Jump to content
Transgender Guide Message Board
  • entries
  • comments
  • views

Socializing an Anti-Social homebody



I am not a social butterfly. I'm happier in smaller groups of people I really know and even just staying at home to watch a movie or play games. I was asked what kinds of socializing I'd like to actually do since I'd been mentioning going to a group setting of like minded people and I'd mentioned clubs or outings or something along those lines where I could go dressed in either mode and feel comfortable with and get to know others who are dealing with some of the things I am. I do a lot of my socializing online, for better or worse. That's how Bree and I met some of our long term friends who we get together with when we can. We used to do the cons every year and we try to get together at a friends once a year, all of us, and there's the occasional get together of a few of us here and there to spread that out a bit, but locally we just don't have that same tie. Sure there are a few people we talk with and occasionally get together, but my long term and close friends aren't close at all. There's part of the problem. I'm terrible at talking to people long distance. If it's family, friends, or otherwise, I'm a terrible person at keeping in touch with people long distance. That includes friends I'm really close with. I've never been very good at it. I was a terrible pen pal. You get the idea.

But what do I need or get out of socializing? Despite my tendency to want to do things at home and generally spend time with Bree on a regular basis without too many others around, I actually do enjoy hanging out with my close friends and especially our regular tabletop get-togethers every week. It was actually really devastating to me when I was forced to a shift that meant I couldn't play on Fridays with our son and Bree and was stuck with our smaller game on Sundays cause despite the weirdness of our sons friends, it is generally fun and a good time and a bonus on that is we don't have to leave the house cause we're hosting it.

So it's a bit of a group camaraderie that I get out of it that I enjoy even though I'm mostly anti-social. Not all people who like to dwell online or mostly at home like to do so alone.  I'm never really alone with Bree at home, but both of us like to meet with friends and hang out and keep in touch and just do fun things in general. Hell even when we team up in our online games together we don't often just two man it and end up with some kind of group eventually one way or another.  I guess it fulfills some kind of social need to meet up with like minded people and to share our lives with people we're close to.

Why can't I manage to maintain contact on my own? I'd say it's a combination of laziness and being anti-social generally but I don't know that's entirely accurate. When our friends or family do call most of the time I enjoy talking to them on the phone and rarely do I not want to talk with them. But that's usually them calling us or sending messages online. This isn't me reaching out, but them. I don't have a good answer why I don't reach out on my own unless I get prodded by someone or something. It could be apathy or laziness but I don't have a good answer for that and I wish I did. It's not tied to the depression that I'm aware of as I've always been this way.  It's something I need to work on more and figure out why I'm this way but I don't have a good answer right now, just that I'm aware I have this issue with all of my long distance relationships and even with people that live in the same town I don't see nearly every day.  

So, things I need to work on? Working out a thing with Bree where we meet up with our friends that are closer to us so that need is getting met. I need to set up some kind of reminder or getting in the habit of at least texting my friends a few times a week and calling hem far more often than I do. The hope is that if I can get into a routine doing this that it feels more natural and it feels less like I'm putting distance between me and people I care about. I also need to figure out what this block is but that's going to take work and might take some therapeutic help. I don't have a good answer there unfortunately but I wish I did. 

This post had a lot more thought put into it originally, but I lost a huge chunk of it either to my network or my browser, so this kind of feels a bit disjointed more than my original, but I'm oping I've presented something that makes sense. 


Recommended Comments

Hiya Nikki. I Do keep in contact with My Lifelong Best Mate, around 4 times each week, by telephone. I have another Close Mate, who I also keep in touch with, also around 4 times each week. Both of these Mate's, are really Caring, and Understanding, in respect of Me being a Male to Female; Transitioning; Transsexual; and that I Am living Fully; Full-Time; as a Female, and that I Am Fully; Full-Time; Female-Dressed. Nikki, You are so Lucky, that Briannah IS being so Supportive of You, with Your Cross-Dressing. I can understand, why You live Part-Time Female; and Part-Time Male ! Nikki, should You ever wish to talk, I Am here for You, and for Briannah, as well. Nikki, You and Briannah have a Good Evening, Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes, Love to You Both, Stephanie. xx 

  • Like 2

Share this comment

Link to comment

Yeah he really gives me the best of both worlds.  Were still figuring it all out but right now I get a cool girlfriend sometimes without sacrificing the man I love.  It's a wonderful balance IF it fits the people in it.  I don't think our way is right for everyone, I think everyone needs to hammer out their own needs and relationship balances.   The more Nikki is exploring himself the more he's telling me that while he is somewhere in the transgender spectrum he inside himself doesn't feel transsexual and doesn't want to change his body.  So I guess that means balance for us, and I'm perfectly happy to straddle both worlds like this for the rest of our lives.  As long as I manage to stop smacking myself in the face with the boob at least.  Lol. I really am stupid clumsy.  :)   

  • Like 2

Share this comment

Link to comment

Dear KittenNikki,

Think having a FEW quality friends is more helpful that having many light acquaintances.  

In my case, I have a very few face to face light acquaintances, and a few good friends here on TGGuide.  Some of my TGGuide friends have turned into telephone friends as well, which is very helpful as I do not own a computer.

Also have a two good acquaintances that I met on a Lesbian Internet dating website called "PinkWink," one of which is now a "snail mail" friend (amazingly, she curses EVERY OTHER WORD on the telephone, but writes a BEAUTIFUL letter, and the other, lives across the Hudson River, and we get together once a month when she does business on my side of the Hudson River.

Am grateful to ALL of them!

Today, we make friends in many different, creative ways than we have had in the past!

Yours truly,


  • Like 1

Share this comment

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now