comfort.

Hi Emma, had to look it up, (the Benjamin Scale). I would say most of my life up to 10 years ago I "saw" myself as "IV" on the scale, and since have seen myself as a VI although in reality I've probably always been "VI" most of my life, I just never knew it before.. , but I know now😍 . Yes it is very important to be visible, one of the most important things we can do as a group, if we are able to, to help others struggling with their gender. I intend to keep my place in any community I'm in because I help build it, and have my whole life; I'm a part of it and it's a part of me. Also funny how the more you get out authentically, the easier and more natural it becomes and feels. I rarely even think of my self as transgender anymore when I'm out in public, now💇‍♀️

I didn't really choose my life as Jessica, I think it was inevitable. For too long I chose the male and the female never, ever stopped nagging me. It's only when I stopped trying to choose it, that all the possibilities opened up to me. As far as insecurity goes, I think I always thought of my self as somewhat secure? Probably was wrong in that assumption; at 64 years old I feel a new, stronger sense of security in myself that was relatively unknown to me. Hard to explain, but food for thought, and that sense feels good to me.

Or maybe let life choose you, instead😎

Haha Jess, yes I thought I was past the online test nonsense by now, but I think I was seeking some form of external validation. That is wonderful to hear - believe me, I think I have probably spent 100's of hours trying to find youtubers and bloggers who simply transitioned because they knew it was the right thing to do and not the only thing to do. My gut just needs to get into gear and tell me if Dee is worth the risk. I feel like I am in a holding pattern and have to decide before October which path I want to explore - I can't keep on doing the buying, dressing and purging for excitement knowing that there is more behind it than just being a turn on. So do I choose life as insecure single male me or life as insecure single female me... 🙄👸

How? I feel like I am trying to force myself to be feminine instead of just letting it happen. Yet at the same time I feel like I am trying to force myself to be masculine and that it doesn't come naturally... 🤔