anunitu

read all of my writing there

my poetry site with new poem https://www.ko-fi.com/Blog/Post/Desperate-shadows-Z8Z0XD7V?justpublished=true

been gone a long time i am surprised i scared some so much they just quit being on this site i must be very ugly or very scary being so interested in being with another human being. damn i am really something.that no one will even stay to chat even a little, my question is where did this person run to? i will leave again so as not to cause another to run away again.

looks like i drove a certain someone completely of the site so i guess i have become toxic,sorry

everything ends or dies or breaksdown

i am so done with the internet and people

beginning to wish i had not come here. i will not make that mistake again when looking for a place of safety

i think i really pissed off stephani now my being such a shit stirrer

i fear that old dragon wanting to come back to power,there is no good end if that demon returns to claim my place in this world

my care bear heart has turned to stone so i no longer care about anything but myself and my personal pleasure. caring hurts to much.

i guess my turning to a heart of stone is my best option for my personal protection. i truly give up.

i feel so stupid trying to find what i felt for my ex, and finding only empty thoughts and no response from anyone, i wonder how others exist without that connection at all,if i follow this idea i may just walk away from human emotion in every way,and not feel anything again. have i been wrong to hope for more from other people.? i feel at times i may just remain alone there is no chance of being hurt when alone because people are not to be trusted with any emotional aspect of my life. the world is a harsh place a wilderness void of true life and love. i am going to try mental health resources,but before when i was on anti depressants i became completely devoid of any emotional response. and that was very weird and an almost numb place to be,but maybe numb is better at any rate. as in screw the world and its killing of human care becoming just a place of destruction and war,with no true humanity left anywhere. l;et the world die without me trying to help to heal its wounds at all that takes to much out of me anyway,being a dreamer is to costly in personal expectations of it having any good effect on life in that world. save the whales,hell save the children from our mistakes. i think we adults are doomed anyway.

what i now seem to have learned by trying to connect to emotional things is i need to disconnect from them completely living only for the moment and pleasure not any feeling that might mean more than that emotional connection only leads to pain and vulnerability, as much as i want that connection i must disconnect from it to protect myself from pain and rejection ever again, to become as other's have said live life only 2 minutes at a time not seeking roots in a relationship at all, i was like that but found that to shallow,but is that shallow place better than taking chances on anything more. maybe being a hedonist is a better way to live my life allowing no one to have the ability to hurt me,and not feel anything at all for others? i am confused to say the least but i need to protect myself from that weakness of needing others at all.

you also are hurting sister take care of you too

i guess someone is never coming back i think i scared her off for good