Dee,
I'm so sorry for your loss especially at this time in your life. I'm not at all surprised that you handled all the mix-ups and confusion with grace.
About beer vs. white wine: One thing to remember please is that it's perfectly okay to enjoy whatever you do regardless of your gender and presentation. Maybe you like to work on cars or have a hobby that men more typically enjoy. The key words are "more typically" because we all know of cis women who enjoy whatever you might think of. It's not as if we suddenly have to be delighted by quilting or sewing. Sure, having a beer was good for a lighthearted joke but I wish you won't add the stress of deciding what you "should and shouldn't" do (and want to do).
"How would she feel if she knew that I was planning on going out and spending almost a full weekend as Dee at the end of this month, just to see how I feel about it? Which at the moment is equal parts wanting to squeal with excitement and terror!"
Consider telling her and finding out! Regardless, I can't wait to read a full report of your weekend. Yes it's both exciting and terrifying. Remember, fear is kind of like a wall, and on the other side of the wall is a kind of freedom.
Emma