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Warned

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Hi the all

 

As most of you all know, I'm a police officer since January 2005, and that I can fight.

 

Well yesterday, one of my colleagues came to the station, and he is currently working at a unit.  We started talking as normal, and then out of the blue, no I was the only one in blue uniform.  He warned me that I've become a topic at the unit and it isn't clear what the guys intentions are.

 

He further informed me that they are having issues with me being trans and discussing amongst themselves and contemplating if I'll be going through the surgery.

 

Well not like the surgery discussions are news to me,nor the fact that most of the men indicated that they'll take sex from me, but backed off once I was shooting next to them.  And I know some fear me, not just because they saw me shooting but also had the opportunity to witness me fight.

 

Now, I'm not fearing what they might be planning, as I have proved myself with a lot of the men, so we either have mutual respect or just hate each others guts.  Yes, doesn't mean I'm a peace officer that I can't hate someone, I'm human after all.

 

I know I don't have legal recourses as I will never be told who was the initiator / instigators are, and if he started it as a means to make the crew comfortable with me.  And then his good intentions turned into warnings coming my way.  Well either way, I didn't think it would be easy to transition in the police.  I knew that I would get hurdles, security fences, hills and snake infested mountains that I must face and cross.  And before he came, I've already made up my mind on how to deal with the gender issues in the police.

 

So is this warning something I should take serious.  As I don't think it will substantiate or manifest itself into a murder threat or warning.  Other shit for them is, some of them have to work with me to get a part of their work done, so sexually devouring me without permission will not happen, unless I desire that man to treat me like a piece of apple pie.

 

I should get done, and the book Always Anastacia by Anastacia Tomson is giving me insight into how different like minded women can be, and I'm definitely enjoying how she came out at work as transgender.  It's her autobiography from her dead name to how she came to understand and live her life...  So I'm being inspired by strong women too.

 

Okay, the last part of the warning.  I'm taking it as a gossip story that reached my ears after much deliberation from a friend to think of how it will hurt me if I had to know.  But, it's not as if it is a secret, and I'm open about my gender and was expecting death threats, not rape threats.  Now that is indicative to me that I'm sexy and they know and want me but are scared of what people around them might say.

 

Therefore I will take it as a validation of my beauty, or should I be scared???  Before anyone answers, I've had the same training in the police of all the minimum advance training they must go through.  And then some.

 

Now I can say.

 

Have a good weekend.  Cramps are killing me and it feels like those hospitalization pains I had, after all I found some blood on my clothes and after wiping my .....cat.

 

Safety first, and leave the heroics for me.  Now I just need to make contact with someone I know.

 

Cheers for now

Michele


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Posted

I don't mean to exacerbate the seriousness of this issue, but I think perhaps you should not take it so lightly.

You said, "... I'm open about my gender and was expecting death threats, not rape threats.  Now that is indicative to me that I'm sexy and they know and want me but are scared of what people around them might say."

Rape has nothing to do with whether or not a person is sexy - rape victims come in all ages, sizes, colours, rich, poor, pretty, not so pretty, skinny, fat, and any- and everything in between.  Rape is about power.  It is meant to show the victim who has the power, who is in charge.  It is meant to dehumanize and degrade the victim.

If a male officer had it in mind to rape you, and sees you as a woman, it is to show you that you are less than he is - not that you are sexy.   If he sees you as gay, or as a "man who wants to be a woman," it would more than likely be to show you "what it's like to be a woman" in his sick, and male-entitled mind.

I would be just as wary of those who spout "sexual threats" as those who might spout threats of other physical harm.  

-Michael

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Posted (edited)

I agree with Michael, threats of rape and violence are nothing to ignore.  I wasn't aware that you're a police officer and I'm sure you're well trained.  But they are too of course. My first instinct is to suggest that you get the heck out of there and get a new job.  Of course that's easier said than done.  Regardless I suggest keeping the line of communication open with your friend.  Maybe through that he will also become more of an ally and will help you more, maybe even talk to the others for you.  

Please take care of yourself, watch your back, be prepared.  It's a crappy way to have to work while you're also tasked with such responsibilities to deal with the public and criminals.  

Emma

P.S. I wonder if your police department has you wear those body cameras to record whatever happens while you're on patrol. If not, why not get one and wear it anyway?  By doing that your colleagues will know that you're recording whatever happens to you and who does what.  

Edited by EmmaSweet
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Posted

Hi there

 

I know the different rapes that occurs with victims and perpetrators.  I also know I made it seem as an insignificant occurrence, but if you went through previous blogs, you would see that I'm a rape survivor, and the majority of the times I face adversity head on.

 

I can't and won't back down, for any person attacking my gender, person, or that of a loved one.  I also refuse to back down while on duty, unless the odds is so stacked against me, that I'll end up endangering everyone around me.

 

Reasons I can't back down:

1.  Human right, to live and let live;

2.  Freedom of speech and expression;

3.  With ignorance come the ability to be taught, only once that person accepts defeat and acknowledges the multi-complex world we live in;

4.  Putting myself in the firing line, means the fight for equality stops sooner then later, and as I said bring it on;

5.  What can they do to me to make me suffer, been there done that wrote the book and I'm wearing the scars, and death becomes us all.  It's the legacy we leave behind that makes us immortal;

6.  I would rather have myself in danger, antagonizing my attacker.  Then my attacker taking on someone who is unprepared and soft to the point they might not recover from the attack;

7.  As you said, rape is about power, and a rapist loses his power when he can't evoke an emotional meltdown of fear.

 

So, do I have to fear an allegation that I'm in danger, or make that person or persons feel as insignificant as a fart that ripped through the silent air as if a thunderstorm was on it's way.  Facing an attacker usually has the effect where upon they turn around and run for protection from their parents.  Now how can I fear that?

 

I'll keep a watch on my surroundings, but I already do that, so my life goes on as usual, no changes, no higher alerts for safety, no crawling under a rock to hide from the big bad wolf for me.

 

And don't let my appearance as timid draw you in to relax that I'm easy.

 

Cheers for now.

 

Be safe and look after yourself.

 

Hugs and kisses

Michele

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Posted (edited)

Hiya Michele. Sweetheart, You have My Complete Admiration, and Respect, for The Job that You do, and the way in which You do it. Michele, the fact that You are a Rape Survivor, Must be a Very Hard thing to get over. Rape is Rape is Rape ; as far as I Am concerned. You Are a Wonderful Young Lady. But, You I Know, Realise, that the Reason that We ALL tell You to Take Care, is because We care about You. Besides, You are one of Our Friend's, and We Do Not want anything untoward, to happen to You. By the Way, Your Photograph's, as usual, are Fantastic, Young Lady. How is everyone else in Your household doing ? Okay, I hope ! Michele, Look after Yourself, and Speak Soon. Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes, Love Stephanie. xxxx 

Edited by Steph53
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Posted

Hiya Steph

 

Me, myself and I are doing well at home.  Yes I live alone.  But I see my oldest sister almost everyday, as she lives in the street behind me and has an adjacent house to mine.  My mother had surgery and is doing better, but we'll see her somewhere next month for the first time in month.

 

I'm use to me looking out for myself with a small amount of people looking out for me, as we either trained together or worked together outside while on the road, and I don't even trust all the guys I worked with outside.

 

Yes, the trauma of the rape took my five (5) years to face and another year to get control of.  But I once saw the guy whom is unknown to me, and he came to use the treadmill next to me in the gym and tried to talk to me.  I told him to buzz off or I would hurt him.  That was that and I proved my strength as I continued harder and faster then I ever did.  The difference between me being raped and others are, I'm in the small percentage that could fight their attacker from the word go and would've succeeded in protecting myself, if he didn't go to another means to taking me down and out.  I can remember his hands around my throat and being inside, and shortly after that I started fighting back as I regained consciousness.

 

I appreciate the looking out for me, but I will be the looking forward to blogging on a regular basis or when time permits.

 

Cheers

Hugs and kisses

Michele

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Posted

Michele, you amaze me. I wish I could be 1/10 of who you are.  Where do you live?  I am never close to people I really like.  Keep on truckin

Ace

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