CarolineTyler

I would advise you to just take it as fast or slowly as you are comfortable with, don't push yourself down a road that you're not totally happy with. Hugs Caroline x

That is so true. Luckily most people I have met are supportive and positive, the few negative ones I communicate with as little as possible. It's YOUR life not theirs. hugs, Caroline x

Okay, properly six full weeks into hormones and the 1st small signs of positive change are there. The Zoladex implants have acted first, that was a very welcome subtraction of testosterone, my thoughts are clearer and the annoying male erections are now few and far between, my one testicle (the other was removed when I was about 7 due to medical complications) has noticeably shrunk and now seems to be eager to hide away making tucking much easier. I haven't noticed any skin softening on my body yet but the little hair on my arms has become far more fine and soft. My facial hair growth has also slowed a little too, but not by much. On the positive side in the last three or four days my nipples have become more sensitive to the touch and the aureoles are beginning to puff up a little - YAY!!!!! So - small changes but after a crap Christmas when we found out my girlfriends mother has terminal cancer any positives need to be grabbed and held on to with both hands. Hugs Caroline x x x x

Hi Rebbeca, I'm not familiar with the femtofem programme but from what I've read up on none of the herbal pills actually do anything useful in the way of feminisation. I'm happy to have waited for the real HRT pills which are the closest thing to real estrogen. Are you under medical supervision as I'm sure they would be advising you not to take the herbal pills. Hugs Caroline

The tingly fingers have popped back a couple of times (mainly overnight) but nowhere near as bad as the 1st round. I have a natural A cup and pretty big nipples which are very female in look and proportion. Yesterday I was asked how long I had been on hormones and they were surprised when I replied 11 days! Apparently I have a sort of boobs that are like a trans-woman who has already done 6+ months. I can only hope this bodes well for when the hormones do kick in. Hugs Caroline

The routine of pill taking has set in - decided to take the Estradiol Valerate sublingualy to improve the absorption rate, it takes about 10 minutes for it to dissolve under my tongue. Around 5 days after I had the Zoladex injected into my tummy, I started to experience quite strong tingles in my fingers (more so the right hand), like pins and needles. a couple of nights it actually work me up. Around day 8 that started subsiding and now on day 10 I have no tingles anymore. I wasn't too worried about the side effect as its a quite common one and seems to do with the 'flare up' of testosterone that occurs when you first take a gonadorelin (LHRH) analogue, the body seems fight it for a couple of weeks. Seems my body lost the battle ;-) tee he he!!!! Now comes the long hopeful wait for the 1st signs of change, I really don't expect to see anything happening for another 4 to 5 weeks but that doesn't stop you looking, tweaking, feeling for that tiny 1st bit. Hugs and kisses - hopefully yours!!! Caroline

Well, I'm now on my 5th day of hormones and zoladex - no bad side effects so far thank goodness so next injection of zoladex will be a 3-month dosage. Patience really is a big part of transition and I await the positive side effects which hopefully I'll start to feel over the next couple of months. Hugs Caroline xxx

Saw my doctor yesterday, he was totally happy to prescribe. They use Zolodex for their gonadorelin (LHRH) analogue, so that's what the nurse at the practice injected into my tummy (its a slow release tablet) but since the side effects can be pretty awful the nurse only gave me a 1 month dose to see if I did get them. If all good then its 3-month injections from then on. I took my 1st 2mg tablet of Estradiol Valerate this morning - Its another major step in my life and I can't stop smiling today xxxxxx Hugs Caroline

No I don't Lisa, thanks for asking Lisa. This is what the Charing Cross recommend to suppress testosterone - its a drug that's used to treat prostrate cancer and works on the LHRH receptors in the pituitary gland in the same way as natural gonadorelin and effectively stops production of testosterone xx Caroline

Well, I keep patient after my 2nd appointment with the gender clinic on the 6th of October and waited knowing about the 6 week possible delay in sending letters out after appointments (its really good to be forewarned), and yesterday evening whilst in a bar with some close friends I got a call from my doctors receptionist to book an appointment to see him regarding hormone prescription. Wow they were on the ball and working late on a Monday! Booked to see him on the 17th Nov - had the Wednesday off anyway. When I got home I had my copy letter on the doormat. Recommendation of Estradiol Valerate 2mg/day for 3 months then rising to 4mg/day in two doses and Decapeptyl 11.25mg every 3 months. Happy? You bet!!!! Hugs Caroline

I'm now 49 and with the impending dreaded 50 just one year away its rather made me think about what I've done up till now and what I want to achieve. I haven't made an impact on the world - the number of people who know of my existence is pretty darn small. Should this matter, do we need to have 'changed peoples lives' or received recognition for something? I guess the answer to that is no but it would be nice to feel I've at least helped some people along the way. I hope my children will think well of me and see me as not only a loving parent but as someone they could turn to when they needed help or advice. As for my wife maybe not at the moment, but eventually I hope she will see that I'm happier now and that staying as I was would have been ultimately worse for everyone. Looking forward its difficult to see where I will be in 5 years, but I want to be thought of by those who do know me as a happy, supportive and it would be real nice to be called beautiful - superficial I know ;-) Hugs Caroline

A REPLY AND MY ANSWER I GOT FROM ANOTHER SITE WHERE I POSTED THIS Hi Caroline, Sorry about your hair, where was your Brolly? "Why are you here?" and "What do you want from the clinic and myself?". Without looking back to see who you were going there to see, it sound like the sort of bluntness you get from James Barrett. The problem I have is you have given some textbook answers. Have you read these somewhere before you went? Some may consider getting to CX GIC the hard bit, but I can assure you and, all who think it is, that once you have Transitioned and gone thought the process that's the hard bit. Making sure that this is the right path for you is very important as once you have gone thought the Transition process, there is no return! Sorry Caroline you have made it all sound like it was a walk in the park!!!!! Kind regard Natasha ---------------------------------------------- Hiya, Yes, I know they sounded like text book replies but they exactly described how I feel about myself and my wants. I had left my brolly at work by accident on the Tuesday so when I got to Hammersmith I popped to Boots (chemist chain) and bought a new one. The problem is I have very fine, naturally wavy hair and I like it straight, so I use straightening irons on it - if there's high humidity my hair just sucks it up and goes all wavy again. I've already done seventeen months full time RLE with no hormones - had the points and funny looks, endured the laughs and sniggers, had young guys literally throw beer bottles at me (I informed the police but there was little they could do after the fact), cried myself to sleep with the anguish and guilt of leaving my wife and children, this is NO walk in the park. And yet I feel far more confident in my new gender role, I'm more out-going and have built up a large network of true friends who I know are there for me should I need them (and I have a couple of times). Hugs Caroline x x x

I would have thought that I've already done 17 months full-time RLE without hormones would be enough to tell them that I was very serious and committed to the process. Thanks Sophie! hugs Caroline x

Had my 2nd appointment at the Charing Cross GIC at 9:30am - typically it was pouring with rain (always seems to be raining when I've visited there) and hence my efforts at making my hair look good were ruined in the walk from the station to the clinic. Couple of admin matters to sort out with the receptionist and then about 3-5 minutes of waiting for the doctor to call me into his surgery. After a couple of pleasantries he hit me with a very blunt question "why are you here?", I think its designed to shock you, my reply of "I'm here because I don't consider my external body aligns up with my internal gender" seemed to placate him. His next question was equally direct and to the point, "What do you want from the clinic and myself?". I hesitated for a moment wondering how exactly to answer that and decided to be equally blunt back, "I want you to certify that I'm of sound mind, that I'm not about to commit suicide of anything like that, then to agree to hormonal treatment and ultimately to agree to me having sexual reassignment surgery". After that the mood changed and he became much more jovial and the hour flew by. We talked about the physical and mental effects of the hormones and how they would be administered and also of the effects they could have on my current relationship. So now all I have to do is for them to write to my doctor with the recommendations and for him to prescribe, about 4-6 weeks. Smiling all over here Caroline xxxxxxxxxx

Thank you Sophie xx

Hi all, First for those who have not read my profile - here's a very quick introduction to me... Pre-Op Trans-woman,49 next week, living in London, United Kingdom Work full time in IT for an Investment bank which keeps wolf from the door. Not yet on any hormonal treatment and have been living full time as female since the middle of May 2009. Under the care of the Charing Cross gender clinic in Hammersmith, West London. 1st appointment with them was early June 2010 and my 2nd tomorrow - October 6th. Still technically married but separated since January 2009, I expect divorce will be in early 2011. Have two children from that (21 and 17 - both boys) which I in NO WAY regret - they are fantastic. Have now have a new partner (ohhhh! for 5 whole weeks now!) who is a genetic girl and who thinks I'm "Fabulous". Early days but we both love each other very much. My transition at work was moderately painless and I'm loving living as the woman I should have been born as. ----------------------------- So here I am, less than 24 hours away from my 2nd appointment at the gender clinic, hoping that I will get my 2nd sign off from them and that I will be referred to the endocrinologist for hormone treatment. Its been a long road of frustrations with the NHS (National Health Service) seeing doctors, shrinks etc, getting funding approved, having that funding transferred to the clinic etc. but its finally happening for me and I'm SO excited. Like many trans-women of around my age I just wish I could have done this 20-30 years ago before the ravages of time have taken their toil. Things were just so different in the 70-80's. I'll try and keep this blog updated with my thoughts on everything to do with me and maybe some of you readers of this might find it interesting. Love and hugs Caroline Tyler x x x x

Why wait for the effects of hormones before starting your RLE? I'm now 14 months into my RLE, won't be starting hormones till October at the earliest. My personal time-line is to be recognised legally as female by the time I'm 50 (Oct 2011) - If I had waited for hormones I would have absolutely no chance of making that. The hormones can make a lot of difference to how you feel about yourself, but they often make a whole lot less difference on how others see you, that is all about confidence. My 2 pennys worth. Caroline x