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Dawn13

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  1. Dawn13
    I Have been following all the Jenner news. This has stirred some of my recent thinking. What is the core of why we have our feelings and want so much to change. I think there is a certain desire to see ourselves as beautiful. Women express this better than almost all men. When I put on a dress I feel changed. When I see most other men I see most of them as lazy/unkempt, fat/heavy and scuzzy. This is the excepted image of men. I do not fit this image and I know I am stared at a lot by other men, usually in restrooms, who do not expect a beautiful looking man. When I look beautiful (Handsome) day-to-day, I am often mistaken for a girl, even when in unisex or masculine clothing. I usually do not go out of my way but I am well groomed, very tan, fit and now have longer styled blond hair. I think some of why I wish I could change is rooted in the concept of beauty - and if men could also be beautiful in what is currently a woman's norm early in life - I think fewer would be unhappy with their body image and fewer would want to change. Here is another thought. I think is more acceptable to be changed completely into a woman than it is to dress and adorn ones self in a similar fashion. Yes, I would love to wear a colorful attractive dress and show off my small waist and still not try to hide that I have a somewhat feminine looking male body. However, I feel less anxiety when I go through the complete effort of hiding any maleness as I look completely like a woman. Also, I actually feel safer in woman mode as I do not see myself as a homosexual; not wishing for men to lust for me in this fashion.
  2. Dawn13
    Not sure if this fits here - It does show some my mistaken gender ID, I Have been following all the Jenner news. This has stirred some of my recent thinking. What is the core of why we have our feelings and want so much to change. I think there is a certain desire to see ourselves as beautiful. Women express this better than almost all men. When I put on a dress I feel changed. When I see other men I see most of them as lazy/unkempt, fat/heavy and scuzzy. This is the excepted image of most men. I do not fit this image and I know I am stared at a lot by other men, usually in restrooms, who do not expect a beautiful looking man. When I look beautiful (Handsome) day-to-day, I am often mistaken for a girl, even when in unisex or masculine clothing. I usually do not go out of my way but I am well groomed, very tan, fit and now have longer styled blond hair. I think some of why I wish I could change is rooted in the concept of beauty - and if men could also be beautiful in what is currently a woman's norm early in life - I think fewer would be unhappy with their body image and fewer would want to change. Here is another thought. I think is more acceptable to be changed completely into a woman than it is to dress and adorn ones self in a similar fashion. Yes, I would love to wear a colorful attractive dress and show off my small waist and still not try to hide that I have a somewhat feminine looking male body. However, I feel less anxiety when I go through the complete effort of hiding any maleness as I look completely like a woman. Also, I actually feel safer in woman mode as I do not see myself as a homosexual; not wishing for men to lust for me in this fashion.
  3. Dawn13

    Have been following all the Jenner news.  This has stirred some of my recent thinking.  What is the core of why we have our feelings and want so much to change.  I think there is a certain desire to see ourselves as beautiful.  Women express this better than almost all men.  When I put on a dress I feel changed.  When I see other men I see most of them as lazy/unkempt, fat/heavy and scuzzy.  This is the excepted image of most men.  I do not fit this image and I know I am stared at a lot by other men, usually in restrooms, who do not expect a beautiful looking man.  When I look beautiful (Handsome) day-to-day, I am often mistaken for a girl, even when in unisex or masculine clothing.  I usually do not go out of my way but I am well groomed, very tan, fit and now have longer styled blond hair.  I think some of why I wish I could change is rooted in the concept of beauty - and if men could also be beautiful in what is currently a woman's norm early in life - I think fewer would be unhappy with their body image and fewer would want to change.  Here is another thought.  I think is more acceptable to be changed completely into a woman than it is to dress and adorn ones self in a similar fashion.  Yes, I would love to wear a colorful attractive dress and show off my small waist and still not try to hide that I have a somewhat feminine looking male body.  However, I feel less anxiety when I go through the complete effort of hiding any maleness as I look completely like a woman.  Also, I actually feel safer in woman mode as I do not see myself as a homosexual; not wishing for men to lust for me in this fashion.

  4. Dawn13

    Monica - Trying to figure out our new site. My voice is very male sounding so you might be surprised even though I can be quite feminine in appearance. I hope to join a telecom soon but must be on a day my wife is out. 

    My wife has become a bit jealous of time I spend with my transgender friends.  And I know she would not like to overhear my conversation as she now wants me to limit my time on this site.  She does understand, but we have been going to counseling with the goal of containing my transgender tendencies so we will remain married (And I do love her). 

    This is all good and I do appreciate your friendship.  I know I will talk to you someday.  I still try to grasp with who I am in a world that makes it hard to allow me to be me.  Love and Kisses - Dawn :)

     

    1. MonicaPz

      MonicaPz

      Dawn,

      Thank you for your patience with the upgrades on TGGuide.  Most of all, there will be an increase in security.

      Many of our married members are dealing with the same issues as you.

      Yours truly,

      Monica

  5. Dawn13

    Was sighing up for a sporting event today and before I spoke up I was directed to the womens packet pickup.

  6. Dawn13

    Many family things to deal with of late - hoping to post some newer feelings and photos soon.

    1. MonicaPz

      MonicaPz

      Dawn, welcome back!

  7. Dawn13

    Today was a milestone - 8,000 friends/people have viewed my page/s.

  8. Dawn13
    Wow! Today. I was at Dicks Sporting Goods looking for some tennis panties and a superman shirt. I started looking first for the Under Armor, pink for breast cancer superman shirts and a male sales representative said "Mam can I help you." Because I was really trying to look male today, I corrected him. Then he told me he saw my "long blond hair," under my ball cap and thought I was a girl. I explained to him that I was retired and felt free to wear my hair long. He then helped me find the right size. Ended up being a boys XL. Then I went over to the women's section looking for a short that would work well under my NIKE tennis dress. Looking at the clearance rack I also found a couple of unisex looking sport T's. I was just a bit concerned that I was now being read as a male. But the store was quite large and I had really only talked with a couple of the dozen or so sales reps that were there. As I was shopping the female store manager who was doing some restocking, asked me if I needed help. I said no, but after I had made my selections I asked her if she could help me into a dressing room. (Apparently my male voice did not turn the tide as she read me as female) Without batting an eye she took me directly to the woman's dressing room. This time I did not correct her as I went right in. This is when I had a really pleasant surprise. The room was full of women's sportswear right there for me to try on. (Capris and winter outerwear.) Whoever was in the room before me must have been close to my size as almost everything fit. I actually bought two of these outfits and I may post photos of me wearing them. I am sure after I left the sales staff may be having a chuckle as I expect they will trade notes and figure out I was a guy. Still this was a truly interesting adventure for me today. Dawn :)
  9. Dawn13

    Today was a milestone - 8,000 people have viewed my page/s.

  10. Dawn13
    Wow! really gutsy. I don't know how I would do in a lounge, I am not much of a lounger - but I do like company. Well good for you. Dawn
  11. Dawn13

    My Story (Part 1)

    Dawn13 commented on DawnLynn's blog entry in DawnLynn's Blog

    Hello Dawn, I too love women most and to a small extent men. I also like to see what beautiful women wear or look like and try to match them. Dawn
  12. Dawn13
    Dexxy, I definately understand hair, as I Iove to have longer hair today, after having to cut it short, and keep it short, for my over 30 years in an office environment. I remember when I was 18 enoying the freedom that my long hair gave me and yes I looked female, but I did not care. Then I went into the militay and my hair was gone. This was hard for me to deal with at first. For a job I sacrficed my freedom. Now I have long hair again and I am happy about it. Many of my friends have told me they see me as free spirit. Yes, I can fly. Dawn
  13. Dawn13
    Thanks Karen, You are doing something I really have wished I could do. I did take estrogen a few years ago but stopped when I realized I would have to explain my breast growth at my next military physical. And yes I still have a bit of man boobs as a result. Now that am now longer working a government job my interest to transition has abated some. Still I like to feel feminine and when I am coded as a woman without really trying I find this fairly satisfying. Appreciate your comments - Dawn :)
  14. Dawn13
    Today was another day of bending as I was called mam twice in Kroger. One time was to ask me if I was in a line and a second was to thank me for responding and clearing the path for this other lady. I decided not to correct the women who aparenty read me as female. (I actually found my appearace to a bit satisfying as not trying and being read female was not as stressful as times I had purpously gone to a place in fem wondering if I could be read) I had on womens levis and running shoes. And today my blond sholder length hair, under my runners ball hat, was really showing lots of curls. Still I was in boy mode. Today, I was not trying to go out of my way to look feminine.
  15. Dawn13
    We are much alike.As a child, I too was beaten by my father when I wore girls clothes, however my mom actually gave me girls clothes to wear and play in. I did not even think about what I was wearing that much, for me I have always felt that looking like a girl was kind of natural for me. Anyway, now I seem to have the same desire you have -but likely will never make the full change because of the good family ties I currently have. Still I understand your desire to be whole. I do wish you the best in your journey. Dawn
  16. Dawn13
    Hello RachelDense, Glad you have joined us - I enjoyed learning more about you. As a person who also has a German heriatage I too understand the strict nature you have lived with. Here we learn from each other and often share things we cannot share with others who can never fully understand us. Dawn
  17. Dawn13
    Recently I went to my usual six month dental exam. I actually purposely dressed a bit more feminine for this exam. Had silky lace pink panties on - a aqua cap sleeve juniors shirt unisex shorts and sandles. My hair was as long as I have worn it - shoulder length. While I was sitting there my hygienist and I started talking about nutrition. She started telling me about muscle building foods and some hormone enhancing foods she had learned about and was taking. While we were talking I could not help but notice that she appeared to have gained weight from when I had seen her six months prior. Her hair was now actually cut short; much shorter than mine. She actually looked like she was close to my size, which was quite a change, from her 100+ pound body that I had recalled. I also now noticed she was larger up top and wearing a very large dentist scrub. She told me she had just started to body build when I saw her for my last exam. She said she had started to lift weights three hours daily and said she was getting ready for a competition. I saw a picture of her and her bicepts were now hudge. It looked like she had gained up to 30 pounds of muscle. She said she was around 130 to 135 pounds and 8% body fat. Then I told her I was between 18 to 22% BF. It was at that point I started to wonder what she was thinking as she looked at my skinny scrawny feminine looking body on the chair. She then asked me what I weighted and when I told her, between 138 to 140, she jokingly said "I bet I can whip your ass." I responded "you are likely right", sensing she now had bigger and harder muscles than mine. I then said how can we do this? Arm wrestle? I actually was getting a bit embarrassed at this time knowing that my arms actually looked like girls arms. I then told her I hoped she did well in her competition. We hugged as I left and then I really felt her harder arm and chest muscles against my soft body. Though she did not mix me up thinking I was a girl - I still had the same feelings - suddenly next to her I felt feminine - A real gender bender.
  18. Dawn13
    I would love to hear - your words.
  19. Dawn13
    Yesterday, at a marathon I was in I had to go to the medical tent because of a bee sting. The med tech taking my BP thought I was a woman, called me mam. I did explain to her "it might be my long hair and I told her I did not intend to cut it," as I like how it makes me feel free to be myself. These experiences are like an adventure. Hard to believe - for me gender is really burred Dawn
  20. Dawn13
    Just yesterday I was at another running expo and was looking in one of the women's section and a big boned lady bumped into me and said sorry did I hurt you "hon." Then I talked with a sales clerk who was ready to sell me a running skirt. She was quite confused as I was sure she readme as female. Even when she recognized I was male near the end of the conversation she was still trying to show me a skirt that I might like. I do think most everyone was reading me female. (I am very tan, long haired, small boned, almost no beard shadow and fit) Not everyone saw me as a girl as I always used my non disguised male voice to greet them. But I could tell my voice alone did not always convenience everyone. To top it off as I Ieft one of the greeters said "Hope you enjoyed the expo Mam, be safe going home."
  21. Dawn13
    Last week I was called Mam four times. Even had one restaurant employee say " Welcome ladies - how are you doing" as I entered his restaurant. I have given up correcting people, actually kind of like how it makes me feel. A month ago in boy mode I was at a sports expo and had stopped at a booth selling shoe inserts. The shop/booth owner was busy and asked one of his workers to "please help this woman" I could not believe myself - how feminine I must have looked to him. (Really was not trying) Yesterday, I had two women runners make commits on my shaved legs "how are they were so perfect" and "perfect looking legs" Have any of you all had these kind of comments - even when in boy mode?
  22. Dawn13
    Tried to leave a message but could not ---Thinking about you and your life. Was just thinking about you and your journey, I know we used to talk a lot. I would be joining you in the change if I did not have so much family baggage and also their support, Have been going to counseling and the current goal is to pretty much remain the same in my body. Still I do have occasional excursions into cross dressing - but have found many see me as a woman first, even when I have on male clothing, and I have to correct them, if I want to. I would love to transition, but still this might not be the best for me. I wish you the best - I have enjoyed your rewritten life story and I know that God does care for you and also for the least for us. Dawn
  23. Dawn13

    Was with a girls running group the other day and I had a person come over to me and call me Lana twice. Still not trying to dress as a girl - but believed to be one.

  24. Dawn13

    Called a lady at a running expo - I think both my hair and body contributed to the comment as I was wearing normal male clothing.

  25. Dawn13

    Made it to 138.8 pounds. My wife thinks I can go for 135. Big news was I was called ma'am twice and lady once in the same day. Also, men have been opening doors for me. All of this while I have been wearing my guys clothes. My wife said she thinks both my smaller body and my longer hair is making me look even more feminine. She said to me as long as I don't say anything (voice) I could likely shop in the womens area of a store and no one would notice me as a guy. I plan to post...

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. tbirdgal

      tbirdgal

      KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK , young lady !

    3. tbirdgal

      tbirdgal

      clean out yer P- M box.

    4. Dawn13

      Dawn13

      Done - thanks.

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