CarolineTyler

Back to only one girlfriend now - Michelle and I decided that it wasn't working as well as it should and have split on best of terms - she's lovely and will always hold a big piece of my heart.

Things in my life are progressing, some a bit to slow for my liking but at least the movement is forward. Did a blood test last week and met my doctor yesterday and after the recent increase in my estrogen dose the blood levels are now nicely within the prescribed levels of the gender clinic. So barring any issues this will be the dosage that I'll be kept on until post-op when they will be reviewed. Also got another 3-month Zoladex implant at the same time - this works so well, my testosterone level is pretty much nil and it doesn't put any additional strain on my liver function which spiro would. Divorce proceeding are inching forward, I'm sure it will start to pick up soon when we get to the negotiations as to who gets what, but for the moment its still in the data-gathering stage where we have to identify all assets, debts, savings etc. Relationships for me has become a little complicated, I'm now in a relationship with two other women and yes, they know all about each other and have met many times, I'm not a cheater. This as you can imagine takes up quite a bit of my life outside of work and I'm amazed I'm not more exhausted. Equally I've been re-evaluating my sexuality and I've realized that I feel far more aroused and fulfilled with a female than a male so I think that I will end up being pretty much a lesbian, in fact one of my two girlfriends is lesbian and although I'm pre-op she has no issues with that as she "is in love with the woman" and doesn't consider that the fact I still have male genitals compromises her at all. My next appointment at the gender clinic is the 15th August and I have my fingers crossed that I will get the sign-off to approach the surgery team. Hugs Caroline xxx

Oh this is wonderful news for you, and hopefully great news for other transsexuals in your country, your evangelism for the cause is to be applauded! Blooming well done!!!!! Hugs Caroline

Wow - Sometimes I forget how much better it is for us in the UK. Police are instructed to treat people as per the gender they portray with disciplinary action if they don't. I've never carried any letters etc. to prove I'm transgender and not a 'pervert' and although I have had some issues with members of the great unwashed public its been small and generally just verbal. Hugs to you girls in the less tolerant places (which if this morning's press is to be believed includes France http://www.metro.co.uk/news/864522-brigitte-bareges-sparks-outrage-for-comparing-gay-marriages-to-bestiality ) Caroline x

Hear hear Brittany. I haven't used a male toilet on purpose for over 24 months now and have never had any issues from that, whether at work or at more public ones in pubs and shopping centres. I've also used several unisex toilets in pubs around London and fully support their wider adoption - just as long as I don't lose the nice big make-up mirror ;-) Hugs Caroline xx

Awwww! Good news Stephani! Having a professional giving you such good understanding and support is a wonderful thing. Congratulations. Hugs Caroline xxx

I'm def. NOT Mulder !!! :)

Almost spooky!!!

Oh gosh!! my soon-to-be-ex wife is African/Caribbean decent too!!

The video I grabbed on my phone was after the main issue, I just didn't think of videoing it until he started using his iphone on me - wish I had as it might have stopped it a lot sooner.

Luckily my girlfriend was with me - so we were 2 against 2 :)

One guy was sort of supporting me but not with any action and one woman behind the guy did say a couple of times "just leave her alone" Caroline

I wouldn't class them as anything more than idiotic bigots. If he's flicking a "westside/westcoast symbol" that pretty much proves he's a saddo - it was east end London, not west coast California - he he!! Hugs Caroline

The two arseholes that gave my girlfriend and I abuse on the 25 bus last night. After attacking me verbally over my gender they started videoing me on their iphone, so I recorded them back. notice how they try to hide their faces. You Tube video

It's been a while since I last added an entry and since then, nothing dramatic has happened, just minor changes. Two months after having my last blood test my oestrogen prescription has been pushed up another notch as the levels measured were a little low. Picked them up yesterday along with another blood test form. yuck Couple of days ago I let my girlfriend cut my hair, haven't been so nervous about anything for ages but it payed off - I love it, a bit of a bob but it feels thicker and bouncer for it. Boobs are developing nicely and my bum is far rounder now - the girlfriend often remarks how more fem it is looking. Just watched the royal wedding and preferred the chief bridesmaids dress, it was simple & elegant. Hugs Caroline xxx

As I popped this mornings estrogen pill from its plastic and foil womb I realised that this particular pill was the 1st one of month six (a month being a lunar one as the pills are based on a born woman's cycle - 28 days) and that I had indeed completed 5 months of these little wonders. So to take stock of what I've noticed... Oh yes - BOOBS!!!!! Prob. the most obvious effect is that I have a nice pair of developing boobs - currently a big A knocking on a B cup. The aureoles have widened a little and the nipple shape is softened from the prominent nipple I used to have. And like most girls have remarked upon they are darn sensitive to touch. Waist - narrowed a little Hips/bottom - rounding out Tummy - Oh well along with the nice changes in shape seems to come a bit more being placed on the tummy beneath the belly button. Still, at least its a female type of tummy to have. Face - many have noticed a rounding of features and a re-newed glow to my complexion. The skin is also more sensitive to the daily shaving I still have to do - more electrolysis is certainly needed but currently monies preclude that. I've taken to exfoliating more regularly which also seems to help reduce the increase in spots thats comes with my second pubity. Body skin - very noticeable softer and smoother - that I totally love Body hair - finer and lighter, still epilating those important bits, but the re-growth is less visible. Head hair - a bit thicker and more manageable, but not a vast difference. Other changes - I'm more emotional but it's manageable, my one testicle has shrunk to less than 1/2 its original size and now plays hide-and-go-seek in the sac, my spontaneous erections have gone altogether but if sufficiently aroused (and that's not often!) it will still get erect. Far less interest in the physical aspects of sex, preferring cuddles really. Wow - that's quite a lot of changes now I come to write them down. I hope this helps others who are about to embark on hormones, or just started still looking for the 1st proper signs. Hugs Caroline xxxx <3 <3 <3

Tuesday - to me the most hopeless day of the week - not halfway like Wednesday, not a post weekend downer like Monday or the buildup to the weekend like Thursday and Friday. And this Tuesday feels really weird as I had Monday off work. Anyway I awoke this morning, pulled harshly into reality by my alarm clock from a particularly poignant dream. I was looking down at my youngest son as a baby, he looked at me and smiled, holding out his arms to be picked up - I was just in the act of cuddling him...... I so wanted that dream to go on, I miss him terribly. Hugs Caroline xxx

Had a phone call from the doctor's office yesterday morning, "Are you available this afternoon? The doctors wants to talk to you about your recent blood test" This, to my mind is not a good thing to say on the phone, immediately I was thinking, "Oh my gosh, what wrong, what has shown up in the test?" Of course I said I was available, who wouldn't, and so I spent the next 3 hours or so worrying and fretting about what my doctor would be telling me. Eventually he called and told me that the estrogen level in my blood was at 255 pg/ml and that the communication from the gender clinic was to get this level to the 400-600 range. He confirmed my current dosage level and said he was considering raising it, he just wanted to get confirmation from the gender clinic on that change. So there you go - 3 hours+ of worry over nothing. Hugs Caroline xxx

Just got back from my 3rd appointment at the Charing Cross gender clinic. The appointment was originally for 3:30pm but got re-scheduled for 9:15am two weeks ago. I duly got up at 5:45am and made myself ready to go out, arriving at the clinic 9:05am, I hate being late Usual booking in process, address, current contact number etc. then I sat down to wait for the doctor. 9:30 - nothing 9:40 - still nothing - checked with the receptionist, Oh he must be running late, we haven't heard from him. 9:55 - ah!!! he's arrived! - apparently he had forgotten that he had re-scheduled me Anyway, he apologised lots and we started discussing my status, hormone effects, moods, relation status and everything. The appointment was for 45 minutes but we got through it all in about 25 minutes and he then said something along these lines. "Ok, I shall see you again in July and assuming there's no issues I will recommend you for surgery" FLIPPING YAY!!!!!!!! Of course the place is so busy the actual appointment is August 15th but I don't care as I'm on cloud 9. All I have to do now is sort out my divorce, the ONLY thing that can delay the surgery. Reasonably I'm looking at around November/December for the op - what a fab Christmas present Happy hugs Caroline xoxoxoxox

You must feel like you are coming up to the end of a marathon, the line is ahead and now all your preparations and hard work are paying off. Smiling here for you hugs Caroline x x

No - I'm not holding my breath for an apology xx

Yesterday (10th Feb) was the funeral of my girlfriends mother. The service was lovely with a lot of love being expressed for her mother. The reception (wake) was held at a local pub where many who knew her came and talked about her life, how she was a substitute mother for many and an emotional rock for her friends. However overnight, after much alcohol was drunken by my girlfriends brother and his rough friends, accusations were made that my girlfriend didn't care about her mother, that she was 'using' her brother and that I was bad-mouthing him to all his friends. Well, I admit I am not overly impressed with several aspects of him but I do think he has a kind heart and an open and giving nature. I'm in love with his sister, I want the best for her, I want the opportunity that his mum has given to them BOTH to used to the best advantage. I do hope that when he is rested and fully sober he will be able to talk and discuss the future properly and to everyone's advantage (him and his sister - not my advantage) Families - there's nought thicker than water as they say Hugs Caroline x x x