CarolineTyler

One other thing that comes to mind is that I'm lucky to have my doctor totally on my side with regard to the prescribing of the hormones. He's been just great but he has never dealt with a transgender person before and I have to prompt him for everything. An example of this is that after he prescribed the 4mg a day tablets I had to ask him for a blood test to check my levels. We decided to do this after a month so I've settled into this higher dosage. If I hadn't asked for it he wouldn't have remembered to offer it despite the advice letter from the Charing Cross GIC. So remember girls - ask and ask again, doctors are fallible and you are likely just 1 of 30 people they will see that day, its all important in your head - let them know. Hugs Caroline x x x

Today marks the 1st day of the 13th week on hormones - today my estrogen goes up from 2mg to 4mg per day and I'm so looking forward to the effects accelerating. Yesterday I tried on my swimsuit without any breast-forms - and my girlfriend said that I would pass for female - the growth there meant that I looked like a small chested woman, my waist is narrowing, my hips are definitely filling, my skin is getting softer and more translucent and my bottom is rounding. All this on 2mg per day - WOW! I had another 1/2 hour of electrolysis on Sunday - again clearing the top lip area of the stubborn dark hairs, haven't had any of that done since before I started on hormones and the lady doing the work remarked on the skin softness change without me prompting her, so it must be so. Still a load of white hairs on my cheeks and neck but they will have to wait until I have more money available - next money drain is the divorce for without that I can't have the GRS. Thought I'd write a more up beat blog this time! Hugs Caroline x x x x

Even a small step towards your goal is positive - just keep moving forward and you WILL get there. Hugs Caroline xx

Addendum: Today (Monday 31st) I got a call from my girlfriend that there had been some bad comments about me from the Scottish members of the family that came down last week too. They are worried that my girlfriend's brother will get some stick for his sister being my girlfriend. I have told her that I will be there for the funeral to support her, if me being at the service would distract people from thinking about the loss of her mother then I would stay away, but if its only about her brother (who is a drunk and a habitual drug taker) losing a bit of face among the rest of his druggie mates then fuck 'em, I'm going. Hugs Caroline x x x

Two days before Christmas 2010 my girlfriend's mother got bad news from the hospital, she had advanced primary pancreatic cancer and numerous secondary cancers. The prognosis was terminal and the level and number of cancers meant that there would be no effective treatment. I helped make Christmas as good as it could for the family, helping with the cooking and generally trying to keep things on an even keel. We all knew that the cancer was aggressive but I don't think anybody was really ready for the speed that things happened during January. Monday the 24th I got a call from my girlfriend that her mum had a bad night and that she was being admitted into hospital to deal with a build-up of fluids in her abdomen. I took the rest of the week off work and took the train to be with the family. Tuesday and Wednesday she was uncomfortable but talkative and reactive, Thursday she started a decline and overnight slipped into a coma. I was at her bedside with her brother when she gently slipped away for good around 10pm Friday night. This has left me a bit 'shell shocked' and flat feeling for life and I'm trying to pick up the get up and go feeling. On Saturday I received the fantastic news that my good friend Toni's daughter had given birth to a daughter of her own that Friday night - talk about circle of life!!! Hugs Caroline xx

I've been on hormones now for nearly 9 weeks (come Wednesday) and the routine of taking them is firmly entrenched, their effects are most welcome in my life. I'm enjoying the growing mounds under my nightie just before bedtime, the shrinkage of my one testicle is now quite noticeable and with its reduced size is a tendency for it to sit much higher making tucking easier. haven't noticed much in the way of overall body shape change, but I expect that to take much longer before it shows properly. Have not had any huge mood swings and my friends haven't mentioned that I'm different in personality which I guess is good, it certainly means I'm not having any issue functioning day-to-day. My next doctor's appointment is on the 7th of February where I shall have my hormone intake increased to 4mg per day. In March I have my next appointment with the Charing Cross clinic where I expect to have another round of blood tests to check that these levels of hormones are correct for me. Sometime early February I will be consulting a lawyer about my divorce and also to find out where I stand legally with regards to the 1/2 house I own following the death of my mother in 2009. Sorry this blog had no revelations or anything - but there again that's good I guess, its just normal life. Hugs Caroline xxxxx

That first time you experience your own legs feeling that smooth is just wonderful. These day I wax or eppilate as it lasts so much longer. hugs Caroline x

I am uncircumcised so I have always been one to ensure cleanliness down there, its not a 'fishy' bad smell but a sweet natural feminine smell Hugs Caroline x x

Welcome to the coloured side of the fence - I did mine first at the beginning of 2010 and have never looked back. xx hugs Caroline

Hi Emma, Yes - people DO read the blogs! lol Looking forward to reading it regularly hugs, Caroline

Its always nervous at the beginning shopping especially when your not yet full time and the clothes you are looking at are not for the gender you are expressing to the world. I found that most shop assistants are really very helpful if you open up to them and for most of the more experienced ones you will not have been the 1st to ask Caroline xxx

A few days ago I noticed a change that I have never read about anywhere. I was expecting the budding nipples and the associated tenderness, the subtle softenng of my face (noticed by a friend last week), and the changing of the body hair (what little there is of it). However I was sitting at my desk at home, with nothing but a nightie on and I noticed the distinct smell of a female vagina. Since I had not seen my girlfriend for some 5 days I knew it couldn't be a residue odour from her. Then I realised that my penis was giving off this smell - very subtle and faint but definitely there. I had a very good friend of mine (the sort of girlfriend who you can talk about anything to) round for a drink and a laugh this Sunday and I asked if she would take a quick sniff and tell me what she smelt - she said one word, "fanny". So it wasn't just me imaging it - I knew that my overall body odour would be more female but WOW!!!!! Hugs Caroline xxx

As many look back at 2010, I decided to write a short update on what I hope to achieve in the coming year. So in approximate order through 2011 Divorce - I've been totally separated for two years com the 5th of January so under UK law divorce becomes a lot easier. I will of course ensure the support for my two children will continue, especially the youngest who is seventeen. GRC - After 2 years of real life experience is up on the 23rd of May I will apply for my Gender Recognition Certificate, if granted I will have full female legal status SRS - Around November I will have been on hormones for a year, will have done more than 2 years RLE so I will be pushing to have the SRS done before the year is out. I would like to have it before Mid October as then I would be fully female at fifty! (fingers crossed) I'm sure more than that will happen in 2011, but those are top of my wish list. Wishing all those who read this blog, both of you , the very best of luck in achieving your goals too. Hugs Caroline x x x

I would advise you to just take it as fast or slowly as you are comfortable with, don't push yourself down a road that you're not totally happy with. Hugs Caroline x

That is so true. Luckily most people I have met are supportive and positive, the few negative ones I communicate with as little as possible. It's YOUR life not theirs. hugs, Caroline x

Okay, properly six full weeks into hormones and the 1st small signs of positive change are there. The Zoladex implants have acted first, that was a very welcome subtraction of testosterone, my thoughts are clearer and the annoying male erections are now few and far between, my one testicle (the other was removed when I was about 7 due to medical complications) has noticeably shrunk and now seems to be eager to hide away making tucking much easier. I haven't noticed any skin softening on my body yet but the little hair on my arms has become far more fine and soft. My facial hair growth has also slowed a little too, but not by much. On the positive side in the last three or four days my nipples have become more sensitive to the touch and the aureoles are beginning to puff up a little - YAY!!!!! So - small changes but after a crap Christmas when we found out my girlfriends mother has terminal cancer any positives need to be grabbed and held on to with both hands. Hugs Caroline x x x x

Hi Rebbeca, I'm not familiar with the femtofem programme but from what I've read up on none of the herbal pills actually do anything useful in the way of feminisation. I'm happy to have waited for the real HRT pills which are the closest thing to real estrogen. Are you under medical supervision as I'm sure they would be advising you not to take the herbal pills. Hugs Caroline

The tingly fingers have popped back a couple of times (mainly overnight) but nowhere near as bad as the 1st round. I have a natural A cup and pretty big nipples which are very female in look and proportion. Yesterday I was asked how long I had been on hormones and they were surprised when I replied 11 days! Apparently I have a sort of boobs that are like a trans-woman who has already done 6+ months. I can only hope this bodes well for when the hormones do kick in. Hugs Caroline

The routine of pill taking has set in - decided to take the Estradiol Valerate sublingualy to improve the absorption rate, it takes about 10 minutes for it to dissolve under my tongue. Around 5 days after I had the Zoladex injected into my tummy, I started to experience quite strong tingles in my fingers (more so the right hand), like pins and needles. a couple of nights it actually work me up. Around day 8 that started subsiding and now on day 10 I have no tingles anymore. I wasn't too worried about the side effect as its a quite common one and seems to do with the 'flare up' of testosterone that occurs when you first take a gonadorelin (LHRH) analogue, the body seems fight it for a couple of weeks. Seems my body lost the battle ;-) tee he he!!!! Now comes the long hopeful wait for the 1st signs of change, I really don't expect to see anything happening for another 4 to 5 weeks but that doesn't stop you looking, tweaking, feeling for that tiny 1st bit. Hugs and kisses - hopefully yours!!! Caroline

Well, I'm now on my 5th day of hormones and zoladex - no bad side effects so far thank goodness so next injection of zoladex will be a 3-month dosage. Patience really is a big part of transition and I await the positive side effects which hopefully I'll start to feel over the next couple of months. Hugs Caroline xxx

Saw my doctor yesterday, he was totally happy to prescribe. They use Zolodex for their gonadorelin (LHRH) analogue, so that's what the nurse at the practice injected into my tummy (its a slow release tablet) but since the side effects can be pretty awful the nurse only gave me a 1 month dose to see if I did get them. If all good then its 3-month injections from then on. I took my 1st 2mg tablet of Estradiol Valerate this morning - Its another major step in my life and I can't stop smiling today xxxxxx Hugs Caroline