Michele800226

Hi there Monica, Stephanie, and Emma Funny enough, my breast size is somewhere in between my sisters sizes. Bigger then my oldest that has my body structure (not height but size wise in comparison to height), and smaller then my sister slightly older (the frumpier one). Hey, they two fatties at birth are the two skinnies in adult. The relative skinnies at birth are the fat children now, how I love not being their sizes, because my brother is slightly taller then me and around 50% heavier. Wouldn't look right on me. But then again I'm in my stronger phases of saying. Sexy, super sexy model looks. Have a wonderful and awe inspiring day ladies. As nothing compares to who you were as a dead shell and now. Hugs Michele

Hi there all I always stressed about the most insignificant things in the world... My looks? Will I be loved for who I am? Does my life matter at all? Am I making a difference on how people view me and others like me? Can I change the perspective of people who think less of me for not identifying with my given gender on my birth certificate? What does my family think of me? Are my friends just friends to find out if I will fail in life and my dreams? How successful will I be before and after I start medically transitioning? Could life be easier if I just take life as other think I should live it? Does my happiness count? Will I ever find a doctor who supports my decision in transitioning? Will I pass successfully? Would I get at least a 34B cup size when transitioning? Will my vagina, my purse, my sweet spot, my numph, my cookie, my vee jay jay, my oooh la laaaah ever look perfect like a naturally born cis gender female? Well, as the years passed, I became less obsessed with all of this, because my boobies, certainly decided to stop at only ??? Important only, if they appreciate my honesty in who I am and what I do. Thanks all. This wasnt long, because it was just the what if I don't then.what now, to oh screw what they think. People will.only be honestly happy for me if I'm honestly happy for myself. Hugs Michele

Hi there Warren I know this is more then a year later. But hey the promotion is an upside. The feeling of dissociation and lack of sensation is the thing that worries me too. Don't feel so glum, my medical aid as we call it in South Africa, also doesn't cover my surgeries. They only covered one when it was linked to cancer. The fools, dont they know even with healthy parts they still feel like growths that should be removed. I do hope that in this 16 months it took me to respond that you were relieved and can feel your manly chest and see how the pecks firm up as you lift the weight and you show off your muscles. Because not even I would want my boobs to suffocate me, they fine being small A cups, I can run, do speed bumps fast and fight with relatively ease, as they perfectly sized for being a police officer. And yes, if they were bigger, my bulletproof would be so much more uncomfortable. But this isn't about me. Your vocabulary says male, your ID does too. You definitely male, and therefore sir, why be so glum. The other nuances of you shout male, just hope the last sections are or have fallen into place for you to feel complete. Like an older sister would say, okay I'm unique. Lets go spar and hit the crap out of the feelings you are feeling. And in the ring say, bro git slightly softer, girl here. Wait and check my level of fighting and counter, not just try and knock me out cold as if I was nothing to start with. But then again, I would also be throwing punches and kicks to either throw you off balance or knock you out cold. Be safe man. Don't think you don't have people in your corner. We are here for you, even if we can only listen to you venting your frustrations. Hugs Michele

Hi Monica Thank you for the compliment. If only my twin could've survived this ordeal. But hey, there can only be one. And sister dearest is the victor. Hugs Michele

Good day all I do miss those days when I could unassumingly just blend into an ocean of faces without even a second glans. What has changed???? Well that rock on top of me, it's not even a chip anymore. Yes had the burden of not being any person in particular, because showing my feelings or true self would end in my world imploding. Confidence. Well check the pics in my last few updates. The more relaxed, confident persona I exude now then back then. Well going from cute, to ooh mama your hot also helps. And the weight I've gained, positively radiant. Talking about the weight, for my 5'8 (1,74m) tall structure. Before and early transitioning, left me with this constant urge, to stay under 110Lbs (53kgs), as I couldn't come to believe that a bit more weight on me would look good. But it also helped me blend in more, with my unassumingly process of non-existence. Now at 135Lbs (62kgs), I feel so much better about myself, bit more roundings, and yes flaunting it all in your face attitude. Oooh dont get me on body fat, that was below 7% and now so close to 20% if not sort of over that. Well I miss blending in, but why would I want to hide my existence from anyone now. I am a strong woman, that doesn't find strength in others, but within myself. Positives are. I look good, and even if you dont want to say it, you know it. I'm confident to the level of making people around me comfortable allowing their trust to come out. I'm strong. And no physically I'm just capable of controlling a guy in a fight, not stronger then a man. But mentally I'm unbreakable. Unwavering in my beliefs. Proud of who and what I've become. How many people can say they in the career they dreamed of as a child. Loyal to my family and friends. Pretty hazelnut eyes. Perky tits, even if they only a 32A, they mine and fit me perfectly. And I don't care what anyone says. You want them bigger, pay for it and give yourself the boobjob. Struggling with normal human thing. Yes this is a positive, because if I thought that I'm to good for humanity (finances, day to day running), well you know what I mean. With this all, there are still days, I need to blend in with the crowd, albeit being I need to be between models to look like a normal blend of person. I do appreciate being called a flower between my male counterparts at work who are the thorns. Hugs Michele

Hi Karen That's good to hear. The total opposite at the station I work, almost everyone knows, but won't dare to take me on, because they know my B complex is harsh. Where each time a new person came and I had to prove myself because of their misconception that I was gay (nothing wrong with that, but I'm female through and through and hetero by that). Now that they perceive me as female, they more protective of more overall, but to another degree feel scared I might vanquish them with my abilities, which if I let it shine through they say I'm an Asian chick with deadly moves. So currently looking at either applying to another post, as a promotion to another station and cluster. Or what we call a lateral or cross transfer, because closing in on my 13th year anniversary at this station seems ridiculous out of an almost 14 year service in the police. I sometimes miss being capable of blending into the background without a trace. Now, I'm still petite, but noticed where I move without any difficulty. Sp glad, you have found a workspace of peace. Hugs Michele

Coming out is hard, but then I never hid my plans of transitioning to anyone. Met a friend after being absent from each others lives for basically a decade. When she saw me she said, "You finally did what you told us as a teenager when I met you, good on you for grabbing life by the balls. It must've been difficult seeing that you in the police and the environment isn't the safest to do so." We started chatting again, and the decade of absence in our 24 years of knowing each other hasn't changed. I found one of my rocks returning and supporting me all over again. Just as she got the support from a friend she needed. If the people in your life views you as important to them, they will support your decision full heartedly, and actually ask you why you never started earlier or had the courage to ask them for help when you were at your most confused and vulnerable. Be strong, my mom, one brother and sister still can't manage to get the pronouns right, but I know if push comes to shove, they'll be in my corner. Even if I sometimes have to emotionally blackmail them. Hugs Michele

This twin of mine died so I could live and was last seen 2008/9. You decide, that look like me a decade younger or not. The first and last I'll ever compare tit with tat. Hugs Michele

Good evening all As the title says I'm confused... The confusion comes in when people try to assimilate being transgender or intersex into a WTF area and make those people feel like they nothing and don't deserve to breath the same air as them. Well, let me see. I'm intersex identifying as transgender, but more specifically identifying as female and always have. Trying to nullify my existence only gets the dragons fire breathe that much hotter, as I clearly look like a 10 (boasting some what cause I can in a transgender and cisgender world). Okay, I also understand the hatred I'm getting from the cisgender females. But, "Baby I'm sorry, I'm not sorry!!!" Yes, I got looks with a package of personality too, and I'm not a fake ass person. As the song also say, "If you talk that talk baby. Better walk that walk baby." I do it, not because I talk the talk, but I talk the talk because I walk the blooming walk. And I can't help that you trying to make me feel like I'm nothing. Cause I'll never be nothing. I'm proud, strong, sexy, vivacious, older then you think cause I look younger then your wannabe all I am in all my stunning personality, and not to mention unstoppable force of nature. The confusion is how people want to be you, but dont want to go through the struggles you faced, that made you the strong, independent woman you are. What they think that, perfection just happened by mistake, it took year to polish the attitude, well the looks were there I guess, just enhanced now. This is probably the only time I'll comment with a picture from my past. But these were taken a few hours ago. Well, the message that I'm trying to convey is... The only time people will notice you is, when you have the confidence to take life by the balls of the proverbial bull, because taking him on by the horns well girl, you know he going to fight you so much harder as he thinks you'll just go down easier, but grabbing his ball and twisting your vices grips that but harder each time he tries to squirm or fight you to attack you that much harder. Life will learn, no matter how petite its opponent is, don't underestimate the capabilities of them, because even the smallest person can have a big heart that will cause them to win where you thought it was impossible. Now ladies, lets take life by the bulls balls, and twist just that little bit harder each time life tries to sucker punch us to the ground, trying to make us uncertain about ourselves. We are only human and also need to be loved, respected, and adored by onlookers, just like anybody else. I hope, you all are well and will not let life knock you down for too long, as the fight for equality has only begun. Love, hugs and respect Michele

I wasn't using bad as in the literal meaning bad. Was using it to show the contrast of what people think is bad and actually that their exterior can show off some kind of light that shines from the inside. External beauty is nothing, if the interior doesn't match that. Thanks. Michele Ps Steph, I legally also had my name spelling changed from mother's version of Michel Jerrard Heynes to more appropriately Michele Jerree Heynes, and I only use my names on legal documents, but my signature is so simple and messed up that you can't figure out what I scribbled. Yes, I kept my names or at least the meanings of my names, because they resonate with me. And because the ambiguous Michel left people calling me Michael or Mitchell most of the times when calling me, and so infuriating me and abusing my names pronunciation of Michelle, also felt the double L is way to commonly used and still wanted a dash of uniqueness or rarity with my name.

Congrats Elsa This is usually the point of must return, or well you end up in the oblivion that you and none of us could exist, just be a mere spec in the world that needs to be lived. Once you've got control of the psyche that wants to claim control and drag you down into that dark abis where not even light sheds any clear path to a return. Now keep growing the light, as the confidence in who you are will grow. Hugs Michele

Well who thought that 38 could look this bad. I didn't, cause I know when I'm bad, I'm at my best. So who wants to disagree. And yes I've been absent for some time.

What I looked like at 37, the very end of 37.

Good day Let me start off with saying, I know that I haven't been active in a long time, and I might not get to say this... Merry Christmas to all of you celebrating the festive season. May this bring you everything you thought it would and more. I had an eventful few months and that is so going to get me disowned if I'm not already disowned... But that is another story for another day, when I probably need to vent. I got engaged in the last few months and only my niece, also the one I call my child, and she agrees that I'm being disowned and flung out like last years fashion that will never become a craze again. So yes, engaged and I do love him, flaws and all. Then, I started working on shifts again, and my time is so occupied with work and love life that I barely have time to think about what to tell you. Ooooh, did I mention that my one doctor finally gave me the letter that is required to change my gender marker on my ID, and that only took something like 4 years to get. And now the other doctors that said they would assist me are the problems in doing what I need to do. How can this be so difficult to get the letter required for the change. I also said that I will only marry once these changes have been executed on my ID. But I also might subconsciously want to wait a while for making certain that I made the right choice in giving my heart to someone. So yes, my medical check ups for script renewal has changed to once a year, but I need my script rewritten every 6 months. I tore some ligaments in my right hand and could use it properly for 9 weeks, okay it's 12 weeks already, and it is still painful to do some moves, and to fight properly with my hand. Okay, it happened because I was in a fight with a guy who's face was harder then the back of a pickup or brick wall. Okay, it was also justifiable that I knocked the guys teeth out, after all he was beating a teenage girl with a golf club and he was a grown ass man. What else did I not mention that I think you should know about??? Really can't think now, but my operation was a success, seeing that I got through the complications that I faced for a time frame afterwards. Developed blood clots that just didn't want to go away, and bled like a leaking bottle for a bit more then 6 weeks, and it freaked me out the few times I woke up covered in blood, and that my precautions didn't even help me. Did I mention that my hair is now slightly over shoulder length. I settled down to around 135-140Lbs no longer 145Lbs. Doesn't help my breast development, but I also thought of having a discussion with the endocrinologist on the possibility to change me to another estrogen form, cause I can't figure out what is making me nauseous. Might be the medication, or something else, like stressing. Yes, you would also be stressing if you knew the man that you love is kinda, sort of, disliked by your family, because I can't figure out how to convince them that he is right for me. Having my legs licked and probably telling me to stop having a discussion with myself, I will be doing the following. Merry Christmas my sweets, stay as kind as you are. I've not forgotten you, so have constantly thought of what to tell you, but when I had the words, I definitely didn't have the time to write anything. Keep safe please, as I don't want to hear of another death of someone I knew. Okay, two so called family members, wait was three if recall properly. Father's brother (no he wrote each other off one Xmas, after he decided to attack me for being trans, so not family), cousins husband (didn't know him, and I think I stopped at the accident without knowing about it, and was working), aunt's brother (she married in so does that make him family), and the same aunt's boyfriend (yes she turn 70 this week, in the last 2 months we had to deal with him that got a stroke, and I was the last person around him as his last 2nd and last stroke took his life. He was so looking forward to her birthday and Christmas, but just made it to December). So be safe and enjoy the festive season. I will be watching over those of you close to me. Kind loving hearts blossom Friends, family and loves We gather in a time of giving Not the giving of presents But the giving of hearts We are all here Not just waiting, but Fighting for what we were taught The teachings of what is right and wrong And I guess, that we have finally started believing Believing in our dreams and what our hearts are telling us So go forth and be who you were meant to be. Cheers Michele