Ronnie Virga

Today is St. Distaff's Day. Compitalia, celebrating the household Gods. Today we honor Frigg and her followers, the "Freefolk". "Partly work, and partly play Ye must on Saint Distaff's Dayu" the old adage goes. It is also time for me to "shield in place". I need to take a break from the constant ups and downs regarding "my" dysphoria. My affliction. Tired of facing inward and trying to fix something that in the scope of my life? A lot less of an "issue" than it needs to be, considering. What? Well, let's throw out some things shall we? I have recieved some excellent "counseling" from someone who says my dysphoria is NOT my biggest concern. OK. Good to know. My counselor is a pretty decent person. Specializies in helping people who's professional lives expose them to some very traumatic stuff. I was amazed at how good this person was at getting me to talk. Good to find someone I can be comfortable with. A person that is familiar with the "problems" people who work in compartmented "projects" all they're lives can develop. I thought I was lossing it to Paranoid schizophrenia! The counselor just laughed at me and said "No, that's called self preservation. Johnathan Pollard actually existed. That actually happened. Your pretty much screwed for the rest of your life, just stay frosty and relax". Showed me this picture and said if you can balance these? Your mental health issues will be skosh. When I broached "dysphoria"? Push me over with a feather, the counselor replied "You'd be astounded to know just how many people I deal with could use a little clarity on THAT subject". Love them Doc's that don't beat around the bush! How is your 2017 going to go? I have a good idea of how mine is going to go. Lots and lots of time in medical facilities. Lots of appointments. Lots of testing. I am VERY HAPPY about that. This flurry of medical activity surrounds my Soulmate and not me. She is FINALLY going to get the medical assistance and screening that she deserves. She is. not me. I am working on my "blackouts" and my manic depression issues, but for now, I am good. I have a mea culpa. I have NOT been a good spouse for a while. My prediliction with my tripartite self. I have been selfish. So, there you go. "Ronnie" is a steady state for me. 50/50. MODLOC. I have a lot of "new" things to deal with. I can NEVER drive a car on public roads EVER again, unless it is the most dire of emergencies. I can't get on an airliner. I wouldn't be able to fly a plane. I'm not even supposed to operate power tools without supervision anymore! But that doesn't mean I have to stop living or caring about the awesome folks I've met here. I was going to leave this site and then I thought, why? It can help me. Hopefully, I can be of help to someone else. I have 41 and in a less than a month, 42 Y E A R S invested in the person that I DO love most. Violet pretty much is my Universe and she deserves better from me. Sure, some will say that I may be "disengenious" with regard to the "community". That I am not being "true" to myself. Really? I exist in a different "plane" than most people. The person who is my betrothed is also a Petty Officer in the US NAVY, like I am. She saved my life. That's what she does. She can make a towering Marine break out in a sweat by snapping a rubber band, holding a syringe and saying "Need to draw some labs". The only things that can make the USMC hesitate? Godzilla and Hospital Corpsman. Oops, my bad. Hospital Corpsman THEN Godzilla. Got to preserve the natural order of things as the Creator has made them. Nope, for me? This fight isn't about a community. It's about my sanity and I am the ONLY one that can fight it and that means being in it to win it. I may never be "complete", but I promise, I will try NOT to be boring. But I'm not that salty so having a wingman? PRICELESS. I know she always has my back. BRAVO ZULU Doc! So for this new blog, I chose "Scutum" because I need a shield right now. Something that will insulate me from the Demon I have just gotten to go back to sleep. Scutum is called "Sobieski's Shield" in some places in Europe. Jan III Sobieski was a bad ass. Your writings here and how you look at the World and what you are doing to cope and just the minutiae of our everyday existence can be the exact thing I need to stabilize when I start to get wiggy! 2 anchors are better than one. I have Violet and I have you all. I am blessed. Monsters from the id. They're real.

H A L L E L U J A H!, one more time then!

Karen, Glad to hear that your healing well! Glad to know that your surgery came out ok. You took a big roll of the dice because nerves are some tricky mojo. Hallelujah? Oh heck yeah! Awesome news for you!

Karen, I could not agree more. I could never do this kind of work. I am too squeamish! Unless it's an emergency, like an accident or something, then I'm fine! I'm going to start looking into it this week. I can get a head start so I'll be ready for my "Upstairs upgrade" Violet and I were looking at suits the other day! She is very stoked about my decision! I am thankful that I have folks that will share this info with me.

TY Karen. #2 on the list? Violet and I discussed that this morning! That's what I call Synchronicity!

Karen. You have shared a pretty remarkable evolution with us. I'm a smarter, wait, LESS STUPIDER person than when I first came here on many different levels. I owe part of that to you for your candor and kindness. Can't wait to see that dress. Bet it will be something! Cheers, Veronica.

All the Best Wishes Karen. Veronica.

Karen, Upgrades. You have my condolences! Best of luck! We'll leave a light on for ya ! Veronica.

Karen, Sounds like a very full day. Glad it went well for you. Something you wrote struck a chord. "At the end of class the instructor said, in your photo on Facebook your eyes look extremely happy" That made me think of the photo you posted recently of you from back in the day. I get what he means about the eyes. Veronica.

Karen, Your courage never ceases to impress me! I'm glad I've only had the one talk about sex with my kids I needed to, which was "DO NOT F*%! this up". I know they happy with they're gender and they're selves. They seem well educated and are inlusive and tolerant. I'm glad I don't have to worry them in they're personal lives. They seem to maintain agood balance. The funny thing about "girl" talk? Yeah. I know what girls talk about. I must say I enjoy it immensely. Veronica.

Yes. It's good for the complexion ! :)

WOW! Just wow. The phrase 'noblesse oblige' comes mind. On such a day too! BRAVO ZULU Karen. Awesomeness on like 7 different levels of awesome. :)

Thank You for the warning Karen. You seem to heal remarkabley quickly. I can't seem to remember, what do you do again at the hall of Avengers? !!! Veronica

Best of Luck Karen ! :)

Karen, I read this after what TJDavies wrote in the shout box yesterday, 28th about his Dad bringing him some grub. I understand about missing someone who is beyond the veil between they're days and ours. I miss my brother "Rocky" and I never met him. My Mom who is with him now used to tell me he was my guardian Angel. I can only say this. That your Sister was lucky to have someone who cared about her so much. I think that the Karen I have come to know, was luckyto have a Sister, period. I am glad I have and had them. I also think your Sister wouls agree with me, tha having Karen in her life, made it a better life. That they still speak to us and influence us from beyond the veil is perfectly natural for me to accept. One the thing about having family members descend from native American culture, they know the way home. Also, that when dealing with grief, I have found that it may leave me alone from time to time, but it never actually leaves. I wouldn't want it any other way. Shedding a tear over someone I love is never a tear wasted. HUGE HUgs! Veronica Beta.

Karen, That sounds like a good way to work the kinks out of the work week ! Enjoy ! Veronica.

Emma, To quote you, "Yeah, that's good advice I think as well, Veronica. I'm holding tight to the side of the swimming pool, afraid at times of getting water up my nose. :-)" Just remember Emma,if you do decide to let go, we mammals automatically hold our breath. And at this pool, there are lot's of life guards! ;)

Karen. I understand. Well said and good advice. I can remember the exact time and date that I died. I had a deluxe cheeseburger and a large coke to celebrate with all the other dead people I met that day! My life has been a wild ride ever since ! And I have to say you are 100% correct. Sometimes the best way to know ones self is just to let go! Veronica.

Karen. You are the only you I have ever known at this site. I am thankful for that. Your blog, with it's candor and clarity is going to help a lot of people I am sure. Veronica.

Thanks Ms. Payne Think it's time to have another chat with my PCP! :)

Spicy. For a moment I thought you were channeling Jude Deveraux! Anyway. Bravo for you. Compliments to your surgeons. Thanks for sharing your sojourn with us. Hugs. Veronica.

Karen Thanks for that update. I don't know why, but the idea of breast enhancement from HRT completely slipped my mind. I have never taken any hormones in my life. Had a regular physical last Aug and my PCP, a crackerjack Doc was going over my labs with me. He turns the folder over, looks a bit puzzled, and then goes back to the report. Then he looks at me and says "For a moment there, looking at your results, I thought these might be your wifes labs for a second". Now I'm down the rabbit hole! Is it possible that my body chemistry could be that close to female norms and he's the first Doc to ever spot it? Ever heard of anything like this before. What's really weird is this morning, while I was drying off from my shower, my wife stepped into the bathroom and says "Nice Hooters". I looked in the mirror and was like "What the ........". I can actually cup the darn things in my hand! So now I have to consider this. Do I need to see a geneticist? One of the male family members on my mothers side had breast cancer. Thanks for making me think about something I never would have without reading this. Oh, and when your "upgrade" is complete, I am sure I am not alone on the site with this. Fashion pics please? Cheers Veronica.

You know your in a decent rest room when there is a trash can by the door to drop the tissue you used to open it! :)

Karen "Now here is something I found interesting, she believes that transitioning is one of the most difficult paths a human take embark on. As we know many want to but do not because of monetary issues or physiological issues. Then there are some who manage to have GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery) but in one way or another end up a failure which in some cases leads to death. I am fortunate to have many people help me along the way and it help that I had the mindset and the motivation to take the right path on my journey of life." Thank you for that very concise point. It begs I ask the question. maybe two First, are there or can there be people who are just "girly" between the ears, and can they muddle through the maelstrom of life and pass behind the veil with a smile on they're face? Second, and I beg pardon if my terminology is a little primitive. If I had a nice rack installed, what if that was the only thing that I FELT I needed to get me where I want to be? (I am working on my fitness. My waist matches what it was in my Junior year of High School and I weigh less ! Just got to condition my junk ! ) Does that make any sense? Again, thanks for helping me pick that out of the background of transition stuff that is churning around my brain. Your blog is fascinating. Veronica.

Karen. Fabulous! Good day to telecommute ! Carpe Diem from the couch is always a nice change. Veronica.