Jump to content
Transgender Message Forum

MonicaPz

Moderators
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    2,449

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    148

 Content Type 

Blog Entries posted by MonicaPz

  1. MonicaPz
    Today, I came across a moving and beautiful article by a reader of Lesbian Connection . . .
    "I am 64; I was born female and I have been Lesbian identified since I was 19 (soft butch).  I was active in the Gay Rights and the Women's Rights movements.  It is now 2015, and many things have changed."
    "I am weary of the ANTI-TRANSWOMEN words I keep reading here, and I'm having a hard time with some of the more caustic comments!  I have not heard anybody say whether or not these women are actually transgender or transsexual; I am assuming transgender.  If they are transgender, do they identify as Lesbian?  Many do.  I am also disappointed by women who insist on calling transwomen "men."  I don't care what chromosomes they had at birth; I care about who they are.  Are you still referring to Chaz Bono as 'she'?"
    "As Lesbians, we fought so hard for acceptance, and it is just inconceivable that we could be so unaccepting of another subculture whose journey is more difficult than many of ours.  When I was younger, I was involved for nearly two years with a transgender woman (her physical and legal transition was complete when I met her).  Because of this I had the enlightening opportunity to meet many other trans folks of both genders, and the chance to learn about and try to understand their world.  I met many wonderful and sincere people, some of whom had suffered terrible abuse as transpersons.  It does not matter what gender a person is born; if they do not identify with that gender, then life is a nightmare.  I applaud those who have the strength and resources to make a very difficult change.  Once they make it, they have every right to be seen as that gender, be it male to female, or female to male!  I also happen to think that those in between have the right to be called whatever they feel identifies them."
    "I feel strongly that it is time to acknowledge that the world has changed considerably since the '70s. Lesbians have NOT been erased; we have been mainstreamed!  Isn't that what most of us wanted - to be treated the same as Straight folks, with the same rights and opportunities?"  
    "During my thirties, I pretty much lived in a Lesbian-dominated world, and I loved it.  Then things started to change.  I found myself with more Straight friends and working mostly with Straight people.  Although I did not like the changes at first, I now realize I live in a much larger world.  While I miss some things about the old days, I believe that living in this larger world is a good thing, and for my part, I am determined that it will be open to diversity, including transgender women.  And I want to give my thumbs up to the readers who had the courage to give supportive comments about transwomen!"
    - Margaret P.
    Margaret P. writes a beautiful article about the importance of Lesbians to deal with their fear of losing their identity as they become mainstreamed rather than lashing out at another minority culture.  
    Couldn't agree more!
  2. MonicaPz
    As a cisgender Lesbian, the price for immediate interaction, as provided by the Internet, rather than meeting face to face, is a loss of community.
    It is important to maintain community.  In the age of the Internet (especially social media), cell/smart phones, and other technology, it is becoming more and more difficult.
    In the Lesbian community, as I am seeing Lesbians approaching gaining their full civil rights, I am seeing less community.
    Presently, I only see Lesbian Connection and Golden Threads, among a few others, trying to maintain community among Lesbians, and they are struggling.  Sadly, I have also noticed that most Lesbian bookstores no longer exist. 
    My great concern is, when, as transpeople achieve greater acceptance, are they going to lose community, too?
    The challenge to the TLGB community, is to maintain community as the emphasis in our society shifts from face to face to online interaction.
    In my opinion, I feel we have it reversed.  People should meet face to face PRIMARILY, and maintain contact (and community!) through technology.  The Internet should be seen as a tool to support face to face interaction, but not to supplant it. 
  3. MonicaPz

    Demisexuality

    By MonicaPz,

    My Dear Friends,
    When I learned about demisexuality, (here at TGGuide!), I was really excited because it described me to a 'T'!  
    Demisexuality, in my opinion, is not about sexual orientation, but about a person's APPROACH to sexuality, no matter what their sexual orientation is.
    It is "one step up" from asexuality, in that a demisexual is not easily aroused, because it takes time for the demisexual to get to know the person before becoming aroused.
    A demisexual is defined by a person who is sexually attracted by a person's character or interior, rather than their exterior, or looks.
    In my opinion, a demisexual can be Straight or TLGB.
    Ideally, a demisexual would be attracted to another demisexual, as they would more likely resonate with one another.
    Consider myself a demisexual, as I always took my time to get to know a person before becoming involved with them.  My friends would jokingly say that I was "slow as molasses," and that by the time I decided I liked a girl, that she would think I was not interested, and be long gone by the time I share with her that I was interested in getting to know her better!  Have passed up many a beautiful woman (not that they would be interested in me!) because I did not resonate with her heart.
    Found true love with another demisexual, a beautiful, brilliant Lesbian transwoman who was a scientist.  We were friends for two years and even "hung out" together, before dating.  On my side, I thought that such a beautiful woman would never be interested in a woman that looked like me, and such a brilliant woman as her would not be interested in an intelligent, but not brilliant, woman as me.  She was a scientist and I was a human rights/civic activist.  She read Scientific American and I read a wide variety of magazines and newspapers.  She had a laser intellect and I had broad interests.  Thankfully, she never humiliated me with her great intellect.  She was a truly humble woman.  We complimented each other very well. Recently, while Spring cleaning, I discovered her address and telephone number.  Called her and found her she was still the beautiful woman (inside and out) that I always loved, but now is happily involved with someone else.  Am very happy for her.
    Two excellent websites about demisexuality:
    http://www.lonerwolf.com/are-you-demisexual/
    http://www.demisexuality.org/whatisdemisexuality.html
    Some say being a "romantic," is a sexual orientation, but I think that is a way of showing love that could apply to ALL sexual orientations and ALL approaches to sexuality.
    In my opinion, I think I am a "romantic," because I love celebrating the holidays, especially Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter, and I never forget birthdays and anniversaries.  Know many people of different sexual orientations who are the same way.  In short, I am a hopeless romantic!
    A great big "thank you," to my beloved, who showed me that I have a lot of live to give to my lady, no matter what I may want to call it!
    Monica
  4. MonicaPz
    Friends,

    Was deeply moved when, while surfing the 'net, I came across a blog from a young Gaymale who wanted to no longer be a Gaymale.

    We ALL want to, on occasion, to "quit ourselves." NO ONE IS EXEMPT.

    It is OK to "shut it down," for a limited period of time, "give it a rest," to let our minds clear, to reassess WHAT KIND OF PERSON we want to be.

    Would have liked to beg him NOT to run away from himself, as that invites guilt and shame into one's life.

    Even though this blog addressed a Gaymale, his story resonated with me, as I left the Lesbian community, after I broke up with my beloved (a ten year relationship) as I was confused as to where I belonged in the Lesbian community. Think many in the transgender community will resonate with Luis' story, too.

    Left the Lesbian community for ten years. Even though that was a much longer time that I would recommend to others, I feel (because I hopefully matured in ten years' time) more confident in the woman that I am, and I am not as easily swayed by what others think of me.

    Looking back, I would have sought out another crowd, perhaps by starting with a one to two week vacation out of town.

    In the past, after every breakup, amicable or not, I automatically had six months of weekly counseling and gave dating a rest for two years. This breakup was different as I could not find a good counselor that I could afford.

    Had I been able to do it over, I would have continued to search for a good counselor, and been more assertive in offering office and parking lot cleaning (as I had in the past) in trade for counseling.

    To my dear Gaymale friend, please seek counseling and give dating a rest. IT DOES GET BETTER!

    http://www.thoughtca...want-to-be-gay/

    http://www.thoughtca...be-gay-anymore/

    Your sister in friendship,

    Monica
  5. MonicaPz
    Friends,

    Found two very supportive letters in the May/June 2015 issue of Lesbian Connection, and I will keep the authors anonymous. Slowly but surely, transwomen who identify as Lesbians are making progress . . .

    "My heart was crushed when I read in Lesbian Connection (LC): 'Currently, persons with Y chromosomes and intact male genitals want to attend, and in misogynist, anti-feminist ways they are attacking the (Michigan Womyn's) Festival . . . '

    A misogynist is, by definition, 'a person who dislikes, despises, or is strongly prejudiced against women.' How can a TRANSWOMAN, who has spent her life hating her male genitals and saving up money in order to have the surgery to remove them, be described as misogynist? A transwoman must do more than any female-born woman to become the woman she believes herself to be. Her identity is in her brain, not between her legs.

    In the process of becoming the woman she so desperately seeks to be, she must face the rejection of friends and family, not to mention the humiliation when she is not allowed to use either washroom. She must go through the challenges of changing her name, and, more often than not, losing her job. In addition to all the emotional and surgical struggles, she must go through painful hair removal, learn to use her voice in a new way - the list goes on.

    If you think being Lesbian is difficult, can you imagine, even for a moment, what it is like to be trans? Instead of excluding, may we please learn to be accepting and supportive?"

    The second letter . . .

    "In the last issue, two writers state: 'Anyone can submit to the medical/pharmaceutical industry, declare himself (sic) a woman, and find acceptance almost everywhere.' They add, 'Trans support people are very clear that trans is a choice of gender, not of sexual preference.' Not at all!

    It is by no means a CHOICE TO BE TRANS, and indeed many trans people have struggled for years, even decades, against an inner identity that's at odds with who society tells them they're supposed to be. Transwomen do not choose to be women, any more than cisgender women do. Gender identity always comes from within.

    Unfortunately, the patriarchal Judaeo-Christian-Islamic cartel that rules much of the world has brainwashed most people into believing human beings are entities born at a specific time and place and destined to fulfill during a single lifespan whatever was determined for us at birth. Older, less patriarchal forms of spirituality have long understood that each of us embodies various combinations of masculinity, femininity, and everything in between, with the emphasis changing as we undergo rebirth again and again.

    Why is there so much attention in the LGBT movement on trans issues now, after so many years of neglect? Because transwomen, especially transwomen of color, are being attacked, assaulted, murdered and driven to suicide on a daily basis. Except for a few celebrities, the majority of transwomen, especially transwomen of color, are stuck in the lowest socioeconomic classes, struggling daily to survive as the women they know they're meant to be.

    While transwomen struggle daily to survive, the Religious Right and their Republican friends are determined to destroy them. Realizing they have all but lost the battle against gay liberation, the bigots are now turning their hateful ire against the most powerless sexual minority they can find. And they're beginning to find success this time. Legal protections are being rolled back. And to the chagrin of transpeople and their allies, fighting alongside all those thugs and right-wing religious crazies arrayed against them are some avowed members of the Lesbian Feminist community.

    Let's reflect on the founding principles of feminism: the rejection of the belief that biology is destiny; the conviction that womanhood is known from the inside out; the right of every woman to live her own truth; the sisterhood of women of all races, nationalities, classes and cultures, regardless of birth. 'One is not born, but becomes a woman,' said Simone de Beauvoir.

    Yet some 'radical feminists' are willing to toss these foundational principles of feminism right out the window. Suddenly biology is destiny, and one should not call herself a woman unless she was pronounced female at birth, regardless of her inner feelings about herself. In the name of sisterhood, women are being set against women, and those that do not meet their criteria are to be excluded.

    If you truly want to overcome women's oppression, you will never succeed by joining the oppressors in persecuting a small minority that is even more oppressed. Nor can you overcome patriarchy by walling yourselves off in your own little world, building up the porous gender binary into a wall with worse oppression than you have yourselves.

    We need to complete instead the very process that these two women unaccountably deplore: to tear down the walls that divide the various genders until everyone, regardless of who we were told to be from birth, is able to find our own power and fulfill our own potential. Then women and men will at last be truly equal. Isn't that what we've been fighting for?"

    To these two courageous Lesbian women, I say, THANK YOU, and I need not say more . . .

    Monica
  6. MonicaPz
    Everyone, and I mean everyone, no one is immune, experiences both open (obvious) and closed (not so obvious) rejection in their lives, through all stages of their life, starting in the very earliest years.

    The reality is not everybody likes and/or loves you, but there will be some who do. The secret is to focus on those who do, and inoculate yourself from those who don't, thus removing their power to hurt you.

    Examples of open rejection are:

    Owner of a small restaurant saying they are closed when they are full of customers at lunch time.
    A person that you thought was 'friendly,' "turning on you," followed by their friends, without cause.
    A clique or clan excluding you.
    A doctor writing you a letter saying they no longer want you as a patient, without good reason.
    A beauty school refusing you service, without good reason.
    A family member humiliating you in public.
    A person changing their seat to avoid sitting with or near you.
    A person sitting in the back of the bus so that they can see you but you can't see them, without turning around.
    A note left on the soda machine by a tenant moving out calling me a pig, accusing me of drinking all the diet soda (which I rarely drank, but requested the management to provide the diet soda).
    People making disparaging remarks or noises as you pass by in a public place.

    Examples of closed rejection are:

    A big, wad of chopped up fat placed in the middle of my taco.
    A person urinated on my blanket at the dry cleaners.
    A person broke ink pens all over my blanket at another dry cleaners.
    Continuous difficulty in making an appointment at a doctor's office (one "glitch" after another).
    A party guest deliberately spilling her coffee on my carpet when no one else but me was looking, and when I tried to clean it up, said it was rude to clean it up in front of guests.
    People turning their noses up at you because they think they are better than you.
    Your disability questioned by government workers because it is invisible.
    Ignoring you or looking "through" you, as if you do not exist.

    The best defense is an offense: remember that this reflects on the hater, and not on you. The best response is no response at all: by not answering back, they end up making a fool of themselves. HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH; YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!
  7. MonicaPz

    The Body Map

    By MonicaPz,

    Please allow me to explain what a body map is. Many are familiar with the concept of an amputee having the feeling of where the toes or fingers of their missing limb are, and feeling as if the missing limb is present.

    When some FTMs stand before the mirror and as they relax, they can see the outline of their male body, such as how tall they are, the thickness of their arms and legs, how broad their chest is, the features of their face and the shape of their privates. They can also tell how muscular they are.

    Likewise, some MTFs can stand before the mirror, they can sense how tall their female self is, the bone structure of their face, the size of their breasts, etc.

    In my opinion, this is not the product of fantasy, but the observation of their true gender, just as a person who has lost a limb can not only sense the limb that is not there, but the location and what the limb looks like.

    Feel strongly this exercise before the full-length mirror, if at all possible, but the bathroom mirror will do; and making every effort to replicate what is seen as the true gender, will create the best closure.
  8. MonicaPz
    Especially early in life, it is difficult to tell tomboys, butch Lesbians and transmen apart. This demands that parents and other caring individuals develop strong observational skills and to learn all they can about parenting. Parents and other caring adults, such as aunts, uncles, great aunts and uncles, grandparents, teachers, and coaches help the child build a foundation that will serve the child for the rest of his or her life.

    The tomboy cycles rapidly between male and female energies and behaviors. She does not feel acute stress when an occasion calls for feminine attire/behavior, such as wearing an Easter dress on Easter,etc. The tomboy is often heterosexual and grows out of it, sometimes as late as high school or college. She may have a boy's nickname, sometimes only at playtime, or when playing sports. Often a tomboy does this in an effort to gain male privilege. Occasionally the tomboy grows up to be a butch Lesbian.

    The butch Lesbian may have been a tomboy earlier and acknowledges feeling "different," or a romantic attraction to girls (crushes) at an early age (often age four or even earlier), but these feelings become stronger during puberty and often she becomes more masculine as she ages. However, she never hates being a woman, even though she may dress and act very masculine, and does not seek gender reassignment. The butch Lesbian may be able to stop homosexual BEHAVIOR, but the desire is always there. They have been known to marry and have children, due to family and societal pressure.Often she seeks the company of heterosexual men as friends and work mates, but dislike other butch Lesbians, with whom she sees as competition for the attention of feminine Lesbians. Obviously, she seeks romantic relationships with feminine Lesbians. Butch Lesbians are NOT about gender but about SEXUAL ORIENTATION.

    The transman, like the butch Lesbian, and the tomboy, feels "different" at an early age, age four, and sometimes earlier. The transman adamantly demands to dress in boy's clothing, have a boy's name (not a nickname!) and questions why his body does not look like a boy's. A transman is ALL ABOUT gender, BUT can be ANY sexual orientation in relation to his TRUE GENDER, the gender he identifies as being (internal gender). A heterosexual transman may have mistook himself as a butch Lesbian prior to learning about the concept of transgender. During this time he may have had trouble "connecting" with the Lesbian community.

    A note to parents: On the surface, the behaviors of a future tomboy, butch Lesbian and transman are remarkably similar. One must become familiar with your children and develop excellent observational skills, especially at playtime, when a child feels most free to be themselves. One wants to support your child into becoming an healthy adult, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, without inadvertently encouraging a child to become something they are not. Being a parent is the hardest and most important job you will ever do, but will also be the most satisfying.
  9. MonicaPz
    The Headlines Are As Stunning As They Are Frequent
    An article by Corrine Goodwin for "The GayJournal Magazine"
    "Trump's transgender military ban 'worse than don't ask, don't tell,' advocates say."
    U.S. rolls back protections for transgender prison inmates
    Trump administration dismantles LGBT-friendly policies
    Health care new front for transgender rights under Trump
    In fact, the only thing that seems to happen more frequently than these headlines are the tweets emanating from the White House.  The result is that almost every time I log-on to my computer or turn on my phone I prepare myself for the worst.
    Surround yourself with people who will cheer you on!
    It's More Than the Political Climate
    It goes beyond the politics of Trump and LGBTQ issues.  You can't turn on the TV or the radio without hearing about the latest Hollywood scandal or sports star who has run amok.  If you pick up the local paper you read about corrupt business people and politicians.  But the worst - without a doubt - is Facebook and the ongoing barrage of memes and articles.
    I, of course, am a guilty party.  I post news articles (I hope from legitimate news sites) and like the occasional snarky meme.  But what I have learned not to do is to lull myself into thinking I am going to change anyone's mind about issues in that forum.  Long ago, I discovered that no matter how many responses I might write to a post that I disagree with I am not going to suddenly gain a convert.
    The result of all this bad news can be challenging.  I see it during our Renaissance Transgender Support Group meetings (www.renaissancelv.org) during social events, in emails, phone conversations and, of course, on Facebook - feelings of despair, powerlessness and even depression.  Some people cope by ignoring the issues.  Some simply become numb to it all.  Other individuals focus on the fight.  But in all of these cases I see one thing in common - a lack of optimism.
    Don't Dwell on Problems - Instead Find People Who Will Help You to Win!
    While not inevitable, a better future is possible.  Working together we can build it and shape it.  But in order to do so we need to surround ourselves with good people - people who will cheer us on.
    Cheerleaders are everywhere if you look for them.  They tend to be future-focused, positive in their outlook, happy with themselves, they work to overcome challenges, and they find ways to enrich their lives.  They are people that will inspire you to be a better person, provide you with motivation to achieve your goals, empower you to make the changes you need to succeed and cheer on your successes.
    They may be family members, friends, coworkers, or even the server you see every week at your local coffee shop or neighborhood bar.
    How Do You Find Cheerleaders?
    One answer is to exude a sense of optimism yourself.  If you show a sense of optimism and positivity people will be attracted to you.  Another tactic is to get active.  Seek out causes that get you energized.  Try to make a positive difference each day - even if it is with just one person.  For me, I get positive feelings from teaching others and volunteering.
    By the way, cheerleaders don't have to have similar interests or goals as you.  In fact - hanging with too manly people who have the same worldview can be suffocating.  Instead, seek out diversity while looking for positive influences.
    Pride Season - The Perfect Time to Start
    Speaking of diversity and positivity, your local Pride Festival is a great place to find your cast of cheerleaders.  You will be surrounded by people who understand and empathize with the struggles and challenges being a LGBTQ person and you will find that many of them have overcome adversity.  That means that you can learn from their journeys and experience while taking in the sights and sounds of our wonderfully diverse community
    So, during your next Pride even, look around.  Cheerleaders are everywhere.  Seek them out.  Let them know how much you appreciate them.  Then, get active and make a difference!
     
     
     
     
  10. MonicaPz
    Dear friends,
    A few days ago a friend passed on some information that might be helpful to you and I.
    This coming Saturday, August 22nd, a generous Speech Language Pathologist and gender voice specialist, Nicole Gress, MS, CCC, SLP, is starting to offer free monthly classes on Zoom, at 10 AM Pacific and 1 PM Eastern times. 
    If you would like to learn more or sign up, here's her contact information:
    Website:
    https://letstalk.mykajabi.com/gender-voice-tension-workshop
    E-Mail: nicole@sfspeak.com
    Tel: 415-508-7884
    May be there myself, as a cisgender woman, because I have a tendency to speak loudly, especially when under stress or in pain.
    Hope everyone is healthy and safe, as well as taking advantage of all the video chat classes out there!
    Yours truly,
    Monica
  11. MonicaPz
    Although I was exhausted, I took advantage of the King Street Railroad Station only being a block away from the offices of Sound Transit to pick up an ORCA card, which is $8.00 per day ($4.00 per day if you are a senior (65 or older), or disabled, which I highly recommend.  The ORCA card is good for the bus, ferry, streetcar, light rail, and heavy rail.  Bought eight days, and it is loaded onto one card, and I can not recommend it enough.  Much better than paying cash, and you save a lot of money to boot!  Their contact information is:
    Sound Transit
    Union Station
    401 S. Jackson St.
    Seattle WA 98104
    Tel:  1-888-889-6368
    And the ORCA customer service, at the same location but different telephone number, which is 888-988-6722
    Please call them and ask for them to send you information in advance.  If you are a senior, be prepared to show them your Medicare card, if disabled, ask them to send you their application to prove your status as a disabled person, which is a short, easy to fill out, form.  In my case, instead of mailing it back to them, for fear of it getting lost, I brought the filled out form with me.  They are the warmest, nicest and most knowledgeable people.  Their customer service, over the telephone and face to face, is outstanding!
    Took the Seattle light rail to the Angle Lake Station (you can't miss it - it is the last station at the end of the line!)  to my hotel.  When you exit the train, you need to walk back (towards where all the hotels you saw on your way over).  Just a heads up - it is a 1/4 to 1/2 mile walk, even though the hotel's advertising told me it was a tenth of a mile, but it is well maintained sidewalk all the way. Make sure you have a Google map of the hotel as you will be approaching the back of the hotel.  Looked at fifteen hotels through Trip Advisor, and because the gentleman at their Visitors Center recommended that I might not want to stay in Seattle itself, where the hotel prices are very expensive, he recommended I stay in a nearby city only five miles away, called Sea Tac.  The hotel, Quality Inn SEA TAC AIRPORT, gives a generous discount for those with an AARP membership (I just told them I am an AARP member over the telephone).  They didn't ask for my AARP number over the telephone or ask to see my AARP card at the hotel.  They had an even more generous discount if you are over 65.  Found they were the best budget hotel for the money of the fifteen I looked at.  The room and bathroom were immaculate and comfortable.  Slept like a baby on the bed.  The linens were immaculate and soft.  The room was newly renovated.  They offered a free good breakfast every morning.  The hotel has an immaculate van to pick you up at the airport or the Angle Lake Seattle Light Rail Station (please tip about $5.00).  Their customer service over the telephone and at the front desk is excellent.  Their contact information is:
    Quality Inn SEA TAC AIRPORT
    2900 S. 192nd St.
    Sea Tac WA 98188
    Tel:  1-855-850-4666
    When I arrived at the hotel, as exhausted as I was, I told the hotel manager I was starving, and if he had any recommendations nearby.  He recommended a casino that was kitty corner to the hotel.  Told him I don't gamble, and he reassured me that a lot of non-gamblers ate at their restaurant.  The food was outstanding, the service warm and attentive, and the portions huge!  Their name and address is:
    The Silver Star Casino
    19222 International Blvd.
    Sea Tac WA 
    Tel:  (206) 824-2304
    Website:  www.seataccasino.com
    Although this was a fact-finding trip, I really enjoyed the trip.  Riding the AMTRAK train was a vacation in of itself, and I made sure I enjoyed Seattle (and their seafood)!
     
     



×
×
  • Create New...